Glenalmond Rap
From
kenjohnson195105@gmail.com@21:1/5 to
All on Sat Apr 1 08:49:00 2023
It is several years since I last visited talk.bizarre. I first posted to talk.bizarre in 1979, if my calculation is correct. To anyone who remembers me, greetings, and please stay in touch.
I've been a member of a writers' group for five or six years. At the last meeting of Corstorphine Writing Meetup (www.meetup.com/corstorphine-writing-meetup-group) I agreed to write a rap (or at least rhythmic doggerel) for a farce which another member
is writing.
The doggerel is to be recited on stage by the residents (actors of course, it's a stage farce) and it is a recitation in praise of the old people's home in which they live. The home is called Glenalmond. It is threatened with closure.
The Glenalmond Rap follows. It has a deliberate unbalanced metre but if you say all the words right, it has an exact rhythm, and it lumps rolls along on square wheels. If you can think of improvements, please tell me.
Kind regards, Ken Johnson
* Glenalmond Rap *
Glenalmond is the place of dreams,
Glenalmond comes out tops,
Compare it with the rest, it seems the others are all flops.
We look out of our windows and the hills have not been built on,
You’d think the house was planned, designed and built by Conrad Hilton, Elsewhere old folk are mouldering in Wester Hailes or Pilton,
While we’re enjoying luxury, we live the life of Riley,
Upon a bed of roses, we can’t praise our home too highly.
Glenalmond is our place of peace, our place of quiet and repose,
Glenalmond is the garden where the sturdy ancient oak tree grows,
Glenalmond is the lounge where we who live here talk, play cards and doze, Glenalmond is the kitchen where the late night cocoa drinker goes,
The balcony where flying saucer watchers spot the UFOs,
The door to country rambles, off to beaches, woods or high Munros,
The buses carry us to concerts, ballets, plays and magic shows,
The midnight study occupied by writers turning thoughts to prose,
The bedrooms lined with trinkets, souvenirs of long ago.
Glenalmond is superior,
Glenalmond is impressive,
A classical exterior but inside it’s progressive,
Where every meal’s a pleasure, a delicious gourmet session
The head chef buys the day’s supplies and clears the delicatessen,
Young Jamie Oliver comes round to ask the man for lessons,
It’s like a five star rest’rant, like the Royal Cafeteria,
Our food is sweet and good to eat. Glenalmond is superior.
To beat the shortage Chef imported lettuce and tomatoes,
At dinner time there’s vintage wine from all the leading châteaux,
Potatoes, peas and Stilton cheese and rich Black Forest Gâteaux.
Glenalmond is superlative,
Glenalmond is amazin’,
Glenalmond’s warm and quiet ‘cause of fitted double glazin’,
Our neatly tended lawn is decked with flowers in the garden.
We lay our heads on king size beds with pillows sewn from tartan,
How do they keep the price so low? It surely is a bargain.
Until the day I pass away and start to decompose,
I’m happy in Glenalmond. It must never, never close.
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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