• Dear Amy - keep connected with niece,

    From a425couple@21:1/5 to All on Thu Aug 13 13:15:34 2020
    XPost: soc.support.depression.crisis

    from https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/08/13/ask-amy-dying-mother-revealed-secret-weighing-on-me/

    Dear Amy: “Worried Aunt” wrote to you about refusing to be a part of her niece’s life as long as her niece stayed with her violently abusive partner.

    I have been a prosecutor handling domestic violence cases for over 15
    years. I have encountered many, many family members and close friends of
    abuse victims.

    You urged Worried not to let her anger at the abuser cause her to cut
    off her relationship with her niece and the niece’s infant child.

    I could not agree more. It is extremely important for concerned family
    members or friends of a person ensnared in an abusive relationship to
    maintain a loving, supportive connection with the victim.

    They should make clear that they do not support the abuser or the
    relationship — but that they will be there for the victim, no matter what.

    To do otherwise plays directly into the abuser’s hands. One of the main
    goals of abusers is to isolate and separate their victims from outside
    sources of love and support, in order to better control and dominate,
    putting them at greater risk.

    Worried should remain an ongoing source of love and support for her
    niece, which in turn will give the niece a lifeboat if/when she chooses
    to extricate herself from the relationship.

    DV Prosecutor, Alaska

    Dear Prosecutor: Thank you so much for sharing your valuable insight.

    You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter
    to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her
    on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

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