• LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #221: LNH vII #50 Part One (1/2)

    From Arthur Spitzer@21:1/5 to All on Sun Nov 7 21:23:01 2021
    You can sift through the racc list archive https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
    or you can try google groups racc for the whole issue of LNH vII #50.


    And this is part one of the Big Mega Multi-Writer Issue of LNH vII #50.
    There were Eight LNH Writers involved in the writing of this and they
    are as follow: Jeanne Morningstar, Rob Rogers, Scott Eiler,
    Dave Van Domelen, Arthur Spitzer (me), Drew Nilium, Martin Phipps, and
    Saxon Brenton.

    Way back in May of 2012, Jeanne Morningstar had just won High Concept
    Challenge #29 and decided to make LNH v2 #50 the new challenge -- with
    a due date a month from then. Here's that post from May 16th, 2012:

    From: Adrian J. McClure mrfantastic7 at gmail.com
    Date: Wed May 16 21:59:41 PDT 2012

    In honor of the LNH's 20th anniversary, and the fact that with all the
    other things we're doing on and off RACC we'd never get it done any
    other way, I declare LNH v2 #50 the next High-Concept Challenge. The
    due date is a month from now, unless it somehow gets finished earlier.

    I've written about the basic ideas I have in mind for this on the
    author's group; if you haven't joined yet just send me an email.
    Martin and Scott have already written scenes but it's still in the
    opening stages so a lot is still up in the air.

    AJM (ready for the big anniversary celebration--I'll probably have one
    heck of a hangover)


    It took a bit longer than that. Two years in fact (it would finally get
    posted on Nov 2nd, 2014). Now quite a bit of the writing was done in that first month or so, but there were various writer disputes and apathy and
    other real life concerns that caused it to be delayed and delayed.

    I remember there was talk back in RACCCon 2012 among some of the
    people there about possibly finishing the issue. I was the one that
    vetoed that idea -- so you can probably blame me for it not being
    finished back in 2012. And part of the reason I didn't really want to
    tackle it back then was due to the big writer flame war that had just
    happened around that time.

    LNH vII #50 is (perhaps) the last story of the Martin Phipps era of the
    LNH. Martin was kind of the John Byrne of the LNH. As John Byrne was
    an important force in history of superhero comics -- Marin was an
    important force in the LNH Imprint. He certainly helped define the LNH
    style and influenced a bunch of other LNH writers like Ken Schmidt and
    Jeff McCoskey who in turn influenced others (like myself). But like
    John Byrne, he also had a habit of getting into all kinds of feuds with
    the various other LNH writers. Look at any big flamewar from RACC and alt.comics.lnh's past -- and most likely you'll see Martin as a big player
    with in them.

    Back in 2011 around the time people were making the LNH20 Imprint,
    Martin had written some distortion of the truth that caused me to
    blow up at him, which caused a big flamewar with the end result being
    me not really wanting to deal with Martin anymore and me boycotting
    writing his characters (and me essentially giving him the silent treatment
    for the most part).

    This made writing for LNH v2 #50 a kind of awkward experience for me since Martin was a heavy part of this (as well as his character, Master Blaster)
    so that was one of the reasons why I didn't really want to deal with
    finishing this issue back at RACCCon 2012. And during the writing of #50, there was this dispute between Martin and Drew involving Kid Enthusiastic's characterization (Kid E being a Drew character -- so probably the person
    that understands the character the most -- you'd think -- if you were some person other than Martin). So, while everyone is still working on #50 -- Martin decides to write issue #51 and posts it. #51 seems to have been
    written just to troll Drew -- and of course there's another big flame war
    and Martin pretty much burned every last bridge he had with the LNH and he
    quit RACC for good (granted he did wind up making a sock puppet account
    (April White -- was that the name?) so he could write some stuff for the
    LNHY Imprint.)

    And all that sort of killed whatever momentum there was for finishing #50.
    But Drew eventually (maybe with some help from Jean -- can't quite remember) did finish the whole thing and edit it into something coherent and posted it
    in 2014.

    There was some dated stuff that was rewritten (I remember making a
    reference to Kony 2012 meme). So, with all that said -- here is the first part.

    We begin in the LNH Cafeteria -- all of the LNH'rs are abuzz about the 20th Anniversary party that Catalyst Lass is planning. And on the menu is
    Taco Salad Cheesecake (and perhaps even worse things than that).

    And now...






    _
    | | Classic
    | | =
    | | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
    | |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

    |____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
    ||
    |_| OF NET.HEROES

    ADVENTURES #221


    =====================
    LNH vII #50 Part One
    =====================







    From: Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
    Date: Sun Nov 2 16:20:29 PST 2014


    LEGION OF NET.HEROES

    :NN:
    :NNNN:
    :NNNNNN:
    :NNNNNNNN:
    :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh:
    :NNNNNNN:
    :NNNNN:
    :NNN:
    :N:

    |--------------*-------------------*------------------*--------------|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| VOLUME TWO |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| ISSUE FIFTY |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH| "The Challenge From Before" |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| written by and copyright 2012-2014 |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| SAXON BRENTON * SCOTT EILER |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH| ADRIAN J. MCCLURE * ANDREW PERRON |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| MARTIN PHIPPS * ARTHUR SPITZER |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| ROB ROGERS * DAVE VAN DOMELEN |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |--------------*-------------------*------------------*--------------|

    [ The cover is an homage to Justice League of America #100, showing a
    number of present-day LNHers (Seyfert, Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II,
    Irony Man II, Cynical Lass, You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad,
    Master Blaster, Masterplan Lad and Poignant Death Lass) standing before
    a monument, with the ghostly images of founding LNHers (Comics-Snob Boy, Mainstream Man, Catalyst Lass, Irony Man I, Lurking Girl and Mood Arrow) looming above it. On the monument is written, "HERE LIES THE UNKNOWN
    LNHER." Below is a plaque reading, "The greatest gathering of super-
    stars ever recorded! The 20th anniversary adventure of the LEGION OF NET.HEROES... in search of THE LNH'S TRUE ORIGIN!" ]

    PREVIOUSLY:

    * In LNH THE EARLY YEARS #3: Irony Man (Toony Stork) related the origin
    of the LNH. The LNH was founded many years ago when Rick Smith of the
    Toon Brigade summoned Irony Man, Lurking Girl, Loquacious Lad, Kid
    Yesterdaze, and Marvel Zombie Lad to defeat an impending threat. It
    turned out there wasn't any; it was simply a practical joke. But the
    five heroes decided to get together to found the Legion of Net.Heroes
    should a real threat emerge. Or at least that's the official story...

    * In BEIGE MIDNIGHT and LNH VOLUME 2: Irony Man betrayed the LNH in a
    devil's bargain to save the world. Disgraced, he threw himself into a
    final battle - but ended up praised for a save that wasn't his. He has
    retired and appointed a successor, the mysterious Irony Man II...

    * In STAY DEAD!, DON'T STAY DEAD!, and NOT DEAD!: On their very first
    mission for the Legion of Net.Heroes, against a threat known as Beige
    Midnight, Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass died. Ensign
    Bodybag welcomed them to the Afterlife. They saw Don't Stay Dead Man
    come for one of their teammates and give him True Death, but when the
    higher powers decided that they were more interesting than he was,
    they returned to the Looniverse -- just in time for Taco Salad
    Cheesecake...

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    The LNH Cafeteria:

    "So," said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, taking a bite out of Cheesecake-Eater Lad's special Taco Salad Cheesecake, "you guys going to
    the big LNH 20th Anniversary bash (that Catalyst Lass has been working
    on for the last month or so) tonight?"

    Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. [The sidekick of Ubiquitous Boy's sidekick Ubiquitous Lad (or is it the other way around?) -- Footnote Girl]
    shrugged. "Guess so. Since I'm everywhere, I suppose I'll be there
    too."

