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Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:01 -0500
From: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1567

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1567
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

1562 21 votes 36561 39423 39171 64641 27561 25851 13386 33924 34554 36633
1562 2.9 mean 2.8 2.7 2.7 2.5 2.9 2.9 3.7 3.0 3.1 2.9

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Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:02 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-01

Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

why is your air-condition leaking water and not cooling the room?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Actual technical answer, not particularly silly.
}
} If the AC unit for a room is undersized then it will run
} continuously instead of cycling on and off. The result is an
} ice buildup in the coils where room air is supposed to pass
} through.
}
} Similarly, if the unit is partially worn out, it will act as if it
} were undersized.
}
} The correct solution is to buy a brand new AC unit of the proper
} rating. Then open the window and toss the old unit out. The
} resounding crash (and before that the terrified screams from
} those targeted) will be ample repayment for the effort. The
} improved cooling from the new unit is merely an added bonus.
}
} You owe the Oracle one of Gary Larson's pianos.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:03 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-02

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Excellent but sometimes mostly useless Oracle, I have a difficulty
with which you can help me out of. I have been using Linux in
command-line mode since before the beginning and so I am an expert.
But now my stupid boss (see "Stupid Boss" remarks in a previous
question I might have asked you several years ago) wants me to use MS
Windows 10. He thinks I can tell him what to do with it, and I am so
tempted. I am so, very, very, very tempted.

Where should I tell my boss to put his Windows 10? I really do not
want to injure him or render him (physically or mentally) unable to
pay me the handsome salary I get every week for doing almost nothing.
(Mostly I do "df -h" about twice a day and let him know if he needs to
buy more disk space. Yes, I could write a cron job that would do that,
but he might catch on and redundiate me.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is generally considered good practice to put Windows into a separate
} partition from your Linux installation. To do this, follow these simple
} steps:
}
} 1. Use gparted or fdisk to create the various partitions used for
} Linux, such as /, /home, /usr and your swap.
} 2. Install Linux, configure it fully and connect it to the internet
} 3. Use your working Linux machine to order steel plates, a chain, a
} lock and a laptop
} 4. Wall off a section of the office with the steel plates and make the
} chain and lock ready to lock it. Place the laptop and the Windows 10
} CD in it
} 5. Lure your boss into the office partition by setting up a meeting for
} "Introduction to Value Driven Development Practices"
} 6. Lock him into the partition and let him install Windows 10. Or,
} whatever.
}
} You have now doubled your company's productivity with the help of
} Windows 10. Proceed to ask for a raise that you will not get.
}
} You owe the Oracle to put in a good word with "Bob".

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:04 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-03

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I am trying to study the birds, and have stumbled upon the Bleary-Eyed Cheerio, a bird heretofore totally unknown except to the few who know
of it. Apparently it's amphithetically the opposite of both the
Evening Grosbeak and the Morning Drove.

Please provide your opinion, no matter how invaluable or worthless.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think these questions are for the birds.
}
} You owe the Oracle $20.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:05 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-04

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

It's a slow news day here at the Branville Methodist Sun-Times
Reporter Star. I'm the editor, as well as the only reporter, and I
also sweep the floor and shoot the huge rats that try to eat the
wiring for our computers.

I'm about to fire my gun out the window and write a story with the
headline GUNSHOTS HEARD ON MAIN STREET.

Do you have any better suggestions? What else should happen here in Branville?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh my god! Those are not rats! They are wood...
}
} *ZOT!* *ZOT!* *ZOTZOTZOT!*
}
} Oh well. At least your competition will have a story about the
} mysterious evaporation of the Branville Methodist Sun-Times Reporter
} Star.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:06 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-05

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

You wouldn't believe how long I've waited for an answer. Or maybe you
would.

Anyway?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Your answer is: "Serves six."
}
} You owe the Oracle a chance to be one of those six.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:07 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-06

Selected-By: Rich <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

My next project is to remove this stamp without tearing it. You think I
can pull it off?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You can do it. Just give it some steam.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:08 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-07

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Ha! Gotcha! Whatcha got to say for yourself!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK, so maybe a Pokemon costume weren't such a good idea after all.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:09 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-08

Selected-By: twchew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I wish I had a body like hers! (Not to replace mine, of course; that's silly.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey! Long time no see, Frankenstein!

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Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:10 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-09

Selected-By: MVS Gmail <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

My teacher says I am wrong but I want to be right. She says, "Even if
ten people agreed with you, you would still be wrong."

So what I need is a hundred people to agree with me.

You know lots of people. Like thousands. They write supplications to
you all the time.

Please send me 100 agreeable people. Better make that 200 just in
case.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sorry, Mr. Trump. I can't do that.

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Date: Wed, 05 Oct 16 10:32:11 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1567-10

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Someone is tryign to get me baned because of my bad spelling. It is my privillege to spell as I want to. Please ingore me if you can't
understad me.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Frankly autocorrect, I'm getting a bit tired of your shirt."

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End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1567 ******************************************

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