• NEWS: U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

    From Ken Barr@21:1/5 to All on Sat Apr 1 00:57:50 2017
    WOW! Just found this announcement posted in the newsgroup news.announce.government.trump ...



    U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

    Washington DC and Moscow Russia, April 1, 2017 (API)

    United States Treasury Secretary Stvn Mnchn and Russian Finance Minister
    Igor Lyinhisazov jointly announced this morning a new currency to
    replace the United States dollar and the Russian ruble in international finance.

    It will be named the "dolble" in the United States and the "rublar" in
    Russia, and will, according to Mnchn and Lyinhisazov, combine all of the positive features of each currency, and eliminate all the negative
    features of each currency as well. It is intended to compete directly
    with Far Eastern currencies such as the Chinese yuan, the Japanese yen,
    the South Korean yin and the North Korean yang. "The dolble will be a
    strong currency," proclaimed Mnchn, "backed by the full faith and credit
    of the United States, as well as the full faith of Russia, or whatever
    they are calling themselves this decade. Since Russia has no credit in
    the international markets, it will be be backed by faith alone there." "However," added Lyinhisazov, "the Russian people do produce a large
    amount of vodka, polonium 'cocktails' and nuclear missiles, so we expect
    our faith to be trusted. We reserve the right to turn any disbelieving
    country into a glowing smoking crater uninhabitable for thousands of
    years." The dolble/rublar is expected to be a stable currency, largely unaffected by trade balances and inflation, due to the steadying
    influences of the Federal Reserve System in the United States and the
    Friends of Putin Society in Russia.

    Mnchn announced plans to eliminate the lower denominations of the dolble/rublar, namely the one, two, five and ten dolble/rublar notes. "President Trump doesn't think anything worth less than twenty dolbles
    is worth buying, so there is no need for these notes. As a concession
    to public transit, he will allow a one dolble coin to be produced,
    featuring vanquished opponent Hillary Clinton on the obverse and former
    Russian Federation / USSR / CIS / whatevertheycalleditbackthen President
    Boris Yeltsin on the reverse. It will inevitably be described as "as
    worthless as Hillary" in the United States and "as useless as
    Buymeadrink Yeltsin" in Russia. ", Mnchn predicted.

    The designs of the new banknotes will also be changed dramatically. The
    new twenty dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of George
    Washington and Vladimir Lenin, the respective "fathers" of the United
    States and Russia on the face, with a large "TWENTY / ENTY-TWAY" on the
    back, along with a new crimson red color. These 'redbacks' are expected
    to be quite popular compared to the old 'greenbacks' according to
    Lyinhisazov. "After all," he added, "red is the color of the setting
    sun, while green is the color of moldy cheese. Which would you rather
    have in your pocket?" Mnchn quickly disputed Lyinhisazov's claims,
    pointing out that red is also the color of blood, while green is the
    color of lima beans, and if he was picking something to eat for dinner,
    lima beans would easily win out over blood.

    The fifty dolble/rublar denomination will be eliminated, while the new
    hundred dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to
    Mnchn, "Donald Trump's beautiful, sexy, intelligent, sexy, talented,
    sexy daughter Ivanka Trump and Vladimir Putin's daughter Yeoxerina
    Putin." A new thousand dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits
    of, again according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's handsome, sexy, talented,
    sexy, genius, sexy son Donald Junior as well as Vladimir Putin's son Garbajescow Putin." A new million dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's sexy, attractive,
    sexy, beautiful, sexy, imported wife Melania, as well as Vladimir
    Putin's ex-wife Lyudimungous Putin." A new billion dolble/rublar note
    is also planned, featuring dual portraits of Berkshire Hathaway chairman
    Warren Buffet and exiled Russian billionaire oil magnate Mikhail
    Khodorkovsky, "in case Melania wants to buy a lamp or a new coat rack
    for the White House.", Mnchn announced

    But by far the most impactful item on the agenda is the issuance of a
    trillion dolble/rublar note, featuring portraits of esteemed U. S.
    President Ronald Reagan and esteemed Russian President Mikhail
    Gorbachev. According to Mnchn, President Trump plans to print
    twenty-five of these notes, then send his son-in-law Jared Kushner to
    meet Chinese Premier Le Keqiang shortly thereafter. Kushner is to
    present nineteen of these notes to the Premier and say "Here ya go,
    pal, we're buying our country back" The remaining six notes will be
    retained by Trump in the White House safe in case he wants to buy a
    country like Sweden, or Finland, or some other cold place to exile his
    ex-wives and political opponents. Alternatively, he may want to buy
    someplace warm like Fiji or Kenya in order to have a place to send those journalists who, according to Mnchn, "get too close to the truth, if you
    know what I mean."

    The stock and bond markets, being closed for the weekend, had no
    reaction. It is expected that Proctor & Gamble (NYSE: PG), the
    manufacturer of Pepto-Bismol, will have a tremendous gain on Monday.




    NOTE: Past issues of my April 1 postings are available at:

    http://www.kenbarr.com/aprilfools.html

    --
    Ken Barr Numismatics email: ken@kenbarr.com
    P. O. Box 32541 website: http://www.kenbarr.com
    San Jose, CA 95152 Coins, currency, exonumia, souvenir cards, etc. 408-272-3247 NEXT SHOW: Santa Clara August 26 -28

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From oepepper@21:1/5 to Ken Barr on Sat Apr 1 11:39:12 2017
    On Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 12:57:55 AM UTC-7, Ken Barr wrote:
    WOW! Just found this announcement posted in the newsgroup news.announce.government.trump ...



