• "The Portlandian" - November 12, 2019 edition

    From Terry Hall@21:1/5 to All on Wed Nov 13 20:56:23 2019
    XPost: alt.fan.tonya-harding, alt.skate.figure

    TTTTT H H EEEEE
    T H H E
    T HHHHH EEEEE
    T H H E
    T H H EEEEE

    PPPP OOOO RRRR TTTTT L A N N DDDD I A N N TM
    P P O O R R T L A A NN N D D I A A NN N
    PPPP O O RRRR T L AAAAA N N N D D I AAAAA N N N
    P O O R R T L A A N NN D D I A A N NN
    P OOOO R R T LLLLL A A N N DDDD I A A N N

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    The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News

    November 12, 2019 Edition - ANNUAL TONYA BIRTHDAY EDITION
    (C) 2019 Portland Ice Skating Society
    http://www.pdxiss.org *****************************************************************

    Welcome to the annual birthday issue of "The Portlandian" for
    2019. Tonya turns 49 today, and we hope it's the start of another
    great year for her.

    We've got plenty to read and look at, with new Instagram posts
    from Tonya, a birthday cake (of the virtual kind), the Penguin
    finally revealed, some Tonya lookalikes, some triple axels (both
    real and artistic) and we finish off by doing some in-depth
    research in order to settle a question which has vexed
    Tonyaphiles for over two years - namely, exactly how much
    swearing is in "I, Tonya"?


    MAJOR RECOVERY OF TONYA-RELATED HISTORICAL MATERIAL

    But first an announcement: we are pleased to bring you news of a
    major recovery of important Tonya-related historical material
    that we have brought about with the help of a long-time
    Tonyaphile in Georgia.

    We were actually hoping to have some of this on-line in time for
    Tonya's birthday today, but alas the scanning and restoration
    process is taking a little longer than expected. While as our
    initial scans of this material would have been adequate, our
    philosophy is that "adequate" isn't good enough for Tonya and we
    thought we could do better. We believe that only the very best is
    good enough for Tonya since she's had to put up with being
    treated as third-rate crap for so much of her life, so we decided
    to redo the whole lot on another, better-quality scanner, even
    though it meant a delay.

    However, we're sure you'll think it's worth it when you see the
    results, which we hope to unveil in a few days.


    NEW INSTAGRAM POSTS FROM TONYA

    Tonya has posted a couple of new Instagram messages over the past
    few days. The first is nothing fancy, just Tonya in her jammies
    and slippers, but Tonya proves that she can rock even those items
    of clothing!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4iAxAOHQP7/

    She says:

    #AsSheIs. I have a love/hate relationship with the whole
    Instagram vs reality thing. We all want to show the best
    versions of ourselves, myself included, but sometimes there
    are good days and bad days. Days we donít feel or look our
    best. And days where we feel like itís all falling apart
    behind the scenes when life gets hard. I get insecure about my
    looks and know when I put myself out there, there will be love
    from those in my corner and comments from the haters. But, I
    feel the best Iíve felt in years, insecurities and all, so
    here I am. I now nominate two badass females to continue this
    challenge, @allmoxie and @theemmaslater.

    Nov 7 2019.

    Then a couple of days ago, Tonya uploaded another Instagram post,
    this time of herself at her birthday party. But don't worry, you
    haven't missed her birthday (which is the 12th) - it was a
    slightly early pre-birthday party!

    However, it appears that shortly afterwards Tonya's account
    suffered a hacking attempt - somebody has gone in and replaced
    her photo with a picture of some glamorous blonde supermodel. I
    wonder who she is?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4sitdtH5Z7/


    A CAKE FOR TONYA

    Meanwhile, as in previous years we've prepared our own cake for
    Tonya - and this year we've upgraded the doll to an Ice Skater
    Barbie thanks to a generous donation by a fan here in New
    Zealand. Although it doesn't look much like Tonya it does bear
    quite a strong resemblance to Margot, who is signed up to do a
    Barbie movie, so maybe that just proves that Tonya and Margot
    were destined by fate to be connected:

    http://pdxiss.org/images/2019-11-12_TonyaBirthdayCake.jpg


    THE PENGUIN SKATES OFF

    In our last edition we discussed a rumor that had been
    circulating that Tonya might be the Penguin on the Fox show "The
    Masked Singer".

    The Penguin has now been unmasked, and surprise, surprise, it
    wasn't Tonya. As predicted by many, it was Sherri Shepherd of
    "The View". This was not a big surprise, as only one of the
    clues, "a career on ice", could be taken as possibly referring to
    a skater, and even then only if you interpret it literally.
    Others could have applied to Tonya but also to lots of other
    people, and some didn't seem to fit Tonya at all. Plus, the Egg
    character had already been revealed earlier to be Johnny Weir,
    and it was probably unlikely that they would have had two skaters
    on one show.

