XPost: alt.comics.lnh

HUNGRY, HUNGRY SABERTOOTHS!
Issue #37: "Mega Monster Battle: Ultra Kiwi Legends"
A tale of net.hero gattai by Drew Nilium

====

They sit together again, on the roof, UltraKiwi and the Ultimate Ninja. They rested, but it was not the unquiet rest of quarantine anxiety, nor the slumber of withdrawal from the world. It was the slow drawing-in of breath before the starting gun. There was a tension, they could each feel it, laid across the skin of the world, ready to snap...

Just then, MechaKiwi Wondersock grew 50 feet tall and started laughing maniacally.

Ah, there it went.

Without a word, they rose, UltraKiwi hopping off the Ultimate Ninja's hand. The little bird looked at the ninja and gave her a nod of trust, then raised one wing to the sky, calling out, "ULTRA-KIWI!" Her feathers flashed silver and red,
and she rose up into the sky, spinning as she grew to heroic proportions.

As UltraKiwi slammed into the mechanical titan, Ultimate Ninja felt a sense of peace - the peace of a battle, of flow, that her predecessor had known so well. It was time for her to do it - to grow beyond the Ultimate Ninja that had come before her.

She held up her left arm, and with a blue video-effect sparkle, the Super Ninjamorpher appeared on her wrist. "Guardian spirits of Planet Ninja!" She'd never done this before, but it felt impossibly natural, like something she'd practiced a thousand times. "Hear my call!" She slammed her right hand into the button.

The clouds parted and--

"I thought you said in #35 that it was a lovely sunny day," said Chaos Theory, peeking in from off-panel.

Shush, you. And five figures appeared in the sky - a mastodon, a sabertooth tiger, a giant ground sloth, a moa, and a megalodon, all wearing ninja outfits! They roared as one, a flashing blue column of light descending out of the sky!

From that column descended a giant black pyramid with red, white, and blue stripes around the middle. Ultimate Ninja spun around and pointed her finger at it. "Change, Ninjaguar!"

The sides of the pyramid folded out, pieces spinning and twisting, coming back together until they formed a blocky humanoid form, with silvery limbs, black fists and feet, and shuriken-shaped icons on the chest, wrists, ankles, and crotch. The tip of the pyramid descended to become a mask, concealing all but glowing eyes, and Ninjaguar posed!

Ultimate Ninja leapt into the air, and found herself carried up into the air, landing in Ninjaguar's control room. She held her hand over an orb with the kanji for "shinobi" in it. Her heart was racing, and her eyes were focused. "Ultimate Ninja - READY!"

====

Agent Bennigan squeezed his fist, a pulse of energy radiating from the Ring of Simplification. His efforts had simplified events, but it wasn't enough, there were feuding factions and runaway heroes all over the place, giant monsters appearing and whole plot branches happening on the side.

That's okay. He just had to simplify this plotline more. MORE!

...more. He stretched out his hand and grabbed a rough handful of Hypertext Time, squeezing it together, pulling together the fates of the beings around him...

----

Anti-Christ Lad held his pose, hellfire churning in Mister Homage's hands, eyes locked on the Vector-troll-sheep, daring them to make the first move...

...and watching them turn, as one, and run away, around the side of the building.

When the lawn of LNHQ was clear, he let out his breath and let go of the hellfire. He pulled a comb out of his pocket and smoothed out Mister Homage's hair. Well, that was one problem taken care of, at least. Now to--

The sun disappeared.

Anti-Christ Lad looked up, up, *up*, at the enormous shape leaning over the LNHQ and blotting out the light.

It was a gigantic humanoid, covered in green wool, with glowing red eyes and enormous horns, that threw its head back and shouted, "VECTOR OVINE!"

====

Toony's bones rattled as Merissa raced the motorcycle up the staircase. It was *profoundly* lacking in comfort, but they had to be close to the surface right now...

Suddenly, a door loomed up in front of them. Toony braced for impact, and Merissa popped a wheelie and rammed the door, making it burst open!

...and letting them out onto the roof. Oh dear.

