"But what if," the young woman said, "what if we were able to build on
that sense of anticipation -- keep the tension alive in our audiences
-- by having an entire series in which the super-hero NEVER appears?"
"So my role in this series," I said, "would be to somehow convince
your audience that if they just keep on waiting long enough, someone
more interesting than me is going to show up and do the same thing I'm
doing but in a more exciting way?"
"But what if," the young woman said, "what if we were able to build on
that sense of anticipation -- keep the tension alive in our audiences
-- by having an entire series in which the super-hero NEVER appears?"
"So my role in this series," I said, "would be to somehow convince
your audience that if they just keep on waiting long enough, someone
more interesting than me is going to show up and do the same thing I'm
doing but in a more exciting way?"
I think you're on to something here. Yes, I can see it now -- two people just waiting on a like a bench or something -- waiting for EDM Lite to
make an appearance -- but it never happens -- it could be called
'Waiting For Lite!' -- and maybe there could be spinoffs like 'Waiting for Cynical Lass!' and 'Waiting For Plummet!' and obviously crossovers
between all of the bench sitting waiting populace of this Universe.
Anyhow, glad to see the annual Easily-Discovered Man -- looking forward
to the next issue (will it be in 2023 -- the 30th Anniversary of EDM?)
And also if the 2008 18 year old EDM Lite traveled to like 1993 would he
see the 1993 18 year old EDM Lite?
Arthur "Waiting For..." Spitzer
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Doused with microwave radiation, Theodore
Wong gained the ability to glow and be detected
at great distances by anyone with a Geiger counter.
Forced to retire, Wong has left former sidekick Lite
to continue his battle against the forces of corruption,
chaos and common sense, and to carry on the legacy of
the fabulous EASILY-DISCOVERED MAN.
On 2022-08-07 14:37, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
"But what if," the young woman said, "what if we were able to build on
that sense of anticipation -- keep the tension alive in our audiences
-- by having an entire series in which the super-hero NEVER appears?"
"So my role in this series," I said, "would be to somehow convince
your audience that if they just keep on waiting long enough, someone
more interesting than me is going to show up and do the same thing I'm
doing but in a more exciting way?"
I think you're on to something here. Yes, I can see it now -- two people just waiting on a like a bench or something -- waiting for EDM Lite toHey, isn't this "Waiting for EDM", starring EDM Lite?
make an appearance -- but it never happens -- it could be called
'Waiting For Lite!' -- and maybe there could be spinoffs like 'Waiting for Cynical Lass!' and 'Waiting For Plummet!' and obviously crossovers
between all of the bench sitting waiting populace of this Universe.
On Sunday, August 7, 2022 at 3:38:36 PM UTC-7, powern...@gmail.com wrote:
On 2022-08-07 14:37, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
I think you're on to something here. Yes, I can see it now -- two people >>> just waiting on a like a bench or something -- waiting for EDM Lite to
make an appearance -- but it never happens -- it could be called
'Waiting For Lite!' -- and maybe there could be spinoffs like 'Waiting for >>> Cynical Lass!' and 'Waiting For Plummet!' and obviously crossovers
between all of the bench sitting waiting populace of this Universe.
Hey, isn't this "Waiting for EDM", starring EDM Lite?
I think EDM would be a little too considerate to have two people on a bench wait forever for him to show up.
Arthur "And Waiting for Lite... a better title.." Spitzer
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Doused with microwave radiation, Theodore
Wong gained the ability to glow and be detected
at great distances by anyone with a Geiger counter.
Forced to retire, Wong has left former sidekick Lite
to continue his battle against the forces of corruption,
chaos and common sense, and to carry on the legacy of
the fabulous EASILY-DISCOVERED MAN.
Before returning to our story, many of our readers have no doubt pondered the same question we oursleves have wondered about in these
days of peak television: when will one of the many streaming services
turn "The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man" into a series, what
might such a series look like, and how long would it take for the show
to be canceled?
"We're just SO excited you were willing to take this meeting,"
the young man in the Armani sunglasses said to me, his fingers knitted together as though he was about to show me where the church and the
steeple were.
Isn't he just AMAZING?"
The young woman nodded enthusiastically. "And so lifelike, too."
"Think," the man said, excitement condensing on the rims of his sunglasses. "It's the moment we first see the superhero appear in all
of his -- or her, no disrespect to any of the heroines out there --
glory. The rest of the movie is almost a letdown after that."
"But what if," the young woman said, "what if we were able to build on that sense of anticipation -- keep the tension alive in our audiences
-- by having an entire series in which the super-hero NEVER appears?"
"It's the super-hero version of unresolved sexual tension!" the
young man said, practically squirming with glee. "_Smallville_ proved
it could work by keeping audiences waiting -- for ten seasons! -- for Superman to show up in a show about Superman.
