I have a wonderful relationship with my family. However that has not always been the case. It took a lot of effort on the part of my family, myself and a number of third parties.

Counsellors can do both right things and wrong things. I had a counsellor who told me a number of wrong things that I had to put in a lot of effort to deconstruct. However she also helped improve my relationship with their parents, and I am grateful to
her.

Conflicts in families is inevitable. What is not inevitable is them becoming each other’s enemies. I have maintained a good relationship with my ex-wife even though she left me to be with another man. This has been good for us. This has also been good
for my daughter.

So sometimes we see situations in which there is suspicion of marital infidelity or where one partner leaves the other. The biggest problem I’ve seen in such situation is complete lack of forgiveness. We are living in a world of sinners. The people
doing such things are not the only sinners in the world. A line that comes to mind is, “May he who is without sin cast the first stone.” And in most such situations, one is totally not without sin.

So there was Bill Clinton having sex with Monica Lewinski, and there was a huge feeding frenzy about it. He was wrong to have lied to Congress about it; what he should have said was, “This is none of your business.” A person’s private sexual
behavior is between him and his partner. If Hillary forgives him for it, it does not concern us.

In some places in Africa, if a man is caught in adultery, the woman gets killed while the man gets off scot-free. I have seen women being compared to the likes of Hitler for practicing marital infidelity or promiscuity. This is wrong. It is a sin;
however it is a forgivable sin. There are many things much worse than marital infidelity.

In many such situations, the man needs to have things put into perspective for him. There are many women who are genuinely bad, such as any number in the American feminist movement. Some people take this kind of thing very hard. They think that they have
it worse with the woman than anyone else. Quite simply, these men need to find out how many other women are before they have appreciation for what they have.

I now appreciate both my father and my mother, and I am on great terms with both. Once again, this has not always been that way. If you have problems with your family, there is hope. Sometimes people get the wrong idea about people closest to them, and
it takes a third-party perspective to correct their errors. I expect to provide the same when I start my work as a relationship counsellor.

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