XPost: alt.comics.lnh

Another LNH Title? Really? #14:
"THIS DATE, THIS DISASTER!"
by Jeanne Morningstar

====

SHORTLY AFTER THE SABERTOOTH PLAGUE IS CURED IN NET.ROPOLIS, WHICH IS,
UH, I'M GOING TO ASK DREW IN CHAT, GIVE ME A SEC... LATE MAY, 2020:

Catalyst Lass had a lot of things on her mind: preparing for the war
against the Crossover Queen, tracking the activities of the new Doctor
Killfile or the Brotherhood's new leader, seeking out new LNHers who'd
been activated by the Catalyzation Wave. But there was one thing that
was making her more anxious than anything else:

"I'm going on a date!"

Hell Catalyst, her "sister," looked at her from over her phone screen
where she was playing to win the anime girl version of Boy Lad in some
gacha game.

"I know! Isn't it great?" She clapped her hands together.

"It is, yeah..."

"And?"

"I'll be blunt, Hell Catalyst, I'm scared. I haven't been on an actual
*date* in ages. Not since the days I was kind of going out with Particle
Man, uh... I *really* don't want to think about how many years ago that
was."

"But you've been out with Tara lots, right? This is just like that."

"But it was never a *date*, HC. This is a date. It's different now..."

"Is it? Okay, what about the time you and Tara were independently going undercover in the HexFire club and you were evil lesbianing at her?"
[Beige Countdown #4-2??? Maybe??? Who knows--ed.]

"I just did that so I could fake being under Mr. Tiddles's control, OK."

"*Sure* you did. Look, I was there--"

"All right, fine. I've never been on a date with her where I wasn't
pretending to be evil to trick a mind controlling cat. The thing is..."

"Yeah?"

"Back when I was dating Particle Man... There were a lot of reasons we
kind of drifted apart, but the main reason was... Our dates kept getting interrupted by net.hero business. Murder clones or whatever. What if
that happens here? What if she doesn't enjoy it? She'll--"

"She'll what? Do you think she'd stop wanting to have anything to do
with you after everything you've been through?"

"Well... My head says no, but my anxiety says yes. The main thing is,
I... I don't want her to feel bad."

"She'll enjoy it, whatever happens. Trust me." Hell Catalyst patted her
on the shoulder.

"All right, all right..." She relaxed her shoulders a little. "So, what
kind of dress should I wear? I was thinking--"

"I thought you were going to a karaoke place," said Hell Catalyst.

"Well... Yeah. But--"

"You don't need to dress up, OK? Tara's not really a fancy dress kind of
girl."

"Yeah, I guess... I just... I want it to be special."

"It will be. No matter what."

"Yeah. yeah, OK. I knew that, but..."

"That's why you need me around sis. To tell you the things you already
know."

Token Girl was waiting outside on the LNHQ parking lot, astride her
motorcycle. "Oooh, nice," said Catalyst Lass. "But uh, I though the
Sing-Along Cafe was in walking distance..."

"Yeah, but walking isn't *cool,*" said Tara. "Nothing but the best for
*my* girlfriend."

"Eeeee," said Catalyst Lass. Whenever she heard Tara use that word about
her, she felt like melting into a warm puddle. She put her arms around
her and got behind her on the motorbike. This is the life, she thought.
She didn't even need the rest of the date, this was too perfect...
Although probably she needed to eat.

They drove up to the Sing-Along Cafe, the place where everyone knows
your name, whether or not they've seen you before. (A metaphysical
aftereffect of when Net.Gods had performed there.)

They ordered their dinner, talked about everything and nothing, and then
it was time to sing. Tara stepped up to the stage. Cat looked up at her girlfriend with adoration in her eyes.

And then a man walked into the Sing-Along Cafe. A very muscular, very
familiar man. Cat's heart sank and she recognized the Chuggernaut.

"Token Girl!" shouted the Chuggernaut. His voice made the walls of the
Cafe shake. "I'm here for a rematch! I'll bet you think you're so great
after you beat DeltaKiwi Meganthereon in that drinking contest [HHS #49--Footnote Girl], but I'm better! I've been training for years and
years to take you on after you beat me [Retcon Hour], and this time I'll--"

"Sorry," said Token Girl, "hate to break it to you but... I don't drink anymore."

"You don't... what?"

"Yeah, the last time I did a drinking contest, I kind of.... died. And
I'd rather not go through that again. So I'm going sober, at least for a while."

"You're going... sober?" Chuggernaut said that word like it was the most disgusting, horrifying thing in the world. "Then... I trained myself in
the Beer Hall of the Mountain King... I came here... for nothing?" His
body shook and his muscles bulged. He looked like he was just about
ready to tear the whole place down.

But Catalyst Lass was in her element. "OK," she said, getting up out of
the seat, "but you could still do karaoke, right? Nothing goes together
like being drunk and terrible singing."