    Namer Boy, who was also sitting at the table with them, shrugged a
    bit too. "I suppose. Though I hate going to these things -- without a
    date. Feel like a lame loser."

    "No need for that," said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad, pulling
    something out of his top hat. "There. A list of all my groupies and
    their numbers. Call one of them."

    "You have groupies?" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr., just a bit shocked
    by the idea.

    "Hey. I was, like, *the* most popular character during Infinite
    April -- appearing in tons of stories. Also, I won a 2007 RACCie for
    best supporting character. And the ladies? I'm telling you, the ladies
    love my extra thumbs. It's true."

    "What are you people doing?" said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough
    Lad, walking over to their table with a very pissed-off look. "Sitting
    and eating cheesecake?"

    "Umm," said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad, taking another bite. "It's
    lunch time?"

    "I can't believe you people are just sitting around," said You're- Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, shaking his head. "Do you know what's
    happening in the world -- while you're sitting here? Did you know there
    are people out there, starving, who can't a job or a car or medical
    care? Just laying there, waiting to die? Why hasn't the LNH done
    something about this?! Why have *we* done nothing about it!?"

    "Is something wrong, YNHMHE Lad?" said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad
    with a concerned look. "You're being really serious."

    "Is that a crime?" said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad.
    "What? Am I supposed be just the joking guy that likes people to punch
    him in the face all the time? Is that what I'm supposed to be? Because
    I'm more than that! My god! Look at what's happening to the world!
    People are suffering! Tyrants are brutalizing their citizens! Children
    being forced into armies in Africa! In Middle Eastern countries, women
    barely have any rights!! Chinese factory workers are slaving in hideous conditions to make iPads for fat Ame.rec.ans!!! Why isn't the LNH doing something about this? Why are we blind to everything bad in the world?
    Is the world better than it was in 1992!? What good has the LNH done
    during the past 20 or so years?!! Just tell me that. Just tell me that!"
    His knuckles were white on the back of the plastic cafeteria chair.

    "You mean other than the thousand or so times the LNH has saved the Looniverse from complete oblivion?" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr., glaring
    at YNHMHELad. "You mean other than that?"

    "Plus, I'm not sure how much of that is actually in our continuity,"
    noted Namer Boy.

    "Look," said UBLJr. "Why don't you talk to Ultimate Ninja, or
    Fearless Leader, or *someone* in a leadership position about this? We
    don't control the LNH. We don't decide what missions should happen,
    beyond small-time Net.ropolis stuff. So go yell at them."

    "Maybe I'll go do that," said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, returning UBLJr.'s glare. "Maybe I'll do just that!"

    "Hey, guys!" piped WikiBoy as he walked towards them.

    "Wassup, WikiBoy!" greeted Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad looked at WikiBoy and frowned. "What's that on your backside?"

    "Oh," said WikiBoy, with a slightly shameful look on his face.
    "That's, uh, that's my beaver tail."

    "Why in the world do you have a beaver tail?"

    "Oh, well, Master Blaster said I had one, so... now I have one."

    "Why would he do that?"

    "I dunno. Guess he thought it was funny, maybe?"

    "Funny!? Do *you* think it's funny?"

    "Well, no. Not really."

    "Do you like having a beaver tail?"

    "Well, I suppose not. Though you get used to it after a while. And
    it does make swimming easier."

    "Do you see what's happening here?" said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard- Enough Lad, turning to his friends. "How can the LNH fight the evil and injustices in the world -- when it takes a blind eye to the evil and
    injustice within its own halls? Do you finally see? This ends here! No
    more will Master Blaster abuse WikiBoy! No More!! Today it all ends!!
    Today, Master Blaster pays for all of his crimes!!!" You're-Not-Hitting- Me-Hard-Enough Lad shook his fist with rage and stormed off.

    "Or maybe you could just say 'WikiBoy no longer has a beaver tail'.
    Or someone else could say that and it would be gone." WikiBoy waited for someone to say something... waited... "Or maybe I could just stand here
    and talk to myself."

    "Wow," said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad after watching his friend's complete meltdown. "YNHMHELad vs. Master Blaster? No good is going to
    come from this. Any bets?"

    "Probably Master Blaster," said Namer Boy, still looking at the list Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad had given him. "So, do you have any pictures
    of these girls?"

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad slammed open the door to
    Master Blaster's room. "You're an asshole!"

    "Excuse me?" Master Blaster put down the rifle he was cleaning and
    removed the jeweler's loupe from his eye.

    "You heard me!"

    Master Blaster sighed and shook his head. "I'm not mad, just... disappointed."

    "Seriously!" shouted YNHMHELad. "Look at how you treat WikiBoy!"

    MB waved it off. "He knows I'm just kidding around."

    "'Kidding around'! Well, I'm *not* kidding around! I said you're an asshole and I meant it! What are you going to do about it?"

    Master Blaster pulled out his BIGGUN and shot You're-Not-Hitting-Me- Hard-Enough Lad in the face.

    "NO!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic. "Rob! What are you doing?!"

    "He literally-- wait, what are you doing here?"

    "Oh, I've been taking classes! Did you know your room is right next
    to the yoga studio?"

    "Absolutely not and you can't prove I did."

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad sat up and spat out a tooth, grinning brokenly at Master Blaster. "Is that the best you can do?"

    "See?" said Master Blaster. "He's fine."

    Kid E rubbed his forehead. "Rob, look-- if someone walks up to you
    and says 'Shoot me,' are you really and actually going to shoot them?"

    Master Blaster thought for a moment. "Yeah."

    "Seriously!?"

    Master Blaster shrugged. "Look, net.heroes aren't just people in
    costumes. We have a purpose! My purpose is to inflict pain and injury!"

    "C'mon, big man!" said YNHMHELad, thumping his chest. "You wanna
    inflict pain? Don't settle for WikiBoy! I'm right here!"

    "Rob, no. Something's..." Kid E squinted at his teammate.
    "Something's wrong. He's obviously not in his right mind."

    Master Blaster sighed. "Fine, fine..." He started to turn away.

    "Yeah, it's not like you could anyway," sneered YNHMELad.

    He stopped in mid-turn. "ExCUSE me?"

    "You can screw with somebody innocent but you're not gonna use your oh-so-great powers on someone who's asking for it?" You're-Not-Hitting- Me-Hard-Enough Lad's canines were showing, glinting long and sharp.

    "Oh, well." Master Blaster nodded thoughtfully. "Let me think. You
    know, I'm always shooting people with BIG GUNS..."

    "Pfft!" YNHMHELad said.

    "But I was created with the ability to bring forth ANY weapon!"
    Master Blaster concentrated. In his hands formed an intercontinental
    ballistic missile tipped with a nuclear warhead!

    "NO! Nonononono!" Kid E hopped up and down. "You're about to kind of destroy all of Net.ropolis!!"

    Master Blaster thought for a moment. "You know, he's right. Hurting
    you isn't worth destroying the city, is it?"

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad shrugged. "I suppose..."

    "All right, then..."

    "...that this is your way of wimping out."

    "...wimping out?" Master Blaster said.

    " oh god " said Kid Enthusiastic.

    Master Blaster lifted the entire missile in the air and shoved it
    down You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad's throat. "@#$% YOU!"

    By coincidence, this was the code that activated the nuclear device. YNHMHELad's stomach underwent a tactical atomic explosion.

    "..."

    "Wow," said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, smoke flowing from
    his orifices. "That actually hurt."

    Kid Enthusiastic looked at Master Blaster, disapproving yet kind of impressed. "Happy now?"

    Master Blaster smiled. "Right now? Yes. Yes, I am!"

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad and Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. helped You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad along the hallway as they made
    their way to the LNHQ infirmary.

    "God," said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, looking at YNHMHELad's
    bloody mouth. "I've never seen you hurt this bad! I mean, you've fought
    all kinds of villains and stuff -- people way more powerful than Master
    Blaster -- and you've never been hurt this bad! Are you sure you're
    okay?"

