"You are Entering -- The INFO SHUV ZONE -- with host -- MacLaughlin Man!"
said a very bald and sweaty MacLaughlin Man with 5 O'Clock shadow across
his face reading a piece of paper. And then he pulled out a white bottle
and placed it on his desk. "You ever say to yourself, 'Man -- Wish I could
be as smart as that super genius -- MacLaughlin Man?' Yeah, I know.
You're not alone. And I've got good news for you -- with this amazing
product I've got here," he said pointing to the bottle, "Your prays have finally been answered! Yessiree, These amazing CBD oil infused, completely organic -- suppositories -- are gonna SUPERCHARGE that mind of yours! Just shove three of these babies a day and you're right on the path to becoming
a towering supernova of thought like your dear old pal, MacLaughlin Man!

"And we've got a great deal for you Shuvheads out there -- Enter Promocode #SHUVUPHOL and you're going to get a WEEK'S supply of THOT SHUVVERS -- for
only -- get this -- for only $69.69! Man, that is like the BEST DEAL EVER! You'd be a complete moron not to buy this! And if you're a complete moron
-- buy THOT SUVVERS and change that! That's Promocode #SHUVUPHOL -- Time
to put those Thot Shuvvers where the Sun Don't Shine -- To Improve That
Mind!

And MacLaughlin Man paused for bit as if reflecting about all the choices
that he had made in life. All those choices that led to him being here in
this incredibly crummy studio. Once there was a time he had had THE NUMBER
one TV program on NNN. People would wait on him -- hand and foot. But
now? He was here.

MacLaughlin Man cleared his throat and pulled out another piece of paper. "Okay, we've got Great Show with a Great Guest for you today. This little
lady -- who might very well be the next Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes
-- is someone who I'm sure you all already know. But in case you've been living under a rock for the last decade, I give you -- Only-Does-Good- Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass! Did I get that right?"

"Please, just call me Pragmatic-Reasons Lass," said a woman appearing on a
zoom screen that looked to be in her late twenties wearing a dark blue superhero costume that had a ton of complex mathematical equations all over
it. She also had a pretty spiffy looking calculator in her hand. "It's wonderful to be on. Love the show. You're like one of the bravest truth tellers in our current media landscape."

MacLaughlin Man's eyes lighted up a bit as he smugly rubbed his double
chin. "Yeah -- I kinda am." And then his face got super serious. "But
let's cut to the chase. You know I'm not fan of the LNH. And as much as I
had my problems with the old LNH regime -- this new one? I think its even worse if that's even possible! I mean the old Ultimate Ninja -- for all
the bad things I could say about him like how he was Satanic Bootlicking
Whore Mongering Nazi Tapdancing Puppy Molester -- you did have to respect
that he got to where he got to from pulling himself up with his own
Incredibly Homicidal Super Terrorist Welfare Cheating Bootstraps! You did
have to respect that! But this NEW one? Oh, man -- this new one. This
Silver Spoon Gobbling Soyboy Swilling Nepo Baby Coastal Elitist Monster
that's now leading the LNH? Man. Where do I even start? And is it just
me or is this like the MOST Super Woke LNH ever? EVER!! All that CRT and Pronouns and Hunter Biden's laptop that they're trying to inject into our children?!! I just can't take it anymore!!"

"Hah," Pragmatic-Reasons Lass said with a slight smirk, "I think I'm going
to have to disagree with some of that. Look. Nina Yamashiro is a good kid
and her heart is in the right place. But she's young. Very young. And
being Leader of the LNH is like the hardest job in the world. So, it's
very understandable why she's having a bad job doing it. I think we need someone a bit more seasoned. A bit more grownup. I mean these kids today
just don't have any understanding about how the real world works. They see Socialism and Marxism in like some TikTok video and think, Yeah. We should
try that -- not understanding that there was thing called the Cold War that showed why that experiment failed.

"No, what we need are REAL Solutions to our -- REAL Problems. I mean this beautiful Free Market system made America the GREATEST country in the WORLD
-- and if it could do that to America THEN why can't it also make the LNH
GREAT -- AGAIN?! Of course it can! And it will with me in charge. This current model of the LNH -- trying to save the world for free? It's just
not sustainable. It's not realistic! No."