"Easily-Discovered Man and Easily-Discovered Man Lite,"
Deathstocker said, his deep voice resonating through every corner of
the room.
"That's my Connie," Deathstocker said, ruffling the ringlets of the teenaged girl who sat between us. "Ever since her mother -- God rest
her soul! passed, she's taken on the cooking duties around the farm.
I call her my little Waffle Princess."
Surely he -- I -- me? had to see the face of our most relentless
enemy, the Waffle Queen, in the feral, determined smile, the icy green
eyes, the long-shapely legs of the adolescent girl who sat beside us...
Had I just said "long, shapely legs?" Oh, God. This was not
going to end well.
"I'm with you on the Bob Evans thing," the teenaged Queen said to
me, her eyes immediately appraising, evaluating and dismissing me with
the kind of ruthless disapproval only teenaged girls and Gordon Ramsay
can muster.
"I've known some pretty sophisticated lunchboxes,"
sixteen-year-old me said, as current me groaned, rolled my non-existent
eyes and performed the hands-free equivalent of a facepalm.
"But you
want your breakfast done right, you find yourself a Denny's, an
International House of Pancakes, or even a Waffle Queen."
"Waffle... Queen?" Connie asked.
"So you guys are from Net.ropolis?" Connie asked. "That explains
the weird... uh, accents."
"And I should think Net.ropolis would be glad to have you back,"
said Deathstocker (was he still going by Deathstocker? He seemed too... genial to be stocking death).
"We're... in the past? I thought everything looked that way
because we were in Ohio," I said. "Quick, Connie -- what season of
_The Simpsons_ is it?"
The young woman eyed me suspiciously. "What's a Simpson?"
she asked.
"You just have to look him up on... on... how do you go online in this place?"
"Mostly we stand," Connie said.
"As a matter of fact," Deathstocker said, "although my power to requisition anything and everything no longer works in your world, I
flatter myself that some of the advancements I have made in science and technology could be considered a kind of herois..."
"Hold it," I said.
"...a Billie Eilish song," I finished. "You've never heard of MTV
and the Legion of Net.Heroes doesn't exist... and yet you know all the
words to a song that just came out a couple of months ago. In my time."
"It's an iPhone 21," Connie said, lookin as smug as the cat who
had not only eaten the canary, but had somehow convinced the canary
that the whole thing had been the canary's idea.
"You're the guy who invented Apple!" I gasped. "I always knew
there had to be a super-villain at the back of it."
"No, my suppositious sidekick," the Prof said. "Unless I am quite mistaken, our insightful interlocutor has discovered a means to
receive information from the future -- and is using that information to replicate advanced technology in his own timeline."
"Your daughter's iPhone certainly resembles an Apple product, but
the monochromatic, all-plastic construction and rough lines suggest a prototype at best -- one likely developed using a 3-D printer," the
Prof replied.
"Plus it says 'Property of Deathstocker & Co' on the bottom,"
I said.
"The one on the left is Buddy Holly Ben Hur. The one on the
right is Ol' Miss John Glenn. And their leader, the one in the
middle..." Deathstocker swallowed. "Hula Hoops Castro. They call themselves... THE FIRE."
"What do they want?" I asked. "Apart from decades worth of
royalties from Billy Joel?"
"...by midnight tonight, then the imperialist pig-dogs of your
paper tiger capitalist puppet show will face the inconceivable might of
our RED CHINA JOHNNY RAY... and that will mean real trouble in
the Suez!"
"Why do I feel like these guys might be working with the Space
Monkey Mafia?" I said, as the holographic scene switched to a
commercial for Efferdent. "Or hiding out at Elvis Presley Disneyland?"
"I thought that was goat," I said. "What did you all keep in this barn, anyway, before it got filled with all kinds of science
doohickeys?"
"We held a middle school dance here once," Connie said.
The last light shone on a tall translucent box at the top of a pulsating metal ziggurat. Within the box stood a man -- who, because
he was stark naked, and somewhat younger than I was used to, it took me
a few seconds to recognize.
"Allow me to introduce my latest discovery -- the greatest hero of
the 21st century, and the one who may very well save the 20th,"
Deathstocker said. "He has not yet revealed his name to me, but I
call him..."
"...Substitute Lad!" I gasped.
Will the
author ever be able to get that song out of his head?
SPECIAL THANKS: To Arthur, Drew and Scott for their kind
words on episode #58, and to Apocalypso for time, confidence and
continued inspiration.
We now present episode #59 of "The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man," "The Boy in the Box." These characters are entirely fictional:
any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is evidence of the
godlike ability of the author to predict and determine future events.
--EDM-- --EDM-- --EDM--
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