Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continuesI don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
On 7/6/2023 10:22 PM, Arthur T. wrote:
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continuesI don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
In Message-ID:<u89ac7$1c2gs$1@dont-email.me>,
Lee Gold XP <lee.gold@ca.rr.com> wrote:
On 7/6/2023 10:22 PM, Arthur T. wrote:
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continuesI don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
of yours vs:
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher
How about --That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
of yours vs:
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
In Message-ID:<u8fj55$29jlc$1@dont-email.me>,
Lee Gold XP <lee.gold@ca.rr.com> wrote:
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
Or...
As they come even nearer
And our danger grows clearer
And, if not, I think this would be a good time to close out the
changes and go back to your first fix:
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
On 7/8/2023 9:43 PM, Arthur T. wrote:
In Message-ID:<u89ac7$1c2gs$1@dont-email.me>,On 7/8/2023 9:43 PM, Arthur T. wrote:
Lee Gold XP <lee.gold@ca.rr.com> wrote:
On 7/6/2023 10:22 PM, Arthur T. wrote:
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continuesI don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
of yours vs:
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher
How about --That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers
of yours vs:
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher
Your new couplet rhymes better, but
a) the full moon in the midheaven means it much brighter (and so less
scary) scene
b) "nigh" (or "nigher") bothers me because it's so out of date.
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
--Lee
On Sun, 9 Jul 2023 17:25:09 -0700, Lee Gold XP <lee.gold@ca.rr.com>
wrote:
Your new couplet rhymes better, butOn 7/6/2023 10:22 PM, Arthur T. wrote:As the full moon gets higher
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
And the creatures come nigher
a) the full moon in the midheaven means it much brighter (and so less >>scary) scene
b) "nigh" (or "nigher") bothers me because it's so out of date.
I don't have any contribution as to which rhymes are better, but would
point out that whether a bright full moon or a dark moon was scarier
would depend on context. Are they more afraid of being seen, or of
not seeing?
Sysop: | Keyop |
---|---|
Location: | Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, UK |
Users: | 299 |
Nodes: | 16 (2 / 14) |
Uptime: | 63:00:00 |
Calls: | 6,690 |
Files: | 12,226 |
Messages: | 5,345,583 |