It's another fine day here at Panama Stadium in Birmingham! You
won't believe the thrill and shit we've got for us
today!

Gene Simmons straps into his newly refurbished Power Wheels
wearing mittens and a bath robe. "Shartruze is fake news!" he
shouts emphatically.

Next up is Mark Wahlberg, looked pissed off, sitting in an old
Daewoo. No wonder, that car is a piece of shit.

Climbing into the ring (beside the track) is HARRY STYLES~?! He
runs and dives over the ropes, TACKLING Gene off his Transformers
Power Wheels and shouts "Get 'em Reggie!"

And holy crap, who ducks out of the basket area to the left of the
pit stop? ITS TIM MCGRAW dressed as Chris Gaines, painted-on
pants and all~! He chucks a goat at Harry Styles before sprinting
toward Paul Stantly, and OH SHITE, he's holding a jub of Pauly's
Ripe and Ready Vodka~!

As we wait for Vonnie Vancpint to show up to drop the flag and
start the race, we are dearly strapped into our sets as the
damning realization of a rusty table knife begins to invade our
thinly veiled concept of racing.

Best stash,
Shriver Stupendago

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