[This Just In]
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All on Mon Apr 6 16:14:02 2020
And now, an update on the condition
of Prime Minister Boris Johnson:
(AP - April 6, 2020 - 20:00 hours GMT)
"Unfortunately, as of the latest series of tests,
the prime minister continues to be an Arsehole,"
said Doctor Arthur Twombley-Knobbend, head of
medicine at King's College GKT, on Sunday night.
"The condition is, of course, congenital: he was
born an arsehole, he has lived his entire life as
one, and sadly, he will one day die an arsehole."
The prime minister shares the condition along
with a number of other world leaders, notably
the current president of the United States, and
many prior PMs, including Theresa May, David
Cameron, Tony Blair, John Major, and of course
Lady Margaret Thatcher. Spain's late president
Francisco Franco was an arsehole for 82 years,
including the 40 years he spent ruling Spain,
culminating with his death 1975. He remains
dead to this day.
"Being an arsehole is no impediment to achieving
high office," said Dr. Twombley-Knobbend, "In fact,
it appears to enhance the likelihood of doing so."
Mr. Johnson is expected to make a full recovery
from the coronavirus, as he is being provided with
the finest medical care available to people of
means - but not to be cured of being an arsehole.
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