    Still, the idea of Tonya appearing on this show in the future is
    certainly appealing - it's a show which is definitely a cut above
    alot of the stuff on TV these days. Perhaps now that the idea has
    been floated, the producers might decide to follow suit?


    TONYAWEEN 2019

    Last year saw Tonya as one of the top Halloween costumes, and
    we're pleased to say that this has continued to be the case this
    time around. We've selected some of the best from those out
    there.

    First up, a woman who literally is an "I, Tonya" - Tonya Geesman
    of Chicago. She's probably not the first real Tonya to dress up
    as our Tonya over all these years, but she's the first we've been
    aware of:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4H_Vf2FqcM/

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4JQ1kjFzVv/

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4JOA9IF_HM/

    She says; "I love Halloween!! We raided my arsenal of costumes &
    I outfitted our entire crew yesterday ???? The best part of the
    night was everyone yelling... 'TONYA!' & I knew it was me".

    Several more Tonya mini-mes have also surfaced this year:

    stokedhappyfolk - MiniTonya & Angus Young of AC/DC - this one
    was liked by the real Tonya:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TMi8cFQLZ/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4STLc8l6d4/

    Tina Moir - Kids as Tonya & Nancy:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B2ahZ4ipyV1/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HkMPgJYf1/

    MiniTonya (accompanied by a MiniNancy) in Layfayette Village,
    Raleigh NC:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Is6zfnN3Y/
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4ThOL3H0WL/

    Yes, I know she's got a club, and we don't like those ones,
    but she's too cute to leave out.

    Corrine from Melbourne Australia is back, this time with a
    Tonya/Harley mashup:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4RvBkAj0fk/

    Tonya's mother LaVona continues to inspire:

    Kayla Schmidt - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4a4DdfArnJ/

    Nicolespringersings, Kansas City KS:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TImPmp_IR/

    lemmdoublem, San Francisco CA:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4GUNnXBaQf/

    Some have gone for a threesome of Tonya, Jeff & Nancy:

    jessolexa, Chicago - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TIYgCF37C/

    zach_kacz_92 - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4SeRtEFMmY/

    Portland locals continue to be entranced by their hometown
    heroine:

    Julia Ludington: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XiTsDlkV7/
    colorfulrissa: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4bf90ygrKX/

    A couple have drawn inspiration from Tonya's triple axel costume:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YVY-ggWL5/

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TYbSSnOPG/

    Andrew Alcott of Albertville, France, has recreated Tonya's
    iconic outfit from her 1992 Olympics Short Program:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4fOuoVFuIR/

    Ahoy me hearties! Our skating pair hanging out with Captain
    Haddock from Tintin in Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TdPiqpBE-/

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TcgurJQ3R/

    Continuing with the nautical theme, pool.fantasea has some
    underwater Tonyas doing triple axels:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4SRf9mHBpN/

    Chandler Reeves: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4U7JRZp9ja/

    Beth DeWalt: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Yk8cxF1uN/

    Meeeeshelle21: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YO2F5AVJI/

    John Behlmann - see the last frame:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TK6TIJRIy/

    And finally, something you don't see everyday - Tonya & Nancy
    making dinner:

    thingswendysees - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4EPMWZgxXr/


    A TRIPLE AXEL TORRENT?

    Young You of South Korea has become the latest woman to land a
    triple axel in competition, after she successfully did so in her
    Short Program at Skate Canada in Kelowna BC, last month:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo9-7SvB35k

    It's actually surprisingly difficult to get an authoritative list
    of who has achived this feat - as best we can tell, there are 17
    so far, along with their date of initially doing so:

    1. Midori Ito, Japan - Aichi Prefecture Regionals, Japan,
    November 1988*
    2. Tonya Harding, USA - US Nationals, Minneapolis, MN, February
    1991*
    3. Ludmila Nelidina, Russia - Skate America, Spokane, WA,
    October 2002*
    4. Yukari Nakano, Japan - Skate America, Spokane, WA, October
    2002*
    5. Aki Sawada, Japan - details uncertain, but her ISU bio says
    she has landed them in domestic comp. circa 2004.
    6. Mao Asada, Japan - ISU Junior GP Final, Helsinki, Finland,
    December 2004*
    7. Kimmie Meissner, USA - US Nationals, Portland, OR, January
    2005
    8. Elizaveta Tuktamysheva, Russia - World Champs, Shanghai,
    China, March 2015*
    9. Rika Kihira, Japan - Junior GP, Ljubljana, Slovenia,
    September 2016*
    10. Mirai Nagasu, USA - Intl FS Classic, Salt Lake City, UT,
    September 2017*
    11. Hana Yoshida, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Shiga, Japan, August
    2018
    12. Alysa Liu, USA - Asian Open Trophy, Bangkok, Thailand, August
    2018*
    13. Ayaka Hosada, Japan - Japan Nationals, Osaka, December 2018*
    14. Kinayu Yokoi, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Japan, August 2019
    15. Sofia Akatieva, Russia - Moscow open, September 2019
    16. Alena Kostornaia, Russia - Finlandia Trophy, Espoo, Finland,
    October 2019*
    17. Young You, South Korea - Skate Canada, Kelowna, BC, October
    2019.*

    * has also landed it in international competition.

