You can sift through the racc list archive https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for these issues of LNH Comics Presents.


Man, I completely forgot I ever wrote these issues of LNH Comics Presents -- Anyways, LNH Comics Presents #507-507.5 by me (Arthur Spitzer) introduces for the very first time -- The LNH? Who is The LNH? (Well, okay these issues
were inspired by the cover art Wil Alambre did back on his website where he'd do various cover art to various LNH series -- this was probably for LNH Comics Presents. I don't know if that website still exists, but my cover text blurb for this issue kind of describes what it looked like.)

Anyways, will The LNH survive this issue? And if he doesn't will it be
because he wasn't really The LNH?!!

Find out in...


_
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| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #216


=====================
LNH Comics Presents #507-507.5
=====================


From: Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Date: Sat Aug 13 18:29:54 PDT 2011

---------------------------------------------------------
When the mad Dr. Killfile threatened to destroy the
Internet -- THEY answered the call! Today, THEIR strange
and mighty powers are our last, best line of defense
against crime, disaster, and unspeakable horror! THEY are
our knights in shining spandex... the LEGION OF NET.HEROES! ---------------------------------------------------------

[Cover: A superhero with blonde hair takes off his white labcoat and
purple tie to reveal a red and blue costume with the letters 'LNH'
printed boldly in black on his chest. On the left side of him is a
circle panel with some guy with goggles staring at the hero's knee. In
the center is text that says, "THE LEGION IS BACK!"]


WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: The LNH saved the Loonited States from a large
group of zombie Presidents controlled by a Lich Nixon. And now...

**** **** ****


The Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters --
Net.ropolis, USA --
August 13, 2011 --

Kyoko Ishikawa as she manned the LNH receptionist desk put some
finishing touches to her toothpick sculpture of Hannibal Hamlin. She
looked at the face of Lincoln's first Vice President as she held it in
her hand. She had been making these toothpick Vice President sculptures
ever since that whole Dead President's debacle and she wasn't sure why.
She just had this urge to do it and keep on doing it till she had
sculpted every single former US Vice President that had ever existed.
She put the sculpture aside as she noticed some tall blonde guy enter
the LNH's lobby.

He was wearing a labcoat and purple tie and he was ripping them all off.
Oh hell, Master Blaster hadn't hired another male stripper, had he? Fortunately the guy stopped there. Under the labcoat was your typical
red superhero costume with a blue cape and blue boots.

"Um, hello? Can I help you with something?" said Kyoko, "Are you here
to join? Attack?"

The superhero smiled. "I'm here to join this fine organization."

"Right. Name?"

"I'm -- THE LNH!"

"The -- umm LNH?"

"Yes! THE LNH!!"

"And does that stand for something?"

"Of course! It stands for..." And then the superhero gave a long
dramatic pause.

And finally looking towards the heavens (or in this case the ceiling) he
said, "LEAPING NACHO HURTER!!!!!!!!!!"

"Right," said Kyoko scribbling down something on a piece of paper.



**** **** ****


LEGION OF NET.HEROES COMICS PRESENTS #507:

"Introducing -- THE LNH!"

By Arthur Spitzer


**** **** ****


The LNH TV and Easy Chair Room --


As the Ultimate Ninja walked into the room, he could see that it was
already filled with the usual suspects. Time Waster Lad, Super Apathy
Lad, Procrastination Boy, Coward Lad, and various others. Everyone in
the room seemed to be eating nachos. Some day -- some day -- I will
burn this place to the ground, thought Ultimate Ninja.

The Ultimate Ninja took out the folder he was holding and opened it up.
"*Ahem*. I need to speak with -- *ahem* The Leaping Nacho Hurter. Is
he here?"

The Leaping Nacho Hurter raised his hand. "Yep. That's me."

"And you want to join the LNH. Your powers are?"

"I hurt nachos. And I'm the best at what I do. Hurting nachos that is."

"This is a prank, right?" said Ultimate Ninja closing the folder up
again. "Master Blaster or Sarcastic Lad or Frat Boy -- they put you up
to this right? Just tell me who it was -- and I won't hurt you. I
promise."

Leaping Nacho Hurter shook his head. "This is real. This is as real as
it gets. Perhaps I should tell you my origin story."

"Perhaps."

"When I was a kid, my parents were circus performers -- tightrope
walkers. Anyways, they refused to pay protection money to this mob and
so one day when they were performing the act some gangster type cut the
rope and..."

"And they fell to ground and died, right?"

