• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 12 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Fri Feb 10 00:00:26 2023
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    TOM: Chapter Two, Part Ten. The Prequel.


    CROW: And the weasel in my hand is the four of diamonds, is it not?

    Grumpy Weasel wouldn't stop long with his cousin,
    Peter Mink,

    JOEL: No? I thought they were both pretty long?

    and old Mr. Crow and all the rest.

    TOM: o/` Here on Gilligan's Rabbit! o/`

    He was in a hurry to overtake Jimmy Rabbit.

    CROW: In hour 182 of the race.

    And after
    quarreling fiercely with the whole company---

    TOM: The acting company, over who's getting the lead in You're A Good Mink, Charlie Brown.

    except his
    cousin---he sprang up with a wicked glitter in his black eyes

    JOEL: Oh, he's never going to get that glitter out of his eyes now.

    and left without another word.

    CROW: What are we going to do with this pile of words he left us?
    TOM: Say them?

    "That fixed him," said Mr. Crow knowingly.

    CROW: Ah, he's broke again!

    "What did?" Peter Mink demanded.

    "That rest!" Mr. Crow replied.

    TOM: Six quarter notes of silence going into the bridge? Brilliant suspension! It'll be the hit of Tin Pan Alley once they invent Tin Pan Alley!

    "It gave Jimmy Rabbit
    just time enough to go where he's going."

    CROW: Well, when he gets there tell him to come back and explain it to us.

    And that was all he
    would say.

    JOEL: What, *now* Mr Crow figures silence is a virtue?

    Not until Grumpy Weasel returned some time later did
    any one know what Mr. Crow meant.

    TOM: Oh, Jimmy found the Save Spot.

    Grumpy Weasel was in a terrible temper when he came
    slowly back.

    CROW: So ... did he win? Lose? Tie?

    Everybody could tell, without asking, that the
    race was ended.

    JOEL: Well, Jimmy didn't eat Grumpy, we can rule *that* out.

    "Where did you catch him?" Peter Mink asked his

    TOM: Ah, he grabbed a bus, the coward.

    Grumpy Weasel said in a few ill-chosen words

    JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Florid apostasy walks through clutch Melpomene! That's a *terrible* collection of words!'

    that he
    hadn't caught Jimmy Rabbit at all,

    CROW: Maybe you could return the unused portion for a full refund?

    and that somebody had
    played a trick on him.

    TOM: A trick? From a rabbit? There's nothing in folklore to justify *that*!

    He looked directly at Mr. Crow as he

    CROW: [ Leaning forward, as though kissing Grumpy. ] Mmmmmwah!

    "It wasn't Johnny Green, was it?"

    JOEL: It was his cousin from Rome, Giuseppi Verdi.

    Mr. Crow inquired
    solemnly as he moved carefully to a higher limb.

    TOM: It's Johnny Green's shoulder! Get out of there!

    Grumpy Weasel could tell, then, without a doubt,

    JOEL: Oh, take a doubt, we have so *many* this time of year.

    it was Mr. Crow that had made him lose the race.

    TOM: But he won the moral victory!

    Grumpy had
    followed hot on Jimmy Rabbit's tracks.

    CROW: Hot! (Sssssssss) Weasel!

    And to his surprise
    they led straight toward the farm buildings.

    JOEL: They keep on building the farm but it's never *built*.

    But Grumpy kept
    on and never stopped until he reached the farmyard fence

    TOM: [ As a Fence ] 'Wanna buy a hot weasel?'

    where he crouched and watched Jimmy disappear---of all

    JOEL: Right into a top hat!
    TOM: [ As a scolding sort of cry ] Liddsville!

    ---right in the woodshed, where Johnny Green was
    picking up an armful of wood.

    CROW: Fatty Raccoon, now Jimmy Rabbit, you figure Johnny Green's tired of being roped into all these animal dramas any?

    Of course Grumpy Weasel wouldn't think of entering
    such a dangerous place.

    TOM: Oh, c'mon, wood is just as afraid of you as you are of it!

    And when he heard a shout and saw
    Johnny Green come out with Jimmy Rabbit in his arms

    TOM: Smooching.

    he knew
    that Jimmy Rabbit had won the race, even if he had lost his

    JOEL: [ Pats CROW's shoulder. ]

    "It was that old black rascal, Mr. Crow,

    CROW: That's just how I look in silhouette.

    that put
    that notion into Jimmy Rabbit's head," Grumpy said savagely

    JOEL: Now wait, how do you know it's not Jimmy's 'Brother'?
    TOM: Yes, his ... 'Brother'.

    to himself as he turned and made for the woods. "They were
    talking together a little while ago."

    CROW: Well, did I give *you* any good ideas?

    And all the way back to the stone wall he kept
    thinking what he would do to Mr. Crow if he could ever get
    hold of him.

    TOM: Challenging him to a race is out ... what if you made Mr Crow race Jimmy Rabbit?

    So you can see that he must have looked very
    dangerous when he reached his hunting ground;

    JOEL: You go and look, I'm a-scared to.

    and you can
    understand why Mr. Crow took pains to change his seat.

    CROW: [ Getting up, bumping into JOEL but not going farther ] 'Scuse me, pardon me, coming through, one way, scuse me, pardon me ... '

    "I may have lost the race---through a trick," Grumpy
    hissed as he glared at Mr. Crow.

    TOM: [ As Dan Backslide ] A runabout? I'll steal it! No one will ever know!

    "But one thing is certain:

    JOEL: You don't tug on Superman's cape.

    That young Jimmy Rabbit will trouble us no more. He's Johnny
    Green's prisoner."

    CROW: And Johnny Green wants ... information!

    "Nonsense!" cried Mr. Crow. "He'll escape some fine

    TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'It's supposed to rain all next week!'

    "Nonsense! He won't!" Grumpy Weasel disputed.

    CROW: 'Disputed'.

    And he
    never begged Mr. Crow's pardon.

    TOM: That makes two of us.
    CROW: Hey!

    And neither did Peter Mink
    apologize to the old gentleman, as Mr. Crow had said he

    JOEL: Mr Crow's a gentleman?
    CROW: We are all fine creatures!

    So in one way Mr. Crow was wrong. But in another way
    he was right.

    TOM: And in being right, isn't that the real wrong?

    For it wasn't a week before Jimmy Rabbit
    appeared in the woods again, as spry as ever.

    CROW: It may have been three days, it may have been ten times ten thousand years, all we know is it was not a week.

    [ End of Chapter 12 ] --
    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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