    "Yeah, it's no... big..." And then You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough
    Lad's limbs went limp, his eyes rolling back into their sockets.

    The two net.heroes helped their friend to the floor. Ubiquitous Boy
    Lad Jr. checked YNHMHELad's pulse, but couldn't find it. "Nothing. He's
    dead. You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad is dead! Master Blaster
    killed him!"

    "My God! You're sure? He's dead?" said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad, staring at You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad's corpse with
    disbelief. "He can't be-- wait! Look! Something is happening!" And
    something *was* happening. The corpse began to shift -- changing into something... *else*.

    "It's an alien! A Dorf! A Dorfian shapeshifter!" said Ubiquitous Boy
    Lad Jr., voice filled with horror and relief.

    "So, wait," said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, backing away from the
    alien corpse. "If that's not him -- then where is the real You're-Not- Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad? And why do the Dorfs care about WikiBoy's
    beaver tail?"

    Right on cue, as if from thin air, Doctor Stomper appeared.

    "Gah!" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    "It's quite simple," Dr. Stomper explained. "This *is* the real You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad. Clearly, You're-Not-Hitting-Me- Hard-Enough Lad has always been a Dorf. Why do you think he always
    wanted people to hit him? Is that normal human behavior? Why, not at
    all! But it's perfectly normal behavior for a Dorf!"

    "So Master Blaster killed the *real* You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-
    Enough Lad?" UBLJr. asked.

    "Killed?" Doctor Stomper asked. "That's impossible! You're-Not- Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad has a Wolverine-level healing factor! He's
    never been hit hard enough that it's permanently hurt him!"

    "He *did* swallow a nuke," said Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad.

    "And he doesn't have a pulse!" Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. said.

    Doctor Stomper chuckled paternally. "You're forgetting that Dorf physiology isn't the same as that of ordinary humans." Doctor Stomper
    stuck a finger down You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad's pants.

    "Doc!" Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad said. "Ew!"

    "It's okay," Doctor Stomper said, "I'm a doctor. Aha! A pulse! It's
    faint but it's there!" He pulled out a moist towelette and swabbed his
    hands. "You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad just needs time to
    recuperate."

    "Well that's a relief!" Pulls-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad said. "I guess
    there was nothing to worry about after--"

    Just then, Namer Boy walked in. His eyes bulged out cartoonishly.
    "There's a Dorf in the cafeteria!"

    "D'oh."

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    In a burst of blue-green light, Masterplan Lad fell through the air
    into the bushes in front of the LNHQ. He spat out the leaves that
    Domestic Lad had so carefully curated and stood up.

    A moment ago, he had been... elsewhen. The last thing he could
    remember was standing at the edge of the universe [See Ultimate
    Mercenary #7 -- Footnote Girl], but he had the telltale whiff of Ottobindervitch displacement, meaning that he wouldn't remember what
    he'd been doing until he caught up with the continuity. It didn't
    matter, as the effect was clearly meant to keep this story simple, so
    you didn't have to catch up with the whole convoluted Ultimate Mercenary storyline (in which he had originally appeared) to read it.

    He looked up at the facade of the LNH's headquarters. It was subtly
    but noticeably different from the last version he'd seen. His companions
    were nowhere in sight, which left him disappointed but also relieved, as
    at least it meant things might be a little bit less confusing this time.

    Heaving a sigh of frustration, he passed through the double doors
    and saw a Japanese woman sitting behind the desk, hurriedly struggling
    to get some paperwork done. This must be Kyoko Ishikawa. Though she was
    plain enough by net.heroine standards, he found himself staring intently
    at her and felt cold sweat on his forehead. Not this again. He'd been distracted from it before by all the chaos he'd undergone. She looked up
    and blinked. "Are you all right?"

    "I... I suppose so. Er, what year is it?" he asked.

    Kyoko groaned. "Not another time traveller! Ah, no offense."

    He sighed. "None taken. Believe me, if I had any choice, I would not
    have gotten involved in any of this convoluted time travel nonsense. Is
    there some sort of crisis going on?"

    "Not right now, but if you wait a few minutes... Anyway, are you
    from the future?"

    "No, I'm already a member of the team, though I haven't been around
    very much. I'm Masterplan Lad." He hoped she wouldn't remember who he
    was, not to mention the fact that he'd accidentally destroyed the LNHQ.
    [In one of the Infinite Leadership Crisis issues that Adrian swears he's
    going to write someday -- Footnote Girl]

    "Wait, didn't you destroy the LNHQ?"

    "I... ah. Well. It was a very complicated situation. And
    technically it wasn't me, it was the giant monster, which..."
    Thankfully, he was interrupted by a shout coming from nearby:

    "There's a Dorf in the cafeteria!"

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    "We used to be LNH members. Why can't we find the cafeteria?"
    pondered Poignant Death Lass. "Maybe it's because we're more real now --
    not just a one-off joke, meant only to die. We must struggle on our own merits..."

    "I bet it'd be easier to find if you called it the Old-Fashioned
    Slop Trough," said Horrible Name Lad.

    "...of course, some of us must struggle harder than others..."

    Then from down the corridor and around the corner they heard a
    shout:

    "There's a Dorf in the cafeteria!"

    --LNH-- --LNH-- --LNH--

    "There's a Dorf in the cafeteria!" Namer Boy shouted again. Hearing
    no response to his first two cries, he opened his mouth to shout once
    more -- only to have a hand ending in five well-manicured fingertips
    clamp down over his mouth.

    Namer Boy could not help but notice that the hand in question was
    attached to an arm, which was in turn connected to a young woman, and
    that the young woman -- Cynical Lass to her friends -- was not very
    happy.

    "Why," Cynical Lass asked, "are you shouting right outside the door
    to my room when I'm trying to sleep?"

    Namer Boy did his best to reply, though his efforts in this regard
    were hindered by the continued presence of Cynical Lass' palm on his
    face. She sighed, and removed her hand.

    "It's noon," Namer Boy said, rubbing his face.

    "Ah," Cynical Lass said. "And some vestigial roosterish part of you insists on shouting every day at noon, is that it?"

    Namer Boy considered this. "There's an alien in the cafeteria."

    "I believe the government now refers to them as 'guest workers,'"
    Cynical Lass said.

    "It's a Dorf," Namer Boy explained.

    "The Tim Conway character?"

    "A... glk... Dorf," Namer Boy continued, as Cynical Lass dragged him
    by his shirt collar through the double doors of the cafeteria.

    There, a small semi-circle of super-heroes -- and Ubiquitous Boy Lad
    Jr. -- stood around an unconscious You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough
    Lad, who was receiving medical attention from Doctor Stomper.

    "Dorfs are vicious, brutish, thuglike monsters from a warrior planet
    whose only interest is brawling with others like themselves," Namer Boy
    said.

    "You've just described two-thirds of everyone who ever declared
    themselves to be a super-hero," Cynical Lass said. "Or haven't you
    noticed that the moment someone acquires super-powers, they decide that
    the best way to solve the world's problems is by rounding up everyone
    who disagrees with them and punching them in the face."

    "You're forgetting about the shooting and the blowing up," said
    Master Blaster, licking cheesecake from his fingers.

    "So what the hell happened here?" asked Cynical Lass, peering down
    at the fallen hero. "I've seen You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad
    shrug off a broadside from a battleship. I've seen him wade through
    rivers of lava in the path of an erupting volcano. I've seen him sit
    through all two hours of the horror that is 'You Don't Mess With the
    Zohan' without screaming. What could possibly put him down?"

    "My best guess," Doctor Stomper said, without looking up, "is that
    the nuclear device fed to him by Master Blaster reacted poorly with the
    taco salad cheesecake he ate earlier. It's likely that since his powers
    are geared towards absorbing kinetic energy, that he probably also has radiation poisoning and burns. He'll also have lost all his gut flora,
    so we'll also need to contact the Dorfs to get a sample of fecal matter
    for a poop transplant."

