• nobody understands

    From justanotherprsn@21:1/5 to All on Fri Mar 31 17:27:34 2017
    I feel stupid writing this, I can't talk to anyone because nobody cares. Everybody has their own life, their own problems, everybody has it worse, there are children starving and homeless people everywhere I should just be grateful. Believe it or not I
    am, but I am also so fkng mad... Life is not fair and that's just life. A lot of things are just life. There are so many ppl in this world, we all need at least the basics, food, water and oxygen. Beyond survival there are all these other needs and at my
    very adult age I am pretty aware of what they are and how to meet them but we are forced to depend on this system, this faulty system run by ppl who don't know us or care to and we are all required/forced to depend on this system and the groups running
    it because they control access to what we need to survive. I don't want to play this game anymore. It is stupid, it is dumb, it is such a joke. I have no power cause I don't make enough money. I don't matter because I don't have access to enough money to
    matter. Stuck in this rat race, this stupid hamster wheel fighting w/ all these ppl who think they are better or more deserving than me, more than ready and willing to destroy me to get more of what we all need for themselves. There are no drugs or tv/
    movies or distractions or relationships that can make participation in this farce, this bullshit ass game, worth it. I'd rather be dead. I've tried so many things, so many times and the answer, the result is still the same. I am not good enough, I do not
    have or make enough to afford a good quality of life, that meets my standards, not the standards prescribed for me cause I'm a little, skinny, short, flat chested, flat assed not young, not old, not light, not dark black girl who never completed college
    but did complete trade school and makes less than $30k/year. I've been a part of the work force for over half my life, but because it wasn't the right type of work for the right type of ppl no pension, no benefits no nothing just money made and money
    spent, good for me. Too bad I didn't do enough, wasn't enough, like those who did wtvr they did to be wtvr I am not.... I'm so tired.

    I get disrespected and treated like I'm less than but I should expect it because of my status/demographic? I should expect it because I don't spend $$$ on the uniform, the attire that only ppl who deserve respect wear. I don't spend enough $ trying to be
    this bullshit thing society values and what I am is what society says is shit, worthless garbage shit who doesn't deserve respect, equal treatment (compared those ppl that do have the money to spend that makes them eligible for this status). All these
    ppl in their little positions of power; landlords, cops, employers can treat me however they want and I may have some recourse if I make the effort to jump through the legal hoops (and pay the $ for that too) maybe. Let me as a tenant, as an employee, as
    a citizen (or not) do 1 thing wrong, against the rules and its a fine, its a fee, its a consequence where I take a loss. its imbalance its unfair, but hey it's life. so... let me out. Why am I here if this is what life is, this unfair, stupid, nonsense
    joke???? All my family has their own family even my son, I fucked up as a mom will never have him back, I get contact sometimes and honestly that's what keeps me here, but its not enough. Just like I'm not enough, I don't get enough and wtvr I get from
    this world, the fucked up food, the shitty ass apartments I can't afford to do better than, The countless hours I've spent working I've contributed to whatever, where ever,,, none of it matters none of it counts... I see it in so many ppls lives around
    me and I don't know if they care, I'm sure they're mad. Maybe having families, love, some distraction, some thing that makes all this worth it is enough for them. There is nothing that makes being here worth it. Its the same shit every day every year. I
    can't escape my income bracket (I can incur more debt and spend time trying to), I don't even want to spend more time and energy trying to get better. There is no better I'm tired, I'm over it. I just want to leave. I don't want to pay rent for another
    month of the same bullshit garbage crap quality of life, for this crappy shitty environment where I can't get peace or privacy or even my goddamned a/c fixed after 7 weeks but I still have to pay. Let me have lied on my rental application and I'd be
    denied or evicted but the landlords lie and I still have to pay rent on time and pay extra to relocate. I'm sure it seems so petty to everyone else with "real " problems, but this is life. this is where i live, this is where I eat, rest, go when I'm sick,
    when I'm tired when I'm anything, this is supposed to be home. The shit ppl put up with because we really believe we can't have or don't deserve better. .. I'd rather be dead. no matter what happens or doesn't at this point in my life I just don't care
    anymore I'd just rather be dead.

    A gun is cheaper than rent, than healthcare (which I also can't afford) than life. Its cheaper and easier and honestly makes more sense to end my life than to continue in it. All these complaints, my petty grievances would surely be met with many replies
    of how I'm so ungrateful and ppl elsewhere have it so much worse and why don't I just kill myself. There are 7 billion or something ppl on earth. No one depends on me but me. If I was to die there would be more food, energy, water (resources), a job (2
    part time positions) an apt (I'm sure someone would appreciate it and not mind paying what I think is much more than its worth) and a car (and the gas it runs on) can all be put to good use somewhere else and I don't even want to be here or value my life
    so why not?

    1- as much as I want to go I am scared, scared of suicide hell or some other consequence, scared of fkng up and living all jacked up with a stroke or half a face or some shit

    2 I might not be close with my son but he's still a teenager and he's still my kid and I know it would hurt him and I can't bring myself to do that to him but its so hard to keep being here in this by myself,,, I just hate me and this life, not just mine
    just life in general,,, so much.

