• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 15 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Thu Mar 2 21:42:57 2023
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    TOM: That V is actually the top half of a much bigger X.


    CROW: Push the button, Watson.

    The story soon spread all around the farmyard,

    JOEL: Sky falling. Huh. Well, it'll do that.

    fat Mrs. Hen

    TOM: How fat is she?

    had been seen talking with no less a rascal than
    Grumpy Weasel.

    CROW: But not more a rascal than two Tommy Foxes less one Peter Mink!

    Everybody told her that it was a dangerous thing to

    TOM: Well if everyone told you it was dangerous to jump off a cliff ... ?

    and that it was a wonder she had escaped,

    JOEL: I wonder how she escaped!
    TOM: Everyone's asking!

    until Mrs. Hen
    began to feel that she was quite the most important person in
    the neighborhood.

    CROW: o/` Who are the people in your neighborhood? o/`

    Even old dog Spot asked her some questions
    one day---some of which she could answer, and some of which
    she could not.

    TOM: Why does it rain?
    CROW: What's the capital of Nebraska?
    JOEL: How do you know if it's a leap year?
    CROW: Why does it Nebraska?
    TOM: How are trains?
    JOEL: Will I be licked by purple?
    CROW: How many are 'a book'?

    For one thing, she couldn't (or wouldn't) tell what
    way Grumpy left the farmyard.

    TOM: As a hen it's important she protect her sources.

    "He just jumped back and was
    gone before I knew it," she said.

    CROW: [ As Spot ] 'So you don't know he's gone.'
    JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Know who's gone?'

    "That's what they all say," said Spot. "He's so quick
    you never can see him go."

    TOM: [ As Spot ] 'But I want you to try.'

    Now, Mrs. Hen ought to have explained that Grumpy
    Weasel disappeared from inside the henhouse.

    CROW: I think she could explain from wherever she happened to be.

    But she was not
    a person of much sense.

    JOEL: She's more of a raconteur.

    By that time she began to think that
    perhaps Grumpy Weasel was as bad as the neighbors had said.

    TOM: 'Really? *He's* he guy who keeps putting NewsNation on the TV at the car dealership?'

    And she was afraid that her relations might find fault with

    JOEL: Your tail feathers are out of order, clean it up or we'll report you to the Hen Owners Association.

    if they learned that she had invited Grumpy to enter
    their house.

    TOM: If he doesn't come to her house how will Grumpy be one of the comfortable people?

    Silly Mrs. Hen decided that she wouldn't tell
    what she had done.

    CROW: They're going to suspect something when they find a weasel in the pantry, though.

    But she never tired of talking about what
    she called "the great mystery"

    TOM: How to unite gravity and electromagnetism!

    ---meaning "Where did Grumpy
    Weasel go?"

    JOEL: I love these 'Where's Weasel?' puzzles.

    It was simple enough.

    TOM: The henhouse was twins the whole time!

    To escape meeting old dog Spot,
    Grumpy Weasel had crawled into the old rat hole.

    CROW: Templeton!
    JOEL: [ Shakes his fist ]

    It suited
    him quite well to do that, for more than one reason.

    TOM: Why do we even *have* a hole that makes rats old?

    Not only
    did he avoid trouble, but he found the other end of the rat

    JOEL: It's this great little dive, they do karaoke Mondays, it's awesome.

    Silly Mrs. Hen had done exactly as he had hoped. She
    had shown him a way to get into the henhouse at night in
    spite of locks and bolts and doors.

    CROW: The secret was asking nicely.

    And Grumpy Weasel went
    off to the woods well pleased with himself.

    TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I'm so happy I have this deep hole in the ground to keep my water!'
    JOEL: [ Puts his hand on TOM's shoulder. ]

    "Perhaps, after all, it pays to be pleasant," he

    CROW: It's nice to be nice ... to the nice.

    ---just as if that was a reason! But he stopped short all
    at once.

    JOEL: Grumpy's heart grew three sizes that day ... to four below average.

    "There's that stupid Mrs. Hen," he cried aloud. "She
    was pleasant; but it won't pay her, in the end!"

    CROW: Great little sociopath we've got for our protagonist here.
    TOM: He's *not* a sociopath. He's a weasel, he doesn't have a theory of mind so he can't disregard the theory of mind in other people.
    CROW: ... What?

    So he
    decided on the spot that he would keep on being surly.

    JOEL: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry before they're taken out by the surly.

    would be much easier for him, anyhow.

    TOM: Growing as a person is so hard.

    That very night Grumpy Weasel stole back to the

    CROW: Hens running around wondering where all their back is.

    And he was just about to creep up to the old rat

    TOM: It's $5 Mystery Beer Pitcher night!

    pausing first to take a searching look all around, when
    he saw a motionless figure sitting on a low-hanging limb of a
    tree near-by.

    CROW: [ Gasping ] Gargoyles!

    It was Solomon Owl.

    JOEL: Wisdom of Shazam!

    And Grumpy could see that
    he was staring at the rat hole as if he were waiting for

    TOM: [ Stage-whispering ] 'He's asleep!'
    CROW: [ Snores ]

    Grumpy Weasel knew at once that that rat hole was no
    safe place for him.

    JOEL: There are spies everywhere!

    Very gingerly he drew back into a deep

    TOM: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [ Fading out, as though falling; finally, a distant ] Splash!

    And as he pondered silently he saw a huge rat step
    out of the hole.

    JOEL: [ As Rat ] 'What a night to be young and have my whole life spread out in front of me!'

    Solomon Owl swooped down and grabbed the
    fellow before he knew what was happening.

    CROW: [ As the Rat, fading ] 'Someone update my status on the office Slack!'

    Well, Grumpy Weasel saw that all his trouble had gone
    for nothing.

    TOM: All that trouble? Eh, it's nothing.

    Silly Mrs. Hen hadn't known what she was talking

    JOEL: In what way, exactly?

    If Solomon Owl was in the habit of watching that hole
    Grumpy certainly didn't mean to go near it.

    CROW: Oh, you're mean enough to go near it, don't worry.

    Of course he was angry. But Mrs. Hen never learned
    what he said about her.

    JOEL: His rant about birds all conspiring together, though, would get him suspended from Twitter for almost ten minutes.

    No matter what remarks her neighbors

    CROW: Whether they be 'there's an angleworm there' or 'hey, did you see that other angleworm' or 'I'd rather not be eaten'.

    she always insisted afterward

    TOM: It would be odd to insist beforeward.

    that Grumpy Weasel was
    one of the most pleasant and polite gentlemen she had ever

    JOEL: I think the rest of the farmyard needs to start doing better.

    [ End of Chapter 15 ]

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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