    Cynical Lass looked at Master Blaster. "You nuked You're-Not- Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, just because he's a Dorf?" she asked.

    "I nuked him because he's an @$$hole," Master Blaster corrected.
    "If I'd known he was a Dorf, I would have used something stronger."

    Cynical Lass glanced from one masked face to another with a scowl
    that was very nearly nunlike in its disapproval.

    "What is it about these Dorfs," she asked, "that makes them any
    worse than all of the alien koalas, hamsters, bug people, giant
    transforming robots and sentient shades of blue you people deal with on
    a regular basis?"

    "That's simple," said a smooth, slightly metallic voice. Cynical
    Lass turned to see the tall, armored shoulders of Irony Man filing the
    entrance to the cafeteria.

    "We hate Dorfs because of what happened during the very first
    mission of the LNH," Irony Man said.

    "Hang on. Time out," said Masterplan Lad, who had entered the
    cafeteria just ahead of Cynical Lass, and had been waiting all this time
    to get a word in edgewise. "I thought the LNH's first mission was going
    up against Doctor Killfile."

    "Well, technically, yes," Doctor Stomper said. "Doctor Killfile was
    the first threat faced by the Legion of Net.Heroes. But before they
    adopted that distinctive cognomen... before they considered themselves a group... the individual members of the LNH participated in... another incident."

    "And that involved the Dorfs?" Cynical Lass asked.

    Doctor Stomper shook his head. "I did not yet have the privilege of
    Legion membership at the time in question," he said. "Irony Man here
    could tell you what happened."

    "Of course," Irony Man said. "If I remember correctly, it all went something like this..."

    ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~

    "I can't believe we survived that!" Irony Man said, smoke pouring
    from the tattered remains of his armor. "I swear -- on my mother's grave
    -- I will never forget what happened this day, not for as long as I
    live!"

    ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~

    "Good times," Irony Man said, wistfully.

    "That's IT?" asked Horrible Name Lad, who had entered the cafeteria
    during the flashback. "That was both less informative and more
    aggravating than the average employee at an Apple Genius bar."

    "You really don't remember anything else that happened?" Pulls- Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad asked.

    "Of course I remember. It's just that I don't happen to have the
    memories with me at the moment," Irony Man said.

    "Come again?" asked Cynical Lass.

    "Do you remember every single number programmed into your cell
    phone?" Irony Man asked.

    "I don't even remember how most of them got into my cell phone,"
    Cynical Lass admitted.

    "And why should you? Using technology to store those numbers frees
    up your mind for more creative thoughts," Irony Man said. He tapped the
    side of his helmet with one golden gauntlet. "That's why I constantly
    download all of my memories into the servers on sub-basement levels 50
    through 58.5. It allows me to live fully in the moment -- something
    ascetics have been trying to achieve for thousands of years -- while at
    the same time giving me the ability to revisit the memories of my
    earlier days at any time I choose, with a clarity that is simply
    unavailable to the average person."

    "You have eight and a half levels of Legion headquarters devoted to storing your memories?" gasped Poignant Death Lass, who had followed
    Horrible Name Lad into the cafeteria and was staring in wonder at the
    many varieties of cheesecake on display. "Isn't... doesn't that strike
    you as kind of a waste of space?"

    Irony Man shrugged. "I do own the building," he said.

    "Then that settles it," Cynical Lass said. "We'll all take a trip
    down to subterranean memory lane and find out what Irony Man and the
    rest of the Legion did in their first adventure."

    That Master Blaster chose that moment to stare at Cynical Lass was
    hardly surprising. That he -- for the first time since she had made his acquaintance -- was not staring at her chest caught her attention.

    "Why on earth would we do that?" he asked. "Believe me, nothing
    good ever came from going into any of the sub-sub-basements. And
    frankly... who cares what those guys did during their first adventure?
    It's not like the Legion was even really the Legion before *I* came on
    board."

    "Well," Doctor Stomper said, "there is the fact that one of our
    members has just turned out, quite unexpectedly, to be a member of a
    vicious, shape-shifting alien species. Which means that other members of

    [continued in next message]

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Jeanne Morningstar@21:1/5 to Arthur Spitzer on Sun Nov 7 22:40:24 2021
    On 11/7/21 3:23 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:


    Way back in May of 2012, Jeanne Morningstar had just won High Concept Challenge #29 and decided to make LNH v2 #50 the new challenge -- with
    a due date a month from then. Here's that post from May 16th, 2012:


    That's almost ten years ago now. I'm turning to dust...


    And all that sort of killed whatever momentum there was for finishing #50. But Drew eventually (maybe with some help from Jean -- can't quite remember) did finish the whole thing and edit it into something coherent and posted it in 2014.

    I bear some of the blame for dragging it out--Drew pushed through when
    no one else wanted (they're good at that) and wrote out the climax, and
    I wanted to write some epilogue scenes which would help sort out various plot/character threads I wanted to play with. My ability to write tends
    to run very hot and cold (though that's a pretty common struggle here),
    so I delayed on that a long time. Still, I'm happy in the end with how
    it all turned out.

    It was a frustrating experience in a lot of ways, but there were
    definitely things I enjoyed. The most fun part was working with Rob
    Rogers, who besides being a really funny writer was as generous and
    thoughtful a collaborator as that other guy wasn't. He did a remarkable
    job of "yes-anding" everyone's ideas. I had the idea there'd be one
    central character for every active writer, and introduced a new
    character, Painful Pun Person, as mine, but then decided to go with
    bringing Masterplan Lad as well--but Rob threw her in anyway and made
    her a joy to read about. Drew added more layers to the character later,
    and that really turned out to be an example of the LNH's creative
    collaboration at its best. Rob also helped keep the plot on track, as
    seen at the end of this post, bringing back my whole "secret origin"
    conceit after it had fallen off the radar. It was really remarkable how
    he pulled together all those ideas in a way that was not only coherent
    but also funny.

    I'll also say that the experience of writing this issue weirdly helped
    me grow a lot as a person. The original #51 was blatantly homophobic,
    and being angry at that knocked over the first domino that got me
    thinking about whether I was queer, and that led to everything I'd been
    and done since. As much as there've been a lot of frustrations along the
    way, I'm really proud of this community and how much everyone in it has
    grown.

    Jeanne Morningstar

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to Arthur Spitzer on Tue Nov 9 05:25:57 2021
    On 11/7/21 4:23 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
    <snip>
    And this is part one of the Big Mega Multi-Writer Issue of LNH vII #50.

    WOOOOO! I've probably read thru this half a dozen times or more since I posted it. Everyone put so much good energy into it.

    It took a bit longer than that. Two years in fact (it would finally get posted on Nov 2nd, 2014).

    Heck yeah @.@v

    I remember there was talk back in RACCCon 2012 among some of the
    people there about possibly finishing the issue. I was the one that
    vetoed that idea -- so you can probably blame me for it not being
    finished back in 2012. And part of the reason I didn't really want to
    tackle it back then was due to the big writer flame war that had just happened around that time.

    Completely understandable, and TBH, The Cat With Glasses was very much worth it. :>

    LNH vII #50 is (perhaps) the last story of the Martin Phipps era of the
    LNH.

    Yeah. @.@

    Martin was kind of the John Byrne of the LNH. As John Byrne was
    an important force in history of superhero comics -- Marin was an
    important force in the LNH Imprint. He certainly helped define the LNH
    style and influenced a bunch of other LNH writers like Ken Schmidt and
    Jeff McCoskey who in turn influenced others (like myself). But like
    John Byrne, he also had a habit of getting into all kinds of feuds with
    the various other LNH writers. Look at any big flamewar from RACC and alt.comics.lnh's past -- and most likely you'll see Martin as a big player with in them.