"Not quite. Actually they fell into a giant vat of hot nacho cheese
sauce and were boiled to death. Anyways after that some group of monks kidnapped and raised me. They taught me the ways of the nacho -- and
how to hurt nachos."

"And why in the world did they do that?"

"Someday the most dangerous Nacho of all shall come. A nacho called
Nacho the Leaping Nacho. It is a destroyer of worlds that no one can
stop unless they've been trained in the art of nacho hurting -- like me.
That's why you need me as a member of the LNH. I'm the only one who
can possibly stop Nacho the Leaping Nacho."

"If what you're saying is true -- then why can't I just seek out these
monks and learn from them the art of *ahem* nacho hurting?"

"If only that were true. Alas, all the monks are dead."

"How?"

"It was a bad bowl of nachos. A very bad bowl of nachos. Regardless, I
am the last of the Nacho Hurting Brotherhood. Only I know the hurting
nacho ways."

"So you say. And what other skills do you have?"

"Skills? I hurt nachos. That's about it."

"And how do you expect to fight supervillains with only the ability to
-- hurt nachos?"

"Well, I wasn't really planning on fighting non-nacho supervillains. I
see myself as more of a hero that hangs around the LNH waiting for the
next Nacho crisis to arrive. And nipping it in the bud."

"And the rest of the time you'd be doing what exactly? Watching TV and
eating nachos?"

Leaping Nacho Hurter stuffed another chip into his mouth. "Actually
this is Nachocise."

"Nachocise?"

"Yes. Nachocise. It's a vigorous technique for building and
strengthening both the body and the mind. I must do a number of
nachocises a day to maintain peak body performance."

"Yeah," laughed Time Waster Lad stuffing some chips in his mouth.
"That's what I'm doing too. Nachocise!"

"Yeah," said a smirking Procrastination Boy. "We're all nachocising!
Look at my muscles grow!"

"I'd be nachocising too, except that I'm afraid of nachos," said a
cringing Coward Lad.

"That's it!" said Ultimate Ninja. "Everyone who isn't named Leaping
Nacho Hurter -- out. Unless you want to find out what the After Life
looks like in 15 seconds -- then please stay. Everyone! Even you --
guy with the goggles!!"

"Thanks a lot -- Leaping Nacho Hurter!" grumbled Goggles Guy as he
wheeled out Super Apathy Lad.

"And as for you -- Leaping Nacho Hurter..."

"You can call me The LNH for short if you want."

"No. That's not going to happen. And watching TV and eating nachos
isn't going to cut it when you're in the..."

"Nachocise," corrected Leaping Nacho Hurter.

The Ultimate Ninja held the edge of his Ginsu Katana blade close to
Leaping Nacho Hurter's chin. "Believe me. You don't want to say that
word again."

"Okay. But if you don't make me an LNH'r it could have very bad
consequences for the world."

"Is that some kind of threat?"

"No. Just a fact. If I don't have some type of a job, I won't be able
to afford nachos. And without nachos I won't be able to do my umm nacho exercises. So I won't be in peak physical shape to stop Nacho the
Leaping Nacho when it comes. Are you prepared to risk the entire world?
I mean it's not like you don't have a bunch of other LNH'rs that hang
around doing nothing useful. Like Coward Lad."

"Coward Lad is a special case. He saved my life once." The Ultimate
Ninja hesitated as if remembering some adventure of his that no one had bothered to write a story for. "There for as much as I might like to
get rid of him, I am unfortunately responsible for his life -- by the
Ancient Code of the Ninja. I have no such responsibility for you."

"So you're not going to let me in?"

"No, I didn't say that. But if you do want join -- you're going to have
to last one minute with me in the Peril Room."

Leaping Nacho Hurter gulped. "Can't I fight someone else? How about
Coward Lad?"

"No!!!!" screamed Coward Lad who had been hiding near the door.
"Please!! Please, don't make me fight Leaping Nacho Hurter!!! For the
love of God!!!!!!"

The Ultimate Ninja gazed at Coward Lad. "Out. And as for you," his
eyes turned towards Leaping Nacho Hurter again, "It's me or nothing.
What's it going to be?"

"This Peril Room? It's safe?"

The Ultimate Ninja nodded. "Nothing that happens in the Peril Room is
real. If you die in the Peril Room your body is safely teleported to
the Peril Room Control Room. Nothing bad can possibly happen."

"Okay then. I guess I'll give it go," said Leaping Nacho Hurter.


