• Hulk Ranks Every Non-MCU Marvel Movie From Best To Worst (2/3)

    From tmc1982@gmail.com@21:1/5 to All on Sun Mar 29 22:19:54 2020
    [continued from previous message]

    17. X-Men: Apocalypse: After Bryan Singer returned for Days Of Future Past, it looked like the X-Men franchise was back on the right track, especially after how well that movie turned out. Unfortunately, Apocalypse came out; and the franchise took 2 big
    steps back. The movie’s biggest flaw is the titular villain. Apocalypse just isn’t a very interesting villain in this movie (and, honestly, in the comics as well; if you’re like me and aren’t enamored with Apocalypse, then this might not be your
    kind of film). I give Oscar Isaacs all the props for doing the best he can with what little material and with all that heavy make-up to work with. But, in this movie, Apocalypse is just a big bad mutant who wants to take over the world; and that’s just
    a boring motivation for a villain, especially considering all the cool villains that have come about since, especially in the MCU. Another big flaw comes in how he recruits his Four Horsemen. They all just join him because he makes them more powerful,
    and none of them seem to care that he wants to wipe out all of civilization until it’s narratively convenient for them to. Plus, Jennifer Lawrence just sleepwalks through the role of Mystique. She barely wears the Mystique make-up in this film. Though,
    I kind of understand that. The Mystique make-up in this franchise was needlessly elaborate. I much preferred the minimalist look of Mystique from the comics; just blue skin and red hair looked great to me. I don’t know why they went so detailed with
    her look in the movies. Plus, this movie continues the franchise’s trend of non-continuity. We got Angel living as a 20-year-old in 1983 even though he was a 20-year-old in The Last Stand’s 2006. Wolverine is William Stryker’s prisoner even though
    Days Of Future Past ended with Mystique disguised as Stryker saving Wolverine; so did Mystique just decide to let Wolverine become a prisoner for Stryker’s experiments? And, on a personal note for me, I didn’t like how Jubilee was so wasted in this
    movie. She’s just there with nothing to do but go to the mall. I know most people think she’s a waste of space, but I’ve always found them wrong. I mean, shooting fireworks from your hands doesn’t sound like that lame of a power to me. Though,
    this movie does have some things working for it. For one, it’s filled with a talented cast. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are great as usual. And, newcomers Tye Sheridan, Sophie Turner and Kodi Smit-McPhee do a good job as the new versions of
    Cyclops, Jean Grey and Nightcrawler. But, it’s biggest strength is the action scenes. They are very well done, from Wolverine’s cameo to the final battle. But, the one stand out in this movie is Quicksilver saving everyone in the mansion as it
    explodes. While it did look like a rehash of his great scene in Days Of Future Past, it was a great rehash. A lot of creativity went into its layout, and it did a great job of showcasing Quicksilver’s personality. It’s nice to see a mutant in this
    franchise who likes his powers and doesn’t have any hang-ups about them. Hell, that one scene makes the whole movie worth it, but the movie around it is a mixed-bag at best.

    18. Spider-Man 3: This is the 1st time Sony f***ed up Spider-Man and would have to start over. And, a lot of the movie’s problems stem from Sony forcing director Sam Raimi to include Venom into the movie. Raimi had no real interest in the villain, and
    it showed. The Venom arc doesn’t work for 3 big reasons: the first: how ridiculous Peter Parker acts when the symbiote turns him bad. I mean, he was f***ing dancing! And, that scene in the jazz club! That was funny for all the wrong reasons. I get the
    logic: Peter is such a nerd that his attempts at being cool are dorky, but that doesn’t mean it would play well on screen. The second: how little of Venom there is in the film. There’s just so little time given to Eddie Brock’s downfall and
    transformation to Venom. That really needed its own movie, and if this film had exercised that part, set up Venom in this movie, and saved Venom for a 4th movie; then this would have worked much better. But, that’s not what happened; and we got this
    mess. And, the third: Topher Grace. He was just miscast as Venom. Sure, he’s good at being creepy. But, he’s a smarmy creepy, not intense creepy, like Tom Hardy. He came off as a twerp in this movie. Of course, there are other flaws. Bryce Dallas
    Howard is wasted as Gwen Stacy, another shoehorn this movie could have done without. Kirsten Dunst continued to show how bad of a Mary Jane she is. The butler revealing how Norman Osborne died to Harry was incredibly hamfisted. And, the goofy comedy,
    which worked better in the 1st 2 movies, wore out its welcome here. But, there are some things that do work here. The main reason to watch this movie is Thomas Haden Church. His portrayal of The Sandman is the main thing that makes this movie worth
    watching. He beautifully underplays the role, saying a whole lot with just his expressions. And, his character, criminal trying to do right by his daughter, was a great choice for the character. Him being shoehorned into Spider-Man’s origin was a
    little hokey, but the movie stuck the landing with Sandman’s confession to Spider-Man at the end. Besides Church, Sandman works because of the effects. That sequence with Flint Marko discovering his powers the first time is just fan-f***ing-tastic. It
    s just a beautiful scene, easily one of the best special effects scenes in a superhero movie. Sandman isn’t the only villain who works in this movie as this film finally had Harry Osborn take on the Goblin mantle. And, James Franco did a great job of
    playing the bad version of Harry (the amnesiac Harry, not so much). Also, the fight scenes, as usual, were well done. I especially liked the 2 fights between Harry and Peter. They were very exciting and had a touch of personal stakes to them. The 2nd was
    very good, especially since it was the 1 time in the movie that Peter’s turn to the dark side actually worked. Peter throwing that bomb at Harry showed the potential for this movie to truly embrace the darkness the symbiote could bring out in Peter.
    Sadly, the movie failed to live up to that potential. And, it’s not hard to see why: Spider-Man 3 is basically 2 great movies shoved together into 1 big mess of a movie. Like Peter and the symbiote, they really need to be separated.