    That's a good comparison, yeah.

    Back in 2011 around the time people were making the LNH20 Imprint,
    Martin had written some distortion of the truth that caused me to
    blow up at him, which caused a big flamewar with the end result being
    me not really wanting to deal with Martin anymore and me boycotting
    writing his characters (and me essentially giving him the silent treatment for the most part).

    Oh god, I remember that bullshit. LNH20 barely got off the ground because of him.

    This made writing for LNH v2 #50 a kind of awkward experience for me since Martin was a heavy part of this (as well as his character, Master Blaster)
    so that was one of the reasons why I didn't really want to deal with finishing this issue back at RACCCon 2012.

    Incredibly understandable. I feel like you, me, and Jeanne all felt individually
    responsible for the post-Martingeddon slump, but really, it's nobody's fault but
    his. (And, you know, all the other forces that keep us from writing, internal and external.)

    And during the writing of #50,
    there was this dispute between Martin and Drew involving Kid Enthusiastic's characterization (Kid E being a Drew character -- so probably the person
    that understands the character the most -- you'd think -- if you were some person other than Martin).

    You'd think, right? And it was really a small thing, and it seemed like we had resolved it amicably and then--

    So, while everyone is still working on #50 --
    Martin decides to write issue #51 and posts it.

    YEP.

    #51 seems to have been
    written just to troll Drew --

    That was part of it, and it was also justifying horrifying takes on queer characters *and* Master Blaster tormenting WikiBoy[*] and also started with a summary of #50 that ended with "There. Now you don't have to read it." or something. @@

    [*]Also weirdly John Byrne-esque, actually, comparable to his Fantastic Four run
    saying that Galactus's existence is cosmically necessary And That Is That. I'm not sure if I'm Chris Claremont in that situation or Jeanne is. X3

    and of course there's another big flame war
    and Martin pretty much burned every last bridge he had with the LNH and he quit RACC for good (granted he did wind up making a sock puppet account (April White -- was that the name?) so he could write some stuff for the
    LNHY Imprint.)

    That was the name, yeah. He wrote a few more of his extremely flat movie parodies, which everyone ignored, and then he disappeared for good.

    And all that sort of killed whatever momentum there was for finishing #50. But Drew eventually (maybe with some help from Jean -- can't quite remember) did finish the whole thing and edit it into something coherent and posted it in 2014.

    Jeanne definitely helped, including just keeping my writing energy up in
    general. X3

    There was some dated stuff that was rewritten (I remember making a
    reference to Kony 2012 meme).

    Yep yep. X3 God 2012 was weird. Tho not as weird, I admit, as 2021.

    We begin in the LNH Cafeteria -- all of the LNH'rs are abuzz about the 20th Anniversary party that Catalyst Lass is planning. And on the menu is
    Taco Salad Cheesecake (and perhaps even worse things than that).

    :D :D :D

    :NN:
    :NNNN:
    :NNNNNN:
    :NNNNNNNN:
    :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLL: :NNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh: :LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLNNNNNNNN: :NNNNNNNNN: :hhhhhhh:
    :NNNNNNN:
    :NNNNN:
    :NNN:
    :N:

    Who was it that put this logo together originally? It's great. <3

    |--------------*-------------------*------------------*--------------|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| VOLUME TWO |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| ISSUE FIFTY |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH| "The Challenge From Before" |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| written by and copyright 2012-2014 |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| SAXON BRENTON * SCOTT EILER |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH| ADRIAN J. MCCLURE * ANDREW PERRON |NHLNHLNHLNHLNH|
    |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN| MARTIN PHIPPS * ARTHUR SPITZER |LNHLNHLNHLNHLN|
    |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL| ROB ROGERS * DAVE VAN DOMELEN |HLNHLNHLNHLNHL|
    |--------------*-------------------*------------------*--------------|

    I had fun putting together all this front/back matter. X3

    * In LNH THE EARLY YEARS #3: Irony Man (Toony Stork) related the origin
    of the LNH. The LNH was founded many years ago when Rick Smith of the
    Toon Brigade summoned Irony Man, Lurking Girl, Loquacious Lad, Kid
    Yesterdaze, and Marvel Zombie Lad to defeat an impending threat. It
    turned out there wasn't any; it was simply a practical joke. But the
    five heroes decided to get together to found the Legion of Net.Heroes
    should a real threat emerge. Or at least that's the official story...

    gaaaaad Martin's origins. Can't wait for Retcon Year.

    * In BEIGE MIDNIGHT and LNH VOLUME 2: Irony Man betrayed the LNH in a
    devil's bargain to save the world. Disgraced, he threw himself into a
    final battle - but ended up praised for a save that wasn't his. He has
    retired and appointed a successor, the mysterious Irony Man II...

    :3 This turned out so fun.

    * In STAY DEAD!, DON'T STAY DEAD!, and NOT DEAD!: On their very first
    mission for the Legion of Net.Heroes, against a threat known as Beige
    Midnight, Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass died. Ensign
    Bodybag welcomed them to the Afterlife. They saw Don't Stay Dead Man
    come for one of their teammates and give him True Death, but when the
    higher powers decided that they were more interesting than he was,
    they returned to the Looniverse -- just in time for Taco Salad
    Cheesecake...

    I love that this-all tied in so nicely. :D

    Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. [The sidekick of Ubiquitous Boy's sidekick Ubiquitous Lad (or is it the other way around?) -- Footnote Girl]

    Ubiquitous Boy and Ubiquitous Lad are both Rob's characters, but I'm not sure if
    they've ever actually shown up in a story (ironically). X3

    My god! Look at what's happening to the world!
    People are suffering! Tyrants are brutalizing their citizens! Children
    being forced into armies in Africa!
    I remember specifically trying to keep the spirit of the Kony reference.

    "Oh," said WikiBoy, with a slightly shameful look on his face.
    "That's, uh, that's my beaver tail."

    "Why in the world do you have a beaver tail?"

    "Oh, well, Master Blaster said I had one, so... now I have one."

    I like that it turned out that the discussion of the ethics of the Master Blaster/WikiBoy situation became the last Master Blaster story. X3

    "Do you see what's happening here?" said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard- Enough Lad, turning to his friends. "How can the LNH fight the evil and injustices in the world -- when it takes a blind eye to the evil and injustice within its own halls?

    This is a theme I've been coming back to. <3 It's extremely relevant nowadays. @-@

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad slammed open the door to
    Master Blaster's room. "You're an asshole!"

    This was a Martin scene, and required a lot of editing to square with what the issue eventually became, but I think I kept the spirit of it. :>

    "NO!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic. "Rob! What are you doing?!"

    "He literally-- wait, what are you doing here?"

    "Oh, I've been taking classes! Did you know your room is right next
    to the yoga studio?"

    "Absolutely not and you can't prove I did."

    There wasn't an introduction here, so I made one and I think it's funny. X3
    '
    Master Blaster shrugged. "Look, net.heroes aren't just people in costumes. We have a purpose! My purpose is to inflict pain and injury!"

    I tried to put in as good a counterargument for the anti-Master Blaster sentiments as I could.

    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad shrugged. "I suppose..."

    "All right, then..."

    "...that this is your way of wimping out."

    "...wimping out?" Master Blaster said.

    " oh god " said Kid Enthusiastic.

    Master Blaster lifted the entire missile in the air and shoved it
    down You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad's throat. "@#$% YOU!"

    By coincidence, this was the code that activated the nuclear device. YNHMHELad's stomach underwent a tactical atomic explosion.

    This climax is Martin's and it's also pretty funny. X3

    "It's an alien! A Dorf! A Dorfian shapeshifter!" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr., voice filled with horror and relief.

    DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

    Right on cue, as if from thin air, Doctor Stomper appeared.

