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32. Daredevil: When Ben Affleck was announced as the new Batman for the Batman V Superman movie, many fans groaned at the choice. And, with good reason: the guy had already screwed up Daredevil. Now, Affleck isn’t a bad actor; he’s just good at
playing douchebags. Whether it’s smug douchebags, like in Mallrats, or douchebags who mean well, like in Gone Girl, that’s his bread and butter. But, Matt Murdock is a good, righteous man. Affleck is just too damn smug to play him. And, that’s a
big reason why the movie didn’t work. He’s just not believable as Murdock, and it drags down the whole movie. Another big problem is how badly the movie does the romance between Daredevil and Elektra. Affleck does have good chemistry with Jennifer
Garner, but the romance is just so rushed that the audience has no time to feel anything. And, it’s not that romantic, especially since the most romantic scene is that stupid playground fight. Speaking of which, that is just the dumbest scene. I mean,
they just fight out in the open, and Murdock is just flipping around, using his powers without any care for his secret identity. It’s also out of place with the dark tone of the movie. Speaking of which, this movie doesn’t do a good job of setting a
dark tone. It looks dark at times and takes itself a little too seriously, but it tries too hard, like a teenager trying to be dark and serious but failing miserably. Now, some things in this movie do work. Colin Ferrell makes a good Bullseye, and
Michael Clarke Duncan shines as Kingpin. And, there is an R-rated cut of the film. However, these positives are just gold spray paint on a turd. They may make it look shiny, but it’s still a turd.
33. Fantastic Four (1994): To be fair, this movie has a good excuse for being so bad. It allegedly wasn’t really made to be released but rather to hold onto the film rights. German producer Bernd Eichinger obtained the rights to a Fantastic Four
movie in the 1980s but hadn’t made a film by 1992. And, the rights were set to expire on December 31, 1992. So, by September, he hired Roger Corman to help him make a cheap film that many, including Stan Lee himself, thought was done in order to keep
the rights. Because of this, the movie has a good excuse for looking cheap as hell with 1990s soap opera costumes, make-up, and special effects. The movie has a good excuse for the clunky dialogue that the game actors struggle like hell to make work. The
movie has a good excuse why the actors need some polish from the director, who seemed more concerned with getting it made within a month rather than making a good movie. The movie has a good excuse for its campy, B-movie feel. The movie has a good excuse
for being bad because the whole thing looks like a movie that was simply made just for monetary reasons, like a film version of “Springtime For Hitler.” So, it’s not entirely the actors’, director’s, and production crew’s fault this is such a
terrible movie. But, it still doesn’t change the fact that it is terrible. If it had been intended for release, then this could have easily taken the very bottom spot. But, the speculation about why it was made keeps me from putting it any lower than
here. Again, it’s terrible; but it has a good excuse.
34. The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Aw, the movie so bad that Sony went running to Disney and Marvel and begged them to fix Spider-Man. To be fair, some things work. The chemistry between Andrew Garfield (Spider-Man) and Emma Stone (Gwen Stacy) was great as
usual. Dane DeHaan is fine as Harry Osborne. And, the fight scenes were pretty good, especially the ones between Spider-Man and Electro. But, this movie is still overstuffed with bad parts. In fact, “overstuffed” is the best adjective to describe
this movie. There’s so much thrown into this movie to set up a Spider-Man cinematic universe that it overpowers the story. We got Peter’s dad and his mysterious disappearance, George Stacy metaphorically haunting the movie, Norman Osborne’s death,
all the allusions to The Sinister 6, and 3 freaking villains (much like another Spider-Man movie that was an overstuffed mess). Hell, the movie ends midway through a fight between Spider-Man and Rhino, and Mary Jane Parker was cut from the film entirely.
There’s so much that it can’t all fit. All these subplots nearly crowd out Spider-Man in his own movie. And, there’s not enough room for parts of the Spider-Man mythos that people want, most notably The Daily Bugle and J. Jonah Jameson. The whole
thing just reeks of desperation on Sony’s part to get their own MCU. Plus, the foreshadowing of Gwen’s death is ridiculous. Jamie Foxx’s Electro make-up doesn’t look great. It's patronizing at times, as if it doesn’t trust the audience to
figure out what’s going on and uses computer screens and voices to tell you what’s up. And, Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker is still just way too cool. This was a problem in the first Amazing Spider-Man, but that movie is 10 times better than this
one; so it’s not much of a problem there. Here’s it’s more noticeable that Garfield’s Peter is a cool academic kid and not the unlucky nerd that we know and love from the comics. Sure, his coolness works when he’s a wisecracking Spider-Man; but
Peter is only cool as Spider-Man. The movie did a bad job with that balance. Of course, the movie did a bad job with a lot of things. It’s biggest goal is to start a franchise rather than tell a good story, and that’s never a good way to make a good
movie.
