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Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:31 -0500
From: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1556

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1556
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

1551 17 votes 14480 24560 26711 01844 14624 23624 53171 02582 06731 23660
1551 3.1 mean 3.1 2.9 2.6 3.6 3.2 3.2 2.8 3.6 2.9 2.9

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:32 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-01

Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dan@klein.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Would you mind re-explaining for me the difference between apoplectic
and apocalyptic? You used both of theose words in an answer as if
they were synonyms for each other or at least for something, and as
a result I am even more confusticated than I was perviously.

I don't want the dictioonary definitions, but instead by what YOU mean, Humpty-Dumpty and all.

Oh, and you will be pleases to know that this time I left the
auto-corect truned off, so that my typographiucal errors won't get
changed into things I didn't moan to say. that sort of thing has
ruined my questions in the pass.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Being apoplectic
} can be quite hectic
}
} whereas apocalyptic
} can be quite cryptic
}
} With auto-correct
} one must genuflect
}
} on questions most terse
} or worse, figuring out how properly rhythm a bad verse.
}
} You owl the Oracle a Stanza. Nissan preferred.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:33 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-02

Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Why is a cow?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The old answer is, "Mu."
}
} But you want the New Answer: "Yes. Why is a cow. Moo is on
} first, and Cud's on second."
}
} You owe the Oracle a book you write yourself, entitled, "Abbot &
} Costello is the new Zen."

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:34 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-03

Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Why do you give me such difficult questions?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Truth be told, it's a systematic problem. We run out of easy questions
} several years back and have been forced to create increasingly complex
} questions, with all the cost that comes with that. We've exhausted
} all the venues - sports questions, cat questions, dog questions,
} questions about sandwiches, and so on. Our business area projects that
} by 2019, 90% of questions will relate to particle physics, pre-Sumerian
} archeology and financial derivatives (the only subject matter whose
} complexity grows faster than our questions about it). Unless there's a
} significant technological advance in daytime tv that creates more inane
} subjects to ponder, we'll be out of business in 2021, if not sooner.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:35 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-04

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Please introduce me to the Dark and Stormy Knight.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I can't; he's too involved with Lady Gingerbeer to be bothered.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:36 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-05

Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Please helo me. I qan't fignre out how to wrote code in Java or
script. N0thing works.here is a exsample.

int j==1;
cout < "J is"<j<"Hellp world.";

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Since I can't tell if you are referring to Java or JavaScript, I am
} going to use python instead since its the languageof the gods
} anyway, and I am one of them. The code you are trying to writeis:
}
} ------------
} import random
} print "Oh oracle most",
} for i in range(1000):
} print random.choice(["awesome",
} "cool",
} "all-knowing",
} "nice",
} "good",
} "powerful",
} "good-looking",
} "enormous",
} ---
} "]),
} print "This lowly supplicant has a question for you:"
} print random.choice([">",
} "how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a
} woodchuck could chuck wood",
} "duos that girl like me",
} "Why",
} "I love you",
} "Tell me something, and make it really funny, and
} really long",
} "Is it going to rain tommorow",
} "What dye do you use for your hair",
} "When is the next digest coming out?",
} "Why is the sky blue",
} "Please helo me. I qan't fignre out how to wrote
} code in Java or script. N0thing works.here is a exsample."
} ---
} "]),
} print "?"
} print "thanx"
} ------------
}
} you owe the oracle the result of this program.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:37 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-06

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I'm all about the whether today. What is the percentage chance of probability?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} About 50%, give or take 50%.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:38 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-07

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Meet sexy singles in your area for FREE! Connect App is like no app

on<br /= the market! Find singles based on topics you choose and you
will know <br =

you have similar interests! No more 40 page questionnaires. Texting

is FR= EE!<br /><br />Start connecting today!&nbsp;&nbsp; <a _src=3D"http://www.m= eetseksymates.ru:8217/" href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8217/">http://ww= w.meetseksymates.ru:8217/</a>&nbsp; <br /><br />Now available for FREE
on iP= hone and Android.<br /><br />Download the app today!&nbsp; <a _src=3D"http:= //www.meetseksymates.ru:8217/" href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8217/">ht= tp://www.meetseksymates.ru:8217/</a>&nbsp; <br />
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p>=A1=A1</p>
<p><br /><a href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8817/"><font
size=3D"1">DDD= </font></a><br /><a href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8817/"><font size= =3D"1">DDD</font></a></p>
<p><a href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8817/"><font
size=3D"1">DDD</font=

