The Honeymoon And More - Including The Early Years Of The Harmonics

And now, by special arrangement, from (dare we say it??!!) a trusted group
of Official Observers, the Cabot Nightflyers Net is proud to present "The Honeymoon And More".

The first night together, they said that their love for each other was more solid than a soldered coaxial connector, and that it'd withstand the test
of time, more surely than gasfield hardline.

After all, they wanted to zero beat their frequencies, to only pull each
others signal out of the pileup, as when the band opened up, they would
be each others first and only contact. Their devotion to each other was
to be more powerful than all of their combined signals.

And, they wanted to be sure that they resonated together, as they planned
to be together, to not go on separate beam headings; with only being
silent keys, would they part.

After all, concerning Radio, Ham could not resistor...wanting to inductor
into being a part of his family, and start a new one. And, that's why they decided to get married, and do more than just "shack up".

And so, in the honeymoon suite...after turning down the lights, and putting
on some soft JT-65 music, ham and radio assumed positions of horizontal and vertical polarization, as they got to intimately know each other.

He would run his hands over the dials and knobs, caressing them, pushing
the buttons, turning the knobs, trying to find the contacts that felt so good...to ensure that they did it with frequency...mainly because he wanted
to work up her sideband.

But, they took care not to spread out the wide assortment of wedding gifts...especially the many Morse Code keyers...on where they would sleep, because they didn't want to become infested with bed bugs. Otherwise, that would be a real pain in the brass.

And, even though it would involve CW ContinuousWriting, they did want to
spend time filling out the numerous QSL Thank You Cards to all who
attended the wedding ceremony. They would then be sorted out on the DX
Bureau there in the Honeymoon Suite, right next to the Amateur Television setup, where they planned to watch special ham radio videos and DVD's that evening.

Another thing that attracted Ham to Radio, was the out of band receive capabilities. This way, they could listen to non-ham radio communications,
when they wanted to just "relax", or when band conditions were lousy. It
turns out that both of them were ardent golfing fans. Radio had 18 holes
for her ventilation slots, and that made it possible for them to keep cool during fore play. But, they were not caddy in their relationship.

During anger or otherwise...they pledged not to beat each other with the antennas from their vehicle, as they realized that was the quickest way to
come down with "van aerial disease". But, considering the atmosphere, I
doubt either was served a "Notice Of Violation"; and all newly married
couples are entitled to some privacy.

But, to celebrate their joyous union in Holy Telephony, they planned to
work the station from the Newfane DX Association out of Ransomville,
New York...with the callsign of N2SEX...November Two Sierra Echo Ex-Ray.

We understand this is one of the best CW stations that one can work,
especially during Field Day. But, for the honeymoon setting, I guess it
could be said that CW stood for "Continuous Whoopee" (hi hi).

Unfortunately, we understand that the time after the honeymoon apparently wasn't all bliss. Asfor cravings, it wasn't for pickles and ice cream, as
you might think. Ham had to give up eating food, and having 807's around
Radio. This was because he invariably would share the food with her, and
the particles would drop into the ventilation slots, causing Radio to
become rather distorted in her speaking...and quite ill at times. That
usually led to morning sickness, which was a common occurrence...but not
what you would think.

It always happened between midnight and midday...but was more so
concentrated between just shortly after midnight and just before
sunrise. Every time just as the overnight, juicy, elusive, high
priority DX, or prized Dxpedition contact was about to be made and
logged, the bands would fail...or Ham would bump Radio with excitement,
and go off of frequency, losing the contact. Even worse, he'd hit the
power switch, and Radio would give him the Silent Treatment in anger.
Both were subject to band and mood changes at the discretion of the propagationist relatives, which they felt were trying to hurt their relationship.

Radio was also jealous of the 807's, because of their tubular nature;
but also because Ham had his drink mugs propped up with Beverage
Antennas. Radio threatened to short out the relationship if one of those
got poured on her, because she got too hot, with the exciters.

Exams, and RF safety evaluations, had to be constantly conducted, due to expansion of each others capabilities, and radio was constantly being
poked, probed, and prodded with antenna analyzers, ammeters, watt meters,
and other such devices.

While waiting for the harmonics to be born, there were some tense
moments. Radio would groan "DX, DX, DX!! That's all you ever think
about!! You probably don't even remember the wedding night"!!

Ham replied "Not so, my dear. That was Feb. 12, 2012, when you helped me
work X-RayTango One, The Charlie Romeo Zero,The Alpha Charlie Six, and
the rare DXpeditions". Radio had to admit that Ham was right.