    19. X-Men: The Last Stand: This movie has a lot of flaws. Most of them stem from Bryan Singer deciding to pass on directing this movie after doing the first 2 X-Men movies. Because of this, Brett Ratner took over. While he was good with action scenes,
    the more emotional acting parts were lacking. And, he gave us that stupid “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” line because he saw a dubbed video of the X-Men animated series on YouTube and thought it was funny. But, Singer’s decision to leave the X-Men
    for Superman ultimately screwed over Cyclops as he took the character’s actor, James Marsden, with him. This led to Cyclops becoming a whiny wussy still crying over Jean Grey’s death before being killed by the resurrected Jean a third of the way into
    the film. Cyclops should have been a depressed loser who steps up when Professor X dies and proves himself as the X-Men’s leader. There were other problems. Making a movie that mashes up the Dark Phoenix storyline with the Mutant Cure storyline was a
    bad idea as the Dark Phoenix parts were treated like an also-ran and gives Famke Janssen nothing to do but look serious. Ben Foster is wasted as Angel, a character who could have been cut and nothing would have been lost, which is bizarre since his dad
    creates the cure because of his son’s mutant powers. And, Halle Berry is terrible as Storm, though she isn’t given any good material. In fact, Storm comes off as a huge dick in this movie as she’s completely dismissive of Rogue’s reason for
    wanting to use the cure; she honestly thinks that Rogue, who can’t touch anyone with her bare hands because powers would drain their lifeforce, is perfectly fine with her mutant powers. Speaking of Rogue, the movie doesn’t do enough with her decision
    to take the cure. So, there’s a lot that doesn’t work in this movie. But, there is a lot that does work to get this movie ranked this high. As I said, the action scenes are very well done. Wolverine’s attack on Magneto’s camp is excellent, and
    the final battle is a great climactic battle. And, casting Kelsey Grammer as Beast was a stroke of genius. A lot of it does rely on his association with his Frasier Crane role, but that does make him a good choice to play the intellectual Hank McCoy. And,
    Grammer is a great actor, whose performance shines through all that make-up. And, while the Dark Phoenix plot is an afterthought, there are some good scenes between Jean Grey and Wolverine. The movie is a mix-bag with enough good stuff to make it
    enjoyable, but there’s still a lot of problems plaguing it.

    20. Venom: The fact that there’s a solo Venom film should tell you that it’s not any good. Venom just doesn’t really work without Spider-Man. He was mainly created to be an evil version of Spider-Man, and there’s a convoluted origin to the
    character: Spider-Man gets a new costume on an alien planet during Secret Wars; the costume turns out to be an alien symbiote that’s turning him evil and slowly draining his lifeforce; Spider-Man gets rid of the symbiote only for it to attach itself to
    Eddie Brock, a reporter who got exposed by Spider-Man for lying about a serial killer; Brock then learn everything about Spider-Man and tries to kill him as Venom. The movie avoids all this, but that convoluted origin sets up his ties to Spider-Man,
    which make Brock interesting. Instead, we get this movie, which ends with Venom threatening to eat a robbers arms and legs and turning him into a human turd and has Jenny Slate mispronouncing the word “symbiote” as “sym-bi-OAT.” It’s a silly
    movie that takes itself way too seriously. But, it’s not completely awful. Tom Hardy is pretty damn good as Brock and Venom. He brings a lot of crazy energy to the role. And, the Venom symbiote effects are really well done. They look good and give the
    symbiote some personality. Plus, the action scenes are well done and show some real creativity with the symbiote. This all creates a truly bat-shit insane movie, one that’s not any good but is fascinating to watch.

    21. Punisher: War Zone: Here’s the thing about Punisher: War Zone: it’s a well-made movie. For one, it does feel like a Punisher movie, more so than the other 2 Punisher movies. Ray Stevenson does a decent job as The Punisher-Frank Castle. There was
    some strong use of Micro in the movie; Wayne Knight did a great job as Punisher's partner in crime. And, Dominic West chewed the scenery well as the villainous Jigsaw. It was the Punisher/Jigsaw confrontations that really made the film seem like a comic
    book movie and not just a typical "shoot 'em up" film. The action scenes are pretty good, and the film looks perfectly dark to match the character’s tone. And, it’s amazing how well this movie came out considering the creative problems between
    director Lexi Alexander and Lionsgate, mainly over whether it would be a PG-13 or an R rated movie. There were even some reports that Alexander got fired from the film, which turned out to not be true. Despite all that, Alexander has said that she does
    prefer how the movie turned out. But, there is just one big problem with the movie: it’s just not that interesting. It’s bland and uninspiring, a dark, serious action movie that takes itself way too seriously. It’s a competently made movie, but it
    s just not any fun or interesting. That certainly makes it better than the movies below it, but it’s still not any fun to watch.

    22. Fantastic Four (2005): The 2005 Fantastic Four movie is actually pretty close to being a good movie. There are a lot of good things that got it ranked so high, and a big one is casting, specifically in half of the titular Four. Chris Evans is now
    more known as Captain America, but he made his name known as The Human Torch-Johnny Storm. And, he nailed the role, displaying the right amount of cocky swagger and sarcastic charm. It’s amazing that he could later tone all that down to play the more
    self-righteous Captain, but these 2 roles show just how good of an actor he is. Though, even better is Michael Chiklis as The Thing-Ben Grimm. He brings all his Vic Mackey toughness to The Thing but is able to display enough warmth and kindness to nail
    the Ben Grimm part of the role. And, he managed to do all this while wearing that thick ass orange rock make-up. There are some other good casting choices. Ioan Gruffudd makes a fine Mr. Fantastic-Reed Richards. Julian McMahon is pretty good as Dr. Doom.
    And, Kerry Washington makes a great impression in the small role of Alicia Masters. However, there is one casting call that didn’t work: Jessica Alba as The Invisible Woman-Sue Storm. It’s not that she’s terrible in the role, but she’s clearly
    not as good of an actor as the others. And, it shows. Outside of the acting, the movie has a nice, cheesy tone. It’s like it was made in the 1960s but somehow has the special effects of the 2000s. Though, there aren’t any cool action scenes that make
    the movie stand out. Basically, this is a mediocre movie with some overqualified actors. This makes the movie better than the ones below it, but it’s not great.

    23. The Punisher (2004): Who in the hell thought a Punisher movie in sunny Florida was a good idea? I mean, putting Marvel’s darkest character in America’s sunniest state is such a poor mash-up. Not to mention the fact that The Punisher has a trio of
    wacky sidekicks in Ben Foster, John Pinnette, and the 1st Mystique Rebecca Romijin. The movie is a weird mix of unfunny jokes with a sunny disposition and The Punisher’s usual dark tones. Still, it mostly works. Thomas Jane is a good Punisher. John
    Travolta is memorable as Howard Saint, the movie’s villain, giving a nice scene-chewing performance. And, I liked Will Patton as Quentin Glass, the secretly gay right-hand man to Saint; he gives a nice, touching performance. And, I liked the movie’s
    plot: with Frank Castle coming up with an elaborate plan to get back at the mobsters who killed his family. It was a nice throwback to the old-school action films of the 1960s and 1970s, a fun revenge story. Plus, the action is pretty good. There’s a
    nice fight scene between Castle and The Russian, played by a fun Kevin Nash. Still, the movie is a tonal mishmash of dark moods and light jokes. It’s not a terrible movie, but it is a bad Punisher adaptation.

