That said, you’re smart to take preventative measures to protect your daughter’s inheritance, especially as she is autistic and may require
more care later on. In most jurisdictions, a couple can enter into a
contract not to change their respective wills, says Geoffrey Kunkler, an
estate attorney with Carlile, Patchen & Murphy in Columbus, Ohio. “This
would keep things simple as everything would be left to the surviving spouse,” he says. It might also help your husband to say “Sorry, kids, I can’t change the will.” So they can’t pressure him to giving them money. The will could say a child’s shares could only be used for education,
down payment on a home or a grandchild’s education, for instance.
However, this doesn’t prevent your husband from buckling and giving his
kids cash. The will only controls probate assets, so the family home or
a 401(k) and other accounts with beneficiaries would go directly to the
heirs with no strings attached, he says.

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Alternatively, you could create a living trust, each funded with your
own separate assets and joint assets split evenly to the two trusts. “At
the death of the first spouse his or her trust would become
irrevocable,” Kunkler says. “It could be drafted such that the funds
could be used to support the surviving spouse or to be held exclusively
for the children, step-children and grandchildren.” What’s more, you
could create a special needs trust for your daughter while also ensuring
she remains eligible for needs-based government benefits, and your
husband could make rules to manage the inheritance of his children so
they are motivated to become productive members of society. The trusts
would also be outside of the jurisdiction of the local probate court
which would keep things private and cut down on administrative expenses.

With all that taken care of, you can focus on building a relationship
with your husband’s children. You say that, unless you give them money
they want nothing to do with you. This may not be because they were
poisoned against you. It may be because they are typical teenagers.

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