On Saturday, 1 October 1994 06:23:06 UTC+8, My name is Forrest Gump wrote:

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-= business humor =-= 28 =----------------------------------------------------

From Microsoft
Everett, Washington:

A businessman complained during an Everett City Council meeting about drug users
employing telephones and pagers to make connections in downtown areas. Just after his comments, a city communications specialist's pager sounded, to a chorus of laughter. City photographer Louis Filger turned off his beeper and left the room with an embarrassed expression.

-= business humor =-= 29 =----------------------------------------------------

The Society for Technical Communication (STC) released its annual Report on
the Status of Technical Writers today. This report, issued by the STC's Writers'
Committee on Technical Scribes, monitors the civil and human rights of technical
writers throughout the world and documents abuses against them. It also includes
a handy quick-reference guide to basic Fortran compiler options.
Overall, the report noted that the situation for technical writers the world
over is "precarious, and, in many cases, is worsening rapidly. In particular,
writers in the Third World routinely live in poverty and squalor." (The report
noted that this may apply to other people in the Third World as well.)
The report concludes:

To the twin I-beams of Democracy and Freedom one may add those of Technical
Accuracy and Good Visual Layout. But these too are threatened by mankind's
age-old nemeses: Bigotry... Hatred... Right Justification. If the human
race is not only to survive, but to prosper in the heart and in the mind and
in the soul, technical writers must practice their ageless craft unencumbered
by fear, privation, or schedules.

Some of the highlights of the Committee's report include:

o Worldwide deaths involving courier font have increased 9% over the past two
years.

o Canada recently passed legislation making the passive voice the national
language.

o In China's remote Dimsum province, oxen are used in place of technical
writers, with no apparent loss of readability.

o In North Korea, police departments no longer use electric cattle prods to
torture dissidents, replacing them instead with extremely slow and finicky
daisy wheel printers.

o The Frame Technology Corporation now touts its product as "disposable."

o Torture of technical writers by roving gangs of hooligans known as "editors"
is rampant in Northern Ireland, where sectarian violence between different
spellers of "filesystem" runs out of control. One particularly gruesome form
of punishment is "chopping": holding a writer down and then cutting the dangly
thing off his cedilla.

o A similar practice is "stet-ing," the continual removal and replacement of
chunks of text, leaving the writer dazed and confused. (Or more dazed and
confused, to be exact.)

o A worldwide shortage of #2 pencils has left many technical writers in poorer
countries unable to take notes or doodle during meetings, forcing them to pay
attention or end the meeting by flinging live poisonous insects at the other
attendees.

o The Baath Socialist party of Syria has introduced the use of cuneiform stone
tablets, which jam PostScript printers.

What can you do? Lots. Send a letter to the head of government of one of the
cited countries; include a diagram with mixed fonts and at least one incorrect
cross-reference. Show them you mean business. Or write to the UN High Commissioner on the Status of Technical Writers, stating that you are categorically opposed to the use of mustard gas during staff meetings and that
you're still having problems figuring out which way the darn CD is supposed to
go in. Or you can have a fundraising party, inviting all your technical writer
friends and promising them that if they give a donation to Save the Tech Writers
you'll cancel the performance art you had scheduled for the evening.

A copy of the report is available from the Copy Center and from your local samadzat.

(C) 1992 Mateo Burtch

-= business humor =-= 30 =----------------------------------------------------

About 15 customers had gathered their grocery items at a Safeway in Oxon Hill,
Md., shortly after 10 A.M. on Christmas morning and were lined up at the checkout lanes, but no cashiers were on duty, and no one answered calls to the
back of the store. Local police were called and, after investigating, found that the Christmas Eve crew had accidentally left the lights on and the doors unlocked, giving shoppers the impression that it was open.

-= business humor =-= 31 =----------------------------------------------------

An American, a German, and a Japanese are serving as monitors in a U.N. peacekeeping force. They are captured by the anti-democratic rebel forces, and
told that, as representatives of "regressive regimes", they will be shot before
a firing squad at daybreak.
Morning arrives. The Japanese national is led before the firing squad and offered a blindfold. The captain says to him, "Do you have any final words, imperialist pig?!"
The Japanese man replies. "Before I am killed, I would like to take just a
few moments to explain the importance of Total Quality."
Whereupon the American jumps forward and pleads, "Please! Please! Shoot me
first!"