    It doesn't take a genius to see that these are now becoming more
    common - it was over 11 years after Tonya landed hers before her
    feat was repeated, and another ten between Kimmie Meissner's at
    the US Nationals in 2005 and Elizaveta Tuktamysheva's in 2015.
    However, since 2015 there has been a new lady added to the triple
    axel club every year, and four so far this season, which has
    barely started.

    Which raises the obvious question - have we now reached the
    tipping point when it comes to ladies' triple axels? Are we now
    on the verge of the jump becoming mainstream in top-level ladies
    competition? In ten years time will a triple axel be regarded as
    a standard jump for top-level ladies in the same way as it now is
    for men? Either way, we still think that Tonya's and Midori's are
    the best.

    And remember - South Korea may now have the triple axel, but
    North Korea still has the Iron Lotus!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0Ew3F5rsqU


    TONYA FAN ART ROUNDUP

    And now for another regular feature, our roundup of Tonya-
    inspired fan art. Although the pace has slowed down over recent
    months, Tonya continues to be a creative muse for many out there:

    Sofia Inglese of Buenos Aires, Argentina, has done a Tonya-themed
    photoshoot including recreating Tonya's press conference:

    https://www.pap-magazine.com/tonyanation-based-on-a-true-story

    Amy Devlin (amyartworks2) - U of Ulster, Belfast, Ulster https://www.instagram.com/p/BxPqxv1Boyh/

    _korgg_ - https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx0UclVlOHc/

    entertainmeweakly - "Mommy's Lil Monster" - another Tonya/Harley
    mashup:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BzVegZ-BM3W/

    i_beat-meryl - origami ice-skates, with gold blades:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BzcIjb6A5fh/

    A few triple axel drawings:

    (selin ansoy) nilesyosira:
    https://www.instagram.com/p/BlAGZSDBPr4/

    Lientang Felicia (Blackrabbid) "Fire on Ice":
    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzf64zmH2MO/

    Unlucky Cloverfield;
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B141oiiB7_I/

    tsarinasofia - a cartoon of Tonya at Albertville:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BzfxTJ2BTxM/

    Natalie (Mounteerie) - you're all my attackers, too.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzq2XroHM2y/

    A rarity here - a drawing of modern-day Tonya, apparently based
    on her appearance at the Golden Globes:

    Elles - https://www.instagram.com/p/B1hDrY1BdwD/


    "I, TONYA" - THE F---ING TRUTH

    "I, Tonya" is mostly an accurate portrayal of Tonya's life story.
    But there are several areas in which it does deviate somewhat
    from reality, and perhaps the most notable of these is in its
    depiction of Tonya as a potty mouth. Indeed, one of its most
    famous scenes, where Tonya approaches a skating judge and tells
    her to do something anatomically impossible never happened in
    real life, at least not in that way.

    "Trust me, I donít say the word (expletive) 120 times a day,"
    Tonya said in a New York Times article. "That might come out once
    in a while when something really bad happens or I hurt myself. I
    mean, the movie portrayed me as this person who cussed every 10
    seconds and I donít cuss like that."

    "Thatís my fault" says Margot. "I swear so much when I act. I get
    caught up in the moment. Itís a terrible habit. I did apologise
    to her about the swearing".

    So how much swearing is in "I, Tonya" compared to other movies?
    Turns out, not as much as you'd think.

    "Slap Shot" was a 1977 comedy about an ice hockey team, starring
    Paul Newman. At the time it was considered extremely profane,
    with a whole 61 f-words, a c-word, and a cs-word. "I, Tonya",
    about the genteel sport of ladies figure skating, blows "Slap
    Shot" into the weeds with more than double the amount of f-words
    (over 120) and 3 c-words. But it's still pretty tame compared to
    alot of modern fare.

    What film has the most f-words? If you exclude porn, and a couple
    of films ABOUT swearing, which don't really count, that rather
    dubious honor goes to another Margot Robbie film, "The Wolf of
    Wall Street" from 2013, which at over 500 makes "I, Tonya" look
    like a Sonja Henie musical. Of those, 36 are uttered by Margot's
    character, so she certainly had plenty of practice to warm up for
    "I, Tonya".

