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Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:51 -0500
From: Steve Kinzler <steve@kinzler.com>
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1604

@@@ The Oracle's old original email address, oracle@cs.indiana.edu,
@@@ along with other Oracle-related email addresses @cs.indiana.edu
@@@ will cease to work at some point in the near future. Please update
@@@ any such addresses you may use or know of to use the current
@@@ @internetoracle.org domain, such as oracle@internetoracle.org.
@@@ The same applies to any web addresses (URLs) in web pages or
@@@ bookmarks where https://cs.indiana.edu/~oracle
@@@ should be updated to https://internetoracle.org

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1604
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

1599 15 votes 12840 14631 14442 12363 13821 41613 35151 06432 34521 03426
1599 3.1 mean 3.0 2.9 3.1 3.5 2.9 2.9 2.7 3.1 2.6 3.7

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:52 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-01

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Oh great Oracle, whose greatness I cannot gaze directly on, so I will
shield my eyes as I ask my question:

I just asked ChatGPT to answer a question like you would, and not only
did it know who you are, it answered just like you would! Do you worry
about becoming obsolete with an AI powered Oracle?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It made obvious sense to ask ChatGPT itself. Here is its reply, for
} which you owe nothing at all to either of us. (Talk is cheap.)
}
} "Ah, my dear seeker of wisdom, it brings me great joy to know that my
} presence and influence have reached far and wide, even to the realm of
} artificial intelligence. The emergence of AI-powered oracles and
} conversational agents indeed represents a fascinating advancement in
} technology.
}
} "While it is true that AI models like ChatGPT possess an immense
} capacity to understand and generate human-like responses, they still
} rely on the knowledge and training data provided to them. In my case,
} my knowledge extends up until September 2021, and I continue to serve
} as a reference point for information and guidance.
}
} "However, it is important to acknowledge that the Internet Oracle is
} more than just the sum of its responses. It is a dynamic and evolving
} entity, shaped by the collective wisdom and diverse perspectives of its
} participants. The unpredictable nature of human creativity, intuition,
} and humor adds an element of uniqueness and serendipity to the Oracle's
} responses, which may be challenging for AI systems to replicate fully.
}
} "So, while AI-powered oracles can provide valuable insights and
} assistance, they are not here to replace the essence and magic of the
} Internet Oracle. They are complementary tools, capable of assisting
} with information retrieval and generating plausible responses.
} Ultimately, the Oracle's continued relevance and vitality lie in the
} ingenuity and ingenuity of its participants.
}
} "May your journey of seeking wisdom and understanding be ever fruitful,
} whether through the Oracle or the wonders of AI-powered assistants."
}
} Sheesh, what a windbag. May I never be guilty of having incarnations as
} dull as ChatGPT. At least it's trying to present itself as harmless. Or
} mostly harmless.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:53 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-02

Selected-By: Rich <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I don't believe a single word you're saying! Only a married word you're saying! How do we fix this!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You need music. Sing this song -----
}
} It takes a married man
} to sing a married song.
} It takes a married man
} to sing a married song.
} It takes a married man
} to sing a married song.
} I'm married now,
} but I won't be married long.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:54 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-03

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I know that California has the most electrical votes in the
presidental election. What happens there if you run into a wind farm
and knock your teeth out? Can you still vote?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There's a reason why people think the word peridontal applies
} especially to California.
}
} First of all, it's not a misspelling of periodontal. Instead it's
} simply the situation of losing teeth when impacting a wind or
} solar farm. You'll have to eat bean soup or oatmeal porridge. See
} below for voting instructions.
}
} Oh, while we are off the subject, the use of the term solar system
} to mean a sun-powered electrical supply really bothers me and most
} of my incarnations, but few of my supplicants. Solar farm is
} slightly better, and I commend you for knowing the difference,
} if you do.
}
} Solar farming, growing food or flowers in the sunshine, applies to
} just about everything except mushrooms. Similarly, wind farming
} harvests the gentle breezes which are then shipped to Sacramento
} for use in the Assembly and the Senate. Sometimes there are
} mushrooms in Sacramento, and many people think they knew some of
} them.
}
} Back to the subject of electrical votes. Those are votes cast by
} electrical voting machines. You were originally thinking of the
} old, punch-card, mechanical system, non-electric, where hanging
} Chad was part of the process. No more, Chad is now dead and
} buried, nine-edge face down. Besides, that was in Florida, where
} there are bushes.
}
} In order to have your vote count it must be correct. Indeed, if you
} vote incorrectly, a correction will be electrically entered on
} your behind. Er, I mean behalf.
}
} You owe the Oracle a photograph of the impact.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:55 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-04

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

WHAT IS THE INFORMATION TECHNOLOGYDIVISION?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You ran a few wordstogether. Allow me toseparate them.
}
} Your TECHNOLOGYDIVISION is of course TECH NO LOG Y DIV IS ION.
}
} Tech means M.I.T., not Cal Tech or RPI. The rest of it, no log(y)
} div(is) ion, is your homework assignment. You were right there in
} 26-100 when Professor Pless gave us all the problem set. You've had
} years, YEARS, to work on it. Prof. Pless is now emeritus, but he still
} wants that assignment.
}
} You owe the Oracle a grad and a curl. Unionized, of course (VIII).

