On Sunday, August 23, 1998 at 12:00:00 AM UTC-7, DPK wrote:
DC: We're back....and take a look at these mamas!!
[The Slaughterhouse girls come trudging from the back in tight revealing spandex outfits covered in sweat. They start kicking their legs sort of
and making their fat rolls bounce around for about 30 seconds before collapsing in a heap sweaty flesh. The crowd explodes.]
RR: Whoooo!!! That's Chunky, Porky, Fatty, Piggy, and the one with
three
chins is Gerty! The Slaughterhouse girls are live and in your face!!
DC: Week after week they just keep showing up and the fans just keep
asking for more! But as the emergency crew comes and helps them out
of here...it's time to get on with the show! Fans I am trying to get a further
word on what's going back in the locker room...but I'm not getting any
news on R.A.D. or his condition whatsoever. We'll just have to wait and
see how things work out.
RR: Any clue when Rival is gonna be out here?
DC: Not a clue. All I know is that Gordon Adair's surprise commentator
from last week, Rival is going to be here again at some time during the evening. And fans, one last note. The match between Crusher Stevenson
and Prisoner #69 will not take place tonight. The President has not
heard
from either man in quite some time, and they're not here tonight...so
that is
that. Prisoner #69 is out of the UWA...and Crusher Stevenson might end
up packing his bags before it's over too.
RR: We can only hope.
__ __ __ __ ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
/\ \/\ \/\ \ __/\ \/\ _ \ "Shockker" Eric Cole
\ \ \ \ \ \ \/\ \ \ \ \ \L\ \ vs.
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ __ \ Jean Jaque Lemaire
\ \ \_\ \ \ \_/ \_\ \ \ \/\ \
\ \_____\ `\___x___/\ \_\ \_\ Written by: askme@bellsouth.net
\/_____/'\/__//__/ \/_/\/_/ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
SATURDAY NIGHT SLAUGHTERHOUSE
Michael Cook: Ladies and Gentlemen, Now comming down the isle, he is the UIWF Heavyweight Champion, Ken Walllace!!!!
DC: Don't mention the crucifixion.
RR: I'm out of here.
(KW comes to the ring with the belt over his shoulder. The fans start to cheer him a little. He walks over to the table where rex is gone. He
takes his Seat next to DC)
DC: Well hello Ken...
Kw: Hey
DC: Nice to see you finally have a title.....(you here KW say World
Title in the backround) Lets go to Michael Cook....
Michael Cook: Now coming to the ring....the "Shockker" Eric Cole!!!!
(He walks to the ring getting little to no pop at all....Your able to
make out the popcorn guy asking if anybody wants popcorn...)
DC: Not much for him....a little out of his fan base right now. Of
course his fan base kind of scattered with the fall of the EGW.
Kw: Yep...
(The UWA jumbotrn shows Jean Jacque's Pirate Ship sailing
the oceans. Over the loudspeakers Jean Jacque's evil laugh echos
through the arena. The ship's cannons fire and then Jean Jacque's voice
will echo out.)
Jean Jacque: ARGH!!!!! GET READY TO BE FED TO THE SHARKEYS!!!
(Jean Jacque comes down the asile with a black tank top on and balck
pants he wears black boots as well as a black eye patch. His long black
hair is pulled into a ponytail and hangs down from under his red
bandana. As he walks towards the ring he snarls at the fans and scares
some of the younger fans who are in attendence. He get in the ring and
is ready for action.)
DING DING DING
DC: And JJL wasting no time....JJL attacking Cole with rights and lefts'....Coles stunned.....JJL taking Cole to the rope, JJL running
Coles face across the rope.....Ref counting: 1...2...3.... Break....And
JJL Picking up Cole....ATOMIC DROp....Cole on the ground....JJL stomping
on COle......JJL now going for the blatant choke hold.......Ref counting 1....2....3...4.... BREAK... JJL picking up cole by the hair now..JJL
off the oppsite ropes....CLOTHESLINE by JJL. JJL, scooping up
Cole....and BODYSLAM...Now JJL, walking around the ring....Off the rope....ELBOW drop. Now JJL looking out at the crowd. Cole, starting to stir....JJL picking Cole up to the knees......RIGHT HAND SHOT by
Cole....And another....COle now to his feet....