"Oh this is gonna be *awesome*," said Merissa, flipping switches on the motorcyle's dashboard and decidedly *not* making any attempt to stop or turn away from the edge.

Let's see, when was the last time Toony had updated his will? Probably not since he'd left the LNH - the ivory-tower safety of the executive life made such things seem so much less important.

Well!

That wasn't a problem right now!!!

Just as the front wheel of the motorcycle launched off the roof, Merissa smashed
her fist into the big green button in the middle of the control panel.

----

In the LNH hangar bay, the Advanced Flight.Thingee Kobayashi-san Chi no Meidoragon sprung to life, VTOL engines flaring, rising up on a cloud of green, glowing smoke, then zooming up and away...

----

At the railway yard of the Net.ropolis Municipal Transport Authority, the lights of the experimental high-speed monorail train Curiosity E6pi flickered on. It gripped the magnetized rail and, fast as a bullet, sped out into the city...

----

Floating next to the EastDrill, Doctor Killfile indulged in a bit of megalomaniacal cackling, of exactly the kind proper after killing a net.hero. She snapped her fingers and Obscure Trivia Lad marched behind her into the EastDrill.

"You won't get away with this!" he said.

"With what?" said Doctor Killfile, raising an eyebrow.

"Well..." said Obscure Trivia Lad, hesitantly, "...whatever it is you're doing!"

Doctor Killfile prepared another bout of villainous laughter, but stopped short as the lights of the EastDrill switched on and it began digging at high speed thru the earth. She hadn't even touched the controls...

With a few quick taps she pulled up a diagnostic. The transformation cogs they'd acquired from Stork Heavy Industries were sending out a control signal, summoning them at full speed towards... the LNHQ?

Curious. Most curious...

----

There was a sickening lurch as the motorcycle began to fall... and then a THUNK!
as it landed in the open cargo hold of the flight.thingee. Rails snapped onto the wheels, and it rolled forward into the cockpit, the chairs folding away to make room for it.

Toony panted, one hand over his cybernetic heart, trembling with adrenaline. Merissa let out a laugh of pure giddy delight. "It's working, Grandpa!"

The flight.thingee turned and twisted, VTOL engines firing continuously to support its midair changes. The EastDrill rose out of the ground, back half rising into the air to connect to the flight.thingee, then splitting to form a pair of legs.

Not far away, the end of a half-finished piece of monorail track hung in midair,
and the high-speed train flew off of it - right thru the middle of the flight. thingee, which caught and held it in place, train cars twisting and turning to become arms, engines at both ends opening to become hands.

"It's working, but it's using up all its fuel in the process!" shouted Toony over the rumble of grinding gears. He pointed to the flight.thingee's fuel gauge, dipping swiftly towards E. "That's what I never figured out - a power source!"

"Oh, don't make a big deal about *that*!" teased Merissa. "When I'm around, the *last* thing you have to worry about is *power*!" She pulled the Ultra-Mega- BIGGUN from its holster on her back.

Right next to her seat, a wide rectangular hole opened up. Merissa stuck the muzzle of the Ultra-Mega-BIGGUN into it. She flicked her hands dramatically over its control interface, selected PLASMA BURST - NONSTOP, and pulled the trigger!

The gun fired deep into the core of the flight.thingee - into a sealed chamber at its heart, containing the full power of the plasma explosion!

The combined form lit up with energy, a sub-surface integrity field holding the three pieces together so they could act as one, bright pink energies sparkling at every joint! A head rose up atop the body, and two horns locked into place around it! And the robot thrust its fist in the air, in a triumphant pose!

"This is *so cool*," said Merissa, eyes sparkling. "What's it called?"

Toony blinked in amazement. "Uh, well... it's your robot, so you should be the one to name it, I think."

Merissa pulled in a sharp breath, fists in front of her chest. "It's... Great Queen Merissakaizer Z!"

Toony found himself grinning. "Sounds great."

Merissa pointed forward. "Let's get 'em!"

====

Drew "can you spot all the references" Nilium

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