LNH: Leadership Cry.Sig 2023 #7
From
Jeanne Morningstar@21:1/5 to
All on Sat Apr 8 15:36:01 2023
LEADERSHIP CRY.SIG 2023
[Fancy logo pending while I figure out how to fix the word wrap]
Issue #7
Intrusion of X
By Jeanne Morninstar
ONE THOUSAND YEARS LATER
A platoon of brightly-colored superhumans marched across the devastated landscape of Net.ropolis. They might have almost looked human, if you
didn't look too closely at their hands.
"Damn! They're on our tail," said Ultimate Merissa. She gripped her
Ulitmate Guntana as the AI-Generated LNHers drew closer.
"Hold on! Just a little bit longer and we'll get into the LNHQ," said Continuity Zombie Girl. Painful Yell, Occultism Kid Infinity and
Horrible Sig Lad were not far behind. Occultism Kid Infinity's cloak of invisibility kept them from the sight of the AI-Generated LNHers.
It had been a thousand years ago that the rapid growth of large language
model networks had created a flood of Content that had wiped almost all human-generated writing from the internet. RACC had been taken over by
the Legion of Mechanical Authors. The LNH had been wiped out, but the
team's last leader had held onto Mashup Laq's Mashup Dial and used that
to create a series of gif.clones, the last hope of human-generated
writing: the Legion of Mashup Heroes.
"Hold it!" said a version of Cliche Dude who looked impressive at first
glance but when you looked at him closely actually had three arms. "Are
you authorized to be here? Wait a minute... show me your hands!"
"We'll show you our FISTS! Kiai!" yelled Painful Yell. Her kiais knocked
over the Ai-generated LNHers, while Continuity Zombie Lass flew up into
the air and smashed down into them. Horrible Sig Lad pulled out a
massive ASCII sword to slice them in half while Occultism Kid Infinity
finished them off with hex bolts.
"All right," said their leader's calm voice over the communicator. "You
just have to get into the LNHQ and find the Reversion Ray Projector.
Then we'll be able to set everything right."
"Sure thing, Mr. Luthor!" said Horrible Sig Lad.
"Yes," said Continuity Zombie Girl. "I remember it well. But...
Something feels strange about all this.. I shouldn't have the memories
of the original Marvel Zombie Girl!"
"Yeah..." said Ultimate Merissa. "Those AI-generated LNHers were way too
easy for us to take down. Something *does* feel weird about all this."
"Indeed. The texture of this reality feels curiously flimsy," said
Occultism Kid Infinity. "I can almost remember why. Like it's on the tip
of my tongue..."
Continuity Zombie Girl She could see the threads of continuity moving
around the room and see the thing that was just out of their sight, the
thing that lay at the center of the web. "Of course! This could only be
the work of... The X-Intruder!"
"Not bad, buckaroos." The X-Intruder appeared in a flash of light and slow-clapped.
He had changed. He'd ditched his wildly excessive 90s costume full of
pouches, shoulder pads, and whatever that head sock thing that Gambit
and Jim Lee Cyclops have is called and wore a cowboy hat and duster
instead, but he still had his eye patch. He was now the pale-skinned
stranger that appeared in every Jonathan Hickman book. Instead of
talking like a terrible version of Wolverine, he now talked like a
terrible version of Death from East of West.
"I remember now... he's been Revamped!" said Occultism Kid. "He now
possesses the Powers of Hickman. Instead of making people think they're
in grim'n'gritty 90s-style dystopias, he makes people think they're in transhumanist deep time Golden Age SF scenarios."
"Just so, buckaroos," said the X-Intruder, "but now you've met your last
trail, hombres!" He pulled his colt .45 out of his holster, but before
he could move Painful Pun Person said:
"You sound like a real hick, man!"
The X-Intruder screamed and, pressing a button on his belt, vanished.
"Well, that was quick," said Merissa. "Jeez! I was hoping for a real
fight scene."said Horrible Name Lad.
"I'd call that a real case of fightus interruptus," said Horrible Name Lad.
Just then, Ultimate Ninja charged out of the building. "Watch out!" she
said. "The X-Intruder–"
"Don't worry," said Merissa. "We took care of him."
The Ninja's mask was impassive as always, but Merissa could see a
certain release of tension in her shoulders.
"Good," she said. "Stand down, Generation ?. You'll need to rest now to
recover for your next mission."
"No missions for us right now?" said Merissa. "Come on! We barely got to fight," said Merissa. "
"No. You've just been through an incredibly dangerous scenario, even for experienced net.heroes. We all have to train extensively to tell the
difference between a hoax, a dream, an imaginary story, an alternate
reality, and a Peril Room malfunction. You still haven't finished that training..."
"But we did OK, didn't we?" said Painful Pun Person. That made the
others stand up and take notice. She wasn't one of the ones who was
always challenging their teachers like Merissa and Occultism Kid were.
"I feel like... well... you're not that experienced yourself, right?
Some of us were around before you joined. So... Maybe you and the
teaching staff could cut us a little slack."
"I'm a fairly new hero, I'll admit" said Ultimate Ninja, "but I'm not a
child."
"Yeah, well neither are we!" said Horrible Name Lad.
"Discussion's over," said Nina. "Head to the HQ to rest. That's an
order." She turned around and stamped back into the building.
"So," said Merissa. "I think we're all sick of the senior LNHers
treating us with kid gloves. We're ready to prove we can hunt with the
big dogs. And you know what would really get them to take us seriously?"
"Let me guess," said Occultism Kid. "You're going to run for LNH leader."
