XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k

XXIII

CROW: The Pope John story.

A BOLD STRANGER

TOM: Starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall!

Tommy Fox had carefully kept from Grumpy Weasel the
name of the stranger who was dressed like Grumpy,

JOEL: Grumpy's long-lost father, Poopdeck Weasel.

in white
and black. It happened that he wore feathers---this newcomer.

CROW: I hope he numbers them for just this sort of occasion.

And that was one reason why Tommy Fox had had to grin when
Grumpy threatened to "make the fur fly" when he met the
unknown.

JOEL: [ As Tommy ] 'It's good wordplay because there's two ways you can read it as literally absurd!'

Another reason why Tommy had laughed at Grumpy's
blustering was that the stranger was quite able to take care
of himself in a fight.

TOM: *Also* his loved ones, don't you worry.

He belonged to the Snowy Owl family,

JOEL: I thought it was the Superb Owl everyone talks about online in February?

being bigger, even, than Solomon Owl.

CROW: *Bigger* than Solomon Owl? That's getting, like, Beatles levels of big.

And what with his
hooked beak and his strong talons he was a dangerous fellow
to meet.

TOM: Worse, he's got *opinions* and he's going to *share* them.

Although Grumpy Weasel could easily handle a rabbit
or a wild duck a dozen times his own size,

JOEL: What about a hundred wild ducks the size of a rabbit?

because they were
unarmed, he would have had no chance at all with Mr. Snowy
Owl.

CROW: Well *he's* unarmed too! Those are *wings*.

All this made Tommy Fox chuckle and grin,

TOM: [ As Tommy ] 'I'm getting someone killed today! Win!'

as he left
Grumpy and loped off towards Cedar Swamp,

CROW: Just think, someday they're gonna build a Point here.

where Mr. Snowy Owl
was spending the winter. Unlike Solomon Owl, and his cousin
Simon Screecher,

JOEL: Simon's Creature?
TOM: No, no, Simon Screecher.
JOEL: That's what I said, Simon's Creature.
TOM: Oh, you ....

Mr. Snowy Owl did not turn night into day.

CROW: So what good is he, then?

So Tommy Fox found him wide awake and ready for a fight or a
frolic, whichever might come his way.

CROW: Ooh, take the frolic! Take the frolic!
TOM: The fight! Take the fight!
JOEL: Door number two!

He was a handsome bird---this newcomer---

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'I know. The camera loves me.'

in his showy
white suit, spotted with black.

TOM: Oh, what with the paparazzi think?

And he gave Tommy Fox a bold,
hard look, acting for all the world as if he had spent his
whole life in Pleasant Valley, instead of merely two short
weeks.

CROW: What makes a short week?
JOEL: It's when they have a holiday in the middle.

Now, Mr. Snowy Owl knew a good deal about such
rascals as Tommy Fox.

JOEL: For example, Peter Mink or Jimmy Rabbit's 'brother'.

So he said at once, "What's on your
mind, young man? You've come here on mischief

JOEL: I think he means 'you've come here on *a* mischief'.

and you needn't
deny it."

CROW: [ Leaning over ] Yeah, _Tom_!
TOM: Hey!

Well, Tommy Fox saw that he couldn't deceive Mr. Owl
very much.

CROW: Or Mister Crow, thank you.

So he grinned at him and told him about the talk
he had just had with Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: Shouldn't someone instead have a talk with the Beaver?

"He's so eager to meet you it would be too bad to
disappoint him," Tommy observed.

CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Ah, but if we are destined to meet, we will, and we can't hurry it; if we're destined not to meet, we will not, and there's no sense trying.'

"He wants the fur to fly,
you know."

Although he had no ears

TOM: o/` To hold him down ... o/`

(at least, so far as could be
seen)

CROW: OOOOh, I bet his secret ears are going to be a huge plot point, watch for it!
JOEL: Spoilers, Crow.
CROW: The story is not a spoiler for itself!

Mr. Snowy Owl had listened closely to Tommy Fox's
story.

TOM: [ As Snowy ] 'Kind of spoiling the story by telling it, aren't you?'
CROW: No!

And he must have heard plainly enough, for he said
quickly that he would call on Grumpy Weasel that very day.

JOEL: You can't call on a weasel! You need a *phone*!

"I'll start right now," he said,

CROW: [ Schoolmarm-ish ] It's not how you *start*, it's how you *finish*.

"and I'll reach Grumpy
Weasel's hunting ground before you're out of the swamp."

TOM: Oh, and Grumpy's going to be in swamp right when Snowy's in the hunting grounds, this is going to be so *good8!

"I wish you'd wait a bit, till I can get there
myself," Tommy Fox told him.

CROW: [ As Tommy ] 'I'd get there faster but my arms don't work!'
TOM: [ Whining to a parent ] Joel!

Mr. Snowy Owl agreed to that.

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'But someday I will call on you for a favor.'

And after lingering
until he thought Tommy must have had time to run

TOM: Time to hide. Break on through. To the other side.

and find
Grumpy Weasel he rose above the tops of the cedars

CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Wh- whoa! Wait! Didn't mean to do that!'

and sailed
off to join them himself.

JOEL: [ As Snowy ] 'Wait! How does this thing woooorrrrrk?'

"I'm glad I came here to spend the winter," he
muttered.

TOM: [ As Snowy ] 'It's so affordable! I bet I get one or two weeks of March back in change!'

"Everybody's been very pleasant so far.

JOEL: Well, you know why they call it Pleasant Valley, right?
CROW: [ As Snowy ] 'Why's that?'
JOEL: 'Cause it's a valley!

And after
people hear how I've settled with this Weasel person

CROW: It's 1915, so will it be fisticuffsmanship?

the
folks in Pleasant Valley will be pretty polite to me, or I'll
know the reason why."

TOM: Oh, Snowy is a metaphysical philosopher, interesting specialization.

[ End of Chapter 23 ... ]

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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