Kw: Good shots by cole.....Now if he can capitalize..... Cole punching
JJL in the head...Cole off the ropes....Drop Ki....NO...Shrugged off by JJL......JJL now stomping away on the fallen cole.....and Look at this..
(Jake Harris comes out dressed like a Mexician Gun slinger from
the old days and slowly make his way down to the broadcast booth
where Ken Wallace is at. Jake has on a sombrero and a fake
black mustache that is ready to fall off his upper lip. Jake grabs
on to his belt buckle and pulls up his faded jeans as he walks down
the aisle. Fans throw things at him but Jake pays no attention.
Jake walks like he is Clint Eastwood and stand infront of Ken Wallace
so he can't see the action in the ring.)
Jake Harris: Ah there PUNK! (Spits a piece of a cigar out of his
mouth and starts to cough.) Damn cheap cigars. Anyway I heard
you done messed up one of my friends last week?
Kw: What the hell are you talkin about? Get out of here. I am trying to
call the match.....If ya don't move I WILL move you.
Jake Harris: I see you don't remember well I'll tell you what we are
going to do.
KW: And what am i gonna do? I know I can take you out Mr. Chico
Jake Harris: So you want to play rough with the bad guy of the
UWA chico?
(KW drops the mic and walks to Jake Harris. KW Kicks him in the Gut and
gives him the REVENGE.... KW then rips all of jakes clothes off. right
down to the Purple and Yellow boxers.....Jake Comes to after this and
Starts running away from the ring with one hand covering his front and
the other covering the back...)
Jake Harris: I feel so... so.... so..... Deprived! and Violated! You
have not seen the last of Jake "The Outlaw" Harris. Bang! Bang! (Does a Cactus Jack impersonation)
DC: Thanks for getting him outta here.....Any way...Cole gaining the
small advantage while this little fiasco was going on.....Cole sending
JJL to the ropes....Sets up for a body drop....NO JJL Kicks him in the face...JJL Grabbing the hair.....FACE SMASH into the canvas....JJL up now....Flipin over cole...Grabbing the legs....BANNA SPLIT.....And Cole
now hurting......JJL, picking up cole.....DDT....JJL now picking up Cole
and Irish whip to the turn buckle....JJL jumping up and begins
punching....
(The fans count 1..2....3..4..5..6..7..8..9...10....11)
Kw: JJL now with the distinct andvantage....Cole slumped in the
corner....JJL running...AVALANCH......Picking cole up to the top rope.....WALK THE PLANK... JJL with the Pin...
1...
2...
2.5....
3........
*DING DING DING*
Michael Cook: Ladies and Gentlemen....Here is your Winner.... JEAN JAQUE LAMIERE.....
KW: Well i gotta run...
DC: Go enjoy your title...( You hear Kw say WORLD title in the back
round)
("Sirius" by the Alan Parson Project begins to play again.....as KW
walks
back to the dressing room. Rex Roseman takes his place back at the
table.)
RR: How come this booth always smells like fish when he's been here?
DC: I'm being told we have Vile Vince on the phone…
VVVoice:
Hello…are we connected, Rex can you hear me?
RR: Loud and clear oh great one!
VVVoice:
Hey Rex, check out that crappy grave they have ssset up in the arena
for the big main event, I mean talk about corny I've ssseen more
realisssm
in eighteenth century paintingsss and my drek Zombie moviesss. Thossse would be ZOMBIESSS FROM IDOHO ARE EASSSY…it'sss actually an
artsssy ssseriesss about a man who isss buried alive, digsss himssself
out of the ground then wandersss the wild wessst thinking he isss dead.
All the while he triesss to hold down a job asss an ice cream sssalesman
to sssupport hisss three children and wife, go figure! It'sss really
big
in
wessstern Europe and Aussstral Asssia which isssn't half bad if you
don't consssider the kindsss of filmsss they make.