    "Gah!" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    Due to the piecemeal writing process, a *lot* of characters just kind of popped up out of nowhere in this story, and I tried to smooth those transitions as best
    I could. I'd be better at it now. X3

    "It's quite simple," Dr. Stomper explained. "This *is* the real You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad. Clearly, You're-Not-Hitting-Me- Hard-Enough Lad has always been a Dorf. Why do you think he always
    wanted people to hit him? Is that normal human behavior? Why, not at
    all! But it's perfectly normal behavior for a Dorf!"

    This is a pretty funny idea, I'll admit. X3 I think it was another Martin one?

    In a burst of blue-green light, Masterplan Lad fell through the air into the bushes in front of the LNHQ. He spat out the leaves that
    Domestic Lad had so carefully curated and stood up.

    So, after Jeanne put Masterplan Lad in this, other writers kept using him in new
    LNH v2 stories. This, of course, is rad, but also, there had never been a story written where he actually joined the LNH - he'd only ever appeared as an ally of
    Ultimate Mercenary as they journeyed thru various alternate timelines. Jeanne tied that up in Just Another Cascade, around the time I was working toward finishing this, and I took the opportunity to do a little continuity-finagling via time travel. Not that you need to know that, because...

    It didn't
    matter, as the effect was clearly meant to keep this story simple, so
    you didn't have to catch up with the whole convoluted Ultimate Mercenary storyline (in which he had originally appeared) to read it.



    Heaving a sigh of frustration, he passed through the double doors
    and saw a Japanese woman sitting behind the desk, hurriedly struggling
    to get some paperwork done. This must be Kyoko Ishikawa.

    Jeanne and I use her a lot! :D

    "No, I'm already a member of the team, though I haven't been around very much. I'm Masterplan Lad." He hoped she wouldn't remember who he
    was, not to mention the fact that he'd accidentally destroyed the LNHQ.
    [In one of the Infinite Leadership Crisis issues that Adrian swears he's going to write someday -- Footnote Girl]

    "Wait, didn't you destroy the LNHQ?"

    Heeheeheehee

    "We used to be LNH members. Why can't we find the cafeteria?"
    pondered Poignant Death Lass. "Maybe it's because we're more real now --
    not just a one-off joke, meant only to die. We must struggle on our own merits..."

    Notably, part of Scott's original concept for PDL said that she "speaks roughly", which we all kind of forgot for a while. X3; Sorry, Scott. I've been trying to get back to that but I haven't had a place for her lately (HHS has enough characters, you know?).

    "Why," Cynical Lass asked, "are you shouting right outside the door
    to my room when I'm trying to sleep?"

    Namer Boy did his best to reply, though his efforts in this regard
    were hindered by the continued presence of Cynical Lass' palm on his
    face. She sighed, and removed her hand.

    "It's noon," Namer Boy said, rubbing his face.

    "Ah," Cynical Lass said. "And some vestigial roosterish part of you insists on shouting every day at noon, is that it?"

    You can always tell the parts Rob writes. His banter is razor-sharp.

    There, a small semi-circle of super-heroes -- and Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    Ouch, I just noticed that. X3

    "Or haven't you
    noticed that the moment someone acquires super-powers, they decide that
    the best way to solve the world's problems is by rounding up everyone
    who disagrees with them and punching them in the face."

    "You're forgetting about the shooting and the blowing up," said
    Master Blaster, licking cheesecake from his fingers.

    More of the groping at ethics! :D (note: Master Blaster is legally injunctioned from groping at *anything*)

    He'll also have lost all his gut flora,
    so we'll also need to contact the Dorfs to get a sample of fecal matter
    for a poop transplant."

    This is also a hilarious concept - a Saxon one, IIRC, and it's very much his kind of attention to detail.

    "What is it about these Dorfs," she asked, "that makes them any
    worse than all of the alien koalas, hamsters, bug people, giant
    transforming robots and sentient shades of blue you people deal with on
    a regular basis?"

    "That's simple," said a smooth, slightly metallic voice. Cynical
    Lass turned to see the tall, armored shoulders of Irony Man filing the entrance to the cafeteria.

    "We hate Dorfs because of what happened during the very first
    mission of the LNH," Irony Man said.

    This is one of those retcons that fixes a lot of weird characterization, largely
    from Jesse Willey.

    "Well, technically, yes," Doctor Stomper said. "Doctor Killfile was
    the first threat faced by the Legion of Net.Heroes. But before they
    adopted that distinctive cognomen... before they considered themselves a group... the individual members of the LNH participated in... another incident."

    This is one of those retcons that's just fun and good. :D

    "Of course," Irony Man said. "If I remember correctly, it all went something like this..."

    ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~

    "I can't believe we survived that!" Irony Man said, smoke pouring
    from the tattered remains of his armor. "I swear -- on my mother's grave
    -- I will never forget what happened this day, not for as long as I
    live!"

    ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~ ~~LNH~~

    "Good times," Irony Man said, wistfully.

    God, Rob is hilarious. X3

    "You have eight and a half levels of Legion headquarters devoted to storing your memories?" gasped Poignant Death Lass, who had followed
    Horrible Name Lad into the cafeteria and was staring in wonder at the
    many varieties of cheesecake on display. "Isn't... doesn't that strike
    you as kind of a waste of space?"

    Irony Man shrugged. "I do own the building," he said.

    I mean, fair.

    "Why on earth would we do that?" he asked. "Believe me, nothing
    good ever came from going into any of the sub-sub-basements. And
    frankly... who cares what those guys did during their first adventure?
    It's not like the Legion was even really the Legion before *I* came on board."

    This is also a really appropriate line for the last Master Blaster story.

    Irony Man snorted. "A job for List Lad? That's something that's
    never been said in the entire recorded history of the LNH."

    "Oh, I don't know," said Painful Pun Person, entering the cafeteria with a coffee cup in her hand. (First appearance! Collect them all!)
    "I've been feeling a little listless myself, lately."

    Nother one~

    "Top Five Reasons Why I Will Not Be Attending The LNH's 20th Anniversary Party, Even Though Catalyst Lass Is a Smoking-Hot Babe," Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad read.

    I love Rob's lists. :D

    "Number 5: All tuxedos in town have
    been rented in anticipation of RACCies ceremony that was supposed to
    happen in March."

    oh nooooooooooooo-- eh you know the drill.

    "Number 3: Can't find a date, because Pullls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats-Lad
    and wReamhack found a way to hack the Match.com and eHarmony Web sites. Whoops," said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, turning crimson.

    "I knew that story about groupies was too good to be true," Namer
    Lad muttered.

    Love the callback. X3

    "And the number one reason List Lad won't be attending tonight's party," Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad continued. "Because of what Toony
    Stork did to me and the woman we both loved during the LNH's very first mission."

    An excellent cliffhanger to leave off on. :D

    Drew "DUN DUN DUNNNN" Nilium

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to Jeanne Morningstar on Tue Nov 9 06:35:49 2021
    On 11/7/21 5:40 PM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
    On 11/7/21 3:23 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
    <snip>
    And all that sort of killed whatever momentum there was for finishing #50. >> But Drew eventually (maybe with some help from Jean -- can't quite remember) >> did finish the whole thing and edit it into something coherent and posted it >> in 2014.

    I bear some of the blame for dragging it out--

    Like I said, we all feel responsible. X3

    Drew pushed through when no one
    else wanted (they're good at that)

    Aw thank you. :>

    The most fun part was working with Rob Rogers, who besides
    being a really funny writer was as generous and thoughtful a collaborator as that other guy wasn't. He did a remarkable job of "yes-anding" everyone's ideas.

    Yes agreed. <3

    Rob also helped keep the plot on track, as seen at the end of this post, bringing back my whole "secret origin" conceit after it had fallen off the radar. It was really remarkable how he pulled together all those ideas in a way
    that was not only coherent but also funny.

    Right???

