God is the most powerful entity in the universe who by choice remains
invisible and illusive. From the hermaphrodite birth resulted in man and woman. He has been around for many eternities and has his reasons. Why
does injustice prevail and bad things happen to good people? He has his reasons. His reasons are deep and eternal, dark and paradoxical.
I used to give praise to God in my prayers. When the seasons changed God granted me everything I praised him for. I couldn't handle that. One afternoon He spoke to me: "CAN I ESTABLISH MY TABERNACLE IN YOU?" to which
I replied, "No. I'm an imperfect human being." thinking I'd have to give up smoking. to which God said, "WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU WILL DIE."
When I woke up I nearly died. When I opened my eyes I felt my brain
imploding on itself. I resorted to some sorceries to channel the forces. Obviously I didn't die when I woke up and in the process I became a little closer to being a perfect human being. (NOT MUCH BUT A LITTLE). The
imperfect died and the perfect took its place.
I got too close to God and absorbed too much of His power. I had to wean myself from Him, let God be God, quit worshiping Him so obsessively and live
my life separate from Him. I had to give God space to be God and give
myself space to be me. Finally I gave up on trying to understand and know
God. When I had a problem I surrendered it to God, stepped back and lived
my life as I normally would.
Even the Atheist has a place in God's heart. Atheists don't turn to God for help but muster up resources on their own to obtain help; demanding nothing
of God and getting Him off the hook for helping yet another consumer of His resources. God likes Atheists.
The sum of my knowledge of God is that I know nothing about God. Little by little I turn my problems over to Him, and little by little there goes my
will and my life over to His care, just like before. I never pray like I
used to. Business is business as usual. It's like writing my problems down
on a sheet of paper and surrendering it to the paper shredder. I don't need
to know when the shredded paper goes out with the trash and where it goes
from there. Instead I let God be God, don't ask questions and be satisfied He's taking care of it IN HIS OWN WAY IN HIS OWN TIME, IF HE EVER DOES.