35. X-Men Origins: Wolverine: There are some things to recommend about this movie. Some of the performances are good, particularly Taylor Kitsch as Gambit, Liev Schrieber as Sabretooth, Will.i.am as Wraith (he was surprisingly fun), and, of course,
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. Well... before he got his mouth sewn shut; he nailed the roll before the transformation. Also, there are some good fight scenes, like Wolverine’s fight with Gambit and Sabretooth VS Wraith. And, it has a great opening,
showing Wolverine and Sabretooth fighting in wars throughout history. It’s a fantastic sequence that shows off the tragedy of Wolverine’s life so well: a man who can’t be killed and is essentially only good for killing others. But, the rest of the
movie is such a f***ing mess that positives can’t elevate any higher. There are a lot of stupid moments throughout the film. For one, there’s the part where William Stryker (Danny Huston) tells a henchmen to kill Wolverine after he’s been given his
adamantium skeleton and claws. And, he does this within earshot of Wolverine even though he knows that Wolverine has superhuman senses and can hear from miles away. It’s idiotic and only exists to set up the next scene, like a lot of parts of the movie.
And, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. One of the biggest complaints was the portrayal of Deadpool, which is fair. They f***ing ruined him by sewing his mouth shut and turning him into a weird mash-up of mutant powers. And, they got him right up
until that point, so that made it incredibly frustrating. This also contained the X-Men franchise’s notorious track record with continuity errors, here with Cyclops getting his glasses knocked off and causing him to cut through a school with his optic
blast like a knife through butter even though the 1st X-Men movie showed that when this happens to Cyclops, his optic blasts blast a giant hole in a building. Also, some of the computer effects look awful. The set production does a bad job of making the
movie look like 1979; I didn’t even realize that was the year much of the film was supposed to take place in until someone mentioned Three Mile Island. The movie also did a bad job of making the story compelling since Wolverine’s quick healing powers
make him immortal. The other 2 Wolverine films went out of their way to make him vulnerable and raise the stakes; this film couldn’t be bothered. And, it shouldn’t shock anyone that there was a big dispute between director Gavin Hood and 20th Century
Fox over how the film should be made, which really sank the film. It’s an empty spectacle, though one that is cool to watch at times. Basically, Hood could only make the movie look good as the studio controlled its story content; and he had a hard time
with the one thing he could control. So, we just got one big shitshow of a movie that shows some glimmers of a good movie that could have been.
36. Fantastic Four (2015): This is one of the blandest looking movies I’ve ever seen. So, dark and drab and dreary. I guess they wanted the movie to look as dark as the story they wanted to tell, but a dark Fantastic Four is a big mistake. The team
is one of Marvel’s premiere properties, and a big reason for that is that the team is filled with bright, colorful personalities. And, there was talent to make this movie bright and colorful with a more serious tone (Josh Trank as director with Miles
Teller (Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards), Michael B. Jordan (The Human Torch/Johnny Storm), Kate Mara (The Invisible Woman/Sue Storm), and Jamie Bell (The Thing/Ben Grimm)). But, instead, they made a dark, brooding Fantastic Four taking on a Doctor Doom out
of a David Cronenberg movie, which isn’t as cool as it sounds. There’s not a lot of action, the actors struggle to make the flimsy script work, and the continuity errors brought on by reshoots are impossible to ignore. Hell, the reshoots really drag
this thing down as they make it look like 2 different movies (Trank’s original version VS Fox’s version) fighting to be shown only to somehow merge into some kind of cinematic monster. It’s a mess of a film that doesn’t really know what it wants
to do. The most accurate description I’ve heard about this movie is that it’s a “100 minute trailer for a movie that never happens” (Todd McCarthy, The Hollywood Reporter). It’s just a drab, boring movie that sucked all the joy and humor from
the original comic. And, it was the 3rd time the group’s origin story had been turned into a movie; so it was a little pointless, too. Just a big mess of a movie.
37. Howard The Duck: Worst Non-MCU Marvel Movie Ever! Hell, it’s one of the worst movies ever made. It’s just a deeply unpleasant watching experience. The worst thing about it is its tone: it doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be. The
Howard The Duck of the comics is a cynical, irritable fellow, and his comic is an existential satire, easily the best way to portray a talking duck. The movie, however, doesn’t know if it wants to be a friendly, cuddly duck for kids or the Howard of
the comics. It’s trying to appeal to the irreverent adult fans of the comic and kids all at once and ends up failing to appeal to anyone. I mean, there’s a shot of a female “duck” with boobs. Who the f*** is that supposed to be for!? The duck
itself is another problem. It looks terrible, its mouth didn’t work right, and its face was expressionless. It was just awful, and since the duck was the movie, this pretty much sunk it. The rest of the cast didn’t fare much better. Poor Lea Thompson,
Tim Robbins, and Jeffrey Jones did their best to make this watchable, but it was an impossible task. And, there were a lot of deeply unpleasant scenes and special effects. It was just a terrible looking movie that was also painfully unfunny and a little
boring. Watching Howard The Duck is just an awful experience, and anyone who’s able to make it through the whole thing is f***ing champ. There’s no way to sugarcoat it: Howard The Duck is just an awful movie.
EL BUMPO!
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