    24. Elektra: Poor Jennifer Garner. This woman deserves a much bigger career than the one she currently has. She’s funny, charming, graceful, and just a plain delight. But, she’s not as big of a star as she should be. Ben Affleck f***ed up Daredevil
    and then got to be Batman. She made a perfectly fine Elektra (despite being a little too nice for the role) and has to star in a bunch of Capital One commercials and had to be married to Ben Affleck. Garner was a good choice for Elektra, embracing the
    role with gusto in Daredevil and her own movie. But, she’s saddled with a poor script with no charm and comedy to lighten the too self-serious tone and bereft of intelligent dialogue. The direction is lacking, with the whole movie looking like a TV
    movie. Hell, Garner’s TV show Alias was a better Elektra movie than this actual Elektra movie. And, the whole thing is filled with incoherent plotting, action scenes, and CGI. But, it’s not all terrible. A strong Garner performance, a surprisingly
    good turn by Goran Višnjić, the fact that it’s competently made rather than outright terrible, that it has some cool visual moments, and that it’s better than Daredevil elevate Elektra this high. But, it was still a bad movie. Jennifer Garner
    deserves better.

    25. Captain America (1990): Honestly, this isn’t that bad of a movie. The basic plot (Captain America wakes in 1990 after being frozen since World War II and has to save the President of the United States from the Red Skull, who’s been operating in
    secret since the end of the war) isn’t a bad idea. The problem is in the execution. It’s just not a well-filmed movie. Sure, the cast is fine. Matt Salinger is okay as Captain America. Scott Paulin is a good Red Skull. And, it’s filled with some
    veteran character actors (Ronny Cox, Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin). But, they can’t really salvage this mess of a movie. For one, the script they were given isn’t that great, filled with clunky dialogue and some shoddy ideas, like the President sending
    a reporter to pick up the revived Captain America despite the fact he has access to send any kind of military personnel or law enforcement officer instead. But, the script isn’t the only problem. With a shoestring budget, director Albert Pyun can’t
    really bring the story to life as properly as the MCU outings. Though, Pyun, a life-long direct-to-video B movie director, isn’t exactly the best man to bring this story to life. But still, there is a kernel of a good movie here. Maybe with a better
    director, a bigger budget, and a competent script, this could have been a good movie. As it is, it’s almost a good movie. But, almost ain’t good enough.

    26. Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance: I will say this for the 2nd Ghost Rider movie: it’s better than the 1st. For one, Nic Cage is trying harder in this movie. Also, it’s got a strong cast similar to the 1st one. Idris Elba damn near steals the show
    as Moreau, an alcoholic priest. Ciaran Hinds makes a fine Mephisto, managing to go toe-to-toe with Cage in the weird performance dance. And, there are some strong turns from stalwart character actors Anthony Stewart Head and Christopher Lambert. The
    movie also has some filmmakers willing to make a badass movie to go with the badass titular character: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the team behind the Crank movies. Unfortunately, they got saddled with a lower budget than the 1st one had. This led
    to poorer special effects and shoddy use of 3D. And, the duo didn’t write the movie themselves. If they had, I feel like this would have been a much better movie, allowing the 2 to fully unleash their insane, over-the-top style. Why they weren’t
    allowed a rewrite is beyond me. Needless to say, the dull script and poor special effects failed to live up to the insane style of the directors and actors. This led to a mess of a movie that tries to be a crazy guilty pleasure thrillride that is only
    guilty of being no pleasure and not thrilling. It wants to be trashy fun, but it’s just trash. Still, it’s better than the 1st Ghost Rider.

    27. Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer: They turned Galactus into a cloud. That’s the biggest complaint lobbied at this movie. And, I get that the idea of Galactus, a giant man in a purple and blue costume who devours planets, works better in a
    comic book than in a movie. But, this film also features Mr. Fantastic dancing like a goofball at his bachelor party. So, it’s kind of weird that this movie would decide to take a realistic approach to Galactus while still including a lot of superhero
    silliness. That’s the movie’s biggest problem: it can’t find the right balance between telling a serious story and being a fun superhero movie. Some things do work: the Silver Surfer is wonderfully done. The effects team, Doug Jones, and Laurence
    Fishburne’s voice all came together wonderfully to make the Surfer look great and come off as a legitimate threat. Also, the film has the same great cast from its predecessor as well as a great addition in Andre Braugher as Gen. Hager. He’s basically
    great in everything, and he shines in such a small role. But, these serious elements clash drastically with the movie’s attempts at comedy. And, the comedy isn’t all that funny in the first place. There’s a whacky subplot in which the Surfer alters
    the Human Torch’s molecules, causing him to switch powers with the others whenever he touches them. This leads to a silly final battle with the Torch in possession of all the Four’s powers taking on Doctor Doom with the Surfer’s powers. Speaking of
    the action sequences, they aren’t very exciting, which is another problem with the movie: it’s a little boring. As for the Galactus cloud, it’s such a huge disappointment. After all that build-up, seeing the World Eater coming to Earth as a big
    puff of smoke is like getting a wet fart to the face. Hell, that’s what this whole movie is like.

    28. Blade: Trinity: You can usually tell if it’s a bad movie if the making of the movie has a better story than the actual movie. This is one of those movies. Behind the scenes, Wesley Snipes had a big problem with David S. Goyer, the screenwriter of
    the 1st 2 Blade movies, becoming the director for the 3rd. So, he threw a big hissy fit and stayed in his trailer for much of the movie’s filming. He refused to shoot scenes, often forcing director Goyer to use stand-ins and computer effects to add his
    character to scenes, and refused to interact with Goyer or his co-stars, instead communicating with them through his assistant or the use of notes. Co-star Patton Oswalt alleged that Snipes would spend much of his time smoking marijuana in his trailer,
    and that he became violent with Goyer after falsely accusing him of racism. Snipes also allegedly referred to co-star Ryan Reynolds as a "cracker" on one or more occasions. Now, that sounds like a movie I’d watch. The actual Blade: Trinity is a bore.
    Snipes sleepwalks through the movie, which really puts a damper on the proceedings. The film was clearly designed to set up a new film series starring Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds as The Nightstalkers. However, while Beil and Reynolds gave it their
    best shot, there was just no chemistry to be had between them and Snipes’s apathetic portrayal as Blade. Perhaps the worst part of the movie was Dominic Purcell's take on Dracula, who was far too low key to be taken seriously as the ultimate vampire.
    Hell, the only thing that really stands out in this movie is Triple H. And, typing that just hurts my soul.

