XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k

XXV

CROW: XX versus *what*?

PETER MINK'S PROMISE

TOM: Ah, the boundless potential of a young mink. Or an adult mink. I don't know Peter Mink's deal yet.

It happened, on a bleak winter's day,

JOEL: 'It'?
CROW: [ As Arthur Scott Bailey ] 'Yes, it! Give me a little time to think what it was!'

that Grumpy
Weasel was strolling along the bank of Broad Brook

TOM: Member, FDIC.

when all

JOEL: Yeah, I remember FDIC.
TOM: What?

at once he heard a squall. Instantly he whirled around.

CROW: Snowy Owl is robbing the bank! Quick, call Duck Tracy!

There
was something about the cry that sounded familiar.

TOM: The cry came in without knocking and put their feet up on the coffee table and everything.

And while
he searched the stream up and down with his sharp eyes he
grew angrier every moment.

JOEL: But that's a story for _The Tale of Angry Weasel_.

"Unless I'm mistaken that's my good-for-nothing
cousin, Peter Mink," Grumpy muttered.

TOM: So we have Fatty Raccoon, Grumpy Weasel ... what would make a Mink more pete?
CROW: Pete, Peter, Petest.

"I'll teach him not to
squall at me---the rascal!"

JOEL: Heck, *I* know how not to squall at you and I never even met you.

He did not have to look long before he caught sight
of his cousin.

TOM: The glimpses have migrated for the season.

Peter Mink was crouched under the overhanging
bank,

CROW: Part of Snowy Owl's gang? This is bad.

not far from the edge of the frozen surface of the
brook.

CROW: Not as the me flies, anyway.

And he squalled again when he saw that Grumpy had
discovered him.

JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Enough with the heavy rains and wind gusts!'

"Stop that!" Grumpy Weasel bellowed.

TOM: No, I'm sorry, the line is 'Cut it out'. You'll never be Sargent Cosgrove at this rate.

He was not
greatly afraid of Peter Mink,

CROW: It was a pretty mediocre fear.

though his cousin was much
bigger than he.

TOM: Wait, minks are bigger than weasels?
JOEL: I guess?
CROW: Would Arthur Scott Bailey lie to us?

"I'll have you know that I don't allow people
to bawl at me, even if we are distantly related."

JOEL: Does he have to bring that up every time they talk?
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] '*Yes*.'

"I wasn't bawling at you," Peter Mink answered.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Did you say bawling or bowling?'
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Bawling, why.'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wasn't sure, but I know whatever you're doing isn't bowling.'

And
he was strangely polite, for him.

JOEL: How? Did he tip his hat?

"I was calling for help.
Can't you see that my foot is caught in a trap?"

TOM: [ As Peter, with exaggerated kindness ] 'My good gentleweasel?'

At that Grumpy jumped down upon the ice and took a
good look at Peter Mink.

CROW: Take a good look, leave a good look.

He saw, then, that Peter spoke the
truth.

JOEL: Aw, it's just caught in a financial trap.
CROW: It's not the amount so much as it is the *interest*.

"This trap hurts my foot, I can tell you," Peter Mink
whined.

TOM: He's taking this with the same calm I would, only I don't have a foot.

"Maybe it will teach you not to screech at people,"
Grumpy told him.

JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Hey, I helped when you were trapped in that bottle!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'No you did not!'
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Well, I didn't mock you through it all.'

"You're going to help me, aren't you?" Peter Mink
asked his cousin anxiously.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I don't know, should I help a relative even if he cries for help when he's in deadly peril?'

"That trap belongs to Farmer Green's hired man,"

CROW: Why does Farmer Green need a Chevrolet sales manager who puts handkerchiefs on his head?

Grumpy informed Peter Mink. "I saw him when he set it there.

TOM: I don't know how this sells cars but hey, he gets results.

Perhaps you would like to have me send word to him that
you're using it."

JOEL: _The Tale of Jerky Weasel_.

"Oh! Don't do that!" Peter begged piteously.

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'I didn't pay the deposit! He'll get me in fees!'

"Well, then---suppose I get old dog Spot to come and
see what he can do!

CROW: He could smell bottles for you?

He'd have you out of that trap in no
time!"

JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Oh, I'm sorry, I wanted to be out in good time.'

But that suggestion didn't suit Peter Mink any
better.

TOM: How is a dog supposed to open a trap, anyway?

"For goodness' sake, can't you think of something
else?" he wailed.

CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I was thinking of popcorn. I could go back to that.'

His voice rose higher and higher as he spoke.

JOEL: He better not be getting ready to kill Eddie Valiant's brother.

And
Grumpy Weasel showed his sharp teeth as he warned Peter Mink
again not to squall at him, for he wouldn't stand it.

TOM: Boy, Peter just getting all tense about his imminent death and stuff.

At last Peter saw that Grumpy did not intend to help
him at all.

CROW: He's stumbling over that line that separates 'grumpy' from 'kinda evil'.

So it occurred to him that perhaps he could hire
his cousin to free him from the trap.

JOEL: Oh, if only animals had money! Now Peter has to hope they can barter something instead.

"I'd do anything for
you if you could help me out of this fix," he said finally.

TOM: o/` But I won't do that. o/``

"Will you drive Mr. Snowy Owl away from Pleasant
Valley?" Grumpy cried.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Before I get my learners permit?'

"Certainly!" said Peter Mink with great promptness,
as if that were the easiest matter in the world.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'What the heck, I'll learn to drive stick!'

That answer surprised Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: He assumed Peter already knew how to drive stick.

He had no idea
that Peter Mink could do any such thing. And he said as much,
too.

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'Well, why'd you ask me if you didn't think I could do it? Is this some *game* to you?'

"You understand," Peter explained, "it may take me
some time to get rid of him.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'I have a well-considered 78-part plan to get rid of him.'

It's mid-winter now.

JOEL: An ancient prophecy says that by the third day after the mid-winter eclipse ...

But I can
promise you that I'll have him out of the valley by April
Fool's Day!"

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'And if I don't, think what a great joke that'll be!'


[ End of Chapter 25 ]

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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