You can sift through the racc list archive https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for the twenty-second part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the third quarter of issue #7 -- 'The Mountain Top' by me (Arthur Spitzer). Okay, the mountain of dead bodies Bart is standing on seems to
be getting bigger and bigger, but maybe Ripping Dancer will have better luck? And if not her -- then maybe Irony Man, or Occultism Kid? Or perhaps Dr. Stomper and Contraption Man? Or maybe Bart will not be defeated and we'll
have to change the name of this series to Classic Barts of the Bart.Heroes Adventures? Maybe? Well..



Find out that and more in...


_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #186


=====================
Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Two
=====================




Beginning of Part III

**** <<--BM-->> ****


Ripping Dancer covered her ears to the blaring music. She had to ignore
it -- not let it get to her. She looked at Bart. What was she going to
do? She couldn't harm him with her rips. It would be pointless to try.
There's got to be something though. He's got to have some type of
weakness. Think! And she thought about it. She could rip through
anything. Anything.

Wait. It's his power. It gives him everything. What if she ripped his
power away from him? Could she do that? Could she rip the power from
his very being? Well, she was going to have to try. She didn't have
any better ideas.

She took a deep breath and stretched her right arm high in the air. And
she began to move. She began to dance.

As she started to spin she focused her mind on Bart's power. And she
began to rip it. She could see a geyser of energy start to pour from
Bart's eyes and mouth towards the sky. God. It was working. She had
to keep it up. Keep dancing.

She could see the large cloud of energy swallowing the sky, yet it was
only a sliver of the power within Bart. How long would it take to get
it all out? It didn't matter. She'd just have to keep dancing till it
was all out. Every last bit. The blaring music had ended. The blue
had disappeared from the sky. And the apple pie scent turned back to
the aroma of rotting corpses. Bart's hold on reality was starting to slip.

Ripping Dancer was getting tired. Her feet were beginning to hurt. She
had to keep it up though. God, there was so much power left in Bart.
It could take a week of dancing to get it all out. Her feet were
starting to blister. She had been dancing for -- what, two hours?
Three hours? As she danced she thought about her life -- her choices.
She thought about Manga Man. Thread Bear. And Fearless Leader. Felix.
Sweet Felix. She wished she could have said goodbye to him before she
left. She could feel great pain in her toes. There was blood on her
feet. It reminded her of that Hans Christian Anderson tale about the
girl with the red shoes. The vain little girl who cared about nothing,
but being beautiful. She buys some pretty little red shoes. And when
she puts them on she can't stop dancing. She must dance and dance and
dance. She can never stop it. She's condemned to dance till she dies
-- and even after that. She eventually finds someone who will chop her
feet off. But the chopped off feet still dance. They dance and dance
and dance. God. What a horrible story. And now she's the girl with
the red shoes. She's got to dance and dance and dance. Dance till it
all ends.

And then, it was over. "You don't have to dance anymore." It was
Bart's voice. Still dancing she looked at him. All the power was back
in Bart. It was over. She collapsed to the ground. "I remembered I
still had the power to come up with any power, including the power to be
immune to ripping powers and the power to take back my powers. Good
thing too because if you had succeeded you'd have probably destroyed the
entire Looniverse."

"Well, I guess this is it for you. You're in the wrong fairy tale,
Ripping Dancer. Yeah. This isn't the one where the ugly duckling
becomes a beautiful swan. Nope. This one? This one is the one where
the monster kills all of the knights and lives happily ever after.
Yep." Bart snapped his fingers. Ripping Dancer transformed in to a
poster. A before and after poster. The before side showed the old Tara
Shreds before she had made her deal with Manga Man. The after side
showed a tombstone. Her tombstone.

Bart took the poster and started to tear it apart. "Rip, Rip, Rip,
Ripping Dancer. RIP, RIP, RIP."

He scattered the shreds on the mound of dead LNH'rs. "Ah. Welcome to
the high ground, Ripping Dancer," Bart laughed. "Enjoy your stay."




**** <<--BM-->> ****


Bart turned his head away from the mound and saw some more heroes
crawling out from the ship.