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Winston_Smith@21:1/5 to All on Mon Apr 10 00:26:44 2017
    "justanotherprsn" <raggedyann.com@gmail.com> je napisao u poruci interesnoj grupi:6550e42d-4325-4d7c-a655-d19434d767cd@googlegroups.com...

    I feel stupid writing this, I can't talk to anyone because nobody cares. Everybody has their own life, their own problems, everybody has it worse, there are children starving and homeless people everywhere I should just be grateful. Believe it or not I
    am, but I am also so fkng mad... Life is not fair and that's just life. A lot of things are just life. There are so many ppl in this world, we all need at least the basics, food, water and oxygen. Beyond survival there are all these other needs and at my
    very adult age I am pretty aware of what they are and how to meet them but we are forced to depend on this system, this faulty system run by ppl who don't know us or care to and we are all required/forced to depend on this system and the groups running
    it because they control access to what we need to survive. I don't want to play this game anymore. It is stupid, it is dumb, it is such a joke. I have no power cause I don't make enough money. I don't matter because I don't have access to enough money to
    matter. Stuck in this rat race, this stupid hamster wheel fighting w/ all these ppl who think they are better or more deserving than me, more than ready and willing to destroy me to get more of what we all need for themselves. There are no drugs or tv/
    movies or distractions or relationships that can make participation in this farce, this bullshit ass game, worth it. I'd rather be dead. I've tried so many things, so many times and the answer, the result is still the same. I am not good enough, I do not
    have or make enough to afford a good quality of life, that meets my standards, not the standards prescribed for me cause I'm a little, skinny, short, flat chested, flat assed not young, not old, not light, not dark black girl who never completed college
    but did complete trade school and makes less than $30k/year. I've been a part of the work force for over half my life, but because it wasn't the right type of work for the right type of ppl no pension, no benefits no nothing just money made and money
    spent, good for me. Too bad I didn't do enough, wasn't enough, like those who did wtvr they did to be wtvr I am not.... I'm so tired.

    I get disrespected and treated like I'm less than but I should expect it because of my status/demographic? I should expect it because I don't spend $$$ on the uniform, the attire that only ppl who deserve respect wear. I don't spend enough $ trying to be
    this bullshit thing society values and what I am is what society says is shit, worthless garbage shit who doesn't deserve respect, equal treatment (compared those ppl that do have the money to spend that makes them eligible for this status). All these
    ppl in their little positions of power; landlords, cops, employers can treat me however they want and I may have some recourse if I make the effort to jump through the legal hoops (and pay the $ for that too) maybe. Let me as a tenant, as an employee, as
    a citizen (or not) do 1 thing wrong, against the rules and its a fine, its a fee, its a consequence where I take a loss. its imbalance its unfair, but hey it's life. so... let me out. Why am I here if this is what life is, this unfair, stupid, nonsense
    joke???? All my family has their own family even my son, I fucked up as a mom will never have him back, I get contact sometimes and honestly that's what keeps me here, but its not enough. Just like I'm not enough, I don't get enough and wtvr I get from
    this world, the fucked up food, the shitty ass apartments I can't afford to do better than, The countless hours I've spent working I've contributed to whatever, where ever,,, none of it matters none of it counts... I see it in so many ppls lives around
    me and I don't know if they care, I'm sure they're mad. Maybe having families, love, some distraction, some thing that makes all this worth it is enough for them. There is nothing that makes being here worth it. Its the same shit every day every year. I
    can't escape my income bracket (I can incur more debt and spend time trying to), I don't even want to spend more time and energy trying to get better. There is no better I'm tired, I'm over it. I just want to leave. I don't want to pay rent for another
    month of the same bullshit garbage crap quality of life, for this crappy shitty environment where I can't get peace or privacy or even my goddamned a/c fixed after 7 weeks but I still have to pay. Let me have lied on my rental application and I'd be
    denied or evicted but the landlords lie and I still have to pay rent on time and pay extra to relocate. I'm sure it seems so petty to everyone else with "real " problems, but this is life. this is where i live, this is where I eat, rest, go when I'm sick,
    when I'm tired when I'm anything, this is supposed to be home. The shit ppl put up with because we really believe we can't have or don't deserve better. .. I'd rather be dead. no matter what happens or doesn't at this point in my life I just don't care
    anymore I'd just rather be dead.

    A gun is cheaper than rent, than healthcare (which I also can't afford) than life. Its cheaper and easier and honestly makes more sense to end my life than to continue in it. All these complaints, my petty grievances would surely be met with many replies
    of how I'm so ungrateful and ppl elsewhere have it so much worse and why don't I just kill myself. There are 7 billion or something ppl on earth. No one depends on me but me. If I was to die there would be more food, energy, water (resources), a job (2
    part time positions) an apt (I'm sure someone would appreciate it and not mind paying what I think is much more than its worth) and a car (and the gas it runs on) can all be put to good use somewhere else and I don't even want to be here or value my life
    so why not?

    1- as much as I want to go I am scared, scared of suicide hell or some other consequence, scared of fkng up and living all jacked up with a stroke or half a face or some shit

    2 I might not be close with my son but he's still a teenager and he's still my kid and I know it would hurt him and I can't bring myself to do that to him but its so hard to keep being here in this by myself,,, I just hate me and this life, not just mine
    just life in general,,, so much.

    -------------------------

    Dear God, please help her!
    Amen.

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)