• MiSTed: The Tale of Fatty Coon, Part I ( 1 / 1 ) (2/2)

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Sat Dec 31 08:27:27 2016
    [continued from previous message]

    least, that was what Fatty Coon thought. And he swam quickly to the
    bank and scampered into the bushes.

    MIKE: And ate his cover.
    TOM: 'Needs peanut butter!'

    Now, this was what really happened.

    MIKE: Our story begins with the Algeciras Crisis of 1905.

    Farmer Green had come up
    the brook to catch trout. On the end of his fish-line he had tied a make-believe fly,

    CROW: For the discerning fisher who doesn't exist.

    with a hook hidden under its red and yellow wings.
    He had stolen along the brook very quietly, so that he wouldn't
    frighten the fish.

    TOM: He brought some presents in case he did, to reassure any scaredy-catfish.

    And he had made so little noise that Fatty Coon
    never heard him at all.

    CROW: [ Fatty ] Hey, it's hard to hear someone over the sound of my deep-fat fryer!

    Farmer Green had not seen Fatty, crouched as
    he was among the stones. And when Fatty reached out and grabbed the make-believe fly Farmer Green was even more surprised at what happened
    than Fatty himself.

    TOM: Sammy Squirrel falls out of a tree, laughing.
    MIKE: Fatty eats him.

    If the fish-hook hadn't worked loose from Fatty's
    mouth Farmer Green would have caught the queerest fish anybody ever
    caught, almost.

    CROW: Well, there was that mermaid-cerberus this guy down in Belmar caught but that was something else.

    Something seemed to amuse Farmer Green, as he watched Fatty
    dive into the bushes; and he laughed loud and long.

    TOM: See? Fatty Coon brings joy to the world, at last.

    But Fatty Coon
    didn't laugh at all. His mouth was too sore;

    MIKE: And full.

    and he was too

    CROW: And awful.

    But he was very, very glad that the strange bug had flown

    MIKE: And he learns the most important lesson of all, which is ...
    CROW: I dunno. Preferably food things.
    TOM: Let's blow this popsicle stand.
    MIKE: Yeah, before Fatty eats it.

    [ ALL exit the theater. ]

    [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]

    [ SATELLITE OF LOVE. TOM SERVO, MIKE, and CROW at the desk. ]

    MIKE: Well.
    TOM: So.
    CROW: Well *and* so.
    MIKE: So in his defense ---
    [ TOM, CROW groan. ]
    MIKE: OK, but name something Fatty did that a real raccoon ---
    CROW: Don't care.
    TOM: Look, we already know Nature sucks. That's why we have indoors.
    CROW: And that is *all* the reminder of the cruel nature of the world that we ever need. Thank you.
    MIKE: I .. well, over to you, Pearl.


    PEARL: They don't even suspect!
    OBSERVER: Why would they?
    BOBO: Suspect what?

    [ PEARL, OBSERVER glare at BOBO. ]

    BOBO: What?
    OBSERVER: Chapters Six ...
    PEARL: Through Twenty.
    BOBO: [ Not getting it. ] Oh. [ Getting it. ] Oh!

    \ | /
    \ | /
    / | \
    / | \

    BOBO: [ Off screen ] Of this?

    Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters and settings and concept are the property of ... you know, I'm not sure. It used to be Best Brains but now I think that's different? Well, it belongs to the people it really and truly belongs to
    and this is just me playing with their toys. _The Tale of Fatty Coon_ was written by Arthur Scott Bailey and published in 1915 and accessed via archive.org, which is why I am reasonably confident they're in the public domain and can be used this way.

    Keep Usenet circulating.

    Fatty Coon's eyes turned green. It was a way they had,
    whenever he was about to eat anything
    Joseph Nebus
    Math: The End 2016 Mathematics A To Z: Yang Hui http://wp.me/p1RYhY-18j Humor: The Top Ten For 2016 http://wp.me/p37lb5-1tw --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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