-= business humor =-= 32 =----------------------------------------------------

Dave Barry on pyramid schemes:

When primitive humans first came along, they did not engage in business as we now think of it. They engaged in squatting around in caves naked. This went on
for, I would say, roughly two or three million years, when all of a sudden a primitive person, named Oog, came up with an idea. "Why not," he said, "pile thousands of humongous stones on top of each other in the desert to form great
big geometric shapes?" Well, everybody thought this was an absolutely terrific
idea. It wasn't until several thousand years later that they realized they had
been suckered into a classic "pyramid" scheme, and of course, by that time, Oog
was in the Bahamas.

-= business humor =-= 33 =----------------------------------------------------

The issue of "Look and Feel" taken a bit too far?

Notice on a package: "The shape and appearance of this package constitute a trademark of the John O. Butler Co." Seen on a container of Dental Floss!

-= business humor =-= 34 =----------------------------------------------------

A colleague pointed out the following passages in the latest issue of "The Right
Match: A Magazine of Career Management," published by AT&T Corporate Career Systems/Employee Development (from an article that originally appeared in "Working Woman," July 1992):

Jobs Built to Last
The 25 Hottest Careers

America may be slow getting back on its economic feet, but we have definitely sniffed change in the air. The careers we've chosen are built for endurance, beyond the end of the year, into the next century... Second on the list is:

Bankruptcy Attorney

-= business humor =-= 35 =----------------------------------------------------

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

"People Weekly" magazine reported that Avon cosmetics company has more than 36,000 sales representatives in the Amazonia region of Brazil, with sales growing at 50 percent a year. Avon representatives in Amazonia sell the complete range of Avon products, from lipstick, moisturizer, and mascara to men's bikini briefs, and accept for payment almost any barterable items, such as
fish.

-= business humor =-= 36 =----------------------------------------------------

How To Address A Non-Sexist Business Letter
By Andrew Berman

Let us look at the standard opening phrase of a standard business letter:

Dear Sir,

Well, this is clearly sexist as it precludes the possibility that a woman is reading the letter. We can try to fix this, however, by writing:

Dear Sir/Madam,

This was suggested in a recent posting in a few of the gender-issue related news
groups. However, someone pointed out that by putting the masculine title before
the feminine one, unacceptable dominance was demonstrated, making this non-PC.
So, I tried to fix it:

Dear Madam/Sir,

Well, this is no good since we're showing dominance in the other direction. Of
course, since Men are Oppressors and Womyn are Oppressees, that may not be so bad. But it's not *really* PC, is it? Ok, let's try again:

Dear Sir
Madam,

Well, that solves the problem of who goes first. Of course, the Sir is on top
now, which is completely unacceptable. Missionary style het-sexist imagery abounds. Very bad news, probably worse than the original. Ok, what about:

Dear Madam
Sir,

Well, I was once told that men laying on their back during sex was sexist as they were making women do all the work. Besides, you still have one on top of
the other showing dominance. We may not sure who's doing what, but *somebody* is
being oppressed here. Next:

Dear MadSiram,

Put the Sir inside the Madam, ok, neither is going first and neither is above the other one. Ok? NO! This is terrible! The Sir has inserted himself inside
the Madam! Practically splitting her in two with himself! How pornographic! A
man writing a letter addressed like this to a woman is obviously making an (unwanted) sexual advance. If he were at Antioch college, he'd be suspended for
a year and have to go through rehabilitation. Catherine MacKinnon would have a
fit!

Dear SMadamir,

Now we put the Madam inside the Sir. Oh, now the Sir has enveloped the Madam!
Horrors, she has lost her identity, her sense of self! This is imprisonment! Ugh, how could I have even thought of this one? I'm so ashamed!

Well, there's only one answer left:

To Whom it May Concern

There. Simple, no reference to sex or sexuality, no problems. Not very friendly, but then again unwanted intimacy is a sin. And getting rid of friendliness is a small price to pay to make sure that absolutely no-one is ever, *ever* offended.

