You can sift through the racc list archive https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for the twenty-third part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the last quarter of issue #7 -- 'The Mountain Top' by me (Arthur Spitzer). It's Major Poossee vs The Ultimate Ninja! WHO WILL WIN?! (Okay, obviously the Ultimate Ninja) And the LNH has Bart safely locked away -- so
it should be smooth sailings back to the Loonivearth. (I mean as long as they don't do something very foolish like have Bad Timing Boy in charge of guarding Bart)...



Anyways...


_
| | Classic
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| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #187


=====================
Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Three
=====================





Beginning of Part IV

**** <<--BM-->> ****


A crowd of LNH'rs and Dvorakians surrounded the two fighters. "No
Shirts!" said Major Poossee as he tore the shirt off his very muscled chest.

"No Shirts," said the Ultimate Ninja in agreement also tearing his shirt
off.

"Oh, god. If they start taking off their pants, I'm out of here," said Sarcastic Lad shaking his head. "Why can't they be chicks?"

Major Poossee smacked his fist into his hand. "There will be no rules.
No holds barred. Everything goes. Do you agree?"

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head.

"Then let us begin. You can have first blow. I've always wanted to
watch the Mighty Ultimate Ninja in action."

"If you insist." The Ultimate Ninja cautiously moved close to Major
Poossee, pinched Major Poossee's neck, and then quickly somersaulted
away from him.

"What the hell? What was that?" snorted Major Poossee. "This is a blow
from the Mighty Ultimate Ninja -- the greatest fighter the Looniverse
has ever seen?? A neck pinch?? A freaking neck pinch?!!! This has to
be a joke!!"

"Just wait," said the Ultimate Ninja who was looking at his watch.

"What do you mean wait? What did you--?" And suddenly a horrified
expression appeared on Major Poossee's face. He felt all of the blood
in his body start to rush towards his head. Normally, all of that blood
would usually cause the person in question to have their head explode.
But since Major Poossee had invulnerable veins, the veins kept expanding
and expanding until Major Poossee had an enormous swelled head full of
blood that kept getting bigger and bigger. The rest of Major Poossee's
body was completely numb and collapsed under the weight of the head.

"Interesting," said the Ultimate Ninja. And then he turned his
attention toward the remaining 24 Dvorakians. "So what about the rest
of you -- want to try me?"

The Dvorakians backed away with their hands in the air. "We're cool.
We're cool," they said in unison with terror in their voices.


**** <<--BM-->> ****


"So, is everyone accounted for?" said the Ultimate Ninja looking at Kid
Recap.

"Hmm. I think so -- oh, wait!" Kid Recap slapped his head. "Where's Dev-Null?"

"Oh, perfect," said the Ultimate Ninja shaking his head. "People!!
Dev-Null is missing!! Find him! Quickly!"

A number of heroes started to look around for Dev-Null. Bad Judgment
Boy spotted Ripping Dancer throwing up behind one of the Starships.
"You okay, Ripping Dancer?"

"I -- yeah -- I feel -- feel..." And then Ripping Dancer's eyes glazed
over and she collapsed to the ground.

Bad Judgment Boy quickly rushed over to see if she was all right. And
then he looked at her face. Her lifeless face. "She's dead. Oh god.
Ripping Dancer is dead." A tear streamed down Bad Judgment Boy's face.

Dr. Stomper walked over and checked Ripping Dancer's pulse. "She still
has a pulse, Bad Judgment Boy -- that means she's still alive."

"Hey," said Bad Judgment Boy with his hands up, "Never said I was a doctor."

Ignoring that, Dr. Stomper continued to perform some medical tests.
"She's in bad shape. We have to get her back to the LNHHQ as soon as possible."

"How about Qwertian medical facilities? Would they help?" asked the
Ultimate Ninja.

"No. The biological differences between Qwertians and humans are much
too vast. We're going to have to get her to the LNHHQ. If we put her
in suspended animation during the trip that might buy her some time."

A couple of heroes put Ripping Dancer on a stretcher and Dr. Stomper
followed them.

The Ultimate Ninja saw Kid Recap approaching him. "Well, did you find Dev-Null?"

