XPost: alt.psychology.jung, alt.psychology, alt.psychology.psychoanalysis XPost: sci.psychology.theory

The most important thing for a man is to have _instinct._ Women tend to
reject men who they fear suffer from instinctual atrophy. Yet, more
often than not, the weak appearance of a young man depends on
psychological factors. It creates problems, because women have an
instinctual fear that the male in question is a moral weakling who
couldn't fend for a family. After all, moral power is very much
connected with instinct. So what women primarily worry about is whether
a man is self-assured or not. There are so many "Caspar Milquetoasts"
around, and women are fed up with them. The hardworking male is also
annoyed by them, because they are a cause of irritation at the
workplace. Such men have no backbone.

Women prefer men who have validated themselves by having acquired
"popularity" among women. Already having lived with a woman is only a
plus. Especially if he has been dating a beautiful woman with high
social standing, then his value increases on the marital market. This is
how women function at a psychological level. It is more about the "functionality" and "market value" of a man. It has not much to do with
either sex or love. In keeping with their deep roots in instinctual
nature, women are decidedly more collectivistic than men, afraid of
being left out. If the male has high social status then he has good
instincts and is healthy. It is much similar to how it functions in the
animal kingdom. So it's a stupid method of discrimination. It explains
why women so often end up marrying men who are psychopaths or
narcissists. Haslam and Montrose find that "[the] narcissistic
personality, whilst having many negative qualities, possesses qualities associated with status and resource provision" (Haslam & Montrose, 2015).

Yet, today's frivolous sexual morality means that something valuable is
lost. The main reason why so many marriages fail today is because women
have had several sexual relationships before marriage. In earlier times, married couples often lived in a loving relationship all their lives.
This seldom happens today. People are clearly missing out on something priceless. This devout form of marital relationship is what Jesus wanted
to bolster by introducing such a stern view of sexual morality. Also
Freud supported self-restrainment, but for other reasons.

It depends on the fragmentation of the psyche occurring from having had
several intimate relationships in life. It's like the soul becomes compartmentalized, because the previous relations remain in a drawer in
the soul, always usurping energy. This is evident from the fact that
dreams of previous partners occur and that they often keep in contact. _Compartmentalization_ is an unnatural and unwholesome psychological
condition. Psychotherapists should be aware of this, that people are
damaged by life itself. They are losing their natural wholeness.

It is true that there are women who are more sophisticated than how I
portray it, yet at some level we are instinctual creatures--deep within
we are animals. In the animal kingdom, females only reckon with the
market value of the male. They try to ascertain whether or not the male
has strong instincts and good health. If the male gets a good
evaluation, then they are good to go. This "animal side" is very
important among female homo sapiens. It has to do with the fact that the
female invests so much in the progeny. She needs an affirmation that the children will turn out strong and healthy, otherwise her genetic lineage
will end with her and her children.

So what we call "love" really revolves around economic and social
status. But the famous medieval "love story" of Abelard and Heloise was
really only about sex. According to the preserved letters they practiced
all forms of sex out of wedlock. Her family required that they marry,
but neither of them wanted to. So they made an arrangement where she
became a nun, yet maintained sexual relations. When the family found
out, they realized that the only way to get his penis out of her was to castrate him, which they did. Heloise stayed in the nunnery, but her
letters bear witness to that she couldn't focus on the Mass because she
was thinking about sex all the time.

My point is that we often idealize relations and call it "love",
although it has nothing to do with it.

M. Winther
http://two-paths.com

*References*

Haslam, C., Montrose, V.T. (2015). 'Should have known better: The impact
of mating experience and the desire for marriage upon attraction to the narcissistic personality'. Personality and Individual Differences. Vol.
82, pp.188-92. (http://tinyurl.com/y8uldsob)

Jauk, E. et al. (2016). 'How Alluring Are Dark Personalities? The Dark
Triad and Attractiveness in Speed Dating'. European Journal of
Personality 30: 125–138. (http://tinyurl.com/y9ju5uph)

See also:

Beal, A. (2016). 'Women really DO love bad boys'. MailOnline. (http://tinyurl.com/y8r4jhgc)

Jarrett, C. (2016). 'The science behind why you sometimes end up dating terrible people'. Business Insider. (http://tinyurl.com/y7wkhzy8)

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