• New COVID-19 policy

    From Keith F. Lynch@21:1/5 to All on Wed Apr 1 23:16:37 2020
    The US government is implementing two approaches to the pandemic, and
    has rejected a third:

    1) Release several trillion tons of Freon, a clean, odorless,
    non-toxic, non-combustible refrigerant, into the atmosphere. This
    will eliminate the highly toxic ozone gas from the stratosphere, and
    will allow the sun's life-giving radiance to sterilize all coronavirus
    on all outdoor surfaces. It will also get rid of all other kinds of
    viruses, bacteria, and fungi. Also mold, mildew, roaches, rodents,
    and all other vermin.

    As an added bonus, this will discourage people from leaving home,
    since people who don't mind the risk of a viral illness may be
    deterred by the risk of a severe sunburn.

    Another bonus is that it will decrease the incidence of both smoking
    and obesity, by reducing crop yields.

    Also, it will revitalize America's chemical industry. Very little
    Freon is produced anywhere in the world today, so the US can easily
    become the world's leader in this field.

    The only downside is that it won't eliminate coronavirus indoors or
    inside people. It can be made to eliminate coronavirus indoors, at
    least in sunny rooms, if windows are left wide open, or their glass
    replaced with UV-transparent silica glass.

    An earlier proposal suggested using Halon rather then Freon. It was
    decided against when it was realized that, although Halon wouldn't
    interfere with respiration, it would suppress all combustion. It
    would mean no more home furnaces, gas stoves, blast furnaces, or
    internal combustion engines. It would also mean no smoking of
    tobacco, marijuana, or crack cocaine.

    2) All experts agree that the pandemic will last until 2021. There
    will be no vaccine until then, nor will it be practical to reopen
    businesses, schools, churches, and entertainment venues. Inspired
    by the 1753 (in Britain and its then-colonies, earlier or later
    elsewhere) calendar shift, in which 11 days were skipped, and by our
    annual ritual of getting more sunlight by setting clocks ahead by one
    hour, the Department of Calendar has ruled that the day after April 1,
    2020 will be April 2, 2021.

    Also, there will be a long-overdue change to the Gregorian leap-year
    rule. Instead of adding a day if the year is divisible by 4,
    subtracting a day if the year is divisible by 100, then adding a day
    if the year is divisible by 400, the new rule will be to add a day for
    every odd number that the year is divisible by and subtracting a day
    for every even number that the year is divisible by.

    In addition to bringing a quick end to the pandemic, this has the
    advantage of ensuring full employment to computer programmers (to
    update all software that deals with calendars), and making every
    American eligible for Medicare and Social Security a year sooner
    than they otherwise would have been.

    3) A proposed Coronavirus Manhattan Project was vetoed by President
    Trump. He said that although nuclear weapons would certainly kill
    viruses, their use has undesirable side effects. Specifically, they
    harm vital infrastructure, such as hotels, casinos, and golf courses,
    and roads and bridges that lead to those facilities. When Fauci told
    him that it's only an analogy, the president replied that he has
    known for years that it's only an analogy, and that he's the world's
    greatest expert on analogies, and on Manhattan. They only people who
    know anywhere near as much about analogies as he does are his trusted
    friends Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Kim_Jong-un, and Mohammed bin
    Salman. "Especially the last, as he knows just how to deal with
    journalists from the fake news Washington Post."

    Ms. Clinton responded that if only Obamacare were still mandatory,
    every American would get unlimited lifesaving treatment for covid-19,
    hence nobody would die of it.
    --
    Keith F. Lynch - http://keithlynch.net/
    Please see http://keithlynch.net/email.html before emailing me.

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