Kid Recap shook his head. "We're still looking. I did remember another problem though."

"Well?"

"We only have enough time gas for three ships to make the jump back to
the present. We're probably going to have to leave, maybe 70 or so
people here."

"Is that right? Contraption Man?"

Contraption Man nodded. "Those figures are pretty accurate. We can at
a later date come back and pick everyone that we left up. But we're
going to have to leave 70 people for now."

"Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad!?"

"Yes?" said PPOoH Lad making his way towards the conversing heroes.

The Ultimate Ninja handed him the list of LNH'rs. "I need you to pick
70 people from this. Quickly."

Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad gave a long sigh.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

"Assuming we manage to beat the Bryttle Brothers, we'll return and pick
you people up in a week or so," said the Ultimate Ninja addressing the
70 heroes that would be staying. "I want you to use this week to find
and apprehend Dev-Null."

"And if you don't beat the Bryttles?" asked Captain Sacrificial Lamb Boy
XIII.

"Well, then get ready for a long stay. Try not to create any time
paradoxes. That will be all."


**** <<--BM-->> ****


Dev-Null watched the 70 remaining heroes wave goodbye to the three LNH Starships that were traveling to the future. He then stuck his hand
into a bag. A bag filled with 665 LNH dice.

"Hush, brothers and sisters. I know your pain. But soon -- soon, we
will all be singing songs of freedom and revenge. Soon." Dev-Null
looked at the LNH time pack he had stolen and began unscrewing the back.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

The Starship Continuity Champ --
The Qwerty System --
April 2008 AD --



Bart whistled a tune as he scanned the room he was trapped in. He arms
and legs were restrained to the chair he was sitting on. It was a
heavy-duty chair designed to imprison Planet busting type supervillains.
Without his powers, Bart couldn't possibly think of breaking out -- at
least in the conventional way.

While Mr. Tiddles had taken away all his powers, Bart still had his
costume. The material in his costume was made from a very special sort
of cloth. It was called Christicanthinkupagoodnameforthiscloth. He had obtained it from a Christicanthinkupagoodnamian. The cloth was a highly advanced fabric that could be mentally controlled by the individual
wearing it. Not only that, it could also hook itself up to various
computer networks. Like the network to this Starship.

Bart manipulated the fabric till he got it to hook up to the chair he
was shackled to. Using some hacking skills he had acquired during his
LNH receptionist days, he managed to break into the system. From there
he had access to everything.

Now, he just needed to think up a plan to get off this ship. As he
looked through the info, a sparkle hit his eyes. Ah, yes -- Contraption
Man's timepacks. And they were on this very ship!


**** <<--BM-->> ****

"What do you mean there's no wormhole?" said the Ultimate Ninja as he
looked at the monitor screen.

"Ah, that. Well, we kind of destroyed it," replied Irony Man. "Hey,
wasn't my plan!"

"And whose plan was it?" said the Ultimate Ninja as he gazed a little
more intensely at Irony Man.

"Umm, guys? I think we have a much bigger problem!" said Bad-Timing Boy
who had a gun held to his head. A gun being held by Bart.

The Ultimate Ninja sighed. "We really are going to have to work on your not-getting-taken-hostage skills when we get back to Headquarters,
aren't we?"

"*Ahem* Greetings again, LNH. Now I don't want to stay long here, all I
want is a simple trade. I want Contraption Man to give me the codes to
run this time pack and I'll let Bad-Timing Boy live. Sound good?"

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head. "I can think of a thousand ways to
disarm you (most of them involve you dying a gruesome death) that will
leave Bad-Timing Boy mostly okay."

"I'm sure you're probably right," said Bart inching his gun even closer
to Bad-Timing Boy's head. "But even if you do that -- that still leaves
you with your core problem."

"Core Problem?"

"Yes, your warp core for this Starship, which will rupture -- unless I
give you the various codes I changed. But you've got a minute or so
before that happens. Your move."

"Captain Continuity!" said the Ultimate Ninja still gazing intensely at
Bart.

"Gotcha," said Captain Continuity as he blasted out of the room and
towards the Warp Core Container Room.