    The original #51 was blatantly homophobic, and being angry at
    that knocked over the first domino that got me thinking about whether I was queer, and that led to everything I'd been and done since. As much as there've
    been a lot of frustrations along the way, I'm really proud of this community and
    how much everyone in it has grown.

    Hell yeah. <3 <3 <3

    Drew "the good times!!" Nilium

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Jeanne Morningstar@21:1/5 to Drew Nilium on Tue Nov 9 15:01:06 2021
    On 11/8/21 11:25 PM, Drew Nilium wrote:

    WOOOOO! I've probably read thru this half a dozen times or more since I posted it. Everyone put so much good energy into it.

    I've been rereading 52, and this issue reminds me a lot of that in terms
    of being the work of a group of creators with very distinct,
    well-defined voices but also feeling like a cohesive whole. Thankfully,
    we don't have a superhero murdering an entire country in this one.


    Completely understandable, and TBH, The Cat With Glasses was very much
    worth it. :>

    It's wild how much influence that story had in the long term, with the
    Brad Pitt thing being a central part of WikiLull.



    Incredibly understandable. I feel like you, me, and Jeanne all felt individually responsible for the post-Martingeddon slump, but really,
    it's nobody's fault but his. (And, you know, all the other forces that
    keep us from writing, internal and external.)

    I feel like it took us a really long time to gain a sense of closure
    after All That, which was part of why it was hard for me to write for
    LNH sometime. (And yeah, the impact it had on LNH20, something I put a
    lot of myself into, was a big part of it.) Both personally and in terms
    of our collective narrative movement--the whole last decade was kind of
    about trying to resolve what the LNH was after Martin's
    characters--especially Master Blaster, who'd kind of been a central part
    of the LNH in the 2000s--were gone. I don't think I fully resolved that
    for myself until LNH v3 #3. We got some amazing writing and ideas out of working through that, though.

    That was part of it, and it was also justifying horrifying takes on
    queer characters *and* Master Blaster tormenting WikiBoy[*] and also
    started with a summary of #50 that ended with "There. Now you don't have
    to read it." or something. @@

    I no longer even remember how queer characters ended up being a part of
    that argument, and that's probably for the best.



    [*]Also weirdly John Byrne-esque, actually, comparable to his Fantastic
    Four run saying that Galactus's existence is cosmically necessary And
    That Is That. I'm not sure if I'm Chris Claremont in that situation or
    Jeanne is. X3

    I feel like I'm usually Chris Claremont in most cases, both in the "long running subplot" sense and the "making everything gay" sense.

    I guess Drew is Louise Simonson, if only because Power Pack is an
    extremely Drew-like concept.

    Jeanne definitely helped, including just keeping my writing energy up
    in general. X3
    <3


    gaaaaad Martin's origins. Can't wait for Retcon Year.

    *looks around nervously*


          "Do you see what's happening here?" said
    You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-
    Enough Lad, turning to his friends. "How can the LNH fight the evil and
    injustices in the world -- when it takes a blind eye to the evil and
    injustice within its own halls?

    This is a theme I've been coming back to. <3 It's extremely relevant nowadays. @-@

    This issue was really the one that cemented a lot of the core ideas and
    themes of the post-Beige era of LNH, and that's one of the big ones.


    This climax is Martin's and it's also pretty funny. X3

          "It's an alien! A Dorf! A Dorfian shapeshifter!" said Ubiquitous >> Boy
    Lad Jr., voice filled with horror and relief.

    DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

    It's interestng how the Dorfs basically take on the properties of
    diffrent kind of aliens in pop culture--they started out as a Borg riff,
    became the Klingons and this issue borrows heavily from Secret Invasion
    (but it works much better, just as Beige Midnight's version of President Luthor, the Registration Act and Project Everyman did).


          Right on cue, as if from thin air, Doctor Stomper appeared.

          "Gah!" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    Due to the piecemeal writing process, a *lot* of characters just kind of popped up out of nowhere in this story, and I tried to smooth those transitions as best I could. I'd be better at it now. X3

    That's a real Old LNH kind of humor though.

    So, after Jeanne put Masterplan Lad in this, other writers kept using
    him in new LNH v2 stories. This, of course, is rad, but also, there had
    never been a story written where he actually joined the LNH - he'd only
    ever appeared as an ally of Ultimate Mercenary as they journeyed thru
    various alternate timelines. Jeanne tied that up in Just Another
    Cascade, around the time I was working toward finishing this, and I took
    the opportunity to do a little continuity-finagling via time travel. Not
    that you need to know that, because...

    I do like how MPL was part of the Core LNH for a bit and basically had
    the same trajectory of early Writer Characters like Sig.Lad, becoming
    part of the LNH's central narrative and then diverging again.



           Heaving a sigh of frustration, he passed through the double doors
    and saw a Japanese woman sitting behind the desk, hurriedly struggling
    to get some paperwork done. This must be Kyoko Ishikawa.

    Jeanne and I use her a lot! :D

    I really like the idea of her being a meaningful narrative presence
    having her own life outside the LNH. Like the occasional human
    supporting characters such as Stevie Hunter in 80s X-Men (Claremont
    again). I feel like losing normal human supporting casts around the
    90s/00s has been a big problem for suerphero comics.


           "No, I'm already a member of the team, though I haven't been
    around
    very much. I'm Masterplan Lad." He hoped she wouldn't remember who he
    was, not to mention the fact that he'd accidentally destroyed the LNHQ.
    [In one of the Infinite Leadership Crisis issues that Adrian swears he's
    going to write someday -- Footnote Girl]

           "Wait, didn't you destroy the LNHQ?"

    Heeheeheehee

    At this point, I've decided it would be funnier if I never actually
    wrote those issues.



           "And the number one reason List Lad won't be attending tonight's
    party," Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad continued. "Because of what Toony
    Stork did to me and the woman we both loved during the LNH's very first
    mission."

    An excellent cliffhanger to leave off on. :D

    Drew "DUN DUN DUNNNN" Nilium

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  • From Scott Eiler@21:1/5 to Drew Nilium on Wed Nov 10 01:00:53 2021
    On 2021-11-08 21:25, Drew Nilium wrote:
    and of course there's another big flame war and Martin pretty much
    burned every last bridge he had with the LNH and he quit RACC for
    good (granted he did wind up making a sock puppet account (April
    White -- was that the name?) so he could write some stuff for the
    LNHY Imprint.)

    That was the name, yeah. He wrote a few more of his extremely flat
    movie parodies, which everyone ignored, and then he disappeared for
    good.
    I recall April's Legion of Jesus-Friends or whatever. Me arguing with
    April about whether Mohammad ought to be teaming up with Satan, was a
    lot like Martin arguing with me about whether the Powernaut's world
    needed Fractal Time. But I still think I was right both times. 8{D>

    --
    -- (signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> ------ http://www.eilertech.com/ -------

    "Your Royal Highness, instead of devoting yourself exclusively
    to Minerva, should, instead, rather offer sacrifice at the altars
    of Bacchus, Orpheus, Venus, and Morpheus."

    - Advice to Prince Duarte of Portugal. From "The golden age of
    Prince Henry the Navigator", by Joaquim Pedro Oliveira Martins.
    Coming soon to Project Gutenberg.

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    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to Jeanne Morningstar on Wed Nov 10 03:28:25 2021
    On 11/9/21 10:01 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
    On 11/8/21 11:25 PM, Drew Nilium wrote:

    WOOOOO! I've probably read thru this half a dozen times or more since I posted it. Everyone put so much good energy into it.

    I've been rereading 52, and this issue reminds me a lot of that in terms of being the work of a group of creators with very distinct, well-defined voices but also feeling like a cohesive whole.

    That's an excellent point! :>

    Thankfully, we don't have a superhero
    murdering an entire country in this one.

    aaaaaaaaaaargh indeed @@ raaaaaaaaage

    Completely understandable, and TBH, The Cat With Glasses was very much worth >> it. :>

    It's wild how much influence that story had in the long term, with the Brad Pitt
    thing being a central part of WikiLull.