The Motivational Maiden blinked her eyelashes and exerted the utmost of
her persuasive power on the Chuggernaut... and it worked. "OK, said the Chuggernaut. "Gimme a sec."

He stood up on on the stage and grabbed the microphone as a new song
came on: "Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely..."
His singing was a lot better than Cat had expected.

But then, a cold metallic voice spoke: "HALT. DO NOT MOVE. YOUR USE OF
SONG LYRICS IS INFRINGING OF COPYRIGHT. YOU WILL BE DEMONETIZED."

Three huge silver robots clanked into the cafe, bristling with weaponry.
Some patrons rushed out, some took out their phones and snapped
pictures. "God damn it," said Token Girl. "Takedown Bots!"

"No way in hell you're demonizing me! This is a parody universe so we
can quote all the damn song lyrics we want!" slurred the Chuggernaut. "Rrrarrrrgh!" Exerting all his beer-commercial power, the Chuggernaut
summoned a group of scantily-clad beer commercial babes, wielding huge broadswords like some 80s sword and sorcery flick. They hacked away at
the Takedown Bots, but to no avail. Catalyst Lass rolled her eyes at the blatant pandering to the male gaze, then noticed her girlfriend was
ogling their butts.

"All right," said Chuggernaut. "I'm going into super mode!" A halo of
energy began to corusctate around him. "BUD... WEIS... ER!" His flesh
began to melt and bubble. He was turning into a giant Budweiser
Frog-man! [Does anyone even remember the Budweiser Frogs anymore? I
remember when my high school science teacher had a Budweiser Frogs
screen saver--oh right, the story--ed.]

The Chuggernaut spat out balls of flame at the Takedown Bots, which shot
laser blasts back at him. He pummeled them with his mighty frog-fists
and was pummeled in turn. "You know," said Token Girl, "I should
probably do something about this. Gimme a sec." She took out her
slingshot and started shooting exploding bus tokens at the Takedown Bots.

"Ahaha," said Catalyst Lass, handing more money to the waitress. "Sorry
about that."

"It's ok," said the waitress flatly. "This kind of thing happens all the
time."

But after many blows and explosions were exchanged, the Takedown Bots retreated, zwooshing off into the air. "Yessss!" said Token Girl,
high-fiving the Chuggernaut.

"Ha! I knew I was awesome," he said. He went back to singing a
surprisingly emotional rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Now was the time for Tara to sing. She got up into the stage, spotlight
shining on her. "You can do it," mouthed Cat. The song was Moonlight
Densetsu. She sang it without missing a beat. The entire room cheered,
even the Chuggernaut.

Cat and Tara, exhausted left the Chuggernaut and the Cafe behind. She
was enraptured seeing her girlfriend grinning and covered in sweat like,
but then remembered her worst anxiety had come true and her heart broke. "Look..." she said. "I'm... sorry about how that went. That kind of
thing tends to happen when I go on dates. I hope you--"

"Are you kidding?" Token Girl laughed. "That was great It's been way too
long since I had a real knock-down drag-out fight like that. I feel a
lot better. And now that I'm feeling energized, well... *wink*." Yes,
she'd actually said "wink." It was wonderful.

====

Catalyst Lass: Elisabeth Riba, Free For Use
Token Girl: Tara LJC O'Shea Not Reserved
Chuggernaut: Arthur Spitzer and Jeff McCoskey, Free for Use
Takedown Bots: Jeanne Morningstar, Free for Use
Sing-Along Cafe: Jameel Al Khafiz


--
Jeanne "Comrade Bruce Wayne: Gossip Girl" Morningstar
Chief Procrastinator, Commission of Ecumenical Translators

It is a foul bauble of man's vanity. Away with it!
--Count Dracula, throwing a mirror out a window, _Dracula_ by Bram Stoker

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XPost: alt.comics.lnh

On 8/31/22 9:41 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
<snip>

SHORTLY AFTER THE SABERTOOTH PLAGUE IS CURED IN NET.ROPOLIS, WHICH IS, UH, I'M
GOING TO ASK DREW IN CHAT, GIVE ME A SEC... LATE MAY, 2020:

They did, too X3

Catalyst Lass had a lot of things on her mind: preparing for the war against the
Crossover Queen, tracking the activities of the new Doctor Killfile or the Brotherhood's new leader, seeking out new LNHers who'd been activated by the Catalyzation Wave. But there was one thing that was making her more anxious than
anything else:

"I'm going on a date!"

:D :D :D <3 <3 <3

Hell Catalyst, her "sister," looked at her from over her phone screen where she
was playing to win the anime girl version of Boy Lad in some gacha game.

I want to play that. X3

"I'll be blunt, Hell Catalyst, I'm scared. I haven't been on an actual *date* in
ages. Not since the days I was kind of going out with Particle Man, uh... I *really* don't want to think about how many years ago that was."

hahaha, relatable. @-@

"Is it? Okay, what about the time you and Tara were independently going undercover in the HexFire club and you were evil lesbianing at her?" [Beige Countdown #4-2??? Maybe??? Who knows--ed.]