"Oh good. You're going to have Captain Continuity use his powers to
contain the warp core. That should do the trick." And then a twisted
smile emerged on Bart's face. "But wait. Maybe that's exactly what I
wanted you to do. God, you people are so predictable."

"Bart," said the Ultimate Ninja gripping his katana tighter.

"You know I'm beginning to think that I didn't really need all of those
Rings of Retconn, Insanity Gauntlets to defeat you people. I could have
just walked into the LNHHQ. That's how easy you people are. How does
it feel, Ultimate Ninja? Knowing that you're going to lose again. How
does it...?"

And before Bart could finish that taunt, Contraption Man put the
Ultimate Ninja in a neck hold and shouted, "04QWERTY!!!!" The timepack
that Bart was wearing started to hum. A second later Bart was gone.

The Ultimate Ninja slammed Contraption Man against the wall. "What the
hell did you just do?"

"Uhhg," said Contraption Man in a great amount of pain. "Relax, UN! I
took care of it."

"You took care of what?"

"The Bart problem."



**** <<--BM-->> ****

A Qwertian Spacecraft --
April 29, 1992 BC --


Bart with his gun still in hand could smell something burning. The
timepack!! He quickly took off the malfunctioning machine. Where the
hell was he? An alarm started to sound.

As he made his way through the ship, he began to attract some unwanted attention.

"Halt! Intruder!" The language was Qwertian. Bart dropped his gun and smiled, This could work out.

The two soldiers escorted him to the bridge of the ship. There seemed
to be quite a lot of chaos. Something was happening.

"Captain! This is the intruder we caught."

The Captain turned around and looked straight at Bart. "Who are you?
Did the Dvorakians send you?!! Answer me!!"

"Why -- you know who I am. I'm your king. I am King Qwert-El. I have returned. I am here to save you."

"The legend! What the Elders spoke of!" shouted a soldier.

"Yes, I know the legend. But it can't be -- it's impossible." The
Captain rummaged through a pouch he had and took out some Qwertian
money. "My, god! It looks like him. It is him! It is King Qwert-El."

God, this was too easy, thought Bart. Still something was bugging him
about all of this.

"He will lead us to victory against the Dvorakian Devils!!"

Bart then noticed a huge fleet of ships on the monitor screen. They
didn't look Qwertian. "Umm -- might I inquire about today's date?"

"Why this is the day -- the Elders spoke of -- the day of your return --
the day of CVBN in the month of GHJK in the year of RTYU. It has come
true."

Hmm, that date sounded very familiar. Of course! That was the day that
King Qwert-El made his last... Oh hell.

Bart watched the Dvorakian ships on the Monitor Screen start to fire.


**** <<--BM-->> ****


The Starship Continuity Champ --
The Qwerty System --
April 2008 AD--


"I guess we could always pick him up after Beige Midnight. There's at
least five minutes or so before the Dvorakians blow the ship up. If we
want to do that," explained Contraption Man.

"You could have warned me," said the Ultimate Ninja.

"Not really. We've got bigger problems anyway -- assuming we can get
back to the Loonivearth. I have to admit, I haven't been completely
truthful. There are things I know about Beige Midnight that I haven't
said up till now. But now I can finally reveal the truth about..." And
then Contraption Man disappeared.

"Contraption Man?" said The Ultimate Ninja. And then he had a puzzled expression on his face.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Irony Man.

"I don't know. Wasn't there someone here that was -- never mind," said
the Ultimate Ninja shaking his head.

"Wait! You were talking to Contraption Man! Don't you remember?" said
Kid Recap.

"Who?" said the Ultimate Ninja. The other LNH'rs were equally puzzled.

"Contraption Man! A time traveler from a future LNH who can make
gadgets and stuff!! Don't you people remember him?? Am I the only one??"

"Apparently," said Dr. Stomper whipping out his calculator.thingee.
"You say he's a time traveler -- from some alternate future? That might explain things."

"Explain what?" said the Ultimate Ninja.

"If his timeline disappeared, that might explain why we can't remember
him," said Dr. Stomper punching some more numbers into his
calculator.thingee.