"Yeah," nodded MacLaughlin Man, "Was never quite sure how the LNH could do
all that saving the world stuff for free. Where do they get their funding
from anyway? Selling Meth? White Slavery? George Soros? Probably all
three. But regardless -- what is your plan?!"

"I see it being like a -- subscription type model. There will be various
tiers with various perks that will..."

"Wait," said MacLaughlin Man with a grimace. "You expect people to PAY to
be SAVED?! That's never going to work!"

"Look. Hear me out. Perhaps subscription is a bad choice of words.
Perhaps Investment would be a better one."

"Investment?"

"Yes. You know -- when you think about -- what is the biggest problem in
the world?"

And before MacLaughlin Man could say, 'That the LNH hasn't been executed
for all their numerous crimes,' she finished. "Everyone isn't super rich. Would we have any problems if everyone was super rich? No, of course not. Super rich people don't rob banks. They don't take bribes. They don't
need to do any crimes -- because why? Because they're SUPER RICH. Now
imagine everyone in the world and they're super rich. Just imagine that.
Yes. No more problems. None."

"Yeah," said MacLaughlin Man with a very skeptical look, "But that's not possible. Everyone can't be super rich."

"No. Actually it is. I've done the math." She pointed to her calculator.

"The Math?"

"Yes. I've worked it all out. I mean I can't really show you it because
its this highly complex new type of math that I've invented that only 'I'
can truly understand. But it's all there. It all works out. Trust me."

"Well, if you say so. But what's this have to with the LNH?"

"Imagine the LNH as -- a Hedge Fund. But not some Hedge Fund that's only
for a SELECT group of snooty, wealthy elitists. No. This will be one for EVERYONE. Everyone in the World will be able to OWN a part of the LNH.
And when other people see this new LNH Owning Class start to become
incredibly wealthy they'll rush in to grab their own piece of the pie! And before you know it -- Everyone Will be LNH! We'll all own a piece of the
LNH. We'll all be Super Rich from that piece. And we'll all be living in
this perfect world where we're all heroes! All of US!!

And Pragmatic-Reasons Lass paused for a bit and looked straight into the
camera on her laptop. "And that's my Vision. That's my Plan. And that's
why you should vote for me -- Pragmatic-Reasons Lass -- Next Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes!" And then she closed her eyes as if meditating and finally said, "Amen."


**** **** ****


A rather entranced wReamhack slurped away with his straw at the final drop
of Mr. Paprika ('Now that's an Overworked Hackers Pop!') in his BIG SLURP
CUP as his eyes remained glued to his monitor screen. "Wow. Turning the
LNH into a Hedge Fund? You know when you think about it -- that does kind
of make a lot sense! I mean..."

Cheesecake-Eater Lad glared at his friend while shaking his head. "Tell me you're not serious! You know this is scam!"

"Oh, yeah -- sure -- I mean -- sure. At least for those poor suckers
who're still holding once the bubble burst. But for the wise investor that knows how to correctly time the market..."

Cheesecake-Eater Lad's very disappointed look began to intensify.

"Umm... hey... I mean," wReamhack continued with a sheepish grin. "Of
course dumping LNH stock to make a huge killing would be wrong. Yes, very wrong. It's certainly something I, myself, would never do. Nope. No
thoughts of doing that at all. Yep. Uhuh."



**** **** ****



Credits:

MacLaughlin Man and wReamhack are wReam's
Cheesecake-Eater Lad is Matthew Jotham Millheiser's
and Pragmatic-Reasons Lass is mine


Writer's Notes:


Okay, only reason I could think of Pragmatic-Reasons Lass for wanting to be
LNH Leader was some Make Money grifter scheme. And is 27 year old Pragmatic-Reasons Lass actually older than Nina -- well, okay, I don't what actual age Nina is -- a teen? Early 20s? I guess it would be kind of
funny if they were both them same age or if Nina was actually older than
her.

Arthur "Another one..." Spitzer

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)

Holy shit, I looked away and we're up to issue #5. :D This is amazing. Let's see...

