• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 21 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to that's what I on Thu Apr 13 23:59:41 2023
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    CROW: X, XI, XXII ...


    JOEL: And two pairs of pants!
    TOM: For the weasel-taur.

    Throughout Pleasant Valley the very name of Grumpy
    Weasel was a bugaboo.

    JOEL: o/` A bugaboo, a bugaboo, they're in the air and everywhere! o/`

    Those of his size, and many a good deal
    > bigger than he, learned early to avoid him.

    CROW: Those much smaller than him, we don't talk about.

    One of the first things Sandy Chipmunk's mother did
    was to teach him to beware of Grumpy.

    TOM: Remember to look both ways before crossing the weasel.

    And twice during his
    first summer Sandy caught a glimpse of Grumpy as he flashed
    past like a brown streak,

    CROW: [ Gasping ] Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!

    with a gleam of white showing

    TOM: Weasel now with a white stripe for fresher breath.

    It was lucky for Sandy that on both occasions Grumpy
    was intent on chasing somebody or other.

    CROW: [ As Sandy ] 'Wait a minute! I know somebody! ... Or other!'

    And each time that
    Sandy told his mother what he had seen, Mrs. Chipmunk said
    that she hoped it would never happen again.

    TOM: Just hurry on home to his singing career instead.

    "I'm glad that you know what he looks like, anyhow,"
    she added.

    JOEL: Remember this fur.
    CROW: It's brown. Every fur in this *forest* is brown.

    "Oh, I'll know him if I see him!" Sandy cried.

    CROW: Meanwhile Sandy remains a background character in Grumpy's life story.
    TOM: No, Sandy's front and center here. It's *Grumpy* who's background.

    "Don't stop for a second look!" his mother warned

    TOM: What about three glimpses and a sidelong glare?

    "I won't!" he promised. "I won't even stop to say,
    'How do you do!'"

    CROW: Hey now, at this point you sound like *you're* being the rude one.

    "I should hope not!" Mrs. Chipmunk said severely.

    JOEL: Sandy trying to find any way out of this conversation.

    So Sandy Chipmunk went through his first summer on
    the watch for a long, slender, brownish shape.

    TOM: 'I see him!'
    CROW: That's a rabbit.
    TOM: 'Oh. Well, I see him there!'
    CROW: That's a muskrat.
    TOM: 'Oh. Wait, there he is now!'
    CROW: That's a squirrel ... look, you know what isn't a long, slender, brownish shape in the forest? Skunks, raccoons, bears, and opossums. Everything else?
    TOM: 'How about --- '
    CROW: *Deer*.
    TOM: 'Love!'

    But he never
    saw Grumpy Weasel again.

    JOEL: So, uh, end of the chapter then, g'night everyone!

    And winter found the Chipmunk family
    all unharmed,

    TOM: 'Course there was the time the tree exploded but that's not technically the *family* per se.

    and very comfortable in their cozy house below
    frost line.

    CROW: Hey! No hitting below the frost line.

    On mild days Sandy liked to visit the world above and

    TOM: ... the mouse below.

    find a rock bare of snow, where he could enjoy the sunshine.

    JOEL: And ask who's been stealing all the snow.

    It was on one of those outings that he caught sight
    of a stranger headed for the stone wall near-by.

    TOM: Suddenly a Western breaks out.
    CROW: [ Gasping ] Gary Cooper!

    At first
    Sandy missed seeing him, against the snow.

    TOM: [ Being nerdy ] Uh, did we not just hear the rock was *bare* of snow? Continuity goofs, people.

    But when he
    reached the wind-swept wall Sandy couldn't help noticing him.

    JOEL: Well hel-*lo* there.

    He was a slim gentleman and---except for his black-tipped
    tail---was dressed all in white.

    CROW: Mark Trail?!

    TOM: ... Wait, what?
    CROW: In the white suit.
    TOM: You mean Mark *Twain*.
    CROW: Yeah, that's what I said --- wait ---

    [ CROW groans, embarrassed, and falls over sideways ]

    After spending the winter underground

    JOEL: Taking direct action against the imperialist war machine.

    Sandy Chipmunk
    was glad to talk with the first person he saw.

    TOM: The whole forest trying to hide outside Sandy's line of sight.

    So he called
    to the stranger that it was a fine day, wasn't it?

    CROW: [ As the stranger ] 'The countersign! Oh what's the countersign, uh, 'It's a good day for fishing if they're not afraid of the sun'?'

    The other wheeled about so quickly that Sandy
    couldn't help laughing.

    TOM: [ Deadpan, without melody ] Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel.

    "Don't be nervous!" Sandy cried. "I won't hurt you!"

    JOEL: Despite my chipmunk powers of recording a song about you!

    But the stranger didn't answer.

    TOM: Never give a songwriter something to sing about you.

    Once he opened his
    mouth. And Sandy Chipmunk had a queer feeling then that he
    had met the fellow before.

    CROW: Sandy can't remember names but he *never* forgets a face-sucker.

    That mouth had plenty of white,
    needle-like teeth. It had a cruel look, too.

    JOEL: He's meeting the month of April!

    Then the stranger jumped straight toward Sandy

    TOM: Oh no! He's a hugger!

    And in that instant Sandy knew who he was.

    CROW: Great, but can you have your epiphanies when your life's not in danger?
    JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'No! I realize I have to move to Hoboken and start a ska band!'

    No one
    could leap like that except Grumpy Weasel!

    CROW: [ As Joe Friday ] M.O. checks out. This is a Grumpy Weasel operation.

    Sandy turned and ran madly for shelter.

    JOEL: [ As Sandy ] 'I should have gadded about the house all day!'

    Luckily he
    had the advantage of Grumpy in one way.

    TOM: Is it the power of friendship? I bet it's the power of friendship.

    He had a bare ledge
    to run on,

    CROW: A bear's ledge? How is *that* any better?

    while Grumpy Weasel had to flounder for some
    distance through a snow-choked hollow.

    JOEL: [ Humming 'A Hard Day's Night' ]

    So Sandy escaped.

    TOM: What a clean old weasel.

    And it was lucky that Grumpy didn't
    find the door to the Chipmunk family's burrow.

    CROW: Oh, you know Grumpy, he doesn't catch anyone, he just gives them a little surprise workout is all.

    If he had he
    would have gone right in himself.

    JOEL: And interrupt their recording session!

    Mrs. Chipmunk blamed herself for Sandy's adventure.

    TOM: Oh c'mon, you can't blame yourself for stuff you weren't even involved in, that's kind of narcissistic.
    JOEL: [ As Mrs Chipmunk ] 'Oh yes, I feel so bad about that too.'
    TOM: Cut that out!

    She had never remembered to tell her son that every fall

    CROW: Follows a pride.

    Grumpy Weasel changed his summer dress for the one in which
    Sandy had just seen him.

    JOEL: Changing his wardrobe out must hurt.
    TOM: No wonder he's so grumpy.

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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