"And what could cause that?"

"A number of things. Although my best bet would be some catastrophic
event -- like the Bryttle Brothers destroying the Looniverse."

"I see. Well, we can't worry about that now. We've got other
problems." The Ultimate Ninja switched his comm.thingee on. "Captain Continuity? Is it contained?"

<<Yeah. The core is stable. Still, I'll probably have to stabilize it
for the whole trip.>>

"Understood. Out." The Ultimate Ninja switched his comm.thingee off.
"And now -- about this Wormhole problem."


**** <<--BM-->> ****


Dr. Stomper punched in some more numbers. "Well, at best it will
probably take us two years to get back to the Loonivearth. That's
assuming we don't have other problems."

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head. "That's not going to cut it. We
need to get home faster. Can't we bring back that wormhole?"

"Technically, we could," said Dr. Stomper while wiping his glasses.
"The wormhole still exists. It's just incredibly thin. It would take something smaller than a hydrogen atom to get through it. I suppose if
Captain Continuity weren't busy stabilizing the warp core, he'd have the
power to stretch the wormhole so that we could get through."

"Hey, people!" piped up Bad Judgment Boy. "I've got it! We all get
very drunk and dress up in Furry Animal costumes. And then we all cheat
on our significant others and text them about it afterwards. And then I
use the Insanity Gauntlet to stretch the wormhole!! Is this a great
plan or what??" Bad Judgment Boy waited for a high five.

"Why not just give you the Insanity Gauntlet?" said the Ultimate Ninja.

Bad Judgment Boy nodded his head. "Hey. That could work too."

The Ultimate Ninja pressed his fingers tightly on his forehead, while
his teeth gritted. "Someone!! Anyone!! Come up with a damn plan
before I do give Bad Judgment Boy the Insanity Gauntlet!!"

"Umm, UN. I might have something. It's a plan, but it's kind of wild.
I don't know," said Parking Karma Kid a bit hesitantly.

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head. "Speak."

"Well, my powers give me the power to park anywhere -- anyplace. I
think I might be able to park us within the wormhole. And if we hook up
the drive system of all three ships, I could fly all of them at the same
time. I know it sounds crazy, but I think I can do this."

The Ultimate Ninja turned his attention towards Dr. Stomper. "Doctor,
is it possible? Can Parking Karma Kid park into something smaller than
an atom?"

"I don't know. Quantum Silly String theory does suggest the most absurd solution might be in fact the best solution -- at least on a quantum
level. On the other hand, Parking Karma Kid's powers have always
baffled me. It does sound incredibly dangerous. But who knows. I do
suggest though if we do take this course of action that we don't think
about it -- thinking about it could be very, very dangerous."

"And how about you, Bad Judgment Boy? What do you think of Parking
Karma Kid's plan?"

"Oh, yeah -- that sounds great -- If you want to kill us all!!! Come
on, people!! Just give me the Insanity Gauntlet!! I can do this!!"

The Ultimate Ninja slapped Parking Karma Kid on the back. "Okay, PKK.
Let's do it. We'd better tell the other two ships.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

Parking Karma Kid looked at the three monitor screens in front of him.
A screen for each different ship. He was driving them all. He took a
deep breath and closed his eyes. He then emptied his mind and focused
on the parking space energy of the wormhole. And then he hit the star
drive.

And space and time began to bend.

And a whole lot of LNH'rs began to scream.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

Inside the wormhole --

Parking Karma Kid opened his eyes. It worked! Well, either that or
this was the afterlife. "Ultimate Ninja? You there?"

"Uhuh."

"Good to know. Everyone else fine?" There were various groans from the assorted LNH'rs.

"Okay, PKK. Get us out of here."

"Can't quite do that just yet."

"Why?"

"I sense a parking meter. A Dvorakian parking meter. We have to put
some change in it. Dvorakian change!"

"Oh for Pete's sake!" growled Sarcastic Lad. "Just skip it and get us
out of here!"

"Can't do that. My powers are tied to my choices and if I start
breaking the rules it could do horrible things to my Karma. And if we
want to get out of here alive, I'm going to need some very good Karma.
So does anyone have any Dvorakian change?"

