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Happy Birthday, Kelsey Grammer! 21 Frasier Quotes That Still Make Us
Laugh Out Loud
FEBRUARY 21, 2018 – 1:48 PM – 0 COMMENTS
11
Lindsay Lowe
By LINDSAY LOWE @linzlowe

(Gale Adler/Paramount)
Happy birthday, Kelsey Grammer! The actor turns 63 on February 21, 2018.

Grammer has kept busy since his days on Cheers and Frasier. He won a
Golden Globe for Best Actor for his role in the Starz drama Boss, and he established himself as a successful movie actor with roles in
installments of X-Men and Transformers. He also has an extensive resume
as a voice actor, with notable roles in The Simpsons and Toy Story 2.

Most recently, Grammer stars in 7 Guardians of the Tomb (out February
23), a horror film about a team of scientists who make an unexpected
discovery in an ancient labyrinth.

Still, we’ll always have a special place in our hearts for Dr. Frasier
Crane, the lovably pompous psychiatrist he portrayed for 20 years in
Cheers, then Frasier, one of the most successful spin-offs in television history.

In honor of his birthday, here are some of Frasier Crane’s funniest
quips, comebacks, and words of wisdom!

1. Niles: “Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast
universe there isn’t intelligent life on other planets?”
Frasier: “At the moment, I’m not sure there’s intelligent life in this kitchen.”

2. Frasier: “Dad? I thought we had an agreement. Eddie doesn’t roll
around on my sofa and I don’t throw him in front of a bus.”

3. Frasier: “I cut myself because I was shaving without water, and why
was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the
floor which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes which called for
Cecil, who ate the cat who killed the rat that lived in the house that
Frasier built!”

4. Daphne: “There’s nothing quite as exciting as a first date. All those questions you ask. ‘What’s your favorite food?’ ‘What’s your favorite color?’ ‘If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal
would you be?’ If she were to ask you that one, what would you say?
Frasier: “’Check, please’ comes to mind.”

5. Frasier: “I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying
situation into a Martin Scorsese film!”

6. Frasier: “It may be an unwise man who doesn’t learn from his own mistakes, but it’s an absolute idiot that doesn’t learn from other people’s.”

7. Niles: “Maris and I used to play chess every Thursday night. Oh, how
she loved the game.”
Frasier: “No wonder: the king is stationary, while the queen has all the power!”

8. Roz: “Frasier, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday? I’d have thrown you a birthday party at the station.”
Frasier: “Question asked, question answered.”

9. Daphne: “Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families, yet
so hard to like them?”
Frasier: “Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that make life so rich…and psychiatrists richer.”

10. Frasier, about Martin’s chair: “Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this monstrosity? My God, can’t you see
that it wants to die? Let it go.”
Martin: “You know, I keep having this dream where you’re saying the same thing, only I’m in the hospital and you’re slipping the nurse a twenty.” Frasier: “Dad, that will never happen.”
Martin: “Thank you.”
Frasier: “I have medical power of attorney. It won’t cost me a thing.”



11. Frasier: “As we speak, hordes of viral Visigoths are hurling
themselves over the battlements of my immune system, laying waste to
my…Oh, dear God, you see how weak I am? I can’t even finish a simple Visigoth metaphor.”

12. Martin: “Can you imagine what it’s like to live in the same city as your brother, and not see him for five years?”
Frasier: “No, but I’d like to give it a try.”

13. Martin: Duke said in the finale, the whole cast skates to the top of
this ramp, and then splat! Right into a tank of whipped cream. Bet they
don’t do that at your opera.”
Frasier: “No, and Mozart’s still kicking himself.”

14. Frasier: “Sometimes the best apology is the truth.”
Niles: “You mean you’re going to tell her you thought she was
prostituting herself for therapy but now you’ve decided that’s OK?” Frasier: “Well, not that truth. Some other truth!”

15. Niles, on growing a mustache: “I grant you, it’s at an early stage.” Frasier: “What stage? Research and development?”

16. Niles: “Whatever happened to the concept of less is more?”
Frasier: “Ah, but if less is more, then just think of how much more ‘more’ will be!”

17. Frasier, on speed dating: “Basically, it’s all the stress and humiliation of a blind date…times twelve.”

18. Frasier: “She told me that my show was bourgeois. I then argued that anything that has mass appeal could be called bourgeois. She then said
that my argument was bourgeois…which I happened to find jejune.”

19. Frasier: “Star Trek is just a TV show.”
Noel: “So was Brideshead Revisited!”
Frasier: “You’re angry, so I’m going to ignore that!”

20. Frasier: “As usual, Frasier has to save the day.”
Martin: “As usual, Martin has to hear about it.”

21. Frasier: “For eleven years you’ve heard me say, ‘I’m listening.’ Well, you were listening, too. And for that I am eternally grateful.
Goodnight, Seattle.”

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