"What the hell?!! Who are you!!? What's going on here!!? Why are we
wearing these stupid costumes!!?"

"Oh, dear. The return of the LNH Amnesia Squad. Just what I needed."
Bart snapped his fingers causing a huge wave of recapness to cover
planet Qwerty. Hopefully that would take care of any remaining souls
affected by the Amnesia Barrier.

As Irony Man's memory returned to him, he realized what he had to do.
"I WISH I WAS AS SMART AND SEXY AS HEX LUTHOR!!!!!! I WISH I WAS AS
SMART AND SEXY AS HEX LUTHOR!!!!!!" he said cranking his voice speakers
to their highest volume.

Bart shook his head. "Heh. Sorry, Irony Man. Ripping Dancer already
tried that. The Freedom Chip is toast."

"Ah, well -- in that case how about this?" Irony Man began blasting
huge amounts of irony at Bart.

"Ouch, I say in ironic fashion -- since I'm completely immune. You
know, Irony Man -- I did give some thought to perhaps tempting you with
some deal, but honestly you'd probably have accepted it. You were
boring when I worked for you and now as Hex Luthor's stooge you're still boring. Let's just get on with the poetic justice then." And Bart
snapped his fingers.

And Irony Man disappeared.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

Back in the Loonivearth...
Sometime in the recent past of April 2008...

Irony Man looked around. Strange. He was in some room with various
costumed kids. But what really felt strange was that the kids were
about the same size as him. What the hell did Bart do to him?

As Irony Man took his helmet off, he heard some one shout, "Intruder!
It's some kid dressed like Irony Man!!"

"I am Irony Man," said Irony Man a bit shocked by how high his voice
was. He sounded like a kid. A couple of kids grabbed both of his arms.

"Kid, I don't know who you are -- but here's a word of advice. Don't
ever use that lousy Son of Crumbs name around here! There's no one we
hate more than that lousy good for nothing LNH'r!!"

"Gosh gollickers, not me. I still think Irony Man is the swellest!!
It's all just some horrible misunderstanding!!" said a kid who had a
bunch of magical colorful butterflies fluttering around him.

"Shutup, Billy! My name is Captain Kid. I'm leader of this scrappy
band of Kid Kampers! The kid with the butterflies is Billy the
Butterfly Magic Kid. The kid without clothes on is Nay Kid. The kid
with the porn is Kid E. Porn. Kid Ding and Kid-I-Kid-You-Not are
restraining you. And of course last, but not least -- is Marvelous
Marvin the Kid Macaw. We were all prisoners in a Kid Kamp like this
one, enslaved by the Freedom Chip. But we discovered a way to
destabilize the chips. And now we go from Kid Kamp to Kid Kamp freeing
other enslaved kids."

"And how do you destabilize the chips?"

"By beating the crap out of each person who has one. Eventually, the
extreme violence causes the chip to malfunction."

"Ah. I see. I guess I should point out that I don't have a Freedom
Chip. Honestly."

"Sure," said Captain Kid hitting his fist into his hand. "That's what
they all say. Hold 'em down, boys!"


**** <<--BM-->> ****


Ancient Qwerty --
1994 BC --


Occultism Kid watched as Irony Man disappeared. A cigarette dangled out
of his mouth. His memories had returned, but unfortunately they were
the memories of his retconned NTB self. He threw the cigarette onto the
ground still burning away and lit another. And then he walked over to
the mound of dead spandexers.

"So. You're supposed to be what? The world's worst secretary?"
Occultism Kid blew some smoke towards Bart.

Bart laughed. "Ah, that's pretty funny. Is that you, Occultism Kid? I
almost didn't recognize you in that blooded spattered trenchcoat, and
all that smoke and fuzz on your face. You've really gone to hell,
haven't you?"