    29. Ghost Rider: There’s a shot in this movie in which Johnny Blaze (Nic Cage), the new Ghost Rider on his flaming motorcycle, rides alongside the old one (Sam Elliot), The Caretaker who’s on his flaming horse. They’re riding to battle Blackheart (
    Wes Bentley), and the shot is incredible, a heavy metal album cover comes to life. And, it does a great job of getting the audience for the ensuing battle: two Ghost Riders against Blackheart and his demons. Unfortunately, that battle never comes. The
    Caretaker leaves Blaze to fight the demons by himself. And, the battle that does happen is very lame and anticlimactic, with Blaze limply fighting off each demon before taking on Blackheart. That is the movie in a nutshell: infuriatingly withholding.
    Ghost Rider is a movie that wants to be badass but chickens out at the last second. The filmmakers made some weird decisions in this movie, like how they CGI'd Nic Cage’s muscles even though he buffed up very well for the role. It’s like they were
    afraid to be cool. And, Nic Cage is a little disappointing as Blaze. If ever a role called for him to go full Nic Cage, this was it. But, he holds back a little too, actually trying to give a good nuanced performance. LAME!!!! Though, he does have good
    chemistry with Eva Mendes, who is good as Roxanne Sampson. In fact, that is the movie’s strongest part: the cast. It’s stocked well with good actors. Elliot is great as The Caretaker. Bentley is subtly evil as Blackheart. Donal Logue leaves a great
    impression as Blaze’s best friend Mack. And, Peter Fonda makes a fun Mephistopheles. But, as good as the actors are, they can’t save this so-so, lackluster Ghost Rider movie. It’s a waste of one of Marvel’s coolest badass characters.

    30. Captain America (1944): If you’re a stickler for comic book movies staying true to the original comics, then this is not the movie for you. This 1944 serial is a Captain America movie in name only. LITERALLY! The name “Captain America” is the
    only thing that it shares with the comic. The serial has District Attorney Grant Gardner as Captain America, trying to thwart the plans of The Scarab, really museum curator Dr. Cyrus Maldor, regarding his attempts to acquire the Dynamic Vibrator (boy,
    that name hasn’t aged well, but I’m sure it elicited a few sex toy jokes back then since the vibrator has been around since the 1870s) and Electronic Firebolt, devices that could be used as super-weapons. So, no Steve Rogers, no supersoldier formula,
    no Red Skull, nothing from the comic at all. It seems that Republic Pictures (which made the serial) just took an existing script and replaced the name of the original hero to “Captain America.” Why I have no idea. If they thought the original comic
    story wouldn’t sell, then they’re idiots since America was currently fighting in a World War at the time. So, as a Captain America movie, it’s terrible. But, as a 1940s serial, it’s not bad. Certainly better than the movies below it, but not as
    good as the ones above it. Also, fun fact: Dick Purcell, who played Captain America in the movie, died of a heart attack a few weeks after filming. Apparently, the strain of making the movie was too much for his heart. So, it had nothing to do with the
    comic book; and the main actor, chosen to play the epitome of peak human physicality, died of a heart attack after making it because he was too out of shape. So, yeah, not a great adaptation of the Captain.

    31. X-Men: Dark Phoenix: If you want to know why this movie failed, then read this quote from writer-director Simon Kinberg from an interview with KCRW’s The Business: “It wasn’t made as a classic superhero movie. It was made as more of a dramatic,
    intimate, smaller film.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with making a more dramatic, intimate, smaller superhero movie. But, this movie was about a powerful telekinetic mutant who gets possessed by a fire entity from outer space. That’s not the kind of
    story that needs to be small and intimate. And, trying to make The Dark Phoenix into a small and intimate affair gets you… well, this movie. Now, some things do work. The cast is still ridiculously stacked. Sophie Turner is fine as Jean Grey. The
    action scenes are good. And, I did like how the story questioned Charles Xavier’s motives for turning his students into basically a private army. But, Dark Phoenix is a bit redundant, sticking to the usual plot of the X-Men movies: the X-Men fighting
    with human who hate them and other mutants who want to take over the world, all while Professor X makes a bunch of speeches and Magneto switches from good guy to bad guy at the drop of a hat. Speaking of redundant, this is the 2nd time the Dark Phoenix
    saga has been retold, after the story got shoehorned into X-Men: The Last Stand. And yet, with a whole movie to tell the story, this was somehow worse. And, the fact that it’s a movie about a woman who suddenly gains cosmic powers in the 1990s made it
    look like a Captain Marvel rip-off. Hell, many speculated that the movie had to reshoot its ending because it was originally too similar to Captain Marvel’s. And, it continues the franchise’s love for continuity errors as it ends with Jean dying,
    even though the Days Of Future Past movie ended with Wolverine changing the timeline to where Jean lived. But, at its core, the movie is a bit of a bore, a huge whimper to end 20th Century Fox’s X-Men franchise. At times, it looks like the movie is
    just trying to get this franchise over with so that Marvel can get the X-Men into the MCU quicker. Case in point: Mystique’s new cheap make-up that obviously shows that Jennifer Lawrence didn’t wanna wear the elaborate make-up since the character was
    going to die anyway. It was just a piss-poor way to end the franchise. But, I will give Kinberg credit for taking all the blame. In that same interview, he said, “I’m the writer-director, the movie didn’t connect with audiences, that’s on me.”
    You’re damn right about that.

    32. Daredevil: When Ben Affleck was announced as the new Batman for the Batman V Superman movie, many fans groaned at the choice. And, with good reason: the guy had already screwed up Daredevil. Now, Affleck isn’t a bad actor; he’s just good at
    playing douchebags. Whether it’s smug douchebags, like in Mallrats, or douchebags who mean well, like in Gone Girl, that’s his bread and butter. But, Matt Murdock is a good, righteous man. Affleck is just too damn smug to play him. And, that’s a
    big reason why the movie didn’t work. He’s just not believable as Murdock, and it drags down the whole movie. Another big problem is how badly the movie does the romance between Daredevil and Elektra. Affleck does have good chemistry with Jennifer
    Garner, but the romance is just so rushed that the audience has no time to feel anything. And, it’s not that romantic, especially since the most romantic scene is that stupid playground fight. Speaking of which, that is just the dumbest scene. I mean,
    they just fight out in the open, and Murdock is just flipping around, using his powers without any care for his secret identity. It’s also out of place with the dark tone of the movie. Speaking of which, this movie doesn’t do a good job of setting a
    dark tone. It looks dark at times and takes itself a little too seriously, but it tries too hard, like a teenager trying to be dark and serious but failing miserably. Now, some things in this movie do work. Colin Ferrell makes a good Bullseye, and
    Michael Clarke Duncan shines as Kingpin. And, there is an R-rated cut of the film. However, these positives are just gold spray paint on a turd. They may make it look shiny, but it’s still a turd.