**** **** ****

The Peril Room Control Room --

wReamhack looked at the monitor. Both Ultimate Ninja and Leaping Nacho
Hurter were ready to spar. wReamhack checked over all the vitals.
Everything looked okay -- wait. What was this? There was something
wrong with the safeties. wReamhack turned on the comm.thingee. "Hey,
UN! Better stop the fight. Something is screwy with the Peril Room
safeties. UN?" Was there something wrong with the comm.thingee too?
This wasn't good. He'd have to go down to the Peril Room and stop it
himself.

wReamhack hopped out of his chair and began to run. Hopefully, he'd
make it in time.


**** **** ****


Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner checked Leaping Nacho Hurter's pulse. "He's
dead, Jim. Hah. Always wanted to say that."

"How did this happen?" said the Ultimate Ninja.

Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner took a puff from his cigarette. "I imagine it
was the part where you ripped his still beating heart out of his chest.
That usually kills people. Then again maybe he had high cholesterol.
I guess we'll never truly know."

"Not that. How did the Peril Room safeties fail?"

"We're not sure. We'll have to run a whole diagnostic on it to find
out," said wReamhack.

"Then get to it. *Sigh* just what I need. Another murder trial. I
guess I'll need to consult with the LNH's legal team."

"You want to consult with the Leaping Nacho Hurter's legal team?" asked
a puzzled wReamhack.

"Our legal team!"

"Oh, that makes more sense," nodded wReamhack. "What about Nacho the
Leaping Nacho?"

"What about it?"

"How are we going to stop it now that the LNH is dead?"

"First -- don't call him that. We're the LNH! Second -- it was
probably just a con job. This whole thing smells of con job. And if it
does exist? Then we'll deal with it. Because we're the LNH. We -- not
him. Got that?"

wReamhack nodded.


**** **** ****

25,000 Light Years from the Loonivearth --
A section of space controlled by the Dvorakian Empire --
Planet Dealey in the Wilyem System --

The Dvorakian named Shumplox landed down on the surface. The ground was littered with dead bodies. Dead Dvorakian bodies. Had everyone died?
What had killed all of these people? And these weren't ordinary
Dvorakians. These were Dvorakians infected with the Glory virus. A
virus that gave Dvorakians superhuman abilities. It would also kill
them in a week. But before that week they would have the ability to
punch planets into oblivion with just their pinkies and snuff out stars
with just their breath. For a week they were Gods.

It wasn't the virus that killed these Dvorakians though. Something else
had done that. What could do that? There had to be an answer.

He heard a sound. One of them was still alive. He flew over to where
the sound was coming from. He looked at his fellow Dvorakian. "We need
to get you some medical help. What happened here?"

The Dvorakian shook his head. "There's nothing you can do for me.
You've got to get out of here. It's still here."

"What? What's still here?"

"It killed us all -- like we were nothing. It killed a thousand fully
powered Dvorakians and absorbed our powers. You can't stop it. You
just can't stop it."

"What? What is it?"

The dying Dvorakian pointed to one of the mounds of dead bodies.
"There. It's still there."

Shumplox used his super seeing abilites. There was something hopping on
the corpses. It looked like a chip. A nacho chip. And it was oozing something. It was oozing nacho cheese sauce. And oozing Dvorakian blood.

"What the hell is that thing?"

"It is death and destruction incarnate. But you can call it -- Nacho.
Nacho the Leaping Nacho."

"We need to get more troops. Then maybe we can..."

"No! Don't you understand? There's nothing the Empire can do to stop
this thing. No. There's only one thing that can stop Nacho the Leaping
Nacho. You need to find -- The LNH."

"The LNH? You don't mean...?"

"Yes -- The Leaping Nacho Hurter! Now go! Find him! I'll give you
sometime. Help me -- help me up!"

Shumplox helped the wounded Dvorakian up.

"Now go. Quickly! It's coming!!"

Shumplox quickly flew into the air. And then he turned his head down.
He could see the wounded Dvorakian make a last stand against it.
Against Nacho the Leaping Nacho. He turned his head back up and heard a horrible scream.

Don't look back. Don't look back!

He kept flying and flying as fast as he could.

And didn't look back.


**** **** ****

Credits:

Kyoko Ishikawa -- Ken Schmidt

Ultimate Ninja & wReamhack -- wReam

Time Waster Lad -- Ray Rich

Super Apathy Lad -- Jacob Lesgold

Procrastination Boy -- unknown

Coward Lad -- Tom Russell

Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner -- The Tick

Leaping Nacho Hurter & Goggles Guy -- Arthur Spitzer & Wil Alambre

Dvorakians -- Drizzt

Intro -- Rob Rogers


Writer's Notes: Hah. Ah, well. This story was inspired by Wil's LNH
Comics Presents cover that he made.

http://wil.alambre.ca/racc/

I wondered what LNH hero would have an LNH insignia on his chest and so
that's how Leaping Nacho Hurter came to be. And Goggles Guy because of
the goggles.

