There are many households that demand perfection. Far from resulting in perfection, this results in nightmare scenarios. The person is not allowed to make mistakes; and when he does make a mistake he has to cover it up. That leads to weaving an ever-more-
extensive, an ever-more-oppressive, and an ever-more-transparently-ridiculous web of deceit. This becomes very difficult to sustain. One error leads to many errors to cover it up. The result is large-scale deception and endless misery.

Now it is most certainly desirable that people have reason to be their best. What is not desirable is applying impossible standards. People will make mistakes, and these can be corrected and atoned for. To do that they have to be recognized. And people
should be able to move past their errors and see mistakes for what they are: Choices that are wrong, but not damning.

Choices that should be acknowledges as being wrong, but not damn a person for life.

There are many people who, when they see you, see only the wrong things that you may have done. This plays out especially in relationships. The partner sees only the bad. He fails to see the good. The result is a self-created hell that is as bad for
himself as it is for the partner.

In relationships, perfectionism is a disaster. The partner sees only the bad and none of the good. So he completely fails to appreciate what his partner has been doing for him. So then of course his partner is at risk for wanting to leave him and go with
someone who is more appreciative. When this is done, frequently we see attacks on the partner’s ethics. They should be applying this scrutiny to themselves. They get a lot out of being with the partner. That means that they should be treating her right.

And if their partner is as bad as they claim that they are, then they need to leave her.

Happiness is not achieved by practicing impossible standards. There should be reason for people to be good; there should also be reason for people to be wise and compassionate. Mistakes should be dealt with in a reasonable manner. Then they have to be
moved beyond.

A counselor once told me that perfectionist upbringing creates sociopaths. The person must continuously wear a false front and stand by their errors. Much wiser it is to recognize that mistakes get made, and to correct their negative effects without
expecting – or striving for – what is impossible.

Can people change their behavior? I know very well that they can. The Germans went from being Nazis to being some of the world’s best citizens. The Americans went from being slave-traders to a powerful and benevolent presence defending life and liberty.
If a person has been raised with something bad, they don’t have to remain stuck in it. People should demand – and achieve – better ways. Don’t try to be perfect, but do your darnedest to be good.

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