    33. Fantastic Four (1994): To be fair, this movie has a good excuse for being so bad. It allegedly wasn’t really made to be released but rather to hold onto the film rights. German producer Bernd Eichinger obtained the rights to a Fantastic Four movie
    in the 1980s but hadn’t made a film by 1992. And, the rights were set to expire on December 31, 1992. So, by September, he hired Roger Corman to help him make a cheap film that many, including Stan Lee himself, thought was done in order to keep the
    rights. Because of this, the movie has a good excuse for looking cheap as hell with 1990s soap opera costumes, make-up, and special effects. The movie has a good excuse for the clunky dialogue that the game actors struggle like hell to make work. The
    movie has a good excuse why the actors need some polish from the director, who seemed more concerned with getting it made within a month rather than making a good movie. The movie has a good excuse for its campy, B-movie feel. The movie has a good excuse
    for being bad because the whole thing looks like a movie that was simply made just for monetary reasons, like a film version of “Springtime For Hitler.” So, it’s not entirely the actors’, director’s, and production crew’s fault this is such a
    terrible movie. But, it still doesn’t change the fact that it is terrible. If it had been intended for release, then this could have easily taken the very bottom spot. But, the speculation about why it was made keeps me from putting it any lower than
    here. Again, it’s terrible; but it has a good excuse.


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  • From James Fabiano@21:1/5 to tmc...@gmail.com on Thu Apr 28 08:40:36 2022
    [continued from previous message]

    16. The Punisher (1989): Another comic book movie that fails because it changes a lot from the comic. I mean, this is a movie made by people who looked at The Punisher’s iconic skull costume and thought, “Nah! Don’t need it!” In fact, the whole
    movie is just a basic, generic 1980s action movie that just so happens to feature Frank Castle. In order to turn this a non-Punisher movie, all you’d have to do is change Castle’s name to anything else. But, while this movie fails as a Punisher movie,
    as a cheesy 1980s action movie, it’s pretty damn good. Sure, the dialogue is a little stilted, the fight scenes a little cheesy, and the whole comes off as a little silly, but that was just how a lot of action movies were back then. And, compared to
    other action movies from the 1980s, this is better than a lot of them. Dolph Lundgren is pretty good as Castle. The only thing terrible about his Punisher is his dye job. And, the film's atmosphere is genuinely comic book-like, rather than cartoonish
    like a lot of comic book movies were back then. The movie does a good job of mimicking the dark tones of the source comic even though they changed so much about the character. And, the fight scenes are pretty memorable. I can’t hate a movie in which a
    gang of ninjas attacks the hero by zooming down an enormous funhouse slide. In fact, all this movie needs is a rewrite to make things more like the comic. Just change a few names, add in some of Marvel’s mobster characters, and put Lundgren in the
    Punisher costume, and you’d have a good Punisher movie. As it is, it’s not a good Punisher movie. But, it’s much more enjoyable than the movies below it.

    17. X-Men: Apocalypse: After Bryan Singer returned for Days Of Future Past, it looked like the X-Men franchise was back on the right track, especially after how well that movie turned out. Unfortunately, Apocalypse came out; and the franchise took 2
    big steps back. The movie’s biggest flaw is the titular villain. Apocalypse just isn’t a very interesting villain in this movie (and, honestly, in the comics as well; if you’re like me and aren’t enamored with Apocalypse, then this might not be
    your kind of film). I give Oscar Isaacs all the props for doing the best he can with what little material and with all that heavy make-up to work with. But, in this movie, Apocalypse is just a big bad mutant who wants to take over the world; and that’s
    just a boring motivation for a villain, especially considering all the cool villains that have come about since, especially in the MCU. Another big flaw comes in how he recruits his Four Horsemen. They all just join him because he makes them more
    powerful, and none of them seem to care that he wants to wipe out all of civilization until it’s narratively convenient for them to. Plus, Jennifer Lawrence just sleepwalks through the role of Mystique. She barely wears the Mystique make-up in this
    film. Though, I kind of understand that. The Mystique make-up in this franchise was needlessly elaborate. I much preferred the minimalist look of Mystique from the comics; just blue skin and red hair looked great to me. I don’t know why they went so
    detailed with her look in the movies. Plus, this movie continues the franchise’s trend of non-continuity. We got Angel living as a 20-year-old in 1983 even though he was a 20-year-old in The Last Stand’s 2006. Wolverine is William Stryker’s
    prisoner even though Days Of Future Past ended with Mystique disguised as Stryker saving Wolverine; so did Mystique just decide to let Wolverine become a prisoner for Stryker’s experiments? And, on a personal note for me, I didn’t like how Jubilee
    was so wasted in this movie. She’s just there with nothing to do but go to the mall. I know most people think she’s a waste of space, but I’ve always found them wrong. I mean, shooting fireworks from your hands doesn’t sound like that lame of a
    power to me. Though, this movie does have some things working for it. For one, it’s filled with a talented cast. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are great as usual. And, newcomers Tye Sheridan, Sophie Turner and Kodi Smit-McPhee do a good job as
    the new versions of Cyclops, Jean Grey and Nightcrawler. But, it’s biggest strength is the action scenes. They are very well done, from Wolverine’s cameo to the final battle. But, the one stand out in this movie is Quicksilver saving everyone in the
    mansion as it explodes. While it did look like a rehash of his great scene in Days Of Future Past, it was a great rehash. A lot of creativity went into its layout, and it did a great job of showcasing Quicksilver’s personality. It’s nice to see a
    mutant in this franchise who likes his powers and doesn’t have any hang-ups about them. Hell, that one scene makes the whole movie worth it, but the movie around it is a mixed-bag at best.

    18. Spider-Man 3: This is the 1st time Sony f***ed up Spider-Man and would have to start over. And, a lot of the movie’s problems stem from Sony forcing director Sam Raimi to include Venom into the movie. Raimi had no real interest in the villain,
    and it showed. The Venom arc doesn’t work for 3 big reasons: the first: how ridiculous Peter Parker acts when the symbiote turns him bad. I mean, he was f***ing dancing! And, that scene in the jazz club! That was funny for all the wrong reasons. I get
    the logic: Peter is such a nerd that his attempts at being cool are dorky, but that doesn’t mean it would play well on screen. The second: how little of Venom there is in the film. There’s just so little time given to Eddie Brock’s downfall and
    transformation to Venom. That really needed its own movie, and if this film had exercised that part, set up Venom in this movie, and saved Venom for a 4th movie; then this would have worked much better. But, that’s not what happened; and we got this
    mess. And, the third: Topher Grace. He was just miscast as Venom. Sure, he’s good at being creepy. But, he’s a smarmy creepy, not intense creepy, like Tom Hardy. He came off as a twerp in this movie. Of course, there are other flaws. Bryce Dallas
    Howard is wasted as Gwen Stacy, another shoehorn this movie could have done without. Kirsten Dunst continued to show how bad of a Mary Jane she is. The butler revealing how Norman Osborne died to Harry was incredibly hamfisted. And, the goofy comedy,
    which worked better in the 1st 2 movies, wore out its welcome here. But, there are some things that do work here. The main reason to watch this movie is Thomas Haden Church. His portrayal of The Sandman is the main thing that makes this movie worth
    watching. He beautifully underplays the role, saying a whole lot with just his expressions. And, his character, criminal trying to do right by his daughter, was a great choice for the character. Him being shoehorned into Spider-Man’s origin was a
    little hokey, but the movie stuck the landing with Sandman’s confession to Spider-Man at the end. Besides Church, Sandman works because of the effects. That sequence with Flint Marko discovering his powers the first time is just fan-f***ing-tastic. It
    s just a beautiful scene, easily one of the best special effects scenes in a superhero movie. Sandman isn’t the only villain who works in this movie as this film finally had Harry Osborn take on the Goblin mantle. And, James Franco did a great job of
    playing the bad version of Harry (the amnesiac Harry, not so much). Also, the fight scenes, as usual, were well done. I especially liked the 2 fights between Harry and Peter. They were very exciting and had a touch of personal stakes to them. The 2nd was
    very good, especially since it was the 1 time in the movie that Peter’s turn to the dark side actually worked. Peter throwing that bomb at Harry showed the potential for this movie to truly embrace the darkness the symbiote could bring out in Peter.
    Sadly, the movie failed to live up to that potential. And, it’s not hard to see why: Spider-Man 3 is basically 2 great movies shoved together into 1 big mess of a movie. Like Peter and the symbiote, they really need to be separated.

