LNH20 presents:
POST-METAL DOOMCORE!
S01E01: "Post-Writing Blockcore"
by Jeanne Morningstar

====

Netropolis. Once upon a time, less long ago than it seems, there were
heroes here.

The last few years were a grand battle between good and evil. The good
guys won, but they're gone now. Nothing actually changed, or at least,
not for the better. We're still doing our jobs and going in to work
every day, but now we have to deal with all these monsters too. We're
till trying to get on with the bare minimum of our lives while knowing
any minute they could end.

"What's it going to be today, Emily?" I asked myself, fiddling with my old-school lesbian rat-tail as I look in the mirror. "Am I going to go
outside and deal with the monsters, or stay inside and deal with the depression?"

I look at the books and tarot decks piled up by the mirror, the little
Ultraman aliens sitting on top of them, and the little cars that I keep
around for giantess fetish videos, which is where most of my money comes
from these days. I make weird fetish videos for the internet, which is a
side hustle for being a tarot reader, which is a side hustle for grad
school.

I study the history of Netropolis through the lens of architecture. I
don't always like living here, but my life is so tied up with this place
that I can't imagine living anywhere else.

All cities have a life of their own, but Netropolis is something else.
People have noticed how the buildings tend to slowly grow back after a disaster, or change themselves when no one is looking.

The good news is, after the monster attacks and the disappearance of the
LNHQ, my work is more marketable than ever now. That's about it as far
as good news goes. Right now, I'm waiting uneasily for the new semester
to start up. I'm scared that they'll march us out and force us all to
teach in person even as monsters are rampaging through the campus, but
I'm also scared I'll never get to leave my apartment.

I spent about five to ten minutes looking into the mirror, doom
spiraling and plotting out various ways things could go wrong.

The problem with being inside is that I'm stuck alone with my thoughts,
and they're bastards. I'd had enough of them.

I decided that today I had to go outside.

My plan was to go to the grocery to stock up on fresh vegetables and
then stop by the library to get the last volume of Immortal Marvel
Zombie Lad.

Grocery shopping went as usual. I handed my stuff off to the cashier and
we both blinked and sort of barely acknowledged each other's existence.

I was making my way to the library when I heard a sound. The noise of a
horse's hoofs pounding on the pavement--not something you often hear on
a busy city street. I looked behind me.

That was my first mistake.

What I saw was a horse whose skin seemed to be made out of bone-white
chitin. A horn protruded out of its head, and two fangs from its mouth.
A vampire unicorn. A vampiricorn. Or something. And it looked hungry.

My prospects were not good. There was no way I could outrun even a
regular, non-vampire horse. My ex-Catholic ass was not carrying around
any crucifixes, holy water or anything else you'd kill a vampire with.
Would that even work on an unicorn? So I was, predictably, screwed.

A yellow taxi cab roared up to the curb. "Get in the car!" someone
shouted at me, and under the circumstances I wasn't going to say no.

I jumped into the cab and slammed the door behind me. Sitting at the
wheel was a gorgeous woman--yes, I was thinking about that even as a
monster was trying to eat me--who wears her short dark hair in an
old-fashioned newsboy cap. Under other, non-running-from-monsters circumstances, I'd be pretty glad to meet her. I worry I'm staring at
her, but she's concentrating on getting away from the monster. Thank god.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Jessica Hernandez, the world's greatest cab driver! From Ultimate Mercenary v20 #5! Remember me?"

"...kind of? That issue came out a while ago."

"Awww, dangit. So, where are you headed?"

The monster roared and lunged at us. The graphic novel would have to
wait. "Home." I gave her my address.

She pressed a button and the taxi ka-chunk-whrred and became a robot. As
my seat rotated, I felt a bit like I was on an amusement park
ride--though those *probably* wouldn't get you killed.

The vampire unicorn charged us, slamming the taxi robot with its horn.
My stomach lurched. I hoped I wouldn't throw up on Jessica's cab after
all she was doing to help me.

The taxi robot's arms ripped the monster in half. Its flourescent pink
blood splattered over the streets.

"Yeah, I have to go through about four or five of these every week," she
said. "And I don't even get any extra pay."

"That sucks," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Eh, it's a living." She pressed a button and the robot ka-chunk-whrred
back to a taxi cab, and we drove home while Little Busters played on.

The cab dropped me off by my apartment. I got out and looked at the
departing cab with distinctly mixed emotions. She looked out the window
and waved goodbye.

I wasn't happy about the monster ruining my library plans. I'd met an
amazingly hot woman who'd saved my life who I'd probably never see
again. I was alive, and amazingly, I'd been able to hold onto the
groceries. That's a lot to process for one day.

I had planned on actually being productive today, but no dice. Still, at
least I could go home, sit down and relax, be alone for a while now that
I could really appreciate it...

I opened the door and there were four anime girls sitting on my couch,
eating pizza. I blink, close the door, open it again, rub my eyes to
make sure.

"Oh yea, I guess this apartment belongs to someone. Uh, hi." said the demon-type girl. "We just kind of had to stay somewhere so [foo] used a
spell to transport us here."

"OK so, uh, is this a dream or what?"

"That's an interesting philosophical question," said elven woman. "I'll
admit the concept of reality doesn't seem to be very solid to me lately."

"Apologies," said the short monk, and bowed to me.

"We... kind of don't have anyplace to stay right now," said the tech type.

"I'm sorry, this is too much. I just had to get past a monster to get
here..."

"A monster? Where?" said the demon girl.

"I'm afraid she's dead now."

"Fuck and damn."

=====

Notes: Still pretty exhausted with work and the effort of finishing
THGJE, I wanted to write something that would take less effort to write
and read, and keep the LNH20 fires stoked.

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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