"Hmm, it's something you picked up from your trip to Reton Hour, right?
You're now a ruthless trenchcoater. But it's strange that you'd still
be affected by a retcon after so many trips through time. Could it be
that you are using your powers to sustain this retcon? I mean we both
know that you are going to be the next person to wield the Insanity
Gauntlet. And you know that all those that wield the Gauntlet are
cursed to be horrible things with its power. And you also know that
it's probably the only thing that can help you stop the Bryttle
Brothers. So -- you have no choice, but to use it. So is that why
you're hiding yourself in the clothes of a trenchcoater? Maybe if
you're a heartless bastard it will be easier to do the horrible things
you need to do? Is that it?"

Occultism Kid didn't answer. He just continued to smoke his cigarette
and observe Bart.

"Well, whatever it is, I have no desire to battle Occultism Kid the
NTB'r -- so, let's take care of that retcon." Bart clapped his hands. Occultism Kid returned back to his normal spandexer self. "And lets
give you a whole lot of magical mana -- just to make this battle a
little more interesting." Occultism Kid felt a huge flow of magic
ripple through him. Every part of his body was supercharged with magic.
"And you two?" Bart glanced at Dr. Stomper and Contraption Man, "Let's
just put you away for awhile." He snapped his fingers. Both Dr.
Stomper and Contraption Man found themselves locked in some glass cage.
The walls were as hard as diamonds. "If you can figure out how to
escape from it you can help Occultism Kid. And Occultism Kid? Don't
help them escape -- I'll have to kill them then. Okay, that's it. You
have first spell, Occulty. Make it count."

Occultism Kid didn't bother to answer Bart. He instead floated in a
meditation position. His eyes became blank, and he started to chant
very dead ancient languages. His fingertips began to crackle. In his
mind, he was gazing into the past -- Bart's battle with the LNH and
Ripping Dancer. Ripping Dancer had had the right idea, but there needed
to be a container for all that power. And an idea popped into Occultism
Kid's head. And Occultism Kid stretched his arms out and pointed his
fingers toward Bart. A huge flash of energy blasted out of Occultism
Kid's fingers right into Bart.

The blast caused Bart to fall onto the mound of dead LNH'rs. "What the
--?" Bart picked himself back up. He tried to fly, but couldn't do it.
He looked at Occultism Kid whose spell had taken a great toll on him.
The Master Spellcaster had collapsed to the ground. "What did you
do?" He looked around and spotted another Bart floating in the air.
"Ah, you made me twins, huh? So, I could give you twice the beating?"

"Didn't do this. Not responsible," said the Bart who was still floating
in the air as he looked at the mound of dead bodies. "Not a monster.
Didn't -- I didn't. This is a mistake." Tears began to stream from his
eyes.

"Oh. I see now," said the grounded Bart as he walked over to where
Occultism Kid was. "You split me into two selves and gave all of my
power to apparently my pussy self. Is that it?"

Occultism Kid, who was still too weak to stand up, shook his head.
"Gave all of your power to the side that feels guilty. Guilty for all
of the horrible things you've done."

The floating Bart landed on the ground still sobbing. He huddled
himself shivering. "Didn't -- didn't mean for this. Made me do this --
He..."

"Oh, for love of..." grounded Bart said while rolling his eyes. "I
didn't make you do anything. You wanted this. You wanted all of this.
And you enjoyed it. You loved every moment. Every death! Quit whining!"

"Don't listen to him, Bart," said Occultism Kid as he crawled towards
the two of them. "You can change all of this. You've got the power.
You can retcon all of this away. Bring everyone back to life. You can
put Dekay and Diskolor back into the Book of Deus ex Machinas. You can
end this!"

"Yeah, right." Grounded Bart shook his head while smiling. "You know
there's no going back. The path we took is a one-way path. And you
know where it leads. You've angered too many cosmic forces. You've
made too many people afraid. There's going to be major payback no
matter how many of your sins you try to erase. And they're going to
make you hurt and suffer. Oh, you're going to suffer. And you're going
to deserve all of that suffering."

Powered Bart wiped some tears from his eyes. "J-just want to d-die.
Want it to end. Don't want this anymore. Don't -- don't want it."

Grounded Bart smiled. "I can end it."

"Don't listen to him, Bart!!" cried Occultism Kid. "He's lying! You've
got the power to change all of this. You can save yourself! You can
still do it!!"

