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XIV

JOEL: So that's eleven less than five, this is chapter minus four?
CROW: Sounds right.

GRUMPY VANISHES

TOM: Is ... is the book over?

Grumpy Weasel

TOM: Guess not.

was quick to see

CROW: Yeah, we know he's quick, that was the whole Jimmy Rabbit race.

that fat Mrs. Hen
swallowed every word he said as greedily as if it had been an
angleworm.

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Hey, I only eat diet angleworm.'

"Yes! You have a fine house here," he said.

TOM: [ As Groucho ] 'I've had a fine house here but this isn't it.'

"But
of course you're crowded," he added gloomily,

JOEL: Ever since that four-star review in Better Nests and Gardens.

to show Mrs.
Hen that he knew she had no place for him.

CROW: Is ... is he looking for ... _snugglebunnies_?
JOEL: Not since Jimmy Rabbit escaped.

"Oh! Not at all!" Mrs. Hen assured him.

TOM: It's called a sub-efficiency apartment and there's really lots of space once you move everything out into the hall.

"And the door's always shut tight at night," he
added, "on account of that prowling Tommy Fox."

CROW: Have you ever considered that Tommy Fox only prowls around because he's wondering why you're shutting the door so tight?

"Yes! We have to be careful," said Mrs. Hen.

TOM: Hence our choice to wear helmets all the time.
CROW: *Hens* our choice.

"And there's Peter Mink, too," Grumpy went on.

JOEL: Hey, he was your biggest fan in the Jimmy Rabbit race!

"Don't
leave an opening big enough for him!

TOM: Give him the slightest conversational opening and he'll talk to you for hours!
CROW: He has *opinions* about the 1960s Popeye cartoons.

He can get through a
small hole, too---any that's big enough for his head."

JOEL: Smaller than that, if he leaves his head at home.

At that Mrs. Hen looked startled, as if she had just
remembered something that made her feel uneasy.

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'My rat closet!'

"He couldn't get through a rat hole, could he?" she
inquired nervously.

CROW: I started on a rat hole but I couldn't get past the first thirty pages.

"Why---there isn't one here, is there?" Grumpy asked.

JOEL: I want to know how many holes it takes to fill Ratigan's hall?

"There is an old one," she admitted. "It hasn't been
used in my time."

TOM: But an ancient prophecy speaks of a great uniter of the rats who will someday emerge from it.

"If I could see it I'd know at once whether Pete
could crawl through it," Grumpy Weasel said,

CROW: Or you could just ask Pete?
TOM: Maybe it would be more convenient to take the hole to Pete and see if it fits around him?

talking to
himself---or so it seemed to Mrs. Hen.

JOEL: [ As though just now realizing ] OH!

"I'll show it to you gladly!" she cried.

CROW: I'm sorry, Grumpy Weasel can't do anything gladly.

"Do come
right in and look at our rat hole, Mr. Weasel!"

TOM: Please don't mind the clutter, it's a bit of a rat's nest around the hole --- oh say!

As she spoke, Mrs. Hen started for the henhouse.

CROW: Oh, you keep the hole *inside* the henhouse, how elegant.

And
after her crept Grumpy Weasel,

TOM: Being creepy.

hoping that nobody else would
see him.

JOEL: You don't want to cause a scene with Mr Hen.

So far as he could tell, the hens were all out of
doors, scratching in the dirt.

CROW: Boy, the ground is *itchy* today!

But suddenly Mrs. Hen's
jealous neighbor began to set up a great squawking,

TOM: It's the Great Squawking, Charlie Brown.

calling
upon Mrs. Hen to be careful, for she was in great danger.

CROW: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'How does my being careful help you with your great danger?'
JOEL: [ As Neighbor ] 'No, no, I mean ... you know what, go ahead.'

Fat Mrs. Hen turned about with a vexed look upon her
handsome but somewhat stupid face.

TOM: Stupid face! Read a book sometime, face, it'll do you good!

"Walk right in!" she said to Grumpy.

CROW: [ Singing 'The Walking Blues' ] o/` Walk right out, walk right in, walk right out o/`

"I must stop and
settle with her. She has gone too far."

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Imagine a neighbor preferring I were not dead!'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I can't, it's like imagining a square circle or something.'

And leaving Grumpy to
find the rat hole without her help,

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Just go up the ladder and take a right at the grizzly-bear hole, you can't miss it!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wait, there's a grizzly bear hole?'
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yes, but you'll never see a rat use it!'

Mrs. Hen fluttered across
the henyard with her head thrust forward,

JOEL: o/` She clucks right in ... o/`

to give her
meddlesome neighbor a number of hard pecks and so teach her
to mind her own affairs.

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] '*Now* am I a woman of scandalous virtue or what?'

With a low chuckle

JOEL: A low dishonest chuckle.

Grumpy Weasel slipped inside the
henhouse,

TOM: Whoops!
CROW: THUD!

where he found himself quite alone.

JOEL: Apart from that Henry Bemis guy.

It took him but
a few moments to discover in one corner of the building the
old rat hole of which Mrs. Hen had spoken.

TOM: He's going to dare the Ninja Turtles to a race and grab Splinter.

And then he went to the door and looked out,

CROW: Look out!
[ ALL duck ]

for Mrs.
Hen and her neighbor were making a terrific racket.

TOM: Oh, they must really like playing tennis together!

He saw
the end of the squabble. And soon Mrs. Hen came running back,
with her feathers sadly rumpled, and her comb awry.

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yeah so we've got yetis and they're not nice.'

"I settled with her," she gasped. "And now tell me
about the rat hole.

CROW: What, with your comb awry like that?

Could Peter Mink get through it?"

"No, he couldn't!" Grumpy Weasel said.

TOM: He didn't bring his fake ID and the bouncer is strict.

Then he dodged
strangely back into the henhouse.

JOEL: Uh ... incoming?

And though Mrs. Hen hopped
in after him she couldn't find him anywhere.

TOM: Invisiweasel!

She couldn't understand it.

CROW: She was all but sure objects had permanence and yet here we are.


- End of Chapter 14 -
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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