On 4/5/23 10:22 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:

"You are Entering -- The INFO SHUV ZONE -- with host -- MacLaughlin Man!" said a very bald and sweaty MacLaughlin Man with 5 O'Clock shadow across
his face reading a piece of paper.

Oh boy. X3

These amazing CBD oil infused, completely
organic -- suppositories -- are gonna SUPERCHARGE that mind of yours! Just shove three of these babies a day and you're right on the path to becoming
a towering supernova of thought like your dear old pal, MacLaughlin Man!

XD XD XD

And MacLaughlin Man paused for bit as if reflecting about all the choices that he had made in life. All those choices that led to him being here in this incredibly crummy studio. Once there was a time he had had THE NUMBER one TV program on NNN. People would wait on him -- hand and foot. But
now? He was here.

I feel like this is true for a lot of the long-term right-wing pundits - chewed up and spit out as others went even further into nonsense land.

But in case you've been
living under a rock for the last decade, I give you -- Only-Does-Good- Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass!

:D

"Please, just call me Pragmatic-Reasons Lass," said a woman appearing on a zoom screen that looked to be in her late twenties wearing a dark blue superhero costume that had a ton of complex mathematical equations all over it. She also had a pretty spiffy looking calculator in her hand.

Ooooooh, nice. I definitely gotta make a character page for her... ooooh, she got the 2016 RACCie for Best Supporting Character, forgot about that...

MacLaughlin Man's eyes lighted up a bit as he smugly rubbed his double
chin. "Yeah -- I kinda am."

X3

I mean the old Ultimate Ninja -- for all
the bad things I could say about him like how he was Satanic Bootlicking Whore Mongering Nazi Tapdancing Puppy Molester -- you did have to respect that he got to where he got to from pulling himself up with his own Incredibly Homicidal Super Terrorist Welfare Cheating Bootstraps!

XD XD XD omg

And is it just
me or is this like the MOST Super Woke LNH ever? EVER!! All that CRT and Pronouns and Hunter Biden's laptop that they're trying to inject into our children?!! I just can't take it anymore!!"

XD Amazing, painfully accurate.

"Hah," Pragmatic-Reasons Lass said with a slight smirk, "I think I'm going
to have to disagree with some of that.

; Yes indeed.

Look. Nina Yamashiro is a good kid
and her heart is in the right place. But she's young. Very young. And being Leader of the LNH is like the hardest job in the world. So, it's
very understandable why she's having a bad job doing it.

Oof, good reasonable-sounding pundit speak.

I mean these kids today
just don't have any understanding about how the real world works. They see Socialism and Marxism in like some TikTok video and think, Yeah. We should try that -- not understanding that there was thing called the Cold War that showed why that experiment failed.

Holy shit, this is painfully accurate. x-x

"No, what we need are REAL Solutions to our -- REAL Problems. I mean this beautiful Free Market system made America the GREATEST country in the WORLD -- and if it could do that to America THEN why can't it also make the LNH GREAT -- AGAIN?! Of course it can! And it will with me in charge.

Bringing in just enough to stir up the base, of course.

This
current model of the LNH -- trying to save the world for free? It's just
not sustainable. It's not realistic! No."

Here it is. X>

"Yeah," nodded MacLaughlin Man, "Was never quite sure how the LNH could do all that saving the world stuff for free. Where do they get their funding from anyway? Selling Meth? White Slavery? George Soros? Probably all three.

X3

"I see it being like a -- subscription type model. There will be various tiers with various perks that will..."

"Wait," said MacLaughlin Man with a grimace. "You expect people to PAY to
be SAVED?! That's never going to work!"

That's the most reasonable thing he's said in a while. X>

Would we have any problems if everyone was super rich? No, of course not. Super rich people don't rob banks. They don't take bribes. They don't
need to do any crimes -- because why? Because they're SUPER RICH. Now imagine everyone in the world and they're super rich. Just imagine that. Yes. No more problems. None."

...I admit to being intrigued.

"Yeah," said MacLaughlin Man with a very skeptical look, "But that's not possible. Everyone can't be super rich."