"I knew we shouldn't have left those Dvorakians back on Qwerty!" said
Bad Judgment Boy.

"Oh for the love of God!" said Procrastination Boy who tore off his mask
to reveal himself as -- another one of those members of the LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events-Liberation Front [Continuity Error fixed - Ed]. "Do I have to save you people
every time??" he said handing Parking Karma Kid a bunch of Dvorakian
coins. "Christ!! It's 2011 and this stupid miniseries is still not finished!!!!!!???"

"We're getting there," said the Ultimate Ninja.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

On the other side of the wormhole --

The three LNH Starships emerged. "Okay. I'm returning control to you
guys," said Parking Karma Kid speaking to the other Starship pilots.
"Oh, oh. Looks like we've got Dvorakians. 50 Fully Powered ones! And
the Space Station is trying to contact us."

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head. "Put them on."

The face of General Honiboni appeared. <<Well, we meet again, Ultimate
Ninja. I suggest if you know what's good for you and your ships, you
surrender immediately.>>

"Okay. You're right. You have us outmatched. But we'll need ten
minutes or so to get our affairs in order."

There was a bit of disbelief on General Honiboni's face. <<Okay? Yes!
I guess we can give you 10 minutes -- But no tricks!!>>

"Right." The Ultimate Ninja turned off the communication.thingee.

"Umm -- we're not really surrendering, are we?" asked Parking Karma Kid.

"Do you have to even ask?"


**** <<--BM-->> ****


Halumglobtrroturem, while waiting for the go ahead to destroy the LNH
ships, passed his time by spinning a moon on his finger like a
basketball. Of course you'd need the vision of the likes of Captain
Continuity to truly appreciate it. Otherwise, it would just look like
some guy standing on his finger while spinning.

This was amazing being able to do this. The power he had in just his
finger and every single other part of his body. But it was a power that
wasn't going to last. He had a week left. It just made him think. A
week left. That's all he had.

There had been cases of Dvorakians not dying from the Glory Virus, but
the last case of something like that had been over 5000 sun cycles ago
[500 earth years - Ed]. It was a trillion to one shot.

He was going to have to tell his parents. His family. His girlfriend.
And it would kill them. Maybe he could avoid it. Let the Core tell
them after he had passed. No. He couldn't do that. He was going to
have to go see them. Go to his home planet one more time.

He let the moon go and watched it fly away. Why did he join the Space
Core? That was easy. The economy on his home planet was horrible. He
had no choice, but to join. But still -- he could have joined one of
the lesser branches. It was pride that made him join the most elite
branch of the Space Core. The one branch that still used the Glory
Virus. The odds of being called to use the virus were very slim --
10,000 to 1. And he was that lucky one.

In a few months he would have asked his girl to marry him. Who knows
what would have happened after that. But that was never going to happen
now. Now his girl would have to find someone else. Find happiness
elsewhere.

He looked at the LNH Starships. They were responsible for all of this.
If they had never showed up, it would have all been different. They
robbed it all.

Well, there was no point in wondering what if -- he was here now. He
had a job to do.

Someone was coming out of the ship. A guy in a spacesuit flying towards
him. He wondered, which one it was. Maybe the Ultimate Ninja. He had
heard rumors about what had happened to Major Poossee. He'd have to be careful. Who knows what these super humans could do to him. The guy
was still far away. He'd better go and face him. And take him down.

As he got closer to the human in the spacesuit, he could hear a voice.
The guy was using radio waves to communicate with him.

<<Hiya!! It's a wonderful day, isn't it?? It's kind of lonely out here though, isn't it? You look a little sad. You look like you could use a
friend to cheer you up! We all can use friends. Friends are important!
Heck, when it gets down to it they might be the most important thing
we can have. And the more friends we have, the better we feel, don't
you think? You can never have too many friends. Would you like to be
my friend? It would mean a whole lot to me to be your friend. Please?>>

A smile broke on Halumglobtrroturem's face. For the first time since
he'd taken the Glory Virus, he felt okay. It seemed almost absurd that
this human wanted to be his friend. And he should hate this human. But
he couldn't. It felt absurd trying to hate this human who wanted to be
his friend. And why couldn't he be a friend with this human? Why
couldn't he? Because his superiors had told him that this was the
enemy? This silly human who couldn't hurt a fly? This was the enemy?
It didn't make sense. Why couldn't they be friends? Halumglobtrroturem couldn't think of any reason why that would be wrong. There was no good reason. And Halumglobtrroturem made a choice.