RR: ZOMBIES FROM IDOHO ARE EASY parts 1, 2 and 4 are being sold to
members of the VVV FAN CLUB…the films cost $19.95 each and the
membership is $6.50 WEOU.
DC: Oh brother, is there a point to this little conversation Mr.Viper?
VVVoice:
Why yesss, for a five ssstar sssuperssstar on the Rex Reed ssstar
ssscale I wouldn't be caught dead on thisss kind of flimsssy ssset.
That of courssse isss jussst a cover up to the fact that the L-mob don't
care
about the ssstipulationsss, they will beat me around plant me in the
ground
then laugh at Gordon'sss petty threatsss sssaying they don't work here.
I know them, or at leassst I give them waaay to much credit, in any
cassse
I'm far to sssmart, or paranoid, to put myssself in such a dilemma. Oh
no,
thisss little gathering isss going to take place at a real cemetery I'm
not going
to ssstand for anything elssse. In fact I am calling you from the
sssite
in
quessstion now, rather than give away my location I am going to sssimply sssay thisss. There isss a limousssine waiting in the back of the
building
that hasss been ordered to let one cameraman, one referee and Sssetzer
ride to the sssight in quessstion. The driver and ssseveral officialsss
will
make sssure that there are no L-mobersss in the limo when it takesss
off,
the limo will proceed to circle around the arena until it isss sssure it isssn't
being followed at which point it will drive to my current location. You sssee
I have thought through thisss whole tediousss match out and I am pretty sssure that I have covered all possssssible meansss by which I can be planted in the ground and buried alive.
DC: What about when Setzer Van Strife the obviously more talent of the
two of you…
VVVoice:
What the hell are you talking about Crawford, SSSVSSS more talented than
me? Get a life you obnoxiousss crawfisssh…I have no time for your lowly banter. SSSVSSS more talented, HA, what a laugh…the man couldn't tie hisss ssshoesss and chew gum at the sssame time, in that I point out
that
I'm trying to sssay thisss match isss a thinking man'sss game and
Sssetzer…
he doesssn't think! I am talking about the sssmart againssst the
ssstrong;
the ssstrong no longer sssurvive…at leassst not when they fight
againssst
the innovatorsss. I know twice asss many wressstling holdsss asss that
no talent geek, when he isssn't trying to bite the headsss off of wressstlersss he thinksss are chickensss he doesssn't know a wrissstlock from a wrissst watch. Don't even get me ssstarted on that no talent
piece
of human wassste…and your going to if you continue to lie about who the better man isss.
DC: He didn't get pinned by the highly over rated Kozaro last week…
VVVoice:
Hey Dan, I didn't even know I had that match till Thursssday…the only reassson I lossst wasss due to a booking error on the partsss of the officialsss. They sssaid I didn't have to ssshow up, but I chossse to
anyway
becaussse bailing the officialsss out of a bind isss jussst what the corporate
champion doesss and after tonight no one will be able to doubt my title victory
next Sssunday. Thisss match isss going to be a cake walk for me, the
only
quessstion isss how much will it take out of me when I walk into the
main
event
next Sssunday…the anssswer, nothing. To be honessst the ssshowssstopper asss he would put it, well, he jussst can't go anymore. Do you
honessstly
believe he will be able to put me down into the cold ground? I'll let
you and
Rex ponder that asss I cut off, and even if he doesss, many of the
younger
generation would argue I'm one foot in the grave anyway, while othersss
would
sssay I'm already there! Oh no, I'll ssstrut passst the competition and
go into
next Sssunday bringing the age to the cage…on that note kiddiesss I'm
out
of
here, oh and Rex…remember to plug me and the main event during ever
match
that followsss…I'm out of here.
-CLICK-
RR: He truly is all powerful, remember all you couch potatoes if your switching
to a certain oppositions show right now to tune back in for the main
event, not
having seen it yet I give it seventy five stars out of ten.
DC: Please Rex, your devotion to that has been slash never was is really getting
old…if you have to constantly plug someone at least make it someone who looks
good, in the ring that is, like R.A.D.
RR: That's just your bias opinion, R.A.D. never looked…oh wait, never
mind.
DC: We'll be right back!
[fade to part 4]
#######################################################################
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