-= business humor =-= 37 =----------------------------------------------------

I don't understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was, you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would arrive at its
destination in two days. Now you put a twenty-five-cent stamp on a letter and
it can take three to four weeks to arrive. Still only a penny a day!

(From the letter column in Harper's Magazine, in response to an article about the US Post Office.)

-= business humor =-= 38 =----------------------------------------------------

An Unusual Telephone Service Call

This story was related by Pat Routledge of Winnepeg, Ontrario about a repair call he handled while living in England.

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England).
When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for
the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. Pat proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down from the pole, Pat found:
a. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and
collar.
b. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current.
c. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the
ground.
d. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.

Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just pissing on them.

-= business humor =-= 39 =----------------------------------------------------

Heard on Paul Harvey News:

The unemployment rate is still so bad in Lebanon, Indiana. In a post office, a
sign was posted: "WANTED for Armed Robbery". 25 people responded.

-= business humor =-= 40 =----------------------------------------------------

The Minnesota Chamber of Commerce recently lauded the waste management practice
of the Crib Diaper Service of Plymouth, Minn., in capturing and donating the lint gathered from laundering 250,000 diapers per week to a casket manufacturer
to use in stuffing casket pillows, which saves the diaper service $3,000 a year.

-= business humor =-= 41 =----------------------------------------------------

From the L.A. Times:

A 1995 raise for millions of white collar federal employees was reduced from 2.6% to 2% by the President, who called it an "alternative pay adjustment" instead of a pay cut. While some bureaucrats criticized the action, Clinton's
choice of words was lauded by the Federal Euphemism Advisory Board.

-= business humor =-= 42 =----------------------------------------------------

From the L.A. Times:

The staid Brit journal "The Economist" needed to illustrate their cover story "The Trouble With Mergers," about problems resulting from recent corporate couplings. "It's quite difficult to illustrate corporate mergers," said editor-in-chief Bill Emmott. He settled on a photograph of a pair of copulating
camels. Rejecting mating elephants, hippos and rhinos, he chose the camels partly because of the old joke that a camel is "a horse designed by committee."

-= business humor =-= 43 =----------------------------------------------------

NEW<

Original, from fellow co-worker Mike Meyer, making fun of the recent mergers and
acquisitions in our field of work (with apologies to our colleagues over at L-M.)

Lockheed-Martin To Purchase U.S. Department Of Defense

Washington (AP) - In yet another example of the continuing consolidation of
the U.S. defense industry, Lockheed-Martin announced that it and the Federal Government have agreed to an outright purchase of the Department of Defense.
The merger, valued at $2 trillion dollars, reflects the continuing aggressiveness of Lockeed-Martin in securing a lasting position in the defense
business, which has been lately beset by sharp reductions in government spending.
"I've always wanted to have my own army," said Norman R. Augustine, president
of Lockheed-Martin. "This merger will pave the way for improved margins for our
stockholders, and will allow us far greater control over our international market. If we want a contract from now on, we'll just roll out the tanks and

-= business humor =-= 44 =----------------------------------------------------

NEW<

The following was by someone at Kennedy Space Center, found floating around the
office. Background information. Lockheed Corporation (makers of the SR-71, F-16, C-103, U-2 (not the band silly ;-)) and many space items (including launching the Space Shuttle), defense, etc) and Martin Marietta (makers of the
Titan II, Titan 3, Titan 4, Atlas, electronics, space craft, defense, etc.) announced recently that they are planning in merging. This would make the company the largest defense/space company in the world. The merger has to be approved by the U.S. Government.

