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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:52 -0500
From: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler)
Subject: Internet Oracularities Digest #1554

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how
to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume
number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message).
For example:
1554
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

1549 21 votes 35553 15951 34b21 15474 24843 23853 09282 33564 11586 13395
1549 3.2 mean 3.0 3.0 2.7 3.4 3.1 3.2 3.1 3.2 3.8 3.7

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:53 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-01

Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Oh Oracle most wise,

Why is my duck green?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It wasn't easy, let me tell ya!

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:54 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-02

Selected-By: Christophe <xof@chanticleer.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

After hearing about Bruce, I couldn't help thinking:

Can I be a dog? Maybe I'm done being human.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, here's the thing. I'm kind of full-up on dog reincarnations at
} this point. I can offer you...let's see...*consults clipboard*
} cat...no....bunny...no...
}
} I've got a lovely otter in the Canadian backwoods. Lots of room, plenty
} of trees? No? OK, what else, what else. *taps pencil on teeth*
}
} Oh, now this is special. I've just had a rhino open up in central
} Africa. Lovely sunshine, lazing about...what's that? Yes, the Chinese
} do still hunt the horns. Yes, good point. *scratches pencil on
} clipboard* There must be something here...
}
} Ah, here we go. A dolphin in the Atlantic. A nice friendly pod, plenty
} of exercise, no concerns, just swimming all day long. Sounds great,
} yes? Perfect! Let's get you going straight away. Just stand right over
} there and....
}
} ZZZZZZZOT!
}
} Heh heh heh, what a maroon!
}
} Oi! Zadoc! Come clean this mess up!

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:55 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-03

Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Aaugh! I wanted a space SUIT but I made an embarrassing typo!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Unfortunately even the Oracle cannot cancel your Travelocity
} reservation for a space SUITE. When you get there, don't open the
} windows, you don't have a space suit.
}
} You owe the Oracle the mint from your space pillow.

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:56 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-04

Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

My teacher says we have to support removable energy. Like wind. Right
now the wind is calm, so that removes it. Entirely like.

I have an idea. When the wind is blowing we can use it to inflate a big
inner tube, like I use for swimming because I can't swim. Then when the
wind is calm like now we can let the air out and it will run the wind
turban. We can even take filled inner tubes to places with no wind. Am
I smart, or what?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Your idea is good, but it would be better applied to water power,
} as it has higher energy density (in horsepower-fortnights per cubic
} cubit) than wind. Go to the hills, find a spring, and fill a watering
} can. Than walk back down, carrying the can higher and higher above
} your head so as to keep the water at the absolute height you took it
} from. Then use its potential energy to feed a power plant, such as
} the biofuel willow.
}
} You owe the Oracle an essay on other uses of springs for energy and
} plants, including the Clockwork Orange.

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:57 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-05

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <mtlrph@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Hi, please tellme what I'm supposed to be offended by today.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Lazy incarnations.

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:58 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-06

Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

Why is it always easier the hard way?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} FOR THE LAST TIME!!! I AM NOT GOING TO BUY VIAGRA FROM A SPAMMER!!!

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:07:59 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-07

Selected-By: Rich <mvsopen@gmail.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I couldn't beat 'em. How do I join 'em?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Superglue or Gorilla Glue seem to work fairly well.
}
} You owe the Oracle a separate and disjoint recovery.

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:08:00 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-08

Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I need a good entomologist who can tell me the origin of words. Words
like squeggplodger. Nobody didn't simply make that up. No way. It
had to some from somewhere. A good entomologist (word guy) like you
should be able to say.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The etymology of entomology is that "entomos" is the Greek for "cut
} into", since insects' bodies are cut into parts.
}
} The entomology of etymology is usually confined to "the blasted
} woodworm have been at my bookshelves again".
}
} You owe the Oracle someone who can unplodge his squegger.

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:08:01 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-09

Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I really want to go there. Why am I not aloud?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's a silent movie.

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Date: Tue, 11 Aug 15 09:08:02 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <vote@internetoracle.org>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1554-10

Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@mindspring.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

I gave you misinformation once. How should I interpret the answer
you gave me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, I would of course KNOW that you gave me misinformation.
} This give me two options:
} 1) Deliberately craft an advice that will have disastrous consequences
} if followed. In that case you should obviously not follow it.
} 2) If I knew you would expect 1), I should give you advice that will
} have disastrous consequences if NOT followed.
}
} Then, If I knew you'd expect 2), I should of course do 1).
}
} Good luck.
}
} You owe the Oracle that coin you were thinking about flipping.

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End of Internet Oracularities Digest #1554 ******************************************

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