from https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/07/29/happy-birthday-lisa-kudrow-55-best-phoebe-buffay-quotes/825874002/

Happy 55th birthday, Lisa Kudrow! Her 55 best Phoebe quotes
Hannah Yasharoff, USA TODAY Published 10:01 a.m. ET July 29, 2018 |
Updated 4:39 p.m. ET July 30, 2018

Aww, Pheebs: Lisa Kudrow is turning 55.
Aww, Pheebs: Lisa Kudrow is turning 55. (Photo: CHRIS PIZZELLO/INVISION
VIA AP)

TV's "Friends" has been off the air for 14 years, but the time in your
life when "your job's a joke, you're broke (and) your love life's DOA"
is as relatable as ever.

Monday marks "Friends" star Lisa Kudrow's 55th birthday. To celebrate,
we rounded up 55 of the best lines she delivered as Phoebe Buffay.

1.
Animal control employee: "Are you aware that possession of an illegal
exotic (animal) is punishable by up to two years in prison and
confiscation of the animal?"

Phoebe: "Oh, my God, you'd put that poor little creature in jail?"

2.
"If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, please give me
money so I can buy a computer."

3.
Tag Jones (Eddie Cahill): “Phoebe. That's a great name.”
Phoebe: “Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.”

4.
Monica Geller (Courteney Cox): “Phoebe, do you have a plan?”
Phoebe: “I don’t even have a ‘pla.’ ”


5.
To Ross Geller (David Schwimmer): “You love divorce so much, you’re probably gonna marry it – and then it won’t work out, so you’re gonna have to divorce it.”

6.
“I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”


7.
“I’m a lady, Monica. I don’t kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself.”

8.
On gravity: “It’s not so much that, you know, like, I don’t believe in it, you know. It’s just – I don’t know, lately I get the feeling that I’m not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.”

9.
On her name: “Phoebe: That’s ‘p’ as in ‘Phoebe,’ ‘h’ as in ‘heobe,’ ‘o’
as in ‘oebe,’ ‘e’ as in ‘ebe,’ ‘b’ as in ‘bebe’ and ‘e’ as in ’ello
there, mate.’ ”

10.
Singing: “Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly
cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.”


11.
“I’m a pacifist. But when the revolution comes, I’ll destroy all of you.”

12.
To her boyfriend: “It’s my friends. They have a liking problem. With
you. In that they don’t.”

13.
Ross, doing a crossword puzzle: “Heating device.”
Phoebe: “Radiator.”
Ross: “Five letters.”
Phoebe: “Rdatr.”

14.
On something she was well aware of: “That is brand new information!”


15.
Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston): “Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: “I don’t know, you might be the first one.”

16.
“I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my mother.”

17.
“I never got to be in a club. I didn’t go to high school. But three of
us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.”

18.
To Monica, on their catering business: “You’re the cook! Without you, it’s just me driving up to people’s houses with empty trays and asking
for money.”

19.
Trying to stall as Rachel gets ready to leave New York: “You have to get
off the plane. Something is wrong with the left phalange.”

20.
Singing: “New York City has no power / And the milk is getting sour /
But to me that is not scary / ’Cause I stay away from dairy.”

21.
“Oh, my God, a woman flirting with a single man? We must alert the
church elders!”

22.
“I have to go before I put your head through a wall.”


23.
“I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I’m
really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun
bar mitzvah.

24.
Ross, disagreeing with Rachel on baby names: “Rain? ‘Hi, my name is
Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.’ ”
Phoebe: “I know her!”

25.
“I just realized something. ‘Joker’ is ‘poker’ with a ‘j.’ Coincidence?”

26.
“Come on, Ross. You’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.”

27.
In her wedding vows to Mike (Paul Rudd): "When I was growing up, I
didn't have a normal mom and dad or a regular family like everybody
else. And I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing
here today knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need. You are
my family."


28.
Phoebe: “You know what you should do? You should buy a state and then
name it after yourself.”
Pete Becker (Jon Favreau): “What, like Pete Dakota?”
Phoebe: “Or Mississi-Pete.”

29.
“Well, if she isn’t (dead), cremating her was a big mistake.”

30.
Ross: “It’s Paul, the wine guy.”
Phoebe: “What does that mean? Does he sell it? Does he drink it? Or he
just complains a lot?"

31.
Singing: “Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you greet
us? I will … buy you some Adidas.”

32.
Phoebe, on what is supposedly an old family recipe from France: “My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother. (Using a
French accent) Nestlé Toulouse.
Monica: “Nestle Toll House?”
Phoebe: “Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.”


33.
“I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So I started
naming types of celery. So far I only got one: regular celery."

34.
“I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for
that guy from ‘Who’s the Boss?’... You know, ‘Hold me closer, Tony Danza.’ ”

35.
“Didn’t you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off,
you know, like when you were running toward the swings or running away
from Satan?”


36.
Phoebe: “Something just brushed up against my right leg."
Monica: “What is it?”
Phoebe: “Oh, it’s OK. It was just my left leg.”

37.
“Every time I go to the dentist, someone dies.”

38.
On the perks of maternity clothes: "See how they expand as the baby
grows? And then after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting
melons."

39.
Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc): "The casting director doesn't talk to
friends, she only talks to agents."

Phoebe: "What a sad little life she must lead."

40.
“She’s your lobster. C’mon, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.”


41.
“I’m, like, playing the field. You know, juggling two guys, sowing my
wild oats. I’m like this oat-sowing, field-playing juggler."

42.
Rachel: “Excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends. I am here to tell you
that hats are back.”
Phoebe: "And this time, they’ve ganged up to form one giant, super hat!”

43.
Joey: “Have you told him how you feel?”
Phoebe: “Yes. Not out loud.”

44.
“They don’t know that we know they know we know.”


45.
“This is the nicest kitchen. … The refrigerator told me to have a great day.”

46.
On Christmas trees: “I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their corpses grotesquely dressed in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.”

47.
Phoebe: “(Your dad) said call him as soon as you get a chance. He’s at Flimby’s.”
Rachel: “What’s Flimby’s?”
Phoebe: “Oh, yeah, that’s the word I use when I can’t remember the real thing.”

48.
Phoebe: “A house for dolls. That is so cool. When I was a kid, I had a barrel.”
Joey: “Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?”
Phoebe: “No, just a barrel.”


49.
Phoebe: "I'm always right about these things."

Rachel: "No, you're not. Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you."

Phoebe: "Well, I'm sorry, but it's hard to believe that someone would
tell a story that dull just to tell it."

50.
On baby names: “If it’s a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And if it’s a boy, Phoebo.”

51.
“I just gave birth to three children and I will not see them grow up in
a world where Joey is right.”

52.
Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry), on Thanksgiving: “When’s the big game
gonna start?”
Phoebe: “You don’t have to do that. Ross and Joey aren’t here. You can watch the parade.”

53.
“My New Year’s resolution is to pilot a commercial jet.”

54.
Calling into work: “Hi, it’s Phoebe. Someone needs to take my 9 o’clock, because it’s, like, 9:15 and I’m not there.”

55.
Phoebe: “Aww, Pheebs.”
Rachel: “Honey, that’s your name.”
Phoebe: “Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe? I thought that’s just what we called each other.”

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)