U.S. Air Force To Merge With Lockheed/Martin

Washington (UPI) - In an statement that shocked the defense industry, the U.S. Air Force announced today that it will merge with the recently merged Lockheed-Martin conglomerate. Air Force Chief of Staff Merrill McPeak made the
announcement at a White House ceremony today.
"I'm very pleased with the new merger and am excited about working with the
contracting world even more closely," McPeak said of the $600 trillion deal. The
merger would be the second largest in the country, topped only by the recent marriage of Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson.
The plans for the new company, to be called Air Lockletta, are somewhat sketchy but sources say that the former contractors will move into military housing at already closed military bases around the country. Air Lockletta believes that forcing their employees into government housing will save the company billions of dollars a year.
The merger wasn't a happy occasion for all, though. Many of the former contractors were incensed to learn that they would be forced to give up their frequent flier miles to the Company and many of the former Air Force personnel
were upset that they would now have to decide what to wear every morning.
"It's just not fair," said Capt. Jim Lindsay of Onizuka Air Station, "I've invested thousands of dollars in polyester pants and patent leather shoes and they just pulled the rug out from underneath me. Where am I going to get the money to pay for new clothing and, more importantly, how will I know if it matches? They ought to make the old contractors wear uniforms instead."
Shareholders of the old Lockheed-Martin company are also unhappy because the
value of their stock plummeted with the announcement. Analysts say that the drop occurred because of the debt the Lockheed-Martin group took on due to the
merger with the Air Force.
The merger has left the other services scrambling to look into mergers of their own. The Navy is interested in a deal with Carnival Cruise lines, but Kathy Lee Gifford has said that she and Richard Simmons oppose a government takeover. The Army is saying it is keeping its options open but that it expects
to close a deal with the Marines sometime in the near future. The Marines, upset at not having been included in the Navy negotiations with Carnival, say that they want to be affiliated with another organization, and for once an organization that is smarter than they are.
Many say that the Air Lockletta merger will take a while to "fit" the people,
though. "We know how to spend money but we don't know a damn thing about making
it," said an unidentified Lt. Col. in charge of OD-4/DH, a former Air Force Organization. Many analysts agree with the Lt. Col. and have said that the company will have trouble initially.

-= business humor =-= 45 =----------------------------------------------------

NEW<

Rolls-Royce has come out with what could be called the ultimate traveling work
place. It's a version of its Silver Spur III sedan with extras that include three cellular phone lines (one each for fax, driver, and owner), dual video screens in the front seat headrests, a hi-fi VCR, and fold-down compartments that reveal a laptop computer, fax machine, and printer. Mobile Office magazine,
which admiringly describes the car as a "$250,000 Phone Booth," says it also features a champagne-chilling refrigerator, "to celebrate the consummation of the business deal."

================================================================================
== SALES HUMOR =================================================================
-= sales humor =-= 1 =-------------------------------------------------------

A man was walking down the street one day and he saw a 'Salesman Wanted' sign
in a window. He went in the store the owner came out and said, "Can I help you?"
"I'I'IIII w'w'waannnttt j'j'jjoooobbbb." said the man.
"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking problem."
said the owner.
"I'I'III h'h'avvee a'a'a wif'f'fe annd 6'6' k'k'ids a'a'ndd I'I n'neeeed th'th'e j'joobb." said the man.
"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H'here'sss your mm'money."
said the man.
The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him
out.
The man came back in two hours and said, "H'here'sss your mm'money."
The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than
anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"
"W'welll" said the man, "III r'r'ing the d'd'oor b'b'ell a'a'nd
s's'say 'M'M'aaddammm, d'd'o y'y'ou w'w'ant t'to b'buy t'this B'Bible o'o'rrr d'd'o y'you w'w'w'ant m'me t't'o read it to you?"

-= sales humor =-= 2 =-------------------------------------------------------

A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"
A voice answers, "A blind salesman."
The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and
says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"

-= sales humor =-= 3 =-------------------------------------------------------

Tooth Brush Salesman

A man walk into a department store, finds the manager and says, "I really need a job, how about giving me a chance?" Manager says, "Sure, but you have to
sell these 500 toothbrushes in a week to get the job." Our hero takes the toothbrushes and leaves.
Next week, he comes back with the toothbrushes and finds the manager, "I didn't get any of these sold, but please, _please_, give me another chance." Manager says, "Ok, but you have to take another 500 toothbrushes." Our man takes
the toothbrushes and tries his luck again.
Again Our Man comes back with the 1000 toothbrushes, talks to the manager, gets another 500 toothbrushes and tries his luck... So he comes back in a week,
not with 1500 toothbrushes but with a bag of money. The manager gives him the
job and wants to know his trick.
Our Hero says, "Well, the ideas came to me a couple of days ago. I set up a
table on a busy street corner with a bowl of chips, bowl of shit, and a sign saying 'Free Chip & Dip'. Someone would come along, dip the chip, and
say, 'Yuck! That tastes like shit!' and, of course, I would reply, 'Sir, you are right, here, have a toothbrush!"