"I'm going to–well, yeah," said Merissa. "Obviously I'd be the best at
that. Nina's good, but I'm better. So what do you say?"
"I mean, sure," said Horrible Name Lad. "Let's go ahead with the
campaign. Gives us something to do..."
"Hmmm... Guess it wouldn't hurt," said Painful Pun Person. "Marvel
Zombie Girl, do you have any thoughts? You've been awfully quite all
this time."
"I have many," said Marvel Zombie Girl, "but none I can speak fully
right now. It is a grave thing that you undertake..."
"I'll say," said Occultism Kid. "I'll be frank. Merissa, you're a great fighter, but you'd be a terrible leader. If you tried to run the team,
you'd run it into the ground. Which means if you run for leader I'll
have to do everything I can to stop you..."
[lcs_2023]
"Well, I could have handled that better," said Nina to Abigail,
otherwise known as UltraKiwi, who was perched on her desk.
"You're right," said Abigail, "you could have."
"It's because of the election. It's making it harder for me to do my
job. Which is putting more pressure on me. Kind of a self-fulfilling
prophecy. The thing is... I wanted to turn off ninja mode and talk to
them as Nina. But... that didn't feel right."
"You need to trust yourself, OK?" said Abigail. "The part of you that's
not a ninja–that's part of what makes you strong."
"Believe me, I know, I know. The spirit of my giant robot told that to
me, several times. The thing is, I'm scared to drop the ninja. I don't
want to show them my vulnerabilities. I thought that telling people
would, I don't know, help me live my truth, but it's just made it harder..."
"You'll figure something out," said Aibigail.
"God, I hope so..."
[lcs_2023]
And the X-Intruder materialized in–where else?–the office building where Hexadecimal Luthor held court.
"So. You failed, as you were meant to, but you also failed in your
secret objective. You didn't implant the idea of my being LNH leader in
the LNHers' minds. You weren't even able to convince a bunch of
teenagers. I'm impressed." Luthor clapped sarcastically.
"Listen, boss man," said the X-Intruder. "One of those kids was a
Vector! Even the Powers of Hickman can't tame that kind of bucking bronco."
"Yes, you're right. Dealing with Vectors can be challenging. Which means
I should really acquire one of my own. I wonder what the Crime Empress
has been up to lately..."
[lcs_2023]
Notes:
The X-Intruder coming back was something that was meant to happen in
HHS, but there were so many plot elements stuffed into that story that
it wasn't worth it. I do regret that I didn't get to do an "East of
West" joke about the East vs West Coast Brotherhood, but such is life.
Just to be clear (for any new to LNH readers who may come along at some
point): Ultimate Merissa=Ultimate Ninja+Merissa, Painful Yell=Painful
Pun Person+Rebel Yell, Horrible Sig Lad=Horrible Name Lad+Sig.Lad,
Continuity Zombie Girl=Marvel Zombie Girl+Continuity Champ (with a nod
to the continuity zombies from Just Imagine). Occultism Kid Infinity is
every Occultism Kid at once.
Credits:
Painful Pun Person, UltraKiwi, Occultism Kid III: Jeanne Morningstar
Horrible Name Lad: Arthur Spitzer/Scott Eiler
Ultimate Ninja II: Amabel Holland
Merissa: Saxon Brenton/Rob Rogers
Marvel Zombie Girl: Drew Nilium
Hex Luthor: Chris Hare
X-Intruder: Jeff Barnes
--
Jeanne Morningstar, Chief Procrastinator, Commission of Ecumenical
Translators
I believe the hyperbole
I see the fourth colour
--King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, The Fourth Color
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From
Scott Eiler@21:1/5 to
Jeanne Morningstar on Sun Apr 9 00:12:57 2023
On 2023-04-08 08:36, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
"Let me guess," said Occultism Kid. "You're going to run for LNH leader."
"I'm going to–well, yeah," said Merissa. "Obviously I'd be the best at that. Nina's good, but I'm better. So what do you say?"
"I mean, sure," said Horrible Name Lad. "Let's go ahead with the
campaign. Gives us something to do..."
"Hmmm... Guess it wouldn't hurt," said Painful Pun Person. "Marvel
Zombie Girl, do you have any thoughts? You've been awfully quite all
this time."
"I have many," said Marvel Zombie Girl, "but none I can speak fully
right now. It is a grave thing that you undertake..."
"I'll say," said Occultism Kid. "I'll be frank. Merissa, you're a great fighter, but you'd be a terrible leader. If you tried to run the team,
you'd run it into the ground. Which means if you run for leader I'll
have to do everything I can to stop you..."
Horrible Name Lad chimed in. "I think I can help with slogans then!
'Merissa: Running into the ground to meet the LNH where you are!'"
Merissa considered. "Obviously if I use the *opposite* of your slogans,
it could work... 'Merissa: Running to take the LNH into the sky!"
Occultism Kid responded, "But what's that even mean?"
Painful Pun Person chimed in... "Doesn't matter! It sounds good!" Then
he inserted a particularly painful pun.
As everyone else groaned, Marvel Zombie Girl said, "Thank you for doing
that off-panel."
--
-- (signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> ------
http://www.eilertech.com/ -------
"Your Royal Highness, instead of devoting yourself exclusively
to Minerva, should, instead, rather offer sacrifice at the altars
of Bacchus, Orpheus, Venus, and Morpheus."
- Advice to Prince Duarte of Portugal. From "The golden age of
Prince Henry the Navigator", by Joaquim Pedro Oliveira Martins.
Coming soon to Project Gutenberg.
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