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VVVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvVVV 8D SYSTEM CORRUPTORS D8 V^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^V^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^VV^^^^^^V Issue #37: "An Honest Mistake" By Drew Nilium V VV VV VV VV V VV VV VV VV V

The evening of April 24th, 2020. After all the battles have concluded.

====

The war of the Brotherhoods was over, and Mistake was shuffling thru the wreckage. Well, actually she was shuffling thru a bunch of file folders, looking
at the profiles the Crime Empress had kept of the members of both her team and the East Coast Brotherhood. "The question is, who do we want to keep?"

Lucky Chain Letter Lucy, her partner in both romance and crime, sat across the table, looking at a laptop and going thru the Empress's secret data, which had proven amenable to hacking once the Compuwarlock had physical access. "Probably simpler to ask who we *don't* want to keep."

"Mmm, yeah." Mistake took out one of the folders, put it to the side. "I paid off Far.net.heit 451 before we even moved in. That's not the kinda passion we need."

Lucy nodded, handing her another. "DNSDaemon disappeared during the big battle and hasn't come back into contact."

Mistake put it on the pile. "That's cool, I don't want anybody who doesn't want to be a part of this on the team."

"Ven-Dorr said he was tired of getting turned into a giant monster and decided to go back to being a morally ambiguous wildcard rather than a net.villain."

"Reasonable. And I've got a replacement waiting in the wings, there." [HHS #EPILOG (Side A) - Footnote Girl]

"Doctor Killfile also disappeared, but..." She turned the laptop around. "Half an hour ago we got this in the Empress's private email..."

A video file started playing, with Doctor Killfile's steady hand holding a phone up to her face; behind her was a shiny, high-tech lab. "To the new leader of the Brotherhood of Net.Villains. Congratulations. I'll take the liberty of assuming you'd be interested in having me work with you." Mistake snorted but kept watching. "Currently, I'm busy with my own projects. However, the East Coast Brotherhood was a rather productive environment for my experiments, and if you're willing to provide a similar environment, you may consider me... a reserve member."

Mistake shook her head, smiling. "Works for me. I gotta admire her ego."

Lucy turned the laptop back around, click-click-clicked... "Oh, it turned out Agent E was Eraserhead."

Mistake snapped her fingers. "I *knew* it! Well..." She rubbed her chin. "We certainly don't want something like that running around loose, or even worse, being used against us. It only followed Mister Homage before, but... hm. Maybe we can establish a rapport."

"I think so. The Crime Empress had this weird way of communicating with it, and I kept all the data from that, so hopefully someone's got the skills to figure out the patterns there."

"Oooooh, yeah. I think the Android Barbarian's probably got the skills." Mistake
leaned forward excitedly. "Did you know he was created to battle experimental creations of the Foo that were dumped on Earth in the '80s? He has high-level subroutines for understanding what the enemy is thinking!"

Lucy giggled. "You know, you're cute when you're being a nerd?"

Mistake winked. "Well that must mean you're always cute~"

"I guess it does!" snerked Lucy. "Um, what else, concerns... oh, boy." She grabbed two of the folders, flipped thru them, then looked up at Mistake. "Do you think we can have Romantic Innuendo and Revamp Lass on the same team?"

Mistake sat back, frowning thoughtfully. "...maybe not, but they'd both be useful. If we can bring them in... we'll keep an eye on them."

Lucy nodded firmly. "Right." She gathered the file folders together. "Everybody else seems to be a worthwhile pick, but we should definitely interview them before bringing them on." She brought them together in a thick stack, tapped them into approximate order, and hmmmed. "Do we want a max size?"

"Not for now, at least. The Legion functions with a massive and diverse crew, why can't we?" Mistake grinned.

"Ooooh, yeah. Oh--" Lucy snapped her fingers."Important point of order, boss! Now that you're in charge, should we rename it... maybe, the Sisterhood? The Siblinghood?"

Mistake chuckled and waved her hand. "My gender's always been a bit more complicated than that. But we should ask around to see how the other non-male members feel about the name. Oh, speaking of - contact Angelique and see if she's interested in joining."

"Oooh, yeah, right." Lucy reached out and scribbled shorthand on a nearby notepad. "I think that's everything... Oh!" She snapped her fingers. "What about Plotchopper?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right..." Mistake flipped thru the pile. "I was thinking that... we..." She flipped thru backwards, then forwards again. "...huh." She looked up at Lucy. "His folder's missing."

Lucy paused for a moment. "...maybe we should let sleeping dogs lie. For now, at least."

"Right." Mistake picked up the pile and pointed off into the distance. "Start breaking people outta jail, and let's get this shit on the road!"

====

Over the next few days...

====

"Oh, no, I don't think so," said Professor Perhap, connecting over video from some sunny tropical beach. "Now that the Time Door has closed and the Simplicity
singularity has passed, I'm done with Brotherhoods. You see, I've simply been keeping the cosmic order, in my own inimitable, criminal way."