"No. Actually it is. I've done the math." She pointed to her calculator.

"The Math?"

"Yes. I've worked it all out. I mean I can't really show you it because
its this highly complex new type of math that I've invented that only 'I'
can truly understand. But it's all there. It all works out. Trust me."

XD Ahhhhh, I see how it is. Amazing.

"Well, if you say so. But what's this have to with the LNH?"

"Imagine the LNH as -- a Hedge Fund. But not some Hedge Fund that's only
for a SELECT group of snooty, wealthy elitists. No. This will be one for EVERYONE. Everyone in the World will be able to OWN a part of the LNH.
And when other people see this new LNH Owning Class start to become incredibly wealthy they'll rush in to grab their own piece of the pie! And before you know it -- Everyone Will be LNH! We'll all own a piece of the LNH. We'll all be Super Rich from that piece. And we'll all be living in this perfect world where we're all heroes! All of US!!

Dang, that's a fucking powerful promise. That'll get people that wouldn't otherwise fall for this sort of thing, out of pure hope. This is some good villainy-- er, I mean, good deeds. <.< >.>

Cheesecake-Eater Lad glared at his friend while shaking his head. "Tell me you're not serious! You know this is scam!"

"Oh, yeah -- sure -- I mean -- sure. At least for those poor suckers
who're still holding once the bubble burst. But for the wise investor that knows how to correctly time the market..."

Oh my god. X3;

Cheesecake-Eater Lad's very disappointed look began to intensify.

"Umm... hey... I mean," wReamhack continued with a sheepish grin. "Of
course dumping LNH stock to make a huge killing would be wrong. Yes, very wrong. It's certainly something I, myself, would never do. Nope. No thoughts of doing that at all. Yep. Uhuh."

X3 X3 X3 Amazing. <3

Okay, only reason I could think of Pragmatic-Reasons Lass for wanting to be LNH Leader was some Make Money grifter scheme. And is 27 year old Pragmatic-Reasons Lass actually older than Nina -- well, okay, I don't what actual age Nina is -- a teen? Early 20s? I guess it would be kind of
funny if they were both them same age or if Nina was actually older than
her.

X3 Hmmmm... Back in HHS #6, it was established that she'd been in art school when she became the Ultimate Ninja; in the present day, it seemed like she'd graduated but probably wasn't very far out. So I'd say, younger, but only by a few years.

Drew "23-24 range, something like" Nilium

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)

On Friday, April 7, 2023 at 5:54:55 PM UTC-7, Drew Nilium wrote:

And MacLaughlin Man paused for bit as if reflecting about all the choices that he had made in life. All those choices that led to him being here in this incredibly crummy studio. Once there was a time he had had THE NUMBER one TV program on NNN. People would wait on him -- hand and foot. But
now? He was here.

I feel like this is true for a lot of the long-term right-wing pundits - chewed
up and spit out as others went even further into nonsense land.

Where have you gone, Bill O'Reilly? :)

X3 Hmmmm... Back in HHS #6, it was established that she'd been in art school when she became the Ultimate Ninja; in the present day, it seemed like she'd graduated but probably wasn't very far out. So I'd say, younger, but only by a
few years.

Drew "23-24 range, something like" Nilium

Good to know!

Arthur "Thanks!" Spitzer

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)

On 4/8/23 1:52 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:

On Friday, April 7, 2023 at 5:54:55 PM UTC-7, Drew Nilium wrote:

And MacLaughlin Man paused for bit as if reflecting about all the choices >>> that he had made in life. All those choices that led to him being here in >>> this incredibly crummy studio. Once there was a time he had had THE NUMBER >>> one TV program on NNN. People would wait on him -- hand and foot. But
now? He was here.

I feel like this is true for a lot of the long-term right-wing pundits - chewed
up and spit out as others went even further into nonsense land.

Where have you gone, Bill O'Reilly? :)

A nation turns its lonely eyes to you-- lol yeah right

Drew "23-24 range, something like" Nilium

Good to know!

Arthur "Thanks!" Spitzer

Drew "Very welcome!" Nilium

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)