"I can give you oblivion. Just give me the power, Bart. You know I
have your best interests in heart." Grounded Bart put his hand on
Powered Bart's shoulder. "You know it's the only way."

"Bart!!" cried Occultism Kid. "Don't do it. Please!! For the love of..."

"You'll end it?" Powered Bart looked towards Grounded Bart.

Grounded Bart nodded his head. And then he could feel all of his power
return. He absorbed his guilty self into his body. "Give or take a
million years." Bart turned his attention towards Occultism Kid. "Nice
try. But not good enough. Now, how should I end you? I haven't killed
anyone with a piano. Let's try that."

A grand piano fell from the sky and crushed Occultism Kid.

Bart dusted his hands off. "Two left."

**** <<--BM-->> ****



As Bart turned his attention back to the scientific duo, he heard a high-pitched sound. The glass cage they were imprisoned in shattered.
A sound-emitting device that Dr. Stomper and Contraption Man had built
seemed to be responsible for the breakage.

"Ah, you managed to get out, did you? Alas, a little too late to help
your comrade, but oh well. Them's the breaks. So, how would you two
like to die?"

"Don't we get a chance to challenge you?" asked Dr. Stomper.

"Oh sure. Got anything good for me?"

Dr. Stomper nodded. "How about a game? If we win you have to bring
every single member of the LNH back to life, put the Bryttle Brothers
back into the Book of Deus ex Machinas, take away all of your powers,
and surrender yourself into our custody. And -- if you win? Well, you
get to kill us in any manner you should choose. We get to choose the game."

"Hmm. You can choose the game, but I must approve it. Since there are
a number of games that I'd be stupid to approve of -- I won't agree to
those. But if the game seems fair -- I'll be willing. What game would
you like to challenge me too?"

"First we should be aware of all your powers and immunities."

"Very well." Bart went through the list.

With that in mind, Dr. Stomper began to make some calculations with his calculator.thingee. No heroes. No harm. "Secondly, we need some time
to create the game. In private."

"Sure. You've got an hour. You can use the LNHHQ to create it." Bart gestured toward the building.


**** <<--BM-->> ****


Dr. Stomper showed Contraption Man a design he had scribbled on a piece
of paper. "Can you build it?"

Contraption Man gave Dr. Stomper a bit of a look. "Umm... yeah. I'm
not sure how this thing will stop Bart though. This is your idea? Really?"

Dr. Stomper nodded. "It will work. Trust me."

Contraption Man shrugged his hands and began to work on it.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

45 minutes later...

The two heroes stepped out of the LNHHQ with their device finished.

Bart looked at his watch. "You still have some time left."

Dr. Stomper waved his hand. "It's finished." He then hit the button on
the device. The device began to emit a noise that sounded like Humans screaming in agony."

"Wonderful. Are these people I've killed?"

Dr. Stomper placed the device on the ground. "No. This is the contest.
Who ever presses the button (the same button) to turn off the sound
loses. And no one can be forced to turn off the button. They must do
it of their own free will. If Contraption Man or me pushes the button
first -- you win. And if you push the button first, we win."

"That's the contest? The first person who pushes this loses (and if
either of you do it, I win)? And I can't force you to push it against
your free will? These are the rules?"

"Yes."

"Sounds fine to me."

"Then it is agreed?"

"Yes. May the best man win," smiled Bart.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

"Well, this is kind of boring," said Bart. Bart, Dr. Stomper,
Contraption Man were all sitting Indian style around the device that
kept getting louder and louder. "This might make it a bit more
interesting." Bart snapped his fingers and a second later Dr. Stomper
had no arms, legs, or a mouth. He was covered in sores, rashes, and
burns. He had no eyelids either. He was writhing around in what could
only be described as great pain.

Contraption Man jumped up. "God, what did you just do, Bart?"

"I think it's pretty obvious. I don't remember any rules against
torturing the other players. You probably should have made one of those."

"How can you do this? What the hell happened to you, Bart?!"

