"How horrible a person must I be, to be so roundly rejected by everyone
that's claimed to have my back?"

Finally John has some self awareness? Maybe...

"Four months ago it was mortal terror I'd find a job and leave because
I'm "the only real friend I've got." Now I'm disposable and my life
isn't worth so much as a second thought."

It never was.

"Clearly the problem is me. There's just no other explanation as to how
one person can be subject to such a lifelong relentless barrage of hate
and pettiness from nearly every conceivable direction."

Let's ask your daughter, your family and Beth.

Verdict: Die, scumbag.

"It seems my lot in this life is to be right about all the big stuff
that has to do with other people, and utterly incapable of evoking even
the slightest tinge of loyalty or good-faith support from those closest
to me, and the more loudly they proclaim their loyalty the more certain
it is they'll cut my throat right at the moment when I've been ignorant
enough to believe I might just survive after all. If there is any god of
any kind, that son of a bitch has some answering to do when I see him."

Remember what I said about John getting some self-awareness? I was so
wrong.

"Man I hurt. Y'all just don't even know. And I hope you never do."


"I've been informed that all of the "gonna need some help paying bills" nonsense I've been fed for the last 10 weeks or so was really just cover
for "I don't want you here."

Mona was warned.

"Frankly that's the message the world's been sending to me since before
I was even self-aware, and it's reaching the point of being impossible
to not listen."

You have no self-awareness.

"Everybody will say "oh that's not true," but the people who actually
*could* help - the people who are out dropping a few hundred on your
average night out or a few thou here and a few thou there on petty
material nonsense - they say otherwise. Loud and clear. I'm just too chickens**t to end it myself. Should've done decades ago, I'm just a
burden on everyone and nothing I do has the slightest value or meaning
to anybody beyond making me feel like my life is worthwhile because hey
I'm out here trying to do the right things and be a better person than
the circumstances of my life since birth would suggest I should even
know how to be. I'm in no hurry to leave the stage, but I'm being gaffed
by the universe. I've been holding on with all my power for decades to
resist that, and in the end I probably shouldn't have bothered. If I was
a tragic backstory and vague memory we'd all be better off."

John's familiar whine that people have a choice how to spend their hard
earned money as long as they send it to John.

FOAD, leech.

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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