</a></p>

<p><a href=3D"http://www.meetseksymates.ru:8817/"><font
size=3D"1">DDD</font=

</a></p>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, now this IS an interesting question! Thank you, mortal, for making
} my otherwise dreary day more enjoyable by giving me such a devious and
} well devised cryptogramic question.
}
} Now, lessee... first, run this through a sanitizing program to remove
} the fluff meant to misdirect those who might try to decipher such a
} message without truly knowing how.
}
} C:\Utilities\Defluff.exe question.txt /lvl=1 /attempts=15
} /crypto=DES4096
}
} processing...
} 10% complete
} 20% complete
} 22% complete
} 84% complete
} Completed. Results in answer.txt
}
} Ok, great. Now, to take answer.txt and convert that to binary.
}
} C:\Utilities\TxtToBin.com answer.txt -o binary.txt
} Processing...complete.
}
} Ok, now to take THAT result, and switch back to EBCDIC.
}
} C:\Utilities\Bin2EBCDIC answer.bin
} processing... complete.
}
} Great! Ok, now let's read the REAL question:
}
} Dear Oracle,
} Help! I'm being held captive by a Nigerian Prince with a large supply
} of cheap Viagra alternatives! How can I escape??
} Love, Bill Nye, The Science Guy
}
} Great Scott! Ok Bill, calm down. The answer is easy if you take it
} logically. Next time he approaches, discuss the graphic qualities of a
} nude Hillary Clinton. Once the shock hits him, overpower him and
} escape through the window on your left. NO, your other left! Once
} free and before you leave the compound, look for and destroy every
} single computer you find. Then, relay your coordinates to the United
} States Missile Command. Explain your situation, then run like hell.
} You'll have about 23 minutes.
}
} You owe the Oracle a more advanced operating system.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:39 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-08

Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " <dvk@lonewolf.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Some teachers grade on a "curve"; do others grade on more a "straight
ball"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Some teaches grade on a straight ball, but mostly they have different
} types of curves.Here is a small sample of most common methods:
}
} The most common curve is the "Trick question." The teacher throws the
} ball right at your hands where you studied hard for and are sure to
} catch it, but when she grades you, you find the ball for some reason
} ended up bouncing around the far side of the court. The technique
} here involves twisting the ball towards the top right, making it go
} left and down at the same time.
}
} A second method is the "Not on study guide". In this move, the teacher
} throws the ball way out into the stands. You give up, thinking it's
} out, just when it crashes hard into your jaw. The technique here is to
} throw it at a light post, so it can bounce back into the stadium. Other
} methods exist also.
}
} The third method is the "Both answers work." In this method, the ball
} bounces left and right in such a random fashion that you will always
} grab on your wrong side, except you never notice until the grading
} is done. Trick is a spin to the left, and then using the force to
} change the spins direction in mid air.
}
} The most common straight technique that actually works is the "T/F
} disguised as a essay question" This technique involves aiming right
} between the eyes, or right at the eye, of the student. The ball has
} to be really fast, and is supposed to make you blink at just the
} wrong moment.
}
} Be sure to be prepared for these techniques! Your grade could depend
} on it.
}
} You owe the oracle that you and 20 friends take the SAT in November
} and get a bad grade so mine is relatively higher.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:40 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-09

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

----
| |
* *

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That is a pie table. The model shown rolls about on casters, providing
} greater value but less precision. Although the view you presented shows
} only two wheels, there are actually four, which is the usual
} approximation if the pie is evenly rounded. (The usual rounding of pie
} to three (or more vulgarly to three and a seventh) is odd, and gives
} rise to the euphemism of "swearing the circle.")
}
} The value for pie (or four pie, for purists) is useful when computing
} "pie are square".
}
} You owe the Oracle four pie: Blueberry, Apple, Custard, and Pumpkin.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Sep 15 12:57:41 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1556-10

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Please tell me why it is impossible to speak the Polish language. (It
would seem that blending Hawaiian into Polish would give a less
troublesome Sprachkunst.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, on the South Pole, there are only penguins, and they don't say
} much. On the Northpole, you would be attempting to communicate with a
} polar bear - be aware that this is a crime in Norway - and promptly
} get eaten.
}
} Hawaiian seems like a much bette choice.
}
} You owe the Oracle an OS replacing Tux the Penguin with some much less
} nerdy Hula Hula girls.

------------------------------

End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1556 ******************************************

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