After the birth of the harmonics, which was amazingly on a clear
frequency, in room 5-9-9, the harmonics were wrapped in dipoles, to
protect the fragile antennas and knobs. Connectors had to be used to hold
the dipoles in place, otherwise the harmonics would be naturally exposed.

While they had a extended warranty, they had to be sure that the harmonics
were properly immunized, and to protect the family from infection by
parasitic elements. After all, the RF cough and sneeze noise splatter was considered both messy, and unsanitary.

No word on the intensity or length of the labor process, how many harmonics there were, their genders, names, or birth weights. That was unavailable at
net time, due to HIPPA regulations...in this case, Harmonic Information Personal Protection Agreement.

As time passed, the harmonics would be instructed...digitally first...then
in voice. It turned out that Aunt Enna, with her son, Ray Dee Oh, and his
XYL, Olivia, would become trusted babysitters. Olivia was also very
attractive, and a cat lover...which made her purr-RTTY.

Ham and Radio were always having to packet...that is, the case with all the supplies for the harmonics, whenever they went somewhere. They also had to
be sure that they didn't watch too much slow scan TV...as it was bad for
their displays. However, they learned to speak the frequencies, by number,
and name, rather quickly.

Also, they would have to give the harmonics a QSO party, as the harmonics
aged a year. Many contacts were made, from many modes, with QSL cards of birthday wishes. Everyone seemed to have a Field Day with these parties. Entertainment was provided by the digital ensembles of RTTY, JT-65, CW,
PSK31, Packet, and other Open Band Groups. With such a large crowd, the
events were usually outdoors, with participants having to use logs to
sit on. As the event usually went on into the evening hours, illumination
of the activities was brought by several satel lights, which had a wide coverage area. But, caution had to be used with the evidence of certain
outdoor insects, so everyone was given a timely tick talk.

While the harmonics did learn early on how to be submersible in bathing,
care had to be taken with the dispensing of AC and DC brand juice, so
the parents and harmonics wouldn't float away, or be too emotionally
charged afterwards. Steps were also taken to prevent overheating, due
to extensive transmissions.

Cooking for all of their meals was done in a Digi-Pan, so the family was
well nourished, to say the least. No word on the exact cuisine, but they
did avoid eating ham. And, that was not because of kosher reasons, but
they didn't want to be thought of as cannibalistic. And, no word on if
any of the family had any digestive tract issues to deal with. But, with rapidly changing technology, the gaseous tubes of their ancestors were
removed via electric surgery long ago.

To keep the family comfortable, all wore telegraphy outfits, the Mores
Coat brand. This also kept the harmonics keyed in to their parents
commands, and their parents were keyed into what the harmonics were doing.
This also kept the family from getting bugs, and becoming ill. The
harmonics were also taught, as their parents were, to constantly greet
their friends, with a CW continuous wave. At night, the shack bedrooms
were illuminated by a soft satel light, with soft JT-65 music helping
everyone rest easier.

Next, the harmonics would learn at 5, 13, and 20 words per week. Then,
they would be graded through five levels of education, Novice, Technician, General, Advanced, and Amateur Extra. They had to learn good operating
habits, and to avoid being lids...as there were already enough for their
AC and DC brand juice glasses. They also had to listen to Radio, so she wouldn't have to repeater self on what she said.

For the sake of privacy, there was no word on the amount of needing
changing of the dipoles, and switching to regular outfits. However, as
noted earlier, they preferred to go natural...especially on outdoor
events. Rumor has it they did learn to QRP rather quickly...probably from
all the AC and DC brand juice that they had been consuming over the years,
to keep from overheating.

As time passed, the family got bonded and grounded to each other. Thoughts turned to as the harmonics got older, it'd be time to get their licenses,
so they too, could enjoy what their parents had. Every 10 years, ham,
radio, and the harmonics would go in to have their licenses renewed,
even though they wouldn't have to be re-examined in such great detail, as
they were initially.

Unfortunately, medical and other issues would show up every so often, and
they had to go to the AES or HRO clinics for treatment. And, wouldn't you
know it, there was a long wait before they were seen by the staff. However,
the care at the facilities was excellent, as those who worked at the
facilities were very knowledgeable about their work, and they were back at their QTH's in record time. Thankfully, the need for major surgical
procedures was extremely rare.