    19. X-Men: The Last Stand: This movie has a lot of flaws. Most of them stem from Bryan Singer deciding to pass on directing this movie after doing the first 2 X-Men movies. Because of this, Brett Ratner took over. While he was good with action scenes,
    the more emotional acting parts were lacking. And, he gave us that stupid “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” line because he saw a dubbed video of the X-Men animated series on YouTube and thought it was funny. But, Singer’s decision to leave the X-Men
    for Superman ultimately screwed over Cyclops as he took the character’s actor, James Marsden, with him. This led to Cyclops becoming a whiny wussy still crying over Jean Grey’s death before being killed by the resurrected Jean a third of the way into
    the film. Cyclops should have been a depressed loser who steps up when Professor X dies and proves himself as the X-Men’s leader. There were other problems. Making a movie that mashes up the Dark Phoenix storyline with the Mutant Cure storyline was a
    bad idea as the Dark Phoenix parts were treated like an also-ran and gives Famke Janssen nothing to do but look serious. Ben Foster is wasted as Angel, a character who could have been cut and nothing would have been lost, which is bizarre since his dad
    creates the cure because of his son’s mutant powers. And, Halle Berry is terrible as Storm, though she isn’t given any good material. In fact, Storm comes off as a huge dick in this movie as she’s completely dismissive of Rogue’s reason for
    wanting to use the cure; she honestly thinks that Rogue, who can’t touch anyone with her bare hands because powers would drain their lifeforce, is perfectly fine with her mutant powers. Speaking of Rogue, the movie doesn’t do enough with her decision
    to take the cure. So, there’s a lot that doesn’t work in this movie. But, there is a lot that does work to get this movie ranked this high. As I said, the action scenes are very well done. Wolverine’s attack on Magneto’s camp is excellent, and
    the final battle is a great climactic battle. And, casting Kelsey Grammer as Beast was a stroke of genius. A lot of it does rely on his association with his Frasier Crane role, but that does make him a good choice to play the intellectual Hank McCoy. And,
    Grammer is a great actor, whose performance shines through all that make-up. And, while the Dark Phoenix plot is an afterthought, there are some good scenes between Jean Grey and Wolverine. The movie is a mix-bag with enough good stuff to make it
    enjoyable, but there’s still a lot of problems plaguing it.

    20. Venom: The fact that there’s a solo Venom film should tell you that it’s not any good. Venom just doesn’t really work without Spider-Man. He was mainly created to be an evil version of Spider-Man, and there’s a convoluted origin to the
    character: Spider-Man gets a new costume on an alien planet during Secret Wars; the costume turns out to be an alien symbiote that’s turning him evil and slowly draining his lifeforce; Spider-Man gets rid of the symbiote only for it to attach itself to
    Eddie Brock, a reporter who got exposed by Spider-Man for lying about a serial killer; Brock then learn everything about Spider-Man and tries to kill him as Venom. The movie avoids all this, but that convoluted origin sets up his ties to Spider-Man,
    which make Brock interesting. Instead, we get this movie, which ends with Venom threatening to eat a robbers arms and legs and turning him into a human turd and has Jenny Slate mispronouncing the word “symbiote” as “sym-bi-OAT.” It’s a silly
    movie that takes itself way too seriously. But, it’s not completely awful. Tom Hardy is pretty damn good as Brock and Venom. He brings a lot of crazy energy to the role. And, the Venom symbiote effects are really well done. They look good and give the
    symbiote some personality. Plus, the action scenes are well done and show some real creativity with the symbiote. This all creates a truly bat-shit insane movie, one that’s not any good but is fascinating to watch.

    21. Punisher: War Zone: Here’s the thing about Punisher: War Zone: it’s a well-made movie. For one, it does feel like a Punisher movie, more so than the other 2 Punisher movies. Ray Stevenson does a decent job as The Punisher-Frank Castle. There
    was some strong use of Micro in the movie; Wayne Knight did a great job as Punisher's partner in crime. And, Dominic West chewed the scenery well as the villainous Jigsaw. It was the Punisher/Jigsaw confrontations that really made the film seem like a
    comic book movie and not just a typical "shoot 'em up" film. The action scenes are pretty good, and the film looks perfectly dark to match the character’s tone. And, it’s amazing how well this movie came out considering the creative problems between
    director Lexi Alexander and Lionsgate, mainly over whether it would be a PG-13 or an R rated movie. There were even some reports that Alexander got fired from the film, which turned out to not be true. Despite all that, Alexander has said that she does
    prefer how the movie turned out. But, there is just one big problem with the movie: it’s just not that interesting. It’s bland and uninspiring, a dark, serious action movie that takes itself way too seriously. It’s a competently made movie, but it
    s just not any fun or interesting. That certainly makes it better than the movies below it, but it’s still not any fun to watch.

    22. Fantastic Four (2005): The 2005 Fantastic Four movie is actually pretty close to being a good movie. There are a lot of good things that got it ranked so high, and a big one is casting, specifically in half of the titular Four. Chris Evans is now
    more known as Captain America, but he made his name known as The Human Torch-Johnny Storm. And, he nailed the role, displaying the right amount of cocky swagger and sarcastic charm. It’s amazing that he could later tone all that down to play the more
    self-righteous Captain, but these 2 roles show just how good of an actor he is. Though, even better is Michael Chiklis as The Thing-Ben Grimm. He brings all his Vic Mackey toughness to The Thing but is able to display enough warmth and kindness to nail
    the Ben Grimm part of the role. And, he managed to do all this while wearing that thick ass orange rock make-up. There are some other good casting choices. Ioan Gruffudd makes a fine Mr. Fantastic-Reed Richards. Julian McMahon is pretty good as Dr. Doom.
    And, Kerry Washington makes a great impression in the small role of Alicia Masters. However, there is one casting call that didn’t work: Jessica Alba as The Invisible Woman-Sue Storm. It’s not that she’s terrible in the role, but she’s clearly
    not as good of an actor as the others. And, it shows. Outside of the acting, the movie has a nice, cheesy tone. It’s like it was made in the 1960s but somehow has the special effects of the 2000s. Though, there aren’t any cool action scenes that make
    the movie stand out. Basically, this is a mediocre movie with some overqualified actors. This makes the movie better than the ones below it, but it’s not great.