-= sales humor =-= 4 =-------------------------------------------------------

Buzz Word Easy Reference Guide

"Essentially complete."
Half done.

"Impact being determined."
Where the hell are we?

"We predict..."
We hope to God!

"Drawing release is lagging."
Not a single drawing exists.

"Risk is high, but acceptable."
100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we may have a 50/50 chance.

"Is producing increasingly good"
It can now be read with the copies. Naked eye.

"Schedule resolution has a high priority."
When we get around to it. We'll find out where we are.

"Potential show stopper."
All program teams have updated their resumes.

"Serious, but not insurmountables, problems."
It will take a miracle. God should be the program manager.

"Basic agreement, however..."
The S. O. B.'s won't even talk to each other.

"Results are being quantified."
We are massaging the numbers so they'll agree without conclusion.

"Very difficult to maintain the field."
The bill of laden should call out 3 service reps to be shipped with each unit.

"Task force to review."
Gathering 7 incompetents for a decision.

"Not well defined."
Nobody's thought about it.

"Requires further analysis and management attention."
Totally out of control.

"Appears to be attainable."
It will take a miracle.

"Less than expected."
Bombed out.

"This is high risk program."
No way we can make launch.

"Schedule exposed."
We slipped three weeks ago.

-= sales humor =-= 5 =-------------------------------------------------------

From Advertising Age, January 7, 1991, p24

The contest was to predict the next, even nastier pitch for AT&T Long Distance.
The winners are quoted below.

Frequent repeat entry prototype:

"So I go to pick up Bobby from the daycare center and he's not there. I get home, the phone's ringing and it's them. The guy says, 'Lady, we've got your kid. Say something to mommy, Bob. (Scream!!!) Please note, Mrs. Sanderson, the
fiber optic clarity of your son's plea...'"

First Prize:

So the guy says, "Hi, I'm Willie Horton and MCI has given me this job as part of
their new work-release program. Let's get together and talk about switching over." - Randy Dumouchel, copywriter, Primm & Co., Norfolk, VA.

Second Prize:

I just wanted directory assistance for Montana and the next thing I know I'm talking to Mozambique. So call MCI for credit and I get a recording - of Roseanne Barr singing. When the operator comes on I say, "AT&T never put me on
hold." She says, "Sweetie, AT&T never had a nasty infection like the one I got." - Eric Gutierrez, actor/copywriter, New York

Third Prize:

I hear this crash and I find a rock, wrapped in paper, next to my living room window. I open up the note and it says, "You want it in writing? You got it.
Next time, take the call. MCI. We know where you live." - Mary Hoppin, consumer services manager, Asian Sources Publications, Hong Kong

Honorable Intention:

So the guy says, "Paul, if you don't switch we're gonna have to fire-bomb your
house." And I say, "Fire-bomb my house? AT&T never threatened me like that."
And he says, "You're not dealing with AT&T." - Paul Gosselin, free-lance copywriter, Nashville

-= sales humor =-= 6 =-------------------------------------------------------

A traveling salesman stops at a gas station to take a shit. The restroom has
two commodes and there's a guy already there using one of them. The two guys acknowledge each other and go about with their business. The salesman finishes
first and, as he pulls his pants up, some change drops into the bowl. He looks
at it, thinks for a moment and throws $50 bill into the bowl.
The other guy asks, "Why did you do that?"
The salesman goes, "Don't expect to put my hand in there for 35 cents."

-= sales humor =-= 7 =-------------------------------------------------------

Here is a phone exchange I had one afternoon with a telephone solicitor who had
called me trying to sell a long distance company (this was done just after AT&T
broke up). Sm = salesman, Me = me.