"I think you're right -- I do need a... It seems so cold out here and I
could use someone to talk to. Anyone. All those choices I made in
life. Every single one seems so -- it was all wrong. And all I've got
is -- all I've got is this. This damn... And now -- and now... Yes,
human. Yes. I will. I will be your friend, human. I will. Please,
stay and -- listen. Please. I have so much to say." And a tear ran
down Halumglobtrroturem's cheek and froze in the coldness of space.



**** <<--BM-->> ****



General Honiboni had a bad feeling inside him. He had tried to contact
his various Super Dvorakians and he couldn't get anyone of them. And
the LNH ships had shut off all communication.

"Dlue Leader!! Dlue Leader!! Come in!!"

<<Oh, hey General!!>>

"What the hell is going on out there? I've been trying to contact you
for ages!! What is the situation??"

<<Oh nothing, except we met this really nice fella. He's shown us that
there's something more powerful than the Dvorakian Empire. The Power of Friendship. The Power of Happiness. The Power of Caring. The Power of Sharing. The Power of Niceness. Did you know that there is no problem
so big that it can't be solved with hug?? It's true!>>

"What the hell? What the hell?? Have you people lost your freaking
minds?!!! Dlue Leader??!!"

<<Hey, General Honiboni!! We just want to tell you how much we care
about you!! We really do!! We all wish we could give you a big hug
right now because you're the best!!>>

General Honiboni saw the line for communication with the LNH Ships was
blinking again. He clicked it on and saw the Ultimate Ninja's face on
the screen.

"What the hell did you do to my men?!!"

<<Oh, nothing. I just had them meet up with one of my weaker LNH'rs --
Special Bonding Boy. It looks like this is over. Better let us go.>>

"Never!!" General Honiboni slammed his fist on the console. "This is
not over!! Not Over!!!"

<<You done? We're going to leave now. We're going to go back to the Loonivearth. We're going to save the Looniverse one more time. Like we
always do. And when we do, you know what you could do? You could send
us a thank you card. That would be nice. We'd really appreciate that.
Got that? Good. Have a nice day, Honey Bunny.>>

General Honiboni gazed at the monitor screen that showed the three LNH
ships flying away. And then he pulled a vial that was chained around
his neck. A vial that contained the Glory Virus. A virus that would
give him God like powers for a week -- and then kill him. He could take
it and go down in one last blaze of suicidal glory. Or -- he could
write a report about this day from Hell and send it to the Command World.

He stared at the vial for the longest time and then he tucked it back
into his shirt and began to type a report.

There would be a next time.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

Net.ropolis --
The LNHHQ --
April 2008 AD --


The Ultimate Ninja looked at his watch. "Okay -- your 30 minute
headstart begins -- NOW!"

Mr. Tiddles looked up with an annoyed expression.

"Hey -- if you want to nap there for the next 30 minutes -- fine by me.
That will make hunting you down and locking you away forever all the
much easier."

Mr. Tiddles yawned, stretched his body, and then sauntered his way out
of the LNH Starship.

Stupid Stinky Humans.



**** <<--BM-->> ****


Captain Continuity continued to focus all of his Continuity power energy
on stabilizing the LNH Starship's Warp Core. Layers upon layers of a Continuity Cocoon wrapped themselves around the Core.

"How's it going?" said the Ultimate Ninja entering the room.

"Not good. The moment I let go -- the whole thing is going to blow. I
think the best course of action would be to fly this ship on autopilot
straight into the Sun. There it can safely detonate."

"You're going to fly this thing into the Sun?"

"It's okay. I'll be perfectly fine. I've walked on the Sun before."

