• my next drink

    From -><+@21:1/5 to All on Thu Feb 4 22:57:41 2016
    XPost: alt.recovery.aa, alt.social-security-disability, uk.rec.psychic

    I may not have been as bad an alcoholic as some. The disease never
    progressed in me to the point of liver damage or blackouts. But drinking caused me enough problems that I had to quit. I was a problem drinker, not
    an alcoholic.

    I don't know what's on the other side of my next drink. Will I be able to
    quit after the first one? Will I be able to quit for 19 years again like I have already? Shall I do research and find out? Should I tempt God? That would be like tempting God.

    "Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a
    pinnacle of the temple, And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God,
    cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any
    time thou dash thy foot against a stone. Jesus said unto him, It is
    written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."

    On the sober side before my next drink, I still have my faculties about me.
    I can think through it. The first thing I can guarantee is the impairment
    of my judgment. My thinking would be corrupted with alcohol in me and I
    can't guarantee my behavior. I might provoke the retaliation that gets me killed. I may act out my resentments and kill someone else. Short of this
    I may end up in prison or an institution. Maybe I might get away with it. However my last experiment with drinking, if it repeats itself, means I wouldn't get away with it for long.

    On the sober side of my next drink I'm still tainted with a sober mental obsession that I can drink, remain civil and get away with it. Maybe I
    could. Maybe it will be different. Maybe I won't get in trouble. Even so it's a risk I don't choose to take, and I don't believe in gambling.

    On the sober side of my next drink I am still obsessed. I still have
    mileage left on my liver. I don't have any DUI's. My medications won't
    work as well, but who needs them?

    There is a crack in the wall. My unconscious mind shines a small trickle through into my conscious mind, so I am partly psychic. I depend on my medication to keep it this way. Without it the trickle turns into a
    violently raging river. At the same time I can see things that would best
    be put off until after I die. Nobody understands me, but I understood so
    very well.


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