Both Leaping Nacho Hurter and Nacho the Leaping Nacho are Free For Use Characters. Yeah, I know Leaping Nacho Hurter appears to be dead -- but
you can bring him back to life if you want or something even cleverer.
Goggles Guy is also free for use.

I don't have any plans to do anymore with these characters so feel free
to use them if you want.

Should have been writing Beige Midnight #9 instead of this.

Arthur "Nachocise!" Spitzer


From: Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Date: Mon Aug 15 17:28:51 PDT 2011

LNH: LNH Comics Presents #507.5: Who's the REAL The LNH?!


---------------------------------------------------------
When the mad Dr. Killfile threatened to destroy the
Internet -- THEY answered the call! Today, THEIR strange
and mighty powers are our last, best line of defense
against crime, disaster, and unspeakable horror! THEY are
our knights in shining spandex... the LEGION OF NET.HEROES! ---------------------------------------------------------

[Cover: A superhero with blonde hair takes off his white labcoat and
purple tie to reveal a red and blue costume with the letters 'LNH'
printed boldly in black on his chest. On the left side of him is a
circle panel with some guy with goggles staring at the hero's knee. In
the center is text that says, "THE LEGION IS BACK!"]


WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: The All New Exciting Character called the LNH
(short for Leaping Nacho Hurter) made his first appearance -- and then
he died. And now...


LNH Comics Presents #507.5:

'Who's the REAL The LNH?!'


**** **** ****


The Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters --
Net.ropolis, USA --
August 15, 2011 --


LNH Receptionist Kyoko Ishikawa was busy working on her toothpick
sculpture of Andrew Johnson when another blonde guy wearing a labcoat
and purple tie burst into the room! Not again, she thought as the guy
took off his labcoat to reveal a red and blue supersuit with the words
LNH on the chest.

"I'm here to join you!!!!" said the superhero.

"Yeah, yeah. What's your name?" said Kyoko putting aside her Andrew
Johnson sculpture.

"The LNH!"

"Uh huh. And that stands for?"

"The Loonie Net Heretic!!!!!!! I'm on the cover! Yeah, that's me, baby!!!"

"Did someone say heretic?!" said Self-Righteous Preacher taking his
bible out just in case some punk heretic needed some bible lessons.

And suddenly, "No!!!! You can't do this!! That's me on the cover!!
Me, the Leaping Nacho Hurter!! Me!!! You think you can take my place Doppleganger!!!?"

"Nope. Pretty sure it's me," said The Loonie Net Heretic examining the
cover again.

"Wait!" said Kyoko. "Leaping Nacho Hurter! Didn't you die last issue!?"

"What?" said a puzzled Leaping Nacho Hurter. "Oh that? That was just a
flesh would. Nothing more."

"Flesh wound?" said Kyoko with disbelief. "The Ultimate Ninja ripped
out your heart when the Peril Room safeties failed!! You were declared
dead!!"

"Um? I got better?" said a sheepish Leaping Nacho Hurter.

"And how did you do that?"

"Umm? Nachocise?"

And umm -- oh yeah, Goggles Guy walked in the lobby. "I'm in this issue
too. And there's nothing you can do about it." And then he left.


**** **** ****

Elsewhere...

23,000 Light years from the Loonivearth --
In the Canhaz System --
On the Planet Cutebutinaheartbreakingway --


After leaping through hyperspace, Nacho the Leaping Nacho landed on the
planet called Cutebutinaheartbreakingway. It was part of the Christicanthinkupagoodname Empire. On the planet the most powerful
beings were sentient quadriplegic kittens and puppies.

Needless to say, the Vegas Odds heavily favored Nacho the Leaping Nacho.


**** **** ****




Credits:

Loonie Net Heretic -- Scott Eiler

Kyoko Ishikawa -- Ken Schmidt

Self-Righteous Preacher -- wReam

Leaping Nacho Hurter & Goggles Guy -- Arthur Spitzer & Wil Alambre

Nacho the Leaping Nacho -- Arthur Spitzer



Writer's Notes: There is no excuse for this.



Arthur "Can I Haz Nacho?" Spitzer


==========
Next Week: Something that has LNH in title probably...
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

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