On Thursday, April 10, 2003 at 6:01:45 PM UTC+2, David F. Cox wrote:

"Carl Joensson" <carljo...@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:b6f5695c.03041...@posting.google.com...

angs...@yahoo.com (JD) wrote in message

news:<c7c2dba3.03040...@posting.google.com>...

"David F. Cox" <bi...@kbnet.co.uk> wrote in message

news:<v8788k4...@corp.supernews.com>...

"Sabres rattling", for instance, is a cliché that has
no place in such a song.

This is what I'm talking about David, Who died and made you God of all songs? To say this is so very high and mighty. I'll say it certianly
does have a place in the song, the writer wrote it, therefor it is. You

may not > like the line but to put yourself in the position to tell the writer is has no

place is unimaginable, get a grip, this is the very problem with critques.

Hi JD,

I don't understand this. Are you saying that lyrics can't be
critiqued? I beg to differ. Of course there are good and bad lyrics,
as there is good and bad poetry, good and bad taste (yes I do believe that).
The song has been posted asking for opinions. If David has confidence
in his own taste why shouldn't he point out what he likes or dislikes.
And if he states his opinion with a bit of confidence, so what?

Note that he's writing "in such a song", thus (I guess) implying that
it's a song that lyrically strives for something higher than what can
be read as clichés.

/Carl

It may seem like I am ignoring JD, because I am. I plonked him as soon as I read a "high and mighty" (more like low and dirty) crit of his on another newsgroup on a jazz submission, along the "drop dead" lines.
I use the newsgroup as a filter, and only respond to their responses.
"High and mighty" is the charge - OK I'll plead guilty to expressing myself in that fashion. Does JD own a mirror?
The rest of the song is firmly set in the present. IMO "sabres rattling" is well embedded in the past, and adds nothing to the imagery. I would have
gone for "tank tracks rattling" or "steel tracks rattling" in preference, though I do not like that.

========== Frances response ========
David
We have actually changed the words of the song somewhat, but since the recording was almost finished at that point, we decided to push
through with the "old" words, and change the recording a little, later
on. We had a deadline of 1 April to reach.
Here are the changes:
V1:
We only changed the last line "For the sins that are not their own" to
"For sins that are not their own" (i.e. left out the "the");
V2:
"Calm is broken by the siren's call" was changed to "Calm is shattered
by the siren's call"
Ch:
"Sharpened sabres rattling" was changed to "Guns and caissons
rattling"
V3:
No changes
Bridge:
"Leaders make decisions
Target destiny"
was changed to:
"We wait on distant leaders
To shape our destiny"
I accept your other comments on further images, but unfortunately I'm
not the lyricist. I will pass your comments through to Tom Ward,
though.
Thanks for your time.
Francois
====================
The writer had already agreed with me in his improvements. Reminds me - look up "caissons" - ammunition wagon. More modern usage is a watertight compartment.
Criticism has never bothered me. It is either right, and I learn, or wrong and I either ignore, explore or educate.
I will try to be more circumspect in the expression of my views.
Thanks for your defence, Carl.
Sub-standard lines are often useful as fillers, awaiting fresh inspiration, or, as in this case, to meet a deadline. Sometimes they mysteriously
"work". Cue new thread ...
David F. Cox

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