No word on the need or extent of prescriptions, except for those to various amateur radio publications (such as QST and CQ), clubs and organizations
(such as the American Radio Relay League and Courage Kenny Handi-Hams), or
nets (such as the National Traffic System Nets). The Ham Radio Equipment Insurance sure made paying the medical bills a lot easier.

However, they each had to constantly review Part 97, to be sure they were
in the spirit of amateur radio. But, when harmonic violations did occur,
the Official Observers were diligent in letting their parents know of them...and the continuous whipping CW paddles were definitely in use on
the harmonics backsides.

It's rumored that the battery fanny packs were removed before the
discipline was administered with the Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and
Ugerumph. And, while the harmonics may have felt that the discipline
stung like 10 50 hertz, their parents knew that the warnings before
discipline were always the SAME, and they made sure that the harmonics
wouldn't become tone deaf. And it seemed like the most likely time for the discipline was to be needed was between 11am and 12 Noon on Wednesdays.

But, the discipline was not rough enough to the point of making their
signals bleed. And, the noise level of the harmonics in response to the discipline was not known; and it's none of our business.

The more serious violations required the harmonics to go to court in
west, wearing their Mores Coat outfits. This was because the pink slips
were too skimpy for the sake of decency for the females...not to mention
they especially looked even worse on the males!! One also had to be
careful not to rile E. Hollingsworth, the Enforcement Judge. He had a reputation of sending scofflaws to Hellschriber as punishment. No word
on how long they had to be there, or if the Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and Ugerumph were in use by the bandwidth demons on the miscreants.

In time, it was time for the harmonics to date and marry...and for them
to follow in the footsteps of their parents. And so, with ham and radio
saying seven three (best wishes) to their harmonics, and eighty eight
(love and kisses) to each other...that is a look at the lives of ham and
radio, and their harmonics.
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

(CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS MESSAGE)

In lieu of a prayer and Bible reading, I feel that The Amateur's Code,
written in 1928, by the late Paul M. Segal, W9EEA, is appropriate for
this ceremony. As such, I would expect that both of you, "ham" and
"radio", would follow these traits, as you both transmit and receive
throughout your relationship. You are to be:

CONSIDERATE: Never knowingly operating in such a way as to lessen the
pleasure of others.

LOYAL: Offering loyalty, encouragement and support to other amateurs,
local clubs, and the American Radio Relay League, through which Amateur
Radio in the United States is represented nationally, and internationally.

PROGRESSIVE: With knowledge abreast of science, a well built and efficient station, and operation beyond reproach.

FRIENDLY: With slow and patient operation when requested, friendly advice
and counsel to the beginner, kindly assistance, co-operation and
consideration for the interests of others. These are the hallmarks of the amateur spirit.

BALANCED: Radio is an avocation, never interfering with duties owed to
family, job, school, or community.

PATRIOTIC: With station and skill always ready for service to country and community.

Please stand by while I get the special marriage connectors.

With these specially prepared BNC, SMA, and PL259 connectors, along with
LED lights...each of you are to present them to each other, and either
say or transmit "With This Connector, I thee, LED".

These special combination connectors and LED's...light emitting diodes...
will show that you will light up with excitement each time you transmit throughout your relationship.

[Sound of male voice "With This Connector, I Thee, LED"]. (Tim Cornett)

[Sound Of RTTY]

In as much as you two have promised your devotion, and lifelong commitment
to each other; before Net Control, and all these witnesses on the net...by
the power that has been invested in me, by the Cabot Nightflyers Net, as Webmaster, I now pronounce you "ham" and "radio".

You may now kiss the mic.

[Sound of packet burst]

[MaleVoice "My bride just told me to packet. The honeymoon will be at
Dayton Hamvention in May...and we will have music of The Ham Band at the reception."] (Tim Cornett)

At net time, few details were available on the reception, but we assume
it was excellent. As for the food that was served, we understand everyone
got a charge out of an electrically delicious salad concoction that was prepared...known as Ohm Slaw. And, let's definitely not forget the
delightfully D-Layer rich dessert of P Times I Equals E.

We have no word on the wedding cake that was served...the removal of the garter...the bridal bouquet...what everyone was wearing...how many guests
were in attendance, who got the garter and bouquet, etc.

However, we understand the wedding gifts consisted of several nice
electronic, and ornamental, items and accessories for the ham radio
shack, among other things...which were much appreciated by the bride and
groom.

(CONTINUED NEXT MESSAGE)
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)