• OT - a couple of attorney exchanges

    From a425couple@21:1/5 to All on Mon Jun 19 12:11:55 2017
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you s ------- me?

    ----------------------------
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
    to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
    did you attend?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.

    -------------------------------


    These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things
    people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
    by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the
    exchanges were taking place.
    ________________________

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Tom Allen@21:1/5 to All on Wed Jun 21 10:57:57 2017
    a425couple wrote:
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________

    I've heard these before, but I still get a chuckle out of them.


    --

    Tom Allen

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Brian G.@21:1/5 to a425couple@hotmail.com on Wed Jun 21 17:38:18 2017
    Yes often the thought that is formed in the head is not what emanates from
    the mouth.



    Some years ago I bought a winch. it had a big yellow label on the side which said.
    Not to be used for man carrying purposes.
    Does this mean its OK for women?





    Brian

    --
    Brian G's email account - mildew_spores@blueyonder.co.uk

    "a425couple" <a425couple@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:oi97lq02q76@news4.newsguy.com...
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you s ------- me?

    ----------------------------
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
    to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
    did you attend?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.

    -------------------------------


    These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things
    people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
    by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the
    exchanges were taking place.
    ________________________

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)