Oh, yeah, that could be what that is. X3;;;;

"All right, fine. I've never been on a date with her where I wasn't pretending
to be evil to trick a mind controlling cat.

#relatable

"She'll what? Do you think she'd stop wanting to have anything to do with you after everything you've been through?"

"Well... My head says no, but my anxiety says yes. The main thing is, I... I don't want her to feel bad."

#actuallyrelatable

"That's why you need me around sis. To tell you the things you already know."

^.^

Token Girl was waiting outside on the LNHQ parking lot, astride her motorcycle.
"Oooh, nice," said Catalyst Lass. "But uh, I though the Sing-Along Cafe was in
walking distance..."

"Yeah, but walking isn't *cool,*" said Tara. "Nothing but the best for *my* girlfriend."

"Eeeee," said Catalyst Lass.

Neeeeeeeeeeeeerds. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

They drove up to the Sing-Along Cafe, the place where everyone knows your name,
whether or not they've seen you before. (A metaphysical aftereffect of when Net.Gods had performed there.)

:3 Love it.

They ordered their dinner, talked about everything and nothing, and then it was
time to sing. Tara stepped up to the stage. Cat looked up at her girlfriend with
adoration in her eyes.

eeeeeeeee. ^.^

And then a man walked into the Sing-Along Cafe. A very muscular, very familiar
man. Cat's heart sank and she recognized the Chuggernaut.

Oh noooooo. X3

"Sorry," said Token Girl, "hate to break it to you but... I don't drink anymore."

"You don't... what?"

"Yeah, the last time I did a drinking contest, I kind of.... died. And I'd rather not go through that again. So I'm going sober, at least for a while."

Always valid, but *especially* in this case o3o;;;

"You're going... sober?" Chuggernaut said that word like it was the most disgusting, horrifying thing in the world. "Then... I trained myself in the Beer
Hall of the Mountain King... I came here... for nothing?"

heeheehee

But Catalyst Lass was in her element. "OK," she said, getting up out of the seat, "but you could still do karaoke, right? Nothing goes together like being
drunk and terrible singing."

The Motivational Maiden blinked her eyelashes and exerted the utmost of her persuasive power on the Chuggernaut... and it worked.

Hell yeah! :D

But then, a cold metallic voice spoke: "HALT. DO NOT MOVE. YOUR USE OF SONG LYRICS IS INFRINGING OF COPYRIGHT. YOU WILL BE DEMONETIZED."

Three huge silver robots clanked into the cafe, bristling with weaponry. Some patrons rushed out, some took out their phones and snapped pictures. "God damn
it," said Token Girl. "Takedown Bots!"

omg! We finally get to see them X3

"No way in hell you're demonizing me! This is a parody universe so we can quote
all the damn song lyrics we want!" slurred the Chuggernaut.

YEAH!!! >:o

Exerting all his beer-commercial power, the Chuggernaut summoned a group of scantily-clad beer commercial babes, wielding huge broadswords like some 80s sword and sorcery flick.

YEAH! :D

Catalyst Lass rolled her eyes at the blatant pandering to the male gaze, then noticed her girlfriend was ogling their butts.

X3 <3

"All right," said Chuggernaut. "I'm going into super mode!" A halo of energy began to corusctate around him. "BUD... WEIS... ER!" His flesh began to melt and
bubble.

Holy shit :o

He was turning into a giant Budweiser Frog-man! [Does anyone even
remember the Budweiser Frogs anymore? I remember when my high school science teacher had a Budweiser Frogs screen saver--oh right, the story--ed.]

omfg X3; I *vaguely* do?

"Ahaha," said Catalyst Lass, handing more money to the waitress. "Sorry about that."

"It's ok," said the waitress flatly. "This kind of thing happens all the time."

Customer service, am I right?

"Yessss!" said Token Girl, high-fiving the Chuggernaut.

"Ha! I knew I was awesome," he said. He went back to singing a surprisingly emotional rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart.

They're friends now. n.n

Now was the time for Tara to sing. She got up into the stage, spotlight shining
on her. "You can do it," mouthed Cat. The song was Moonlight Densetsu. She sang
it without missing a beat. The entire room cheered, even the Chuggernaut.

D'awwwww.

"Look..." she
said. "I'm... sorry about how that went. That kind of thing tends to happen when
I go on dates. I hope you--"

"Are you kidding?" Token Girl laughed. "That was great It's been way too long since I had a real knock-down drag-out fight like that. I feel a lot better. And
now that I'm feeling energized, well... *wink*." Yes, she'd actually said "wink." It was wonderful.

omfg <3 ADORABLE

Drew "they're SUCH nerds" Nilium

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