    23. The Punisher (2004): Who in the hell thought a Punisher movie in sunny Florida was a good idea? I mean, putting Marvel’s darkest character in America’s sunniest state is such a poor mash-up. Not to mention the fact that The Punisher has a trio
    of wacky sidekicks in Ben Foster, John Pinnette, and the 1st Mystique Rebecca Romijin. The movie is a weird mix of unfunny jokes with a sunny disposition and The Punisher’s usual dark tones. Still, it mostly works. Thomas Jane is a good Punisher. John
    Travolta is memorable as Howard Saint, the movie’s villain, giving a nice scene-chewing performance. And, I liked Will Patton as Quentin Glass, the secretly gay right-hand man to Saint; he gives a nice, touching performance. And, I liked the movie’s
    plot: with Frank Castle coming up with an elaborate plan to get back at the mobsters who killed his family. It was a nice throwback to the old-school action films of the 1960s and 1970s, a fun revenge story. Plus, the action is pretty good. There’s a
    nice fight scene between Castle and The Russian, played by a fun Kevin Nash. Still, the movie is a tonal mishmash of dark moods and light jokes. It’s not a terrible movie, but it is a bad Punisher adaptation.

    24. Elektra: Poor Jennifer Garner. This woman deserves a much bigger career than the one she currently has. She’s funny, charming, graceful, and just a plain delight. But, she’s not as big of a star as she should be. Ben Affleck f***ed up Daredevil
    and then got to be Batman. She made a perfectly fine Elektra (despite being a little too nice for the role) and has to star in a bunch of Capital One commercials and had to be married to Ben Affleck. Garner was a good choice for Elektra, embracing the
    role with gusto in Daredevil and her own movie. But, she’s saddled with a poor script with no charm and comedy to lighten the too self-serious tone and bereft of intelligent dialogue. The direction is lacking, with the whole movie looking like a TV
    movie. Hell, Garner’s TV show Alias was a better Elektra movie than this actual Elektra movie. And, the whole thing is filled with incoherent plotting, action scenes, and CGI. But, it’s not all terrible. A strong Garner performance, a surprisingly
    good turn by Goran Višnjić, the fact that it’s competently made rather than outright terrible, that it has some cool visual moments, and that it’s better than Daredevil elevate Elektra this high. But, it was still a bad movie. Jennifer Garner
    deserves better.

    25. Captain America (1990): Honestly, this isn’t that bad of a movie. The basic plot (Captain America wakes in 1990 after being frozen since World War II and has to save the President of the United States from the Red Skull, who’s been operating in
    secret since the end of the war) isn’t a bad idea. The problem is in the execution. It’s just not a well-filmed movie. Sure, the cast is fine. Matt Salinger is okay as Captain America. Scott Paulin is a good Red Skull. And, it’s filled with some
    veteran character actors (Ronny Cox, Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin). But, they can’t really salvage this mess of a movie. For one, the script they were given isn’t that great, filled with clunky dialogue and some shoddy ideas, like the President sending
    a reporter to pick up the revived Captain America despite the fact he has access to send any kind of military personnel or law enforcement officer instead. But, the script isn’t the only problem. With a shoestring budget, director Albert Pyun can’t
    really bring the story to life as properly as the MCU outings. Though, Pyun, a life-long direct-to-video B movie director, isn’t exactly the best man to bring this story to life. But still, there is a kernel of a good movie here. Maybe with a better
    director, a bigger budget, and a competent script, this could have been a good movie. As it is, it’s almost a good movie. But, almost ain’t good enough.

    26. Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance: I will say this for the 2nd Ghost Rider movie: it’s better than the 1st. For one, Nic Cage is trying harder in this movie. Also, it’s got a strong cast similar to the 1st one. Idris Elba damn near steals the
    show as Moreau, an alcoholic priest. Ciaran Hinds makes a fine Mephisto, managing to go toe-to-toe with Cage in the weird performance dance. And, there are some strong turns from stalwart character actors Anthony Stewart Head and Christopher Lambert. The
    movie also has some filmmakers willing to make a badass movie to go with the badass titular character: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the team behind the Crank movies. Unfortunately, they got saddled with a lower budget than the 1st one had. This led
    to poorer special effects and shoddy use of 3D. And, the duo didn’t write the movie themselves. If they had, I feel like this would have been a much better movie, allowing the 2 to fully unleash their insane, over-the-top style. Why they weren’t
    allowed a rewrite is beyond me. Needless to say, the dull script and poor special effects failed to live up to the insane style of the directors and actors. This led to a mess of a movie that tries to be a crazy guilty pleasure thrillride that is only
    guilty of being no pleasure and not thrilling. It wants to be trashy fun, but it’s just trash. Still, it’s better than the 1st Ghost Rider.

    27. Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer: They turned Galactus into a cloud. That’s the biggest complaint lobbied at this movie. And, I get that the idea of Galactus, a giant man in a purple and blue costume who devours planets, works better in
    a comic book than in a movie. But, this film also features Mr. Fantastic dancing like a goofball at his bachelor party. So, it’s kind of weird that this movie would decide to take a realistic approach to Galactus while still including a lot of
    superhero silliness. That’s the movie’s biggest problem: it can’t find the right balance between telling a serious story and being a fun superhero movie. Some things do work: the Silver Surfer is wonderfully done. The effects team, Doug Jones, and
    Laurence Fishburne’s voice all came together wonderfully to make the Surfer look great and come off as a legitimate threat. Also, the film has the same great cast from its predecessor as well as a great addition in Andre Braugher as Gen. Hager. He’s
    basically great in everything, and he shines in such a small role. But, these serious elements clash drastically with the movie’s attempts at comedy. And, the comedy isn’t all that funny in the first place. There’s a whacky subplot in which the
    Surfer alters the Human Torch’s molecules, causing him to switch powers with the others whenever he touches them. This leads to a silly final battle with the Torch in possession of all the Four’s powers taking on Doctor Doom with the Surfer’s
    powers. Speaking of the action sequences, they aren’t very exciting, which is another problem with the movie: it’s a little boring. As for the Galactus cloud, it’s such a huge disappointment. After all that build-up, seeing the World Eater coming
    to Earth as a big puff of smoke is like getting a wet fart to the face. Hell, that’s what this whole movie is like.