"And keeping a piece of the profits for yourself, of course." Mistake chuckled. "Have fun spending it, Professor."

He tipped his daquiri to her. "I always do."

====

"So," said Mistake, leaning forward with a serious expression. "You seemed rather loyal to Mister Homage. Care to tell me why I should let you on my team?"

"I, I mean," stammered Polybag Person, "he was a good boss. Pretty good boss. Not a bad boss, anyway. But it's-- you can't hold hard feelings in this biz. I mean, I used to be a net.hero, I *fought* some of these guys, maybe even put some of them away, hard to remember, but they don't mind. I don't think." He swallowed and smiled.

"All right, all right." Mistake could easily tell he'd make for a productive minion, with a little guidance, but if she put a little extra hardass into her intro, he'd be just jumping to prove his worth. "As to your powers--"

There was a tinkly little whirring noise, and Polybag Person fidgeted, eyes going wide. Mistake steepled her fingers to hide her smile, and said, "You may answer it."

Gratefully, he pulled out his phone and hit the green circle. "Oh, honey! I-- Well, I mean, there *was* a battle-- I mean it-- maybe a *few* giant monsters, I-- well-- right-- sorry-- gotcha." He put his hand over the microphone. "It's my wife. She says she's joining. To keep an eye on me."

"...the sorceress Arcania, yes? Excellent." She put down her hands, showed her smile. "I'm sure you'll *both* be sterling additions to my team. Welcome."

"Oh..." He smiled back, nervously. "Thank you! --oh, yeah, absolutely, hon..."

====

Mistake sat on the Empress's throne. In a chair to the left of the cracked and broken table was Revamp Lass. In an identical chair to the right was Romantic Innuendo.

The air crackled with their enmity... but their eyes kept darting down to the table itself, a reminder of the power of the woman before them. (No need to let them know that hadn't been *her* doing.)

"Veterans of various Brotherhoods. Powerful and experienced net.villains. Criminal geniuses, really." She looked from one to the other and back. "Do you think people who could be described that way would let petty differences get in the way of their schemes?"

There was silence for a long, stretching moment, then: "...no," said Romantic Innuendo, thru a grimace.

"Of course not!" snapped Revamp Lass, brows furrowed.

"Good. Then we won't have a problem." Mistake stood up and turned to walk away. "Welcome to the team, ladies."

====

Gracemora laughed, legs kicked up on the remains of the table, playing with a dagger. "You know I'm just killing time on this planet, right? I'm only here because the Loonivearth is a stop on every multiversal conquerer's campaign - usually, the last stop. *Her* army is going to be here sooner or later, and *he's* going to be in the thick of it, and I'll be able to grab my revenge."

"Sure, sure," said Mistake, relaxing in the throne, matching the energy. "But you *know* what always happens. It's the net.heroes who get to duel the big bad guys to the finish."

"...hnnnn. You're not wrong." Gracemora stabbed the dagger into the splintered wood.

"But you know what *also* happens when the multiversal conquerers show up. The Earth heroes team up with the Earth villains against the greater threat." Mistake shrugged. "You stake your claim then, they'll just be glad someone else is taking care of it."

Gracemora raised her eyebrows, then snerked. "You ever been in sales?"

"Couple times, but it always seemed so... *dishonest*." Mistake gave her a winning smile.

"Hah! All right, lady, I'll be one of your bad guys."

"Welcome to the team!"

====

"...and that's the last of them," said Mistake, taking a big swig from her water bottle. She'd accidentally seen a little too much of Continuity Porn Star's body, and she had to take a cold shower and re-read Avengers Forever to clear her mind.

"Great, now let's--" Lucy stiffened as a message from the Psychic Crustacean slid sideways into both of their minds.

They saw an image of the outside of the base. Standing on the lawn was a red- haired woman with green skin and curly, ram-like horns. She was breathing flame, and her hands seemed to be on fire as well.

"RAGGGHH!" the woman raggghh'd, head whipping around, looking for something. "VECTOR OVINE WILL DESTROY YOU, EAST COAST BROTHERHOOD!"

^^Shall we take her out?^^ asked the Psychic Crustacean.

^^...No,^^ replied Mistake, thought-fully. ^^Bring her to me.^^

Crossplay King and the Android Barbarian dragged the woman, still shouting and swearing imprecations, into the redesigned conference room. They'd stuck fireproof goo over her hands, and her fire breath didn't seem to reach more than a couple feet. Up close, she had yellow eyes with rectangular, horizontal pupils. Fascinating.

"Good afternoon," said Mistake, putting on her customer service voice. "And who are you?"

"I am Vector Ovine! I saw members of the East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains here! I HAVE COME TO DESTROY THEM!" The fire breath that time nearly singed Mistake's eyebrows off!

Still, she maintained a professional demeanor, steepling her fingers. "This would be the right place to find the East Coast Brotherhood... if they still existed."