    U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

    Washington DC and Moscow Russia, April 1, 2017 (API)

    United States Treasury Secretary Stvn Mnchn and Russian Finance Minister Igor Lyinhisazov jointly announced this morning a new currency to
    replace the United States dollar and the Russian ruble in international finance.

    It will be named the "dolble" in the United States and the "rublar" in Russia, and will, according to Mnchn and Lyinhisazov, combine all of the positive features of each currency, and eliminate all the negative
    features of each currency as well. It is intended to compete directly
    with Far Eastern currencies such as the Chinese yuan, the Japanese yen,
    the South Korean yin and the North Korean yang. "The dolble will be a strong currency," proclaimed Mnchn, "backed by the full faith and credit
    of the United States, as well as the full faith of Russia, or whatever
    they are calling themselves this decade. Since Russia has no credit in
    the international markets, it will be be backed by faith alone there." "However," added Lyinhisazov, "the Russian people do produce a large
    amount of vodka, polonium 'cocktails' and nuclear missiles, so we expect
    our faith to be trusted. We reserve the right to turn any disbelieving country into a glowing smoking crater uninhabitable for thousands of
    years." The dolble/rublar is expected to be a stable currency, largely unaffected by trade balances and inflation, due to the steadying
    influences of the Federal Reserve System in the United States and the Friends of Putin Society in Russia.

    Mnchn announced plans to eliminate the lower denominations of the dolble/rublar, namely the one, two, five and ten dolble/rublar notes. "President Trump doesn't think anything worth less than twenty dolbles
    is worth buying, so there is no need for these notes. As a concession
    to public transit, he will allow a one dolble coin to be produced,
    featuring vanquished opponent Hillary Clinton on the obverse and former Russian Federation / USSR / CIS / whatevertheycalleditbackthen President Boris Yeltsin on the reverse. It will inevitably be described as "as worthless as Hillary" in the United States and "as useless as
    Buymeadrink Yeltsin" in Russia. ", Mnchn predicted.

    The designs of the new banknotes will also be changed dramatically. The
    new twenty dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of George Washington and Vladimir Lenin, the respective "fathers" of the United
    States and Russia on the face, with a large "TWENTY / ENTY-TWAY" on the back, along with a new crimson red color. These 'redbacks' are expected
    to be quite popular compared to the old 'greenbacks' according to Lyinhisazov. "After all," he added, "red is the color of the setting
    sun, while green is the color of moldy cheese. Which would you rather
    have in your pocket?" Mnchn quickly disputed Lyinhisazov's claims,
    pointing out that red is also the color of blood, while green is the
    color of lima beans, and if he was picking something to eat for dinner,
    lima beans would easily win out over blood.

    The fifty dolble/rublar denomination will be eliminated, while the new hundred dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's beautiful, sexy, intelligent, sexy, talented,
    sexy daughter Ivanka Trump and Vladimir Putin's daughter Yeoxerina
    Putin." A new thousand dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits
    of, again according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's handsome, sexy, talented, sexy, genius, sexy son Donald Junior as well as Vladimir Putin's son Garbajescow Putin." A new million dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's sexy, attractive,
    sexy, beautiful, sexy, imported wife Melania, as well as Vladimir
    Putin's ex-wife Lyudimungous Putin." A new billion dolble/rublar note
    is also planned, featuring dual portraits of Berkshire Hathaway chairman Warren Buffet and exiled Russian billionaire oil magnate Mikhail Khodorkovsky, "in case Melania wants to buy a lamp or a new coat rack
    for the White House.", Mnchn announced

    But by far the most impactful item on the agenda is the issuance of a trillion dolble/rublar note, featuring portraits of esteemed U. S.
    President Ronald Reagan and esteemed Russian President Mikhail
    Gorbachev. According to Mnchn, President Trump plans to print
    twenty-five of these notes, then send his son-in-law Jared Kushner to
    meet Chinese Premier Le Keqiang shortly thereafter. Kushner is to
    present nineteen of these notes to the Premier and say "Here ya go,
    pal, we're buying our country back" The remaining six notes will be retained by Trump in the White House safe in case he wants to buy a
    country like Sweden, or Finland, or some other cold place to exile his ex-wives and political opponents. Alternatively, he may want to buy someplace warm like Fiji or Kenya in order to have a place to send those journalists who, according to Mnchn, "get too close to the truth, if you know what I mean."

    The stock and bond markets, being closed for the weekend, had no
    reaction. It is expected that Proctor & Gamble (NYSE: PG), the
    manufacturer of Pepto-Bismol, will have a tremendous gain on Monday.




    NOTE: Past issues of my April 1 postings are available at:

    http://www.kenbarr.com/aprilfools.html

    --
    Ken Barr Numismatics        email:  ken@kenbarr.com
    P. O. Box 32541             website:  http://www.kenbarr.com
    San Jose, CA  95152     Coins, currency, exonumia, souvenir cards, etc. 408-272-3247   NEXT SHOW: Santa Clara August 26 -28

    This would be pretty funny if I wasn't so afraid it might really happen. I better brush up on my Russian, may need it in the "re-education" camps!

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)