Ring Ring Ring

Me: Hello?
Sm: Hello, I am Gern Blanston representing the Flint Long Distance company. How
are you today, sir?
Me: <bemused> Fine.
Sm: May I ask you what type of long distance company you are using?
Me: <now witha devilish grin> Duuuh... I duuno....
Sm: You don't know? Well, how would you like to be hooked up with the best
satellite phone network of the 80's? We use -
Me: Duh, sure. Can I call my friend from, uh, far away?
Sm: Er, yes. Our long distance service uses the best -
Me: <trying to keep from giggling> He lives in Pango Pango...
Sm: Yes, I see. Well, you can call your fried overseas at a rate you'll - Me: He has a lizard you know....his name is Ralph.
Sm: I see, well, you can -
Me: Ralph the lizard. He is green and sits in a tree.
Sm: Well -
Me: A palm tree... with lots of, uh...leaves.
Sm: <haggardly> Well, you will save money by using our new optical -
Me: Save money? Really?
Sm: Of course! And if you -
Me: Well, how much is it per yard?
Sm: Pardon me? <really threw him there>
Me: How much is it per yard. Pango Pango is pretty far away from here...
Sm: Well, I never really thought about it that way, but I can assure you - Me: Will you have to drill a hole in my roof?
Sm: Ah, no. You see, it works like this -
Me: 'Cause my friend, Tom, got one of them black dishes that you put on your
roof...and then he fell off and hurt himself real bad...
Sm: Well, me don't actually come to your house -
Me: Crushed his wife's poodle. Flattened him right out, he did...
Sm: If you could give me a minute to explain the process -
Me: Did I tell you I had a friend in Pango Pango?

I kept doing this act for about 20 minutes before the guy just finally gave me
his number to call him back. That salesman hung on like a pit bull! I guess he must have thought I was so stupid, he would eventually sell me something.

-= sales humor =-= 8 =-------------------------------------------------------

This joke is the original work of Fred Wheeler and Jeff Sorenson (a hysterical
conspiracy theorist). It is a parody of recent AT&T commercials that ask, "Have
you ever read a book from around the world?" and respond, "You will, and the company that will bring it to you is AT&T."

Have you ever received an automated sales pitch while you were still in your pajamas?

Have you ever had thousands of calls all over the world charged to your stolen
account number?

Have you ever had your paycheck deleted by faceless intruders from across the globe?

Have you ever had an employer know more about your whereabouts and activities than your spouse?

Have you ever been snuffed to dust by a satellite laser while lying on the beach?

______
| |
| You |
| Will |
|______|

And the company that will bring this to you

is AT&T

-= sales humor =-= 9 =-------------------------------------------------------

At a clothing store, you can play games with the store clerk as per the instructions of Steven Wright:
Clerk: Can I help you?
You: Yes, do you have anything I would like?
Clerk: How would I know what you like?
You: I dunno, you started this.

-= sales humor =-= 10 =-------------------------------------------------------

I once heard that Lewis's (department store) in Glasgow used to employ a "scapegoat". If a customer complained about anything, the department's manager
would summon this guy and fire him on the spot to appease the angry customer.

-= sales humor =-= 11 =-------------------------------------------------------

Paper Or Plastic?

And how about witty comebacks to that age old question, "Paper or Plastic?"
Try this. Go to your local supermarket. Get a can of soup. Look for the most
_clueless_ checker there (there will be one, guaranteed). When they ask if you
want a bag for that, look absolutely horrified and respond, "No thanks, I think
I'll keep it in the can!" or "Wow, do people _usually_ put their soup in a bag?". Buy a bag of chips. When they offer a bag, examine your chips and say,
"No thanks, I think it comes with one."
Premptive strike: before they can ask you, "paper or plastic," you ask them:
"Paper or plastic?" "Duh..." Pull out a $20 bill and a credit card. Again repeat: "Paper or plastic??"
If you bought some laundry detergent, rat poison, or household cleansers, when they ask about a bag, reply, "No thanks, I'll eat it here."

-= sales humor =-= 12 =-------------------------------------------------------

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's
home in outback Australia.
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt

[continued in next message]

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