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Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:49:55 -0500
From:
steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1560
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to
help@internetoracle.org, or go to
http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to
vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1560
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1555 19 votes 36442 01855 35542 33733 63451 32482 05734 66241 05473 13672
1555 3.1 mean 2.8 3.7 2.8 3.0 2.6 3.2 3.3 2.4 3.4 3.3
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:49:56 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-01
Selected-By: Christophe <
xof@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Are there really people who treat others like meat?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Yes. They're called cannibals.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:49:57 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-02
Selected-By: Christophe <
xof@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
I'm not missing much, am I?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The people who live on the adjoining property, behind your target area,
} the ones with the bullet holes in their walls and windows, would
} respectfully disagree.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:49:58 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-03
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
My Dear Oracle,
My name is Mr. Emmanuel Obo, I am a senior partner (Attorney) in the
firm of Obo Consults Inc: Private Investigators, Security Consultants
and Financial Managers in Abuja, Nigeria. We are conducting a standard process investigation on behalf of our late client Jean-Baptiste Chet
who made you his sole beneficiary. We wish to arrange transfer of his
estate to you at the earliest opportunity.
He left the following items in his will.
1) 40,000 metric tonnes of concrete
2) 24 carpet pythons (deceased)
3) 85,000 golf balls (used)
4) 18 mechanical calculators
5) US$48,000,000 (in coins)
6) 3,200 packets of instant ramen noodles
7) 31 oil lanterns (we are able to provide you with sufficient oil at
cost)
8) The number 8
9) An itemized list of the above on punched cards
You are at liberty to use your discretion to distribute these objects.
If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards
a conclusion.
I await your response.
Respectfully
Emmanuel Obo
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} My Dear Mr. Obo (or should I call you Manny?):
}
} I have in hand another letter, one in which I am promised matrimony. It
} appears to be from a Nigerian widow, a Mrs. Griselle Ojobijou, who
} claims once to have been substantially wealthy. She has money tied up
} in her late husband's estate. Apparently he was a wealthy banker who
} "acquired" assets entrusted to him.
}
} She would like US$48,000,000 in untraceable notes to rescue the estate
} (worth over US$500,000,000) from the inspector's office. Those coins
} would do quite well.
}
} Let me know if you are interested. If you are more or less unmarried
} this looks like a chance for a particularly lucrative union.
}
} Most Sincerely Yours,
} T. Internet Oracle
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:49:59 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-04
Selected-By: Christophe <
xof@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Password?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Sure. Here are several:
}
} "123456", "password", "12345", "12345678" and "qwerty"
}
} Si vous etes en France il faut necessairement utiliser "azerty" au lieu
} de "qwerty". Meme difference.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:00 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-05
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
I lied about the kimchee.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} YOU OWE THE ORACLE A GALLON OF WATER!
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:01 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-06
Selected-By: Christophe <
xof@chanticleer.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
What is the plural of unique?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Multique, of course!
}
} You owe me a polygoose.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:02 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-07
Selected-By: twchew <
twchew@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
What is the penalty for committing phlebotomy?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} At worst, things could get bloody!
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:03 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-08
Selected-By: twchew <
twchew@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
For future reference, is this a gun in my pocket, or am I just happy to
see her? (She hasn't actually asked yet; I wanna be prepared.)
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} You are unfortunately about to shoot yourself in the foot.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:04 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-09
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
I'm selling a product that people don't like to hear about, and I want
to send out email ads for it but I want them to think it's from someone
else. How can I prove that I am not the person they want to think I am?
It would be best if I didn't even recognize myself.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} You've got the wrong address, Sir.
}
} The GOP debate is over at Fox News.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 Jan 16 10:50:05 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <
vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1560-10
Selected-By: twchew <
twchew@mindspring.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
What does Jeremy look like without a mustache?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} You could have found out that yourself without bothering me. All
} you need is a bit of wax like this:
}
} *YANK*
}
} There's your answer. He looks friggin' furious!
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End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1560 ******************************************
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