"I blame society. Heh. But really -- it's a game, Contraption Man.
And I'm doing everything I can to win it. Now, I'm not forcing you to
push the button. That's up to you. But, boy, Dr. Stomper sure looks
like he's in agony. I bet you if he could speak he'd probably be
saying, 'Please!! For the Love of God, push the button Contraption
Man!! Push the button!!' Your move, Contraption Man."

Contraption Man looked at the writhing body of Dr. Stomper. It was
horrible. "I could kill him. That would put him out of his misery."

"You could do that. Of course I'd probably just bring him back to life
and torture him again."

"You would, wouldn't you?"

"You're going to lose the game, Contraption Man. It's just a matter of
time. Do yourself both a favor. Get it over with. I could not push
that button till the end of time. And I will. Look, if you push the
button, I promise to kill both you and Stomper quickly."

"You're right. I don't know why Vincent thought this game would stop
you. But I can't let him suffer anymore." Contraption Man walked over
and pushed the button.

Bart smiled. "I win. And now, how to kill you? Oh well, can't think
of anything clever so I'll just shoot you with a gun." A gun appeared
in Bart's hand and he shot both heroes with it. He then teleported
their bodies onto the mound of dead LNH bodies.

"Well, that's it then. Game Over." He floated himself above the mound
of corpses.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

In Bart's right hand was the severed head of Captain Continuity. Now
where was that heart? Oh yes, he burned the Ultimate Ninja into ashes.
Well, he could fix that. The Ultimate Ninja's heart materialized in
his left hand. There! Now he looked exactly like the cover! Bart
snorted a bit with laughter.

He looked at his watch. Probably, time to bring them all back to life
and replace their memories. But before he could do that, the device
that Dr. Stomper and Contraption Man had built started to scream again.
Bart floated over to the device and picked it up. He pushed the
button, but the noise continued to get louder and louder. Why did
someone as smart as Stomper make this device? There must be something
more here. He could easily destroy it -- unless -- that's what Stomper
wanted him to do? What was this device? Bart started to examine it
closer. And the sound continued to grow.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

Back on the LNH Starship Snobbie...

A fluffly white cat that had been having the loveliest nap of all lovely
naps woke up. Mr. Tiddles, former HexFire Club Beige Rook and wanted
fugitive, had a disgusted irritated look on his face. Who was making
all of that stupid blood curdling screaming? Those stupid stinky
humans! Why don't they just die already?! Stupid stinky humans!! They
had completely ruined his lovely nap!! And it was such a lovely dream
too. One that involved a purr-fect utopian world where stupid stinky
humans were the size of mice.

That stupid screaming kept getting louder and louder. Well, he was
going to have to do something about this! Those stupid screaming humans
were going to rue the day they ever decided to ruin Mr. Tiddles's lovely
little nap!!

Mr. Tiddles gave a yawn, stretched his body a bit, and proceeded to
angrily stroll out of the space ship.

Stupid Stinky Humans!

**** <<--BM-->> ****

As Mr. Tiddles ventured out of the ship and onto the ship's ramp, he
began to realize that this wasn't the LNHHQ anymore. In fact, it didn't
look very much like any place he'd ever been too. There was strange
vegetation and strange looking animals scampering through the strange
looking vegetation. Where the hell was he?

First things first. Take care of that stupid screaming. Where was that
coming from? There. He could see a stupid stinky human floating above
a rotting mound of stupid human corpses. He was listening to a device
that was making that stupid sound!

Mr. Tiddles began to make his journey towards the mound with a very
pissed off expression on his face.

Stupid Stinky Humans!

**** <<--BM-->> ****


It was no use, Bart thought as he looked the device over. Can't see
anything here. Ah, well. Might as well destroy it and see what
happens. But before he could do that, he noticed a white cat walking up
to him.

"And you are? Another LNH'r? Putty Tat Lad? Or...?" Bart didn't
finish that thought. The pleasure parts of his brain started to
overwhelm him. But before he could do something to control that, his
mind was completely enslaved.

The first thing completely enslaved Bart did was crush the annoying
sound making device in his hands.

And then he gave a complete recap to Mr. Tiddles of everything that had happened.