    28. Blade: Trinity: You can usually tell if it’s a bad movie if the making of the movie has a better story than the actual movie. This is one of those movies. Behind the scenes, Wesley Snipes had a big problem with David S. Goyer, the screenwriter of
    the 1st 2 Blade movies, becoming the director for the 3rd. So, he threw a big hissy fit and stayed in his trailer for much of the movie’s filming. He refused to shoot scenes, often forcing director Goyer to use stand-ins and computer effects to add his
    character to scenes, and refused to interact with Goyer or his co-stars, instead communicating with them through his assistant or the use of notes. Co-star Patton Oswalt alleged that Snipes would spend much of his time smoking marijuana in his trailer,
    and that he became violent with Goyer after falsely accusing him of racism. Snipes also allegedly referred to co-star Ryan Reynolds as a "cracker" on one or more occasions. Now, that sounds like a movie I’d watch. The actual Blade: Trinity is a bore.
    Snipes sleepwalks through the movie, which really puts a damper on the proceedings. The film was clearly designed to set up a new film series starring Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds as The Nightstalkers. However, while Beil and Reynolds gave it their
    best shot, there was just no chemistry to be had between them and Snipes’s apathetic portrayal as Blade. Perhaps the worst part of the movie was Dominic Purcell's take on Dracula, who was far too low key to be taken seriously as the ultimate vampire.
    Hell, the only thing that really stands out in this movie is Triple H. And, typing that just hurts my soul.

    29. Ghost Rider: There’s a shot in this movie in which Johnny Blaze (Nic Cage), the new Ghost Rider on his flaming motorcycle, rides alongside the old one (Sam Elliot), The Caretaker who’s on his flaming horse. They’re riding to battle Blackheart
    (Wes Bentley), and the shot is incredible, a heavy metal album cover comes to life. And, it does a great job of getting the audience for the ensuing battle: two Ghost Riders against Blackheart and his demons. Unfortunately, that battle never comes. The
    Caretaker leaves Blaze to fight the demons by himself. And, the battle that does happen is very lame and anticlimactic, with Blaze limply fighting off each demon before taking on Blackheart. That is the movie in a nutshell: infuriatingly withholding.
    Ghost Rider is a movie that wants to be badass but chickens out at the last second. The filmmakers made some weird decisions in this movie, like how they CGI'd Nic Cage’s muscles even though he buffed up very well for the role. It’s like they were
    afraid to be cool. And, Nic Cage is a little disappointing as Blaze. If ever a role called for him to go full Nic Cage, this was it. But, he holds back a little too, actually trying to give a good nuanced performance. LAME!!!! Though, he does have good
    chemistry with Eva Mendes, who is good as Roxanne Sampson. In fact, that is the movie’s strongest part: the cast. It’s stocked well with good actors. Elliot is great as The Caretaker. Bentley is subtly evil as Blackheart. Donal Logue leaves a great
    impression as Blaze’s best friend Mack. And, Peter Fonda makes a fun Mephistopheles. But, as good as the actors are, they can’t save this so-so, lackluster Ghost Rider movie. It’s a waste of one of Marvel’s coolest badass characters.

    30. Captain America (1944): If you’re a stickler for comic book movies staying true to the original comics, then this is not the movie for you. This 1944 serial is a Captain America movie in name only. LITERALLY! The name “Captain America” is the
    only thing that it shares with the comic. The serial has District Attorney Grant Gardner as Captain America, trying to thwart the plans of The Scarab, really museum curator Dr. Cyrus Maldor, regarding his attempts to acquire the Dynamic Vibrator (boy,
    that name hasn’t aged well, but I’m sure it elicited a few sex toy jokes back then since the vibrator has been around since the 1870s) and Electronic Firebolt, devices that could be used as super-weapons. So, no Steve Rogers, no supersoldier formula,
    no Red Skull, nothing from the comic at all. It seems that Republic Pictures (which made the serial) just took an existing script and replaced the name of the original hero to “Captain America.” Why I have no idea. If they thought the original comic
    story wouldn’t sell, then they’re idiots since America was currently fighting in a World War at the time. So, as a Captain America movie, it’s terrible. But, as a 1940s serial, it’s not bad. Certainly better than the movies below it, but not as
    good as the ones above it. Also, fun fact: Dick Purcell, who played Captain America in the movie, died of a heart attack a few weeks after filming. Apparently, the strain of making the movie was too much for his heart. So, it had nothing to do with the
    comic book; and the main actor, chosen to play the epitome of peak human physicality, died of a heart attack after making it because he was too out of shape. So, yeah, not a great adaptation of the Captain.

    31. X-Men: Dark Phoenix: If you want to know why this movie failed, then read this quote from writer-director Simon Kinberg from an interview with KCRW’s The Business: “It wasn’t made as a classic superhero movie. It was made as more of a
    dramatic, intimate, smaller film.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with making a more dramatic, intimate, smaller superhero movie. But, this movie was about a powerful telekinetic mutant who gets possessed by a fire entity from outer space. That’s not
    the kind of story that needs to be small and intimate. And, trying to make The Dark Phoenix into a small and intimate affair gets you… well, this movie. Now, some things do work. The cast is still ridiculously stacked. Sophie Turner is fine as Jean
    Grey. The action scenes are good. And, I did like how the story questioned Charles Xavier’s motives for turning his students into basically a private army. But, Dark Phoenix is a bit redundant, sticking to the usual plot of the X-Men movies: the X-Men
    fighting with human who hate them and other mutants who want to take over the world, all while Professor X makes a bunch of speeches and Magneto switches from good guy to bad guy at the drop of a hat. Speaking of redundant, this is the 2nd time the Dark
    Phoenix saga has been retold, after the story got shoehorned into X-Men: The Last Stand. And yet, with a whole movie to tell the story, this was somehow worse. And, the fact that it’s a movie about a woman who suddenly gains cosmic powers in the 1990s
    made it look like a Captain Marvel rip-off. Hell, many speculated that the movie had to reshoot its ending because it was originally too similar to Captain Marvel’s. And, it continues the franchise’s love for continuity errors as it ends with Jean
    dying, even though the Days Of Future Past movie ended with Wolverine changing the timeline to where Jean lived. But, at its core, the movie is a bit of a bore, a huge whimper to end 20th Century Fox’s X-Men franchise. At times, it looks like the movie
    is just trying to get this franchise over with so that Marvel can get the X-Men into the MCU quicker. Case in point: Mystique’s new cheap make-up that obviously shows that Jennifer Lawrence didn’t wanna wear the elaborate make-up since the character
    was going to die anyway. It was just a piss-poor way to end the franchise. But, I will give Kinberg credit for taking all the blame. In that same interview, he said, “I’m the writer-director, the movie didn’t connect with audiences, that’s on me.
    You’re damn right about that.


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