Vector Ovine's eyes opened wide. "What!?"

"I and my allies destroyed the East Coast Brotherhood," Mistake said simply, "and took those they left behind."

"Then..." A glitch ran down the sheep-woman's body, parts of her changing color,
appearing and disappearing, before snapping back. "Then we are without purpose."

A Vector... one who was still in the process of deciding who she was, not yet fixed... "No, I don't think so." She stood up from her seat, and motioned the Android Barbarian and Crossplay King back; she took out a can of spray solvent and washed away the fireproof goo.

Vector Ovine blinked, no longer aggressive, simply quizzical; Mistake took out some lemon-scented handwipes and cleaned off the remains of the goo. She took Vector Ovine's hands, and looked up into her face. "Strong one, focused one, as spoils of my victory against the East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains, I claim your purpose as my own. Will you accept this, and join with my purpose, and become my hands and my fire?"

"We..." Vector Ovine looked into her eyes, her cheeks turning dark green, and nodded. "We accept."

"Wonderful." Mistake pulled Vector Ovine to her feet, and motioned the Phantom Weirdo over. "Please, help her get settled in. We'll have a longer discussion later, but: Welcome to the team."

Vector Ovine nodded, docilely; she took the Phantom Weirdo's hand and followed him off into the base.

Mistake streeeetched and headed down the corridor towards her own private room; Lucy popped out of the background and walked alongside. "That was surprising."

"Yeah?" said Mistake, smiling tiredly.

"Yeah, like, you're being really... nice, I guess? I mean," Lucy clarified hastily, "you *are* really nice, and hot, but you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean, hon." Mistake walked over to a random window and stared out into the slowly-darkening sunset sky. "The net.heroes always win, in the end. But why? Teamwork. Loyalty. Friendship. The power of love." She reached out, intertwined her fingers with Lucy's, looked at her. "So wouldn't it be convenient if the supply side of crime were able to take advantage?"

"...gosh." Lucy squeezed her hand. "If anyone could pull it off, you can."

"Me and Kid Enthusiastic-Y, yeah." Mistake chuckled, and took back her hand, running it thru her hair. "Don't be fooled, tho. I'm still the same driven, ruthless woman-ish net.villain you fell for. That's the other advantage of cultivating loyalty. If anyone does betray us, they won't find allies like I had - they'll find upset former friends ready to tear them apart."

"Ready and willing, boss!" Lucy cracked her knuckles loudly.

Mistake laughed. "Cutie." She looked back out the window. "This is our advantage: The LNH has seen two Brotherhoods fall apart. They have not seen three come together."

"Right. ...but..." Lucy looked off into the distance. "They're not the only problem that's coming our way."

"Yeah... so let's go and prepare." She turned and proceeded down the corridor. "First, a good night's sleep!"

"Willing and ready, boss!" Lucy danced along behind her, leaving the worries to come back to.

====

Epi-Epi-Epilog #1:

Net.ropolis, a week later.

She looked out the window of the apartment, one of the low-rent ones right across from the LNHQ, and brooded.

She had been the Crime Empress's agent in Net.ropolis. But there had been no contact ever since that big battle. And now, there had been sightings of former members of the Empress's team wandering around with their sworn enemies.

She had known they were not loyal. She had told the Empress, in secret, of her feelings. She had not been listened to. But she was still loyal. And traitors would pay.

====

Epi-Epi-Epilog #2:

A few weeks after that.

In a city far away, in a building known to a few, in a room where the unwary dare not tread, shadowy figures sit around a table.

"There has been no contact from the West Coast Brotherhood in over a month," said one.

"This once-reliable piece of our network has started to come apart," said another. "Our reach along the North Ame.rec.an seaboard is shrinking."

"We have given help," said a third, sitting at the head of the table, "and the terms of repayment are clear. Are we in agreement on what must be done?"

The figures nodded their assent, and the head rapped their gavel.

"The Crime Empress has defaulted on her assistance. Now the Trans-Pacific Plunderbund comes to collect!"

====

The full roster of the new Brotherhood of Net.Villains (or whatever they decide to call themselves):

Leader: Mistake
Second-in-Command: Lucky Chain Letter Lucy
Everybody else in alphabetical order:
The Android Barbarian
Arcania
The Bogusite
Captain Coredump
The Compuwarlock
Continuity Porn Star
Crossplay King
Deathspork: The Terminator
Demented Designer
Eraserhead
Gracemora
The Living Bee
The Lurking Revampire
OTP
Phantom Weirdo
Phoenix Down
Polybag Person
The Psychic Crustacean
Revamp Lass
Romantic Innuendo
Rumor Monger
Super Eyeball
Vector Ovine
Reserve Member: Dr. Killfile

And of course, future writers are invited to mess with this, as Jeanne and I messed with the setup Arthur created way back when. n.n

Drew "that's seriously my last HHS thing" Nilium

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