**** <<--BM-->> ****

After Bart's recap of events, Mr. Tiddles stopped to ponder this all.
He had control of the most powerful being in the entire Looniverse. Of
course, he was on a planet and time that wasn't his own. But he could
use this stupid human to do anything! He could take over the Looniverse
and shape it into something a bit more palatable. On the other hand,
that could be very tiring -- he could already feel a little resistance
from his human subject. He couldn't control him forever.

He didn't really want to conquer the Looniverse. At least not this
moment. All he wanted was a nice little nap. And he didn't like this
stupid planet he was on. Stupid Stinky Planet!

He wanted to get out of here. And to do that he would need someone to
fly the spaceship. But all of the LNH'rs were dead. Well, he could
bring all of the LNH'rs back to life. Better bring everyone back just
to be safe. And probably better to just return everything back to the
way it was before the battle started -- just to be safe.

And Bart, under Mr. Tiddles control, returned everything back to the way
it was before the battle had happened (except for Bart still being under Tiddles control -- of course). God, Heaven, and Hell returned.

"What the hell?!! What is going on!!? Who are you!!? Why are we all
wearing these stupid costumes??!!" cried various LNH'rs.

Okay, probably should fix that, thought Mr. Tiddles.

**** <<--BM-->> ****


After returning the LNH'rs memories and then putting every LNH'r (and
everyone else that wasn't Bart and himself) in a 5 minute freeze, Mr.
Tiddles realized that it would probably be a good idea to completely
de-power Bart so there wouldn't be any repercussions for his actions.
He decided the best way to do it would be for Bart to use the Insanity
Gauntlet on himself again. Bart went over to the burlap sack, put on
the Gauntlet, and removed all his powers. And then he took the Gauntlet
off and put it back into the sack, which he threw very far away from
himself. And lastly, Mr. Tiddles had Bart stand on top of his head at
least until the LNH'rs de-froze.


**** <<--BM-->> ****

Both the Ultimate Ninja and Mr. Tiddles stared at each other for the
longest time. Eventually, the Ultimate Ninja said, "Okay. Here's the
deal. For 'helping' us 'defeat' Bart -- we will give you a lift home
and then we will allow you a 30 minute head start. But that's it.
After that 30 minutes is up -- we will hunt you down! Do you
understand? Do You Understand?"

Mr. Tiddles made a snorting sound and then made his way for one of the
LNH Starships hoping to find himself a comfy place to nap.

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head and made his way towards Bart who was
having high tech manacles put over his hands.

"Hi, Boss. I'd like to take this time to declare diplomatic immunity
due to my position as King of Qwerty."

Ultimate Ninja held his Ginsu Katana blade close to Bart's chin. "Save
the jokes for the judge, Bart."

Bart shrugged his shoulders. "I'd just hate to see the LNH break
Intergalactic Law."

"People! Get this piece of *#$%*@ into containment -- now! Before I do something I might regret. And get someone competent to guard him!!"
Two LNH'rs quickly carted Bart off.

The Ultimate Ninja stormed his way towards Occultism Kid who had the
burlap sack that contained the Insanity Gauntlet and Ring Retconn.
"Well, do we have everything we need here?"

Occultism Kid nodded his head. "These both are the real deal. We
should probably put these on a separate ship away from Bart."

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head and then noticed that the head of the Dvorakians, Major Poossee, was walking up to them.

"Those artifacts you have," Major Poossee pointed to the sack, "belong
to the Dvorakian Empire."

"The hell they do." The Ultimate Ninja gripped his blade a little more tightly. "This is a completely different time."

"Maybe." The Major Poossee laughed. "I have to admit I don't really
care one way or the other since I've got less than a week to live. How
about we do this -- I challenge you to a fight. The winner gets the
artifacts -- the loser gets to be worm food. Do you accept, Ultimate
Ninja?"

"If that's the way you want it then so be it. Where do you want to die?"

Major Poossee smiled and gestured towards an open spot of land. "Over
there's fine."


**** <<--BM-->> ****

End of Part III



==========
Next Week: Beige Midnight Part XXIII!
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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