"I wasn't worried about that. You know this ship costs 50 billion. I
repeat -- Fifty Billion. Isn't there some way to detonate the Warp Core without destroying the entire ship? I'm just asking."

"Umm -- okay. There might be. I'll have to see when I get into space."

"I hope so. Well, good luck. See you in an hour or so. Hopefully,
back with this ship. This 50 billion dollar ship."

"Umm -- yeah. See you, UN."

"Fifty Billion."

"Right. Gotcha."


**** <<--BM-->> ****

Dr. Stomper examined Ripping Dancer's state -- frozen in perfect
hibernation in the suspended animation.thingee. The easiest method to
transfer her would probably be through teleportation. He clicked on his comm.thingee. "Multi-Tasking Man? I need a TP transport. I've got a suspended animation pod that contains Ripping Dancer. I need it sent to
the emergency med center. Pronto. You should probably tp me with it."

Dr. Stomper heard a strange sound. It sounded like giggling. Obscene giggling. Then dead silence. "Multi-Tasking Man? Are you there? Is something wrong? MTM? wReamhack? Anyone?" Nothing.

He didn't like this. He supposed he could use the cargo.thingee to move Ripping Dancer. But first he'd notify Ultimate Ninja, he thought to
himself. There was something wrong here and it needed to be checked.

However, just as he was about to contact the Ultimate Ninja on his
comm.thingee he could see teleportation energy start to crackle around
the suspended animation.thingee. And it began to crackle around his
body too.



**** <<--BM-->> ****


And they were home.

After days in space, the LNH'rs made there way into the LNH lobby. No
one, however, was there to greet them. The lobby was completely empty,
which was very strange for an afternoon. Not even the receptionist desk
was being manned. There was, however, a very big banquet table filled
with goodies and drinks. And in the middle of it a gigantic cheesecake
with the words, 'Welcome back, Legion of Net.Heroes!' written boldly
across it.

"Oh man, I can't believe I'm saying this, but -- Thank God for
Cheesecake Eater Lad!" said Easily-Discovered Man Lite as he rushed
towards it to cut himself a big slab. "After all that weird astronaut
tang flavored cheesecake we had to eat on the spaceship, finally -- real cheesecake! Real luscious mouth watering..." he said as he stabbed a
big chunk of cheesecake with his fork and prepared to put it in his mouth.

"LITE!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!" shouted the Ultimate Ninja as he threw his
Ginsu Katana right at the table. The katana struck Lite's fork and sent
both objects toward and into the wall.

Easily-Discovered Man Lite backed away slowly from the cheesecake with
both arms in the air. "Okay. Okay. I know I could stand to lose a
couple of pounds, but really UN don't you think you're overreacting just
a tad. I mean just a little. I'll hit the gym tomorrow. Promise!"

"No, it's not that -- although yes, you could stand to lose a few
pounds. No. There's something wrong with that cheesecake. There's
something wrong with all of this. People -- we're on red alert status
as of now. You twenty -- follow me! The rest of you, split yourself
into teams -- and start to scout around."

The Ultimate Ninja and his team started to make there way down the
hallway. The hallway had the phrase, 'Bryttle is the Future' plastered
a number of times over it. Flies and other winged insects covered the
ceiling.

The Ultimate Ninja could hear music playing and followed the sound.
There. Through that door. He cautiously turned the knob and prepared
himself for almost anything.

But even that didn't prepare him for this. Behind the door was a dimly
lit room except for the center where mult-colored lights shined on a
large platform with various poles. And various LNH heroines (and some
male ones too) were sliding, dancing, and straddling the poles. The
R.E.M. song 'Losing My Religion' was playing away.

"Ah, sweet. Finally looks like someone got to my suggestions in the
suggestion box." Bad Judgment Boy took out his wallet and began to look
for singles and fives.

The Ultimate Ninja scanned the room and looked up at the balcony. He
could see someone that looked very much like Cheesecake Eater Lad with
both hands on the rail looking right down at him. But he was dressed in
a Tony Soprano style suit, had a goatee, and was smoking a big cigar.

[continued in next message]

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