    Precisely how many f-words are in "Wolf of Wall Street" is a bone
    of contention, however - you'd think that counting swearwords
    would be a simple task, but it's not as easy as it appears,
    because of people slurring and mumbling their words and sometimes
    swearing over the top of other people who are also swearing.
    Plus, many early counts were from viewings in a cinema where you
    can't rewind to double-check. Guinness says 506 or 2.81 f-
    words/min - but they appear to be just citing an article by
    screenit.com which says "at least 506 f-words", and contrary to
    what you'd expect from Guinness, they don't seem to have bothered
    to check themselves. A writer at Slate counted 544, while another
    at Vulture claims 569. But whichever figure you choose, it still
    far exceeds the earlier Scorsese film "Casino", which has 422.
    Amongst other infamously sweary movies, "Reservoir Dogs" has only
    half as many at 269, "Scarface" 207, and "Bad Santa" a mere 173.

    Which brings us back to "I, Tonya" - and the main question:
    EXACTLY how many f-words does it contain? Merely doing a search
    on a PDF of Steven Rogers' script isn't enough, as the finished
    film obviously contains a considerable amount of improvisation.
    Online sources we consulted were wildly inconsistent:

    - https://kids-in-mind.com/i/itonya.htm - claims "about" 123
    f-words;

    - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5580036/parentalguide - says
    "f--k" is said about 120 times;

    - https://www.pluggedin.com/movie-reviews/i-tonya/ - says "about
    130 f-words, 25 s-words and three uses of the c-word."

    - https://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2018/itonya2017.html
    - says "f-words (130+), s-words (35+)".

    - The Brisbane Courier Mail estimates about 180 swearwords of all
    types, averaging around 1.5/minute. Of these Margot has 83 f-
    words and 103 swearwords overall.

    As the Internet's leading Tonya authority, we know that there are
    far too many "alternative facts" about her going around and felt
    it was important to get this one right. We realized that there
    was only one way to find out for sure - sit down and watch the
    movie, and count 'em ourselves. And in the interest of Tonya
    accuracy, that's exactly what we did - from the first one at
    3:29, to the last line of the movie at 1:51:42.

    But first, some methodology: we confined our count to the most
    severe swear words - we haven't counted words like "hell",
    "damn" etc. as swearwords because apart from a few religious
    people most others don't really see these as real swear words
    anymore.

    We left out watered-down equivalents like "a-hole", "frigging"
    and "effing" in the count. We also haven't distinguished between
    the use of an f-word in a sexual sense ("You two f--k yet?") and
    non-sexual ("they broke her f--king knee") - apparently the MPAA
    allows you to have one of the latter and still retain a PG-13
    rating. Not that that's relevant in the case of "I, Tonya".

    Finally, in order to count a word had to be clearly and
    unambiguously articulated in a manner that an average audience
    member with good hearing could understand it. If the only way a
    word can be recognized is to spend 8 hours playing with a 48-band
    graphic equalizer, that's too obscure. For this reason we've left
    out a couple of possible f-words that may have been uttered by
    LaVona when she is thrown out of Tonya's house for wearing a
    wire, as they just weren't clear enough to be certain.

    And our result was: a grand total of 129 f-words, of which 72
    come from Tonya, 28 from Jeff, 24 from LaVona, and 5 from other
    characters. There's also 27 s-words and 4-bs words, 3 c-words, 6
    a-words, 1 d-word, 3 b-words, one derogatory term for a butch
    lesbian ("bull-dyke") and one use of the word "cr-p".

    And as for that scene with the skating judge? The way it actually
    happened was like this: "I did not go to the judges on the ice
    and talk to them like that in front of everyone. When I spoke to
    the judges they were in the back hallway room telling me you need
    to have better dresses. I go, ĎWell if you can find me $5000 to
    make me a dress then Iíll wear it and I wonít have to sew these
    anymore.í I go, ĎYou know what? Out of my face!í"


    And so the curtain comes down on another birthday issue. We hope
    that Tonya and her family have a great day!

    *****************************************************************
    VISIT THESE GREAT TONYA WEB SITES:

    PortIce - http://www.pdxiss.org
    David House - http://www.tonyaharding.org
    Charlie Main - http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/tonya.html
    Puppetboy - http://www.usapaul.net/tonya/
    Valerie Smith - http://www.olywa.net/radu/valerie/LilHam.html
    Swan Lake - http://members.tripod.com/~TonyaHarding/index.html
    Blades of Gold - http://members.tripod.com/tmhfan/index.html *****************************************************************

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