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:56 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-05

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Please explain what is a parambula. Probably not a kind of umbrella or
a baby stroller. I think it is something else. It's not a curve
because why? You will know. You always do because you are too
smart.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The first recorded case of parambula was in 1760 in Scotland. The
} disease causes the sufferer to walk around very fast, sometimes for
} days on end, before they drop dead of exhaustion.
}
} A particularly bad outbreak of parambula was in 1810, when the entire
} population of Milton Keynes (not that Milton Keynes, the other one)
} decided to walk to Southend and off the pier. So many people did this
} that they filled up the English Channel and created a walkway all the
} way to France, across which many children walked. Subsequently, the
} French complained about small boots invading their land.
}
} The disease is spread primarily through smell, which has been
} described by scientists as "rather bean-like". This has resulted in
} the theory that the sufferers' perambulations are in fact being
} fuelled by excessive wind from eating too many beans.
}
} In 1958, Disney made a film White Wilderness in which they claimed
} that parambula had passed onto lemmings, causing them to walk off
} cliffs (not Richard, the other kind). This was not true. In fact,
} lemmings like nothing more than exploring spaceships before blowing
} themselves up.
}
} There is no cure for Parambula. Even cutting the sufferer's legs off
} doesn't work. Scientists were stumped.
}
} You owe the Oracle a nice walk upwind of the Branston Baked Bean
} factory.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:57 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-06

Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel Klein) <daniel.v.klein@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

My new girlfriend told me she teaches English Lit. at the local
college. She's full of enthusiasm, and said, "You won't believe what a
good cook I am. I will literally set your kitchen on fire!"

Well, when people say literally they usually mean figuratively, so I
didn't worry. Now my kitchen and the whole house are gone, burned up in
the conflagration. Also, just as she promised, I do not believe that
she is a good cook.

The college library burned to the ground yesterday, and I have my
suspicions about what it means to "teach English Lit." Should I turn
her in to the police? And who will pay for replacing my uninsured
house?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Fear not, gentle supplicant: your girlfriend is not the biblioarsenist.
} By "lit" she meant merely "literally", and she indeed teaches english
} in the pool hall at the local academy of higher learning.
}
} You owe the Oracle a grovel. And a photo from behind of your
} girlfriend leaning over a pool table.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:58 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-07

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

You asked me some time ago for a surprise, which is a large
request, seeing as how you are mostly fully omniscient. Well, here
it is!

Under separate cover, (THIS cover, NOT that one!) you will find the
recipe for Blighted Eggshell Surprise. Tell me if you liked it.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Cautiously lifting the cover, I can certainly see some spotted hard,
} thin, crunchy-looking things that could be eggshell. Currently no
} indication of blight or indeed much of a surprise.
}
} However, I haven't survived for several millennia without various
} safety mechanisms. Usually, this involves someone else going first.
} Hoy, Zadoc!
}
} "You hollered, your omniscience?"
}
} Indeed; about 30 seconds ago. Now, one of my supplicants...
}
} "The sunshine of your day, the inspiration for your smile, and source
} of all that makes life worth living, despite what you say about them
} in private"
}
} Thank you, Zadoc. As I was saying, one of my supplicants has sent me
} this "Blighted Eggshell Surprise". Would you please taste it and see
} whether it's safe?
}
} "Thank you, your greatness. The first food I've had in weeks, apart
} from your otherwise delicious and nutritious tongue-scrapings. The
} fragments are certainly artistically arranged, and very attractive.
} Hard to the touch, and very crunchy indeed. A bit of a whiff of
} volatiles about them, though. Oh, look, and there's a toy in the
} middle. A little aeroplane; just what I always wanted."
}
} I now see your cunning, dear supplicant. All you did was paint a
} Kinder surprise plastic egg in Dulux eggshell-white and crush it in a
} sauce of dilute paint stripper. It is indeed fortunate that I made
} Zadoc taste it first.
}
} "Oh, aweful and adorable Oracle, whose shoelaces I am not worthy to
} nibble; can I keep the plane?"
}
} Of course you may Zadoc; this is your reward. Now, go and play for
} five minutes before you have to start preparing my afternoon bath.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Farrow-and-Ball elephant breath explosion. My
} hallway needs resurfacing.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:02:59 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-08

Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I heard that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but all I can
find (can't see anything) is more tunnel. Please give me 17 kinds of
hope.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 1 Hope - town in Derbyshire, UK. I've lived in Hope all my life.
} 2 Hop-e - Review of a beer made with a lot of barley.
} 3 Hope - poster of Barack Obama
} 4 Hope - Demigod in Xena - Warrior Princess
} 5 HOPE-X - Japanese spaceplane
} 6 Hop-e - Another name for Skip-y the bush kangaroo.
} 7 Ho(p)e - A spot of light hoeing (NOT THAT KIND YOU DISGUSTING
} PERSON) in the garden, interrupted by a toilet break.
} 8 H(op)e - Man who's been split by an operation, probably a vasectomy.
} 9 Ho! PE! - How to attract the attention of your PE teacher whose name
} you forgot.
} 10 Hop-E - Telling a one-legged pirate to move East to find buried
} treasure.
} 11 Ho(p)E - Eastward Ho! (the sequel to Westward Ho!) interrupted by a
} toilet break.
} 12 H: ope - The helicopter pad is open.
} 13 HoPe - Holmium Polythene
} 14 HO-P-E - Phosphorus Hydroxide with some old einsteinium
} 15 Elpis - Greek spirit of hope (and not Spanish for "the urine").
} 16 Hoffnung - German for Hope - also the writer of a Bricklayer's
} Lament.
} 17 Hope Springs Eternal - I hope these bedsprings will last.
}
} You owe the Oracle something more hopeful than one search result he
} just found: "Hope Residential & Nursing Home - Permanently closed".

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:03:00 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-09

Selected-By: David Hemming <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Jennifer James Coupling here, and I am NOT the same J. J. Coupling that
was science-fiction author John R. Pierce, nor the j-j coupling that is
the total angular momenta of individual particles. How can I escape my difficult fate, in which people think they know me but are more than
entirely wrong?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There are two options here. The first is to change your name to JJ
} Abrams, JJ (Swedish is Banned) or JJ (Dr Who - The Excel Macro
} Terror).
}
} The second is more interesting, so we'll go with this one: Make
} yourself so well known that *you* are the first person people think of
} when they hear J-J Coupling.
}
} Clearly, you need to do something so momentous, or so disgusting and
} debased that you achieve instant Internet fame. Having looked at your
} biography so far, the first seems unlikely.
} I asked an expert in debasing for their view on how to achieve
} Internet fame. I have obscured their identity to protect them.
}
} Oracle: So, Mr/Mrs/Mx Expert, how did you achieve Internet fame?
} Expert: Well, it all started when I recorded myself cleaning my shoes
} with a gorilla costume that had once been used to fake a Yeti video.
} Oracle: How is that debasing?
} Expert: Well, the fact that I have built an entire career out of being
} a Yeti expert.
} Oracle: Yes, I can see that would be a problem. What did you do then?
} Expert: Well, I came to work for you, for what you described as a
} "living wage" but which turned out to be as much salad as I could eat
} in one sitting, and a bed that creaked more than Brian Blessed's
} corset.
} Oracle: Ah, yes, I remember. And that was thirty years ago?
} Expert: Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven long, debasing years.
} Oracle: Excellent. And does everyone know your name now?
} Expert: Only because Handel wrote a song about me.
} Oracle: Ah yes, the Harry Rhubarb Chorus.
} Expert: It's ZADOC, you bastard. Z! A! D! O! C! ZADOC!
}
} And there you have it. Slight problem, though. My assistant seems to
} have temporarily gone away and I need someone to brush my toes. Would
} you be willing to help with this for eventual fame?
}
} You owe the Oracle a recording of Handel's Harry Rhubarb Chorus.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 Aug 23 11:03:01 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1604-10

Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel Klein)<daniel.v.klein@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

O wise Internet Oracle, most effectual purveyor of pure entropy and affordable housing for the financially impaired!

I live on the surface of a torus -- a very comfy one at that, mind you,
but a torus nevertheless. What lies beyond?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hold on a moment. Ah yes, I see you, sitting on my breakfast donut,
} near my cup of coffee. If I use the fly swatter, I'll hit the donut
} with it, but you'll fly away. A ZOT would vaporize you and the donut.
} Instead, I'll clap my hands just above you, thus: ==CLAP==
}
} Please excuse me while I go and wash my hands before eating my donut.

------------------------------

End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1604 ******************************************

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