XPost: alt.comics.lnh

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TRANSCRIPT OF GALAXIAN COMMUNICATIONS NEWS BROADCAST, APRIL 8, 2023


This is Marie Gruenwald, Galaxian Broadcasting. The Legion of Net.Heroes
has been thrown into chaos by the first leadership election it's had in decades. The last time the LNH experienced this kind of turmoil was the Infinite Leadership Crisis, over 15 years ago...

[incoherent screaming from somewhere in the background]

But that was determined by external circumstances and the leaders were
chosen at random. This time, the LNH is facing challenges from within,
and it's up to the LNHers themselves to determine what the team's future
will be.

We asked several of the most famous and popular LNHers whether they'd
consider running...


FEARLESS LEADER: I mean, look, my name might be Fearless Leader, but I'm
fine being second banana. I ran the LNH back in my own reality. It was a thankless job and, it didn't really end well. Good luck to whoever gets
this job. I mean it.


CATALYST LASS: Nah. I'm fine helping run the team however I can, but I'm
not the one to run it myself. I like working with other people, not just
giving the orders unilaterally, y'know?

MARIE: So you'd rather be the power behind the throne than the queen?

CATALYST LASS: *giggles*


TOKEN GIRL: Does that involve filing tax forms? Then no, absolutely not.


SISTER STATE-THE-OBVIOUS: I am not running for leader of the LNH.


CAPTAIN CONTINUITY: Uh, I'd love to talk, but I'm kind of busy right
now... [Flies back into the air and resumes battle with one of
Barkseid's Para-Dobermans.]


BETAMAX: The answers Captain Continuity and I would give are likely the
same. Working in the Generation ? program and teaching the younger
heroes are about the level of responsibility we're comfortable with
right now.


J. RANDOM KIWI (former LNH leader, day 30 of the Infinite Leadership
Crisis): Kiwi. Kiwiwkiwikiwikiwikiwi. Kiwi.


HALLS JORDAN: Look. I never got on well with Ultimate Ninja. I left
around the time he became leader, and I came back right before he left,
so I never even got to work with him that much. But I could see the
difference he made. He managed to make this team work, and only he could
have done it, becuase of who he is. The thing is, being the leader of
the LNH is not like other jobs. It's not even like leading other
net.hero teams. I could do a really good job of leading, I don't know,
Dvandom Force or the Alt.Riders or the F.I.S.H. force, but the LNH? No
way. That takes iron will and determination, and a certain je ne se
kwah, what you could describe as being completely batshit. Ultimate
Ninja could do it because, in a certain sense, he wasn't really a
person. He was an idea. The people running now are all good people...
well, not Luthor... but I don't think any of them could do it. I can't
believe I'm saying this, but the best option we have right now might be Merissa. She's the only one who's, I don't know, completely disconnected
from humanity in the same way...


So there you have it. It's clear that whoever is going to become leader
of the LNH has their work cut out for them. Who could possibly meet all
the challeges that go with winning the election and leading the LNH in
the long term? And how long is this storyline going to stay caught up
with the month it's posted? We'll just have to wait and see. Marie
Gruenwald, Galaxian Broadcasting, signing off.


--
Jeanne Morningstar, Chief Procrastinator, Commission of Ecumenical
Translators

I believe the hyperbole
I see the fourth colour
--King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, The Fourth Color

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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