    Yessssss. <3

    Incredibly understandable. I feel like you, me, and Jeanne all felt
    individually responsible for the post-Martingeddon slump, but really, it's >> nobody's fault but his. (And, you know, all the other forces that keep us from
    writing, internal and external.)

    I feel like it took us a really long time to gain a sense of closure after All
    That, which was part of why it was hard for me to write for LNH sometime. (And
    yeah, the impact it had on LNH20, something I put a lot of myself into, was a big part of it.) Both personally and in terms of our collective narrative movement--the whole last decade was kind of about trying to resolve what the LNH
    was after Martin's characters--especially Master Blaster, who'd kind of been a
    central part of the LNH in the 2000s--were gone. I don't think I fully resolved
    that for myself until LNH v3 #3. We got some amazing writing and ideas out of working through that, though.

    Yeah, I feel like I've been juggling around bits and pieces of the setting and figuring out where they should go, and now most of them are in place. <3

    That was part of it, and it was also justifying horrifying takes on queer
    characters *and* Master Blaster tormenting WikiBoy[*] and also started with a
    summary of #50 that ended with "There. Now you don't have to read it." or
    something. @@

    I no longer even remember how queer characters ended up being a part of that argument, and that's probably for the best.

    It probably is. X3

    [*]Also weirdly John Byrne-esque, actually, comparable to his Fantastic Four >> run saying that Galactus's existence is cosmically necessary And That Is That.
    I'm not sure if I'm Chris Claremont in that situation or Jeanne is. X3

    I feel like I'm usually Chris Claremont in most cases, both in the "long running
    subplot" sense and the "making everything gay" sense.

    IT'S TRUE.

    I guess Drew is Louise Simonson, if only because Power Pack is an extremely Drew-like concept.

    Ahh, so that's why you're so into the Crossover Queen. :3

          "Do you see what's happening here?" said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-
    Enough Lad, turning to his friends. "How can the LNH fight the evil and
    injustices in the world -- when it takes a blind eye to the evil and
    injustice within its own halls?

    This is a theme I've been coming back to. <3 It's extremely relevant nowadays.
    @-@

    This issue was really the one that cemented a lot of the core ideas and themes
    of the post-Beige era of LNH, and that's one of the big ones.

    It's true!! <3

          "It's an alien! A Dorf! A Dorfian shapeshifter!" said Ubiquitous Boy
    Lad Jr., voice filled with horror and relief.

    DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

    It's interestng how the Dorfs basically take on the properties of diffrent kind
    of aliens in pop culture--they started out as a Borg riff, became the Klingons
    and this issue borrows heavily from Secret Invasion (but it works much better,
    just as Beige Midnight's version of President Luthor, the Registration Act and
    Project Everyman did).

    BM really did a better version of a whole bunch of big crossover storylines.

          Right on cue, as if from thin air, Doctor Stomper appeared.

          "Gah!" said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.

    Due to the piecemeal writing process, a *lot* of characters just kind of
    popped up out of nowhere in this story, and I tried to smooth those
    transitions as best I could. I'd be better at it now. X3

    That's a real Old LNH kind of humor though.

    It's true! :3

    So, after Jeanne put Masterplan Lad in this, other writers kept using him in >> new LNH v2 stories. This, of course, is rad, but also, there had never been a
    story written where he actually joined the LNH - he'd only ever appeared as an
    ally of Ultimate Mercenary as they journeyed thru various alternate timelines.
    Jeanne tied that up in Just Another Cascade, around the time I was working >> toward finishing this, and I took the opportunity to do a little
    continuity-finagling via time travel. Not that you need to know that, because...

    I do like how MPL was part of the Core LNH for a bit and basically had the same
    trajectory of early Writer Characters like Sig.Lad, becoming part of the LNH's
    central narrative and then diverging again.

    That's an excellent point! :>

           Heaving a sigh of frustration, he passed through the double doors
    and saw a Japanese woman sitting behind the desk, hurriedly struggling
    to get some paperwork done. This must be Kyoko Ishikawa.

    Jeanne and I use her a lot! :D

    I really like the idea of her being a meaningful narrative presence having her
    own life outside the LNH. Like the occasional human supporting characters such
    as Stevie Hunter in 80s X-Men (Claremont again). I feel like losing normal human
    supporting casts around the 90s/00s has been a big problem for suerphero comics.

    Yes agreed. <3 Ongoing supporting casts are so important!!

           "No, I'm already a member of the team, though I haven't been around
    very much. I'm Masterplan Lad." He hoped she wouldn't remember who he
    was, not to mention the fact that he'd accidentally destroyed the LNHQ.
    [In one of the Infinite Leadership Crisis issues that Adrian swears he's >>> going to write someday -- Footnote Girl]

           "Wait, didn't you destroy the LNHQ?"

    Heeheeheehee

    At this point, I've decided it would be funnier if I never actually wrote those
    issues.

    Curses. X3

    Drew "still gonna write my characters eventually" Nilium

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  • From Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to Scott Eiler on Wed Nov 10 03:29:14 2021
    On 11/9/21 8:00 PM, Scott Eiler wrote:
    On 2021-11-08 21:25, Drew Nilium wrote:
    and of course there's another big flame war and Martin pretty much
    burned every last bridge he had with the LNH and he quit RACC for
    good (granted he did wind up making a sock puppet account (April
    White -- was that the name?) so he could write some stuff for the LNHY Imprint.)

    That was the name, yeah. He wrote a few more of his extremely flat
    movie parodies, which everyone ignored, and then he disappeared for
    good.
    I recall April's Legion of Jesus-Friends or whatever.  Me arguing with April about whether Mohammad ought to be teaming up with Satan, was a lot like Martin
    arguing with me about whether the Powernaut's world needed Fractal Time.  But I
    still think I was right both times.  8{D>

    Oh god, I forgot that had happened too. X3 And you definitely were.

    Drew "Martin was always so bad at understanding neat setting concepts" Nilium

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  • From Arthur Spitzer@21:1/5 to Drew Perron on Sun Nov 14 21:17:27 2021
    On Monday, November 8, 2021 at 10:25:58 PM UTC-7, Drew Perron wrote:
    On 11/7/21 4:23 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
    <snip>
    Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. [The sidekick of Ubiquitous Boy's sidekick Ubiquitous Lad (or is it the other way around?) -- Footnote Girl]
    Ubiquitous Boy and Ubiquitous Lad are both Rob's characters, but I'm not sure if
    they've ever actually shown up in a story (ironically). X3

    I remember them from this EDM Lite/Continuity Champ story that was
    an elsewhirl (I think in the archives its called an EDM Special under
    the EDM series).

    Doing a google group search of alt.comics.lnh it looks like the first appearance
    of both those characters was EDM #15.

    Arthur "Googling.." Spitzer

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  • From Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to Arthur Spitzer on Mon Nov 15 04:41:39 2021
    On 11/14/21 4:17 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
    On Monday, November 8, 2021 at 10:25:58 PM UTC-7, Drew Perron wrote:
    On 11/7/21 4:23 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
    <snip>
    Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. [The sidekick of Ubiquitous Boy's sidekick
    Ubiquitous Lad (or is it the other way around?) -- Footnote Girl]
    Ubiquitous Boy and Ubiquitous Lad are both Rob's characters, but I'm not sure if
    they've ever actually shown up in a story (ironically). X3

    I remember them from this EDM Lite/Continuity Champ story that was
    an elsewhirl (I think in the archives its called an EDM Special under
    the EDM series).

    Oh *that* one. That's right. :D

    Doing a google group search of alt.comics.lnh it looks like the first appearance
    of both those characters was EDM #15.

    I'll have to go and look after I read... oh god, all this other stuff X3

    Drew "why have you created me? just to suffer?" Nilium

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