[continued from previous message]

do Conty," replied MMT while Contraption Lad quickly engaged his force shields.
"So, what is Acton Lord up to now?" asked Reb.
"Hopefully, his systems are so screwed that he's out of the picture. However, there's still Mr. Minister to watch out for."
Everyone said in unison, "Who?"

* * * *

"Okay, I'll concede that I'm not the original Acton Lord. I've had this inferiority complex ever since I..."
"Shh. Readers are back. No need to give too much of our background yet. In any case, allow me to start cleaning up the mess 'Bambi' left." PCAL (PrimeClone Acton Lord) waved his hands at the computer console and it hummed back into life.
++ Systems at 98%...files uncorrupted...performing self-check... ++
"H-how did you do that?" asked a visibly shaken wRAL (wReamed Acton Lord).
"Practice. When you don't rely on Big Guns and Cosmic Plot Doohickeys you learn to use your natural talents...which are all a true villain needs. That which is corrupted can be uncorrupted by simply corrupting the timestream and reversing whatever corrupted the object in the first place. It's also a handy way to recruit henchmen...find a very powerful person in the future who was somehow slighted by the LNH and warp his timeline to the here and now. After all, with all these heroes from the future, it only fighting fire with fire."
"I'm impressed. But what do we do about 'Bambi'? She still has the Zip file, and any minute now will give it to the LNH! Plus," he added, looking down his collar at his chest, "I think I have a more personal reason to want her put down."
PCAL peered down the front of wRAL's half-open top and winced. "Indeed. Here," he said, handing wRAL a small remote control.
"What is it?"
"Well, when I was checking out future time indices for any GIFs that might have escaped mutation, I spotted Miss Multitask. At that point I was hit by a stroke of sheer genius and devised the perfect weapon to use against her. Just push the button marked L...."

* * * *

A battered and dented Sufferyng lay on the floor of his hideout as the smoke dissipated. Sig.pocalypse was pulling back together after having 'exploded', knocking down Sufferyng and the exterior walls. Sufferyng's weapons lay scattered about broken, melted or...eaten?
"Now, Sufferyng, before I destroy you, I wish to see your face."
"W-why? Haven't you done enough?"
"I want to make sure you don't look like Table," replied Sig.pocalypse, pulling off the wickedly bladed helmet. And beneath it....
...a rubber monkey mask.
"OH no you don't! I've seen the Prisoner too! Well, you can forget about me pulling off *that* mask. Say goodnight, gracie!"
"Good night Gracie," said a voice from behind Sig.pocalyse.
SP turned, and saw that Sufferyng's base was in fact one of the Conveniently Vacated Buildings across from LNHQ. That would explain how he popped in so suddenly (tm). Behind SP stood Sidewinder, his eyes glowing with unholy power.
"Sidewinder, what's wrAHWHIGEQP(YUIDGHIS HIFGHGDASJHKGSKJHGFD!!!!"
Sidewinder had cut loose with twin powerbeams from his hands, cutting Sig.Pocalypse down.
"b-but...Sidewinder...you don't have powerbeams...." muttered Sig.Lad, who had once again destabilized and now was slowly oozing apart.
"Fool! I ALWAYS had powerbeams! For is that not the major power of..." <Sidewinder rips off his uniform, revealing another underneath (which wouldn't all have fit under the Sidewinder costume, BTW)>
"...the GOLDEN AGE ACTON LORD!!!!!!"
"no...."
"YES! Now DIE!" Powerbeams lanced out again and again, hammering into the helpless Sig.Lad.
"b-but...how long...where is real sidewinder..."
"There never was any Sidewinder but me! I can back into the past, disguised as a new Net.Hero, to do my dirty work! It was *I* who killed Flatulance Lad, not Invisible Incendiary! And..."
Suddenly (tm), Plot King was thrown back into the fray, blocking one of the powerbeams.
"Ho! What is this! The completion of foreshadowing and a LONG RANGE PLOT??? I sense that the writer had actually PLANNED this out weeks ago, when he wrote his "Death of Flats" story! My power is once again restored! HA!" exulted Plot King.
Meanwhile, GAAL (Golden Age Acton Lord) took the opportunity of the long rant to carefully grab Sufferyng and beat a hasty retreat, not wishing to face a rejuvenated Plot King.
"Come, Sig.Lad! I must get you to the Med Lab so you can be cured in time for Part 12!" said Plot King. "Then it's back to the fray!"

* * * *

In the LNHQ, an explosion was heard.
"That must be Sig.Lad annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd.........." trailed off Taskani.
The explosion outside was forgotten as every red-blooded male member of the LNH rushed to Taskani's aid. "What's wrong?" asked Parking Karma Kid.
"Heh. Serves her right for using an Amiga," chortled Sarcastic Lad.
"Wait, I know this affliction," said M-TM. "She's LAGGED!"
"WHAT?" spat Contraption Man. "On all 10^24 windows? This can only be caused by Acton Lord! It's the ULTIMATE LAG!"

* * * *

Kid Anarky had finished his video game and was sneaking out the back of the mall to make it back to Integrity Quest on time when he noticed something odd. The mall was...bulging. And not metaphorically, it really was bulging at the seams! Peering through the doors, he saw the entire roster of the LNH that was ever written about had arrived at the mall, along with hundreds of fanboy little kids! Even DEAD members were there! How could this be? It was like some Crossover Gone Wrong! Suddenly (reverted to public domain, drat it all) in a rather cheesy BBC-type special effect, the Mall reached Critical Mass and pulled in on itself, like a black hole.... All that remained was a hole with pipes cut off at the edge.

* * * *

In COMA, Ultimate Ninja was about to throttle Mr. Z rather than listen to his exactly-a-flattened-fifth-out-of-key voice another second, when it got really crowded.
An entire mall full of people, along with the entire membership of the LNH (editor's note: most of them are really X-Over Men) appeared in the middle of COMA.
"Oh, goody! Now we an do A Chorus Line!" cackled the Electrocutioner.
As the Electrocutioner began to give directions ("line up shortest to tallest..."), the view pulls back...and back...and back until we see the whole scene on a giant viewer. In shadow is a figure at a microphone, giving the stage directions. A small light shines on the scores he has in front of him. As he reaches to flip a page, his hand comes in view and we see a very familiar braided sleeve design....



